


Optional Extra

by Misterdevere



Series: January Challenge [28]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Harry/Merlin, Fluff, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Polyamory, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2018-10-25 14:26:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 49
Words: 175,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10766097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misterdevere/pseuds/Misterdevere
Summary: Prompt: Merhartwin threesome pleaseHarry and Merlin had been married for a couple of years before Eggsy turned up and quickly became a nice part-time playmate. It was great but it was only ever supposed be a bit of fun. Words (the tricky little things) have a way of worming their way out, though, and somehow it turned into much more than that.





	1. Chapter 1

Eggsy was a nice addition to Harry and Merlin's marriage - not really a permanent fixture, more like a regular playmate. Eggsy made it pretty clear early on that he thought they were both really fucking fit and he was up for a bit of fun but nothing serious, and they weren't about to turn a gorgeous young man away from their bed, so they had an agreement - Eggsy would join them from time to time, no strings attached, no feelings involved.

It worked for all of them. Eggsy got spectacularly laid without the effort of picking someone up (not that it was much effort for him). Merlin was more than happy to have someone else to share his talents with. And Harry loved to watch Merlin. Sure, it was great watching him from the receiving end but it might've been even better to watch him without the distraction of his own pleasure. The fact that Eggsy looked and sounded stunning too was just a bonus.

They'd been doing it long enough to have a routine down. Eggsy turned up after dinner, they had a drink or two and moved to the bedroom. Harry took his time kissing and undressing Merlin first, and then Eggsy, before settling himself in the chair across from the bed to watch.

Merlin laid Eggsy down and kissed him until he moaned. He nipped at Eggsy's jaw and kissed down his neck and across his chest, just lightly grazing his left nipple with his teeth and chuckling at the moan it elicited. He moved down and kissed from his knee up the inside of his thigh and repeated it on the other leg before pushing both of his knees up towards his chest. With the tip of his tongue, Merlin traced one long line from the base of his spine across his hole, over his balls and up the length of his cock, flicking at his slit a few times.

"Stop!" Merlin stopped immediately and looked at him with what would be a panicked expression on anyone else's face. "If you're gonna keep that up, I ain't gonna last."

Merlin looked at him with a predatory grin. "I'm sure you've got more than one in you. Do you want to come for me?"

"Fuck yes!" Merlin didn't need telling twice. He took Eggsy's cock down to the root, tracing swirling patterns on the underside and feeling it twitch as he played with his balls. All too quickly, he was reaching for Merlin's head, having momentarily forgotten there wasn't any hair for him to grab, and trying to force out some words around his panting. It would've been embarrassing if they didn't all know how fucking talented Merlin was with his tongue. "Merlin..." It was all he could manage, but all he needed. Merlin pulled back to the head of Eggsy's cock and played with it until Eggsy was squirming beneath him. It only took one more suck to have Eggsy filling his mouth and his moans filling the room.

"Don't swallow it." Harry had almost been forgotten but he had their full attention now. "I want to taste him." He stood and strode over to Merlin, claiming his mouth in a deep kiss and moaning at the taste. It wasn't especially nice but it was Eggsy, and he'd take as much of him as he could get. Eggsy was getting impossibly turned on watching them and he was slightly startled when they broke apart and Harry spoke to him. "Would you like a taste, darling?" Eggsy just about managed to nod. Harry smirked and went back to his seat. "Give the boy what he wants."

Merlin braced him hands on either side of Eggsy's head and lowered his lips to the boy's, licking into his mouth and allowing him to do the same. He ground his hips against Eggsy's, rubbing their pricks together and forcing Eggsy to break the kiss with a breathless sigh. "That's not all I want, so how about you start delivering on the rest, yeah?"

Merlin nipped at his lip once more then reached over for the bottle of lube on the bedside table. He slicked his fingers up and rubbed tight circles around Eggsy's hole, making him whine. After a painfully long time, he pushed his middle finger inside. He let the tiny bit of tension that had crept in disappear before he moved again. Once he felt Eggsy loosen up a bit, he added a second finger and crooked both fingers up, earning a shout from Eggsy. Soon he was up to three fingers, pumping them in and out until he had Eggsy writhing on the bed. "Fuck, Merlin, please. I'm ready."

"Not yet." Merlin crooked his fingers up again, halting any arguments. He added a fourth finger, still not in any kind of hurry, and kept pumping, now avoiding Eggsy's prostate as much as possible.

"Jesus, stop fucking teasing and just get inside me." Eggsy lifted his head to grin down at Merlin. "Stretch me any more and I won't even fucking feel ya."

"You cheeky little shit." Merlin clearly wasn't offended, though. He finally withdrew his hand and slicked up his cock. He pushed into Eggsy and all three of them let out long groans as he sunk all the way in. He gave both himself and Eggsy a moment to adjust before he slowly pulled back out then slammed his hips forward again, hitting Eggsy's prostate and making him moan and arch off the bed. He repeated the motion over and over, Eggsy moaning on every thrust. "You think you've got two more in you, you little whore? You think you can come on my cock and still have something left in the tank for Harry?"

"Fuck yeah, please Merlin!" He wasn't always sure he could but if Merlin kept talking to him like that... He knew he'd regret letting Merlin know that he liked to be called names. It was the perfect weapon and he knew exactly how to use it.

Merlin's thrusts sped up and one of his hands flew over Eggsy's cock. "Look at you, you love having your arse full, don't you? You want me to fill it up even more?" Eggsy nodded frantically. "Go on, come for me, slut." He punctuated it with one more hit to Eggsy's prostate that had him screaming as he came all over himself. It took Merlin a few more thrusts, each one making Eggsy whimper with the oversensitivity, before he threw his head back and came inside the boy with a choked off cry.

Merlin pulled out and flopped down beside Eggsy. "Fucking incredible. Want to come and get some of my sloppy seconds, Harry?" Eggsy shuddered at the term and gasped softly, no mistaking it for a negative reaction.

Harry hummed and stood up. He finally stripped out of his suit, both of his lovers' gazes firmly on him as he did. When he was done, he had Eggsy turn over and spread his legs so he could kneel between them. He parted Eggsy's arsecheeks and lapped up what had leaked out before he closed his lips around Eggsy's hole and sucked, earning him a moan from Eggsy and a murmured 'fuck' from Merlin.

Harry slicked up his cock and pushed into Eggsy, watching as it disappeared inside him. Eggsy gasped as Harry started fucking him, no need for them to adjust this time. Harry's prick wasn't as big as Merlin's but it had a curve to it that Eggsy was mad for, and the contrast between Merlin's technique and Harry's gentler style did things to him too. Between that and the constant friction of the sheets, he was hard again and he knew it wouldn't be long before he was ready to come again.

The way Harry rolled his hips made waves across Eggsy's prostate. He held on the sheets tightly, and his constant panting and moaning was only pushing Harry closer to the edge, and when Harry snaked a hand underneath Eggsy's hips to stroke his cock, he could feel the precome leaking. He leaned over Eggsy so that his mouth was next to his ear and spoke to him in a low voice. "You look so gorgeous like this, and you feel fucking amazing." He gave a deep roll of his hips and Eggsy moaned again. "I bet you'll feel even better when you come. Will you do that for me, darling? Come for me, Eggsy."

"Yes, fuck, Harry!" He threw his head back and spilled all over the sheets, clenching around Harry as he came. The sensation pulled Harry over the edge and he pulsed inside Eggsy with a low groan.

Harry collapsed onto Eggsy a little. "I love you." Merlin's eyes flew to his. Eggsy rolled onto his side a little, pushed Harry off of him enough for him to pull out, and slithered out from underneath him.

"I've gotta go." He didn't even bother cleaning himself up before he threw his clothes on.

Harry scrambled to get up and go to Eggsy, stop him from leaving. "Eggsy, wait. I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" He stopped when Eggsy put a hand up in front of him.

"For fuck's sake, Harry. We had one rule." He looked towards the ceiling and rubbed a hand down his face. When he looked back, Harry was staring at the floor. "You're both fucking brilliant shags, but that's all. You knew that from the start. It's just sex, Harry."

"I know." He spoke softly, and couldn't bring himself to look at Eggsy.

Eggsy shrugged. "So that's it then. Bye, Harry. See ya, Merlin." He nodded in Merlin's direction, a kind of acknowledgement, but from the look of shock still on his face, Eggsy didn't expect an answer.

Eggsy moved to the door and Harry's heart sank when he disappeared through it. He sat down again and put his head in his hands. The room was silent for a few minutes.

"So do you?" Merlin's voice startled him.

"Do I what?" He knew exactly what and they both knew it but he was still going to stall for as long as he could.

Merlin had other plans. "Don't play dumb with me. And don't you dare lie to me."

Harry didn't turn to look at him, just scrubbed his hands over his face. He was quiet when he finally spoke. "Yes."

"How long?"

"Long enough."

Merlin took a deep breath. "How long, Harry?"

"Weeks. A couple of months, maybe."

"Jesus Christ. And when were you planning to tell me this, exactly?"

"I wasn't."

Merlin huffed out a laugh. "Right." He pushed himself up and grabbed his dressing gown. "Well, I think we'd better talk about this in the morning. I'll sleep in the spare room tonight."

"Merlin." Anyone could've heard the pleading in his voice but Merlin didn't turn to look at him, didn't even flinch.

"Good night, Harry."

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna carry this on just as soon as I figure out if I want to make it a happy ending or if I want to ruin Harry's life. Feel free to weigh in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little something because this story wouldn't leave me alone so I needed to write something so that I could concentrate on other things.

**Can you come over later? We need to talk about this.**

_No we don't, I told you that's it. I'll see you both at work, don't worry about that, but I don't need the two of you treating me like a mug._

**Not the two of us. I'm sorry about what happened. Please come.**

_Fine. I’ll be there at 11._

 

"Eggsy. Thanks for coming." Merlin opened the door and waved him inside.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure we're all gonna regret it." He didn't even bother taking his jacket off, just marched straight into the kitchen as Merlin directed him and stood as far from Harry as he could. Merlin followed and rested against the side, some distance between himself and both of them.

"Eggsy, I can explain." Harry looked at him pleadingly.

"Go on then." He couldn't explain. "Right, I'm gonna ask you a question and you're gonna answer it, and all I wanna hear coming out of your mouth is a yes or a no, alright?" Harry nodded. "Did you mean it?"

"I know I shouldn't ha-"

"Yes or no?!"

"Yes."

"And you expect me to believe you didn't know?" Eggsy looked accusingly at Merlin.

"I found out when you did."

Eggsy scrutinised him for a second before his eyebrows shot up as he realised he was telling the truth. "Shit. How could you not tell us, Harry? I wouldn't've kept coming round, there's no way I'd've kept letting you fuck me if I'd known, you tricked me. You know there's a word for that, right?"

Harry scoffed. "You're trying to suggest I assaulted you? Oh, Eggsy, don't be ridiculous!"

"Right, of course I'm the one in the wrong. If you'd let me finish, that's not exactly what I'm saying, but other people might, and it weren't exactly above board, was it? What, you think I ain't had enough people taking advantage of me?" Harry still looked more insulted than anything, but at least Merlin looked ashamed enough for both of them. "Last time I checked there's this thing called consent and it's kind of a big deal, but I'm pretty sure you need to know what the fuck's going on to do that properly."

"Yes, well I seem to remember both of you being rather enthusiastic last night."

"That's the whole fucking point, Harry! I wouldn't have been if you hadn't kept us in the fucking dark.” Merlin had his head in his hands by now. “And I'm guessing Merlin wouldn't either."

"I apologise for not telling you sooner, but I knew that this would all be over as soon as I did. Was it really so wrong to try and hold on to that for as long as I could?"

"Yeah, it was. It's fucking manipulative. You still don't even think you've done anything wrong, do you?" Harry just raised an eyebrow. "Right, well then I'm wasting my time here, ain't I? We can talk about this when you're ready to be a grown up about it, or not at all, I don't really give a fuck.” Eggsy looked at Merlin. “Maybe you can talk some sense into him."

Merlin nodded. “I really am sorry about this, Eggsy."

"Yeah, me too, mate. At least I'm not the one fucking married to him, though." Harry couldn't deny that stung, but he kept his expression neutral as Eggsy stormed right back past him and out of the front door.

"I can't believe he's making this into something so sordid."

Merlin sighed heavily. “He's right, Harry."

Harry finally turned to face him. ”What do you mean he's right?"

"I don't think I can say it any fucking simpler. You knew his rules, you lied by omission, you didn't give him a chance to make his own decision. He didn't sign up for this." He cleared his throat. "And neither did I."

"Oh you can't be serious.” Merlin’s face said he was, completely. “I fell in love with someone else, I haven't murdered anyone. I wasn't going to act on it, you know I wasn't even going to tell him."

"No, you haven't murdered anyone, which is a shame because that would probably be easier to forgive. You falling in love with him is not what I have a problem with, and yes, I know you weren't going to tell him. But we've already established that you weren't going to tell me either.” Harry threw his head back in exasperation - yes, they had already established that, so why were they going over it again? “I’m your husband and you failed to mention that you'd fallen for the man you've been shagging, the man that I've also been shagging, because what? You don't trust me? You didn't think or care about how I’d feel when I found out? It slipped your fucking mind, what?"

"Because it doesn't matter!" He slammed his hand on the table and stood for the first time during their encounter, close to Merlin.

"It matters to me!" Merlin pushed away from the side, standing closer still. "And now all I can think about is you with him and how fucking stupid I've been. I feel like a bloody idiot, Harry. How did I not see this, hm? I know you, I should’ve known how easy it would be for you to fall for him. I see the way you look at him, how gentle you are with him, and no one talks like that if it's just a fuck, not the way you do. You don't just fuck him, do you? You make love to him. Or your version of it, at least."

Harry stood taller, refusing to let Merlin play up his tiny height advantage. "Oh don't give me that, you worship the boy in bed."

"Of course I do, because it gets him off, but not outside of it. I know which buttons to press, that's all. That's not the same thing, unless you're telling me that your desires never carried over into real life. Is that what you're trying to tell me, that you never once imagined that he was yours, that it was permanent?"

Harry shrunk back in on himself. "No, that's not what I'm trying to tell you."

Merlin backed off too, but only physically - his questioning going ahead full force. “So in your head, do you see yourself with him?"

"Well that depends what you mean.” Merlin raised an eyebrow in question. “I’m not making it into something it’s not, I’m not delusional.”

“Then what?” Harry looked at him blankly. “You’ve got to give me more than that because I need to understand this more than I do.”

“Okay. If you’re asking if I actually think we’re together, then no. But,” He took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “If you’re asking if I would like us to be, then yes.”

"I see. The thing is, I have no way of knowing that this is the first time this has happened and neither of us can possibly know if it'll be the last. What if he'd felt the same? Would you have gone for it then? Would you have left me, traded me in for a younger model? And if not him, what about the next guy that comes along?” Harry didn’t offer any answers. He wasn’t entirely sure that it would do any good. “Do you even still love me? Do you still want us to be together?"

“Of course I do!" Harry looked horrified. He reached a hand towards Merlin’s face but Merlin pulled away.

"What would you do, Harry?” Harry stepped back further, sinking back into his seat as he eyed Merlin curiously. “And I don't mean 'what do you want me to do now?'. Honestly, if the tables were turned, what would you do? Forgive me? Leave me?"

“Honestly?” Merlin nodded. “I have no idea."

"Yeah. Me neither." Merlin swept out of the room and the house, leaving Harry with his head in his hands once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this is not great and we've not moved on much but I needed to get something out.
> 
> As ever, comments will be very much appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy stops by Merlin's office late one night and neither of them are in a position to be making sensible decisions.

"I heard you was about." Eggsy leant against the door frame (because he wanted to, not because he could barely stand, thank you very much).

"You heard right." Merlin was sat with his feet up his desk, his head back, his eyes closed, and a glass hanging loosely from one hand. He cracked one eye open to look at Eggsy. "Heavy night? What brings you here?"

"Shit night. Started drinking for fun but that didn't work out so I thought I might as well get hammered." Merlin half hummed, half laughed. He knew that feeling all too well. "My mum and sister are staying at mine while their place is being done up. Don't like my sister seeing me drunk so I thought I'd stay here instead, sleep it off. Then I heard you was here so I thought I'd pop by."

"Fair enough. How shit?" Eggsy looked at him strangely. He held the whisky bottle up by way of explanation. "Wanna drink some more?"

"Fuck it, go on then." Eggsy pushed away from the doorframe, all but stumbled over and dropped himself gracelessly into the chair opposite Merlin, who very kindly offered him a glass. "What are you doing here anyway? Thought you weren't working today."

"I'm not. I wasn't. But you might have noticed Harry and I are going through a bit of a rough patch." His tone was mocking but he was obviously affected.

"Don't tell me you've been hiding here this whole time." He had. He'd walked out three days earlier and hadn't quite convinced himself to go back since. "Fucking hell, are you still that angry with him?"

"Mm, not really. I was. I was fucking livid, but not so much now. I’m just on a sort of low simmer now.“

"Let me guess." Eggsy cleared his throat before taking on a frankly offensive imitation of Merlin's accent. "I'm not angry, I'm disappointed."

Merlin couldn't help but laugh. "No, I'm er...confused." Eggsy was thrown just a little bit by that. He'd always thought of Merlin as having that whole macho, self-assured thing going on. Confused was way up there with scared and drunk on the list of things he thought Merlin would never admit to being. "I just don't understand why he didn't tell me, and I don't know where we go from here. Every aspect of our lives relies on us being able to trust each other, but I don't know that we can any more and I don't know what happens if we can't."

“Shit.” Eggsy realised all of a sudden that this could really be it for them. As much as he never wanted to be the person to break up a marriage, he did feel a bit responsible. It was Merlin that he felt so much sorrier for though, his anger towards Harry not quite dissipated yet. He wanted to make Merlin feel better about it, or at least apologise for the mess that had been caused, but all his drunken brain could come up with was, “Sorry I fucked up your marriage, bruv.”

“You haven’t. Even if that is where this is going, it won’t be your fault.” Eggsy gave him a tight-lipped smile, still feeling not quite guilty, but bad for him nonetheless. “What’s the matter with you anyway?”

“I don’t think it really compares, mate.” Merlin looked at him expectantly anyway. “Put it this way: I went out on the pull and I ended up here. No offence, but unless a shag’s on the table, this ain’t how I wanted my night to go.”

Merlin hummed noncommittally and Eggsy was fairly sure he caught Merlin’s lip twitching at the mention of a shag on the table. Maybe his night wouldn’t turn out as bad as he thought. “You’re telling me you couldn’t get someone to sleep with you? _You_? You do know we have to account for accidental seduction when you go out on missions?”

“Piss off!” Eggsy cackled. “I think you two broke me. I’m out of practice.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll pick it up again soon.” Eggsy scoffed and Merlin tutted at him. “You managed before, you’ll manage again.”

“Yeah? Do I get a prize for effort?” Eggsy grinned at him, getting just a small smile and a head shake back. “Come on, Merlin. One last time?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Because you don’t want to or because you think we shouldn’t? ‘Cause the second one’s more of a reason to do it than not.” Eggsy bit his lip, using every last tactic he could think of.

“Is this the alcohol talking?” Merlin dropped his feet from his desk, scrutinising Eggsy.

“Nope, pretty sure it’s me.” Eggsy stood and walked around the desk, stopping between Merlin’s legs and forcing Merlin to sit back further to look up at him.

“What about Harry?” Merlin gripped his own thighs firmly, resisting the temptation to touch Eggsy.

“Fuck Harry. If he hadn’t done what he did, he could be joining in too.” Eggsy slowly sank to his knees and Merlin instantly wondered how and why they'd never been in this position before. He sat back on his heels, looking up with puppy eyes. "Please, Merlin."

"You are impossible, d'you know that?" Merlin gave him a fond chuckle and locked the door with the push of a button.

"Is that a yes?" He stared up with a raised eyebrow, almost daring Merlin to say no.

"Yes." Eggsy grinned, quickly working on getting Merlin's trousers out of his way. He mouthed at Merlin's cock, feeling it harden against his lips and kissed up and down it's length. "Stop being such a cocktease."

Eggsy took him into his mouth, swallowing him down as far as he could, and earned himself some beautiful moans in the process. He bobbed his head, making the filthy slurping sounds Merlin loved so much. He moaned loudly, a mix of pleasure and pain, as Merlin pulled him off roughly by his hair - if this was to be their last time, he was going to hold himself to a higher standard than just coming down Eggsy's throat. Eggsy wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and smirked up at Merlin. "You have a beautiful dick."

Merlin barked out a laugh. "Shut the fuck up. And as stunning as you are on your knees, I don't think this is what you went out for tonight, and this definitely doesn't qualify as the shag you promised."

"I think 'promised' might be a bit strong," Eggsy shrugged.

"Oh, well, if you'd rather not..." Merlin reached for his zip only to have his hands batted away. Eggsy practically pounced on him, kissing him all tongue and teeth, and Merlin growled into it. Merlin eventually pulled away, leaving Eggsy panting and rock hard. "Look at you, you're gagging for it. Filthy boy. I assume you've got supplies?"

"Yeah, but don't worry about it, I haven't slept with anyone else." He nipped at Merlin's lip again. "Just hurry up and fuck me, yeah?"

"What about lube?" Eggsy whined, trying to insist that they could go without it. "I don't want to hurt you, and this is going nowhere near your arse dry." Merlin stroked his cock, smirking as Eggsy licked his lips at the motion. "I want you bent over that desk. Now."

Eggsy did as he was told, dropping his pants and resting on his forearms on Merlin's desk. Merlin sat back for a minute just staring at Eggsy. "You pervert. You don't give a shit about lube, you just wanna stare at my arse."

"And you're all too happy to show it off, aren't you, you little slut?" Merlin finally leant forward and spread Eggsy's cheeks. Eggsy shivered as Merlin blew gently over his hole, and moaned out loud as he swept his tongue across it. Merlin formed a point with his tongue and pushed inside. Eggsy dropped his head to the desk as Merlin pulled back and spat straight onto his hole.

Merlin eased one finger into Eggsy, moving torturously slow and ignoring every one of Eggsy pleas to get the fuck on with it. Just when Eggsy thought he might cry with desperation, Merlin finally gave in enough to add a second finger, using them to stretch him open. He took his time, dragging it out until Eggsy was begging again. "Merlin, I swear to god, I'm gonna lose my fucking mind."

Merlin let out a low chuckle, removed his fingers and sat back in his chair. "Alright then, but if you want it that bad you're going to have to work for it."

Eggsy turned and straddled Merlin's lap, wasting no time as he lined himself up and sank down onto his cock with a shudder. Merlin let him set his own pace until he'd adjusted properly, then gripped his hips, guiding him as he bounced. For the first time, he was truly grateful for the soundproofing in his office.

All too quickly, Eggsy had to reach down to tug on his own balls just so this whole thing wouldn't be over too soon. He dropped his head forward onto Merlin's shoulder, panting in his ear. "Come on, Merlin, show me what you've got. I wanna feel you for fucking days."

Merlin rumbled out a low hum. "Be careful what you wish for." He stood, making Eggsy cry out as he thrust up into him. Eggsy wasn't exactly light, and Jesus, if it didn't turn him on even more to have Merlin pick him up like a fucking doll. He set Eggsy down on the edge of his desk and pushed him to lie back with a hand at the base of his throat - no real pressure, just the hint that Eggsy was always so keen to obey. He gave him a handful of slow, forceful thrusts, making him gasp with each one. "Is that what you want, hmm?"

"More. Please, more." Merlin growled as Eggsy whined and started hammering into him. Eggsy cried out, babbling incoherently between moans.

"No one else sees you like this, do they? No one else gets to see what a needy fucking whore you are." Eggsy shook his head frantically. "Tell me."

"No one else, Merlin. Just you." Merlin bent forward to mouth at Eggsy's jaw and down his neck, drawing out one last breathless moan. "Fuck. Stop. Merlin, stop." Eggsy shoved at Merlin's hip, and of course he did stop. Eggsy was dressed - albeit haphazardly - and out of the door with a mumbled apology before Merlin could even think about asking him to wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pleased to say that this should be updated pretty often from now on, so I won't keep you waiting too long.
> 
> As ever, thanks for reading and please please please let me know what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy has some explaining to do but it doesn't go quite as he expected.

Eggsy knocked lightly on the doorframe, drawing Merlin's attention away from his computer. He was almost surprised to see him. By the time he'd managed to direct blood back to his brain Eggsy was already long gone and refused to open the door of the room he was staying in once Merlin tracked him down, so Merlin wasn't exactly expecting him to stop by on his way home.

"Hey. Um, sorry. About last night." Eggsy lingered awkwardly only half inside the room.

Merlin turned to face him fully. "Don't worry about it. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah." Eggsy smiled but it faded fast enough to make Merlin frown. "It just can't happen again, alright?"

"Absolutely. If you want to stop, we stop, you've always known that. It was probably a bad idea anyway. Is this just about Harry?" Eggsy nodded far too quickly for Merlin's liking. Merlin sat back and stared him down. "There's something else."

Eggsy stood taller, puffing his chest out defiantly. "Why's there gotta be something else?"

"There doesn't have to be but there is. If I did something wrong, at least give me the chance to apologise. Otherwise I don't need to know what it is as long as you're okay. You did leave pretty quickly." Merlin folded his arms across his chest and waited for Eggsy to say something, entering into a silent staring contest when he didn't. "Look, if there is and you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, I won't make you, but say so. It's not fair to let all of the blame fall on him."

Eggsy rolled his eyes with a huff. "Alright, fine. It's not all his fault."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Yeah." Eggsy shrugged at Merlin's raised eyebrow. "I dunno, maybe."

"Okay then. Well how about you come in and we can chat, then if you want to talk, we'll talk, and if you don't, we won't." Eggsy did just that, came in and curled up in the chair opposite Merlin. The pair of them passed the time quite happily, making comfortable conversation. At least until Eggsy threw a spanner in the works.

"I think I'm in love with you." Eggsy stared at him, eyes wide, almost shocked by his own admission.

"Oh. I see." It was so abrupt and unexpected that Merlin really couldn't think of anything more tactful to say.

"What kind of fucking answer's that?" Eggsy screwed his face up indignantly. "D'you know what? It doesn't matter. I should've kept my mouth shut."

Eggsy pushed himself up, pausing halfway out of his seat as Merlin held a hand up. "Please don't rush off again." Eggsy slowly sat back down again. "And please tell me this is a recent realisation. Otherwise you know you don't have a leg to stand on with Harry."

"Course it is. I realised last night, that's why I had to go." Merlin nodded his understanding. As frustrated as it had left him the night before, he had to admire Eggsy's respect for their rules. Eggsy would have loved for the ground to swallow him up more than anything but he forced himself to hold Merlin's gaze. "All the stuff you were saying, the stuff you always say, about it all being for you, I wanted you to mean it. I realised I've been angry with Harry for the wrong reasons. Well, actually I just didn't think of all the reasons. When he...said what he said, I wanted it to be you. I mean I don't know if that's instead of him or as well as him but I know I wanted it to be you."

"Well, I," Merlin stumbled over his words. "I'm sorry if I led you on."

"You didn't."

"Okay, well that's good, I suppose. I'm sorry, Eggsy." Merlin coughed over the awkward laugh that tried to escape so as not to insult Eggsy. "Christ knows this would all be a lot less fucking messy if we all felt the same way, but I don't."

Eggsy flashed him a lopsided grin. "What, not even a little bit?"

"Do you feel it even a little bit for Harry?" Eggsy grumbled something that Merlin couldn't quite make out but that he was sure was less than complimentary. "You know that I care about you and I like having you around, but I don't think you'd call it love."

A smile pulled at the corners of Eggsy’s mouth again. “Maybe it's wishful thinking but that don't sound like a straight up 'no' to me."

“Eggsy,” Merlin let out an exasperated sigh. “You only said you think you do anyway. You probably just got caught up in the moment. I’m sure it will pass.”

Eggsy scoffed. “Well that’s not patronising at all.”

Merlin rubbed at his forehead, as if willing away a headache caused purely by Eggsy’s persistence. “Yeah, well, no one told you to keep pushing, did they? Look, I don't know what you were expecting from me. I'm sorry if this isn't the response you wanted but I love Harry, you know that."

"Oh, you loved him last night, did you? Or the rest of the week when you've been ignoring him?"

"Of course I did, and we're not having this argument."

"Right. I guess I've outstayed my welcome then, I'll leave you to it." Eggsy got up, completely ignoring all of Merlin's protests, and only briefly stopped when he reached the door. "You gonna tell Harry about this?"

Merlin nodded. "Unless you'd rather tell him yourself, yes, I am. And even if I didn't want to, after the way we both went off at him, I don't think we have a choice." A murmured 'great' was all Merlin heard before Eggsy stormed down the corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading/commenting/leaving kudos


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin has a confession to make.

It was strange to stay away from home when he didn't have to be, but it was just as strange to walk back in having done so. He considered knocking rather than using his key but decided that would probably just make things worse.

He let himself in and called for Harry, who appeared from around the corner moments later looking relieved. He wasn't sure he'd ever been so pleased to see anyone - not in a 'thank god you're alive' way or in that way when you haven't seen someone for years; it's an entirely different thing to spend half of your life with someone and realise that you're still so happy to see them when you walk through the front door - and he knew right then that he'd probably forgive him anything. It only made him feel guiltier about the night before.

"You took your time," Harry said dryly, only the smallest twitch of his lip hinting at a smile. Merlin reached out a hand and Harry took it as the invitation that it was, folding himself against him. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Merlin placed a kiss on Harry's head and let out a soft sigh. "I'm not sure you'll want me to. Harry, I need to tell you a couple of things." Harry pulled back with a light frown. "Shall we not do it here?"

Harry nodded and turned to head back to the living room, Merlin following behind. Even before they'd settled themselves, Harry was eager to hear what he had to say. "Go on."

Merlin groaned. "It's um...Eggsy told me something today that I think you should know." Merlin sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face as Harry waited impatiently. "He's in love with me, Harry."

"Is this a joke?" Merlin shook his head. "The nerve he had to say all of those things to me."

Merlin cut him off just as he was about to go into a rant about it - it was only right to set him straight. "He said he only realised last night."

"Was he telling the truth?"

"I can't be certain, but I believe him, yes." Harry looked at least partly placated by that. "Of course I told him I don't feel the same. I think he could have taken it better."

"I see." Harry sat quietly for a minute, seeming to mull things over. "What happened last night?"

Merlin let out a long, low hum. "That's the other thing I needed to tell you. Harry, I'm sorry." Harry urged him on, slowly growing more frustrated than curious, while Merlin grew more ashamed. He couldn't even look at Harry as he confessed. "We had sex."

Harry sat up straighter, his lips pressed tightly together - the sure signs that beneath his composure he was seething. "Well. I knew that you were upset but I had no idea you could despise me so much."

"I don't. Not even close." Harry scoffed. "It wasn't about you. I wasn't trying to get back at you or anything like that. It's not like I went looking for him."

"Then what did happen?" Merlin was reluctant to answer. Of course he expected Harry would have questions, but he still didn't think the answers would help anyone. "If you didn't seek him out, tell me how it did happen. Exactly how it happened."

"We both happened to be at the estate, we had a few drinks together and things got out of hand." Harry stayed staring at him, clearly not satisfied with that. "He...propositioned me. I tried to resist at first but eventually I gave in, and I'm so, so sorry."

"So all you had to do was say no, and you didn't?" Technically that was true, but he wasn't about to admit it. "I understand Eggsy, he's angry with me and he has nothing to lose, but you? How could you do that to me?"

"I didn't do it to you. I just did it." It sounded like a weak argument even to Merlin.

"But you must have known how it would make me feel." Again, Merlin couldn't deny that. "So unless you completely forgot that I existed, you either set out to hurt me or you just didn't care that you would."

"Oh, that's rich." Merlin had every intention of coming home, apologising, taking whatever Harry threw at him, and making up, but Harry just _had_ to go and pull that out of the bag. "Do you remember why we're in this situation? If it weren't for your bloody secrecy, none of this would be happening, but you didn't give a shit how either of us would feel, did you?"

"How dare you." Harry spoke with so much venom in his voice it almost made Merlin flinch. "I made a mistake, I acknowledged that, but so did you and you do not get to blame me for your fuckup!"

"I'm sorry that I hurt you but having sex with him wasn't a fuckup." Harry gawped at him. "I'm not the one that ruined things with him, our agreement still stands."

"You had no agreement." Actually, Merlin realised, he did have a point there. "There was an arrangement between the three of us and it was certainly not a free pass for you to sleep with him behind my back."

Merlin let out a disbelieving laugh. "Oh, come on, it's not like I went out and fucked a stranger."

"That's what makes it so much worse! You could have. Anyone you wanted, you could have had, but instead you chose Eggsy. You chose the only other person on the entire fucking planet that I truly care about, the only person that you could really hurt me with." Merlin stood and paced, shaking his head - how many times could he tell Harry that he wasn't trying to get back at him, that there was no plan to hurt him, that he hadn't chosen Eggsy so much as fallen for his flirting? - but he knew there wasn't much point in arguing. Harry wouldn't listen anyway. Harry stood and watched him for a minute, his rage continuing to boil inside him, before stopping Merlin in his tracks. "Get out."

"You can't be serious." Harry just looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Harry, it's you that I want. If there was really some big plan to hurt you or to have Eggsy for myself of whatever the fuck you're dreaming up, I could be with him right now but I'm not."

"Is that supposed to help? Am I supposed to be grateful that you're not leading him on to get back at me? No, I won't sleep in the same house as you and risk ending up with a real knife in my fucking back." Honestly, Merlin always loved Harry's flare for the dramatic. If they weren't so furious with each other, this would probably be no exception. "I mean it, leave. You can go back to wherever it is you've been hiding all this time."

Merlin let out a heavy sigh and headed for the door. "Fine. You stay angry for as long as you need to and then you come and find me when you've calmed down and you've realised that I'm sorry and that I love you, you mental fucking bastard. And we can work this out once and for all, okay?" Harry picked up the closest thing to him and threw it straight at Merlin, who hopped out of the way just quick enough to avoid a blow to the head. That was definitely his cue to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this won't just be all of them arguing forever. There are a few chapters to go, but you can expect things to start being resolved in the next one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry finally calms down enough to talk to his husband.

It was over a week before Merlin had anything but professional contact with either Harry or Eggsy. That finally changed in the form of Harry striding into his office and silently taking the seat opposite him. Merlin just blinked at him a few times before asking slowly, almost shyly, "Do you need something?"

"Yes. My husband, perhaps?" Harry's lip quirked upwards and Merlin smiled as an unexpected sense of relief washed over him. "I want you to come home."

"Really?"

Harry nodded. "As long as you want to. That is, assuming that that is your plan, and not either coming to collect your things or waiting for me to leave with mine."

"Of course I do." He didn't even bother to entertain the ridiculousness of the rest of his statement. "Does that mean I'm forgiven?"

"It means we have been through far too much to allow this to destroy us. If we still love each other as we always have - and I think we do - then I have no doubt that we can find our way through this. I know that we both have some making up to do but living under the same roof might be a start." Merlin agreed. He'd been itching to get home and get their marriage back on track. "And as much as I wish you hadn't done what you did, I don't believe it was to hurt me so yes, you're forgiven."

"It wasn't, I promise you. I was upset and it was a distraction that I was too drunk and stupid to resist, that's all there was to it." Harry shushed him quietly - he didn't need any more justification; he knew Merlin well enough to know that he was telling the truth and had calmed down enough to care. Merlin's voice dropped to barely more than a whisper. "I really am sorry."

"I know." Harry reached out to take his hand and Merlin smiled another relieved smile. "And I am truly sorry for having caused all of this."

"It's okay. I know there's more to this but we'll be okay, won't we?" Harry nodded. He wanted to believe that they would, at least. Merlin hesitated before he spoke again. "This isn't just about us though, is it?"

"No, it's not." Harry took his hand back and twisted his fingers together almost nervously. "Have you heard from him?"

"He sent me a message a couple of days ago but I didn't reply." Merlin pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Harry, Eggsy's message on the screen:

_What if I don't wanna stop?_

"We need to speak to him," Harry insisted immediately.

"What, now?" Merlin was completely taken aback by the suggestion, certain that Harry would either be avoiding Eggsy for the foreseeable future, or storming off for another row.

"Well, not right this second, but sooner rather than later."

"Is that a good idea, do you think?" Merlin could picture that going about as well as it had the last time they were all in a room together, but reluctantly agreed once Harry pointed out that it would only be worse the longer they left it.

Merlin fired off a quick text asking him to meet them the next day before packing up to finally go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short one because I've had no time but I don't want to lose momentum


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's start tidying this mess up, shall we?

Eggsy agreed to meet them that weekend instead after spending most of the week debating whether or not it was a good idea. Both Harry and Merlin greeted him at the door, and he followed them through to the living room. They'd done their bit to smooth things over in the meantime but some of the awkwardness still lingered, so it wasn't a surprise that the small talk quickly died out.

“So…you two are good then?” The couple confirmed that they were indeed back on track. “Good. That’s good. I’m happy for you. Is that why I’m here then? So you can give me my official marching orders? 'Cause it don't have to be like that. I'm not gonna come between you or nothing, we could just go back to how we were before."

Merlin hummed. “I’m not sure we could. I think there might be too many feelings involved for us to go back to that."

“Harry already proved that that doesn't have to come into it." Eggsy looked to Harry for some kind of agreement but found none. “I want you, you want Harry, Harry wants both of us, we all get something out of it.”

"I think what Harry proved is that we can't keep that out of it.” Eggsy was about to argue when Merlin stopped him with a raised hand. “If we carry on as we were, you're both going to get hurt and you're both going to end up miserable. None of us will get enough out of it to be worth that and I won't be a part of it."

“I can handle it.” Merlin shook his head. “And Harry clearly can, he already did it for however long.”

“I did, and it was incredibly difficult. I agree with Merlin.” Eggsy almost pouted. “And since you mention that, I realise that I never apologised properly. But I am sorry for having deceived you, and for reacting the way that I did afterwards. You had every right to be upset."

"Thanks. And er," Eggsy looked away sheepishly. "Sorry I shagged Merlin behind your back." Harry accepted. "I'm not pissed off any more but I still don't get it. Why you didn't just tell us."

"Eggsy, have either of us ever told you about how we got engaged?" Eggsy shook his head. "When I proposed, we couldn't get married, there was no such thing as a civil partnership, it wasn't even on the horizon. I knew what people would say and what they would think but I carried on anyway. Then when it came to actually asking, I was terrified. I could just picture him laughing in my face or telling me how ridiculous I was. The point is, I didn't care about what anyone else thought, I cared about what Merlin thought. I cared about _Merlin_ and I couldn’t stand the idea of not spending the rest of my life with him, so I decided to let him know that in the most traditional way, whether we could see it through or not. Of course we both knew the trouble it could cause us, but whatever pain I had to endure, it would be worth it to have Merlin by my side. None of that has changed. It's why I lied to you, to both of you." He turned his attention more towards Merlin. "I thought that if I kept it a secret, I could protect what we have. I had no idea I could be so wrong. Please understand - I absolutely meant what I said, it wasn't said lightly, I just never meant to say it. Whatever the possible outcome, I never thought it was worth the risk of losing you."

Merlin stared at him, dumbfounded, for a long few moments. Eggsy appeared to be waiting for him to say something first. "Eggsy, do you mind if we have a few moments in private?"

"Nah, course not." The pair thanked him and dismissed themselves to the kitchen.

"You don't want to lose what we have." Of course Harry agreed - he thought he'd just made that perfectly clear. "But he's important to you too. You don't want to give him up."

"I would rather give him up than the life we've built together." Harry was suddenly bordering on defensive.

"You say that now, but how can you be sure that that will always be the case?" Merlin avoided Harry's eye. "What if you change your mind or someone else comes along?"

Now that they were in a position to be talking to each other rather than shouting and arguing, Harry realised for the first time that Merlin wasn't just angry or upset, he was genuinely scared. He stepped forward and held Merlin's face in his hands. "I promise you that I have never felt this way about anyone but you before, and I hope that I never do again. But since I can't promise you that, I promise that if I ever do, you will be the first to know. If that's what you want. And I will never, ever act on anything that would put all of this at risk. That includes with Eggsy."

"And I know that you feel that way now but I don't want you ever to resent me. I don't want to lose you because I denied you something that you so clearly want." Harry watched him carefully, hoping that he understood what he was implying. "If it's love that we're talking about, if you both mean it, then I think that we should give this a chance and see where it goes."

"We already agreed we can't go back to our previous arrangement. What exactly are you suggesting?" 

Merlin explained and, once he was sure Harry was happy with his plan, led the way back to where Eggsy was patiently waiting for them. "Eggsy, would you like to go on a date with us?"

"What?" Eggsy's gaze flicked between them, a look of absolute surprise on his face. He wished he could come up with something better than that but it wasn't exactly an everyday situation that, he had no standard response lined up. His brain did decide to give him a little bit more when he realised they were actually waiting for an answer though. "A proper date? With both of you?"

"Yes. If you meant it when you said you love me and you do still want the three of us to have a relationship, we'd like to give it a try." Eggsy stayed staring at him wide-eyed. "Or of course you can walk away. We know that this was never what you were looking for, there's no pressure for you to say yes."

"We should also point out that we won't see agreeing to a date as a commitment to us, and it going well won't guarantee anything further." Eggsy nodded his understanding. "We just want to test the waters, if that's something that you're interested in."

"So this is like an all or nothing type thing? I get both of you or neither of you?" Merlin nodded and Harry looked away feeling slightly rejected. He assumed that this would be the point where Eggsy called it a day, decided it wasn't worth burdening himself with Harry and a relationship for the sake of Merlin. He was wrong. "Yeah, I'm interested. What else am I agreeing to?"

Harry perked up again immediately. "As ever, this stops whenever you want it to. If you change your mind about this, or you decide you don't want a second date, that's completely up to you. There's no pressure on you to agree to any of this but we can't go backwards. I can't go through that again and I wouldn't wish it upon you either." Eggsy agreed. He was more than a little bit grateful that they were looking out for him in that sense more than he was looking out for himself. "Similarly, if it's not working for us, we'll let you know."

"Also, sex is completely out of the picture. At least while we figure out exactly what we're doing here, we need to keep that separate. If this doesn't lead anywhere, it won't happen again. It shouldn't have happened last time." Again, Eggsy agreed. He'd been expecting that. "But if you want to go looking elsewhere, we don't have a problem with that."

"I don't." It came out sharper than he meant it but neither of them seemed to think anything of it. "Alright then, let's give it a try. Just...no bullshit, alright? We've gotta be honest with each other now." Harry agreed immediately, assuming that was aimed at him, but Eggsy looked at Merlin. "That goes for you as well. We all know you know the right buttons to press, but I don't want you touching a single one of them unless you mean it, you get me?"

"Absolutely. No bullshit." Harry and Merlin smiled at him and Eggsy grinned and hugged them both. This wasn't at all what he was looking for just a couple of weeks earlier, and they must have gone the longest, messiest, most idiotic way about getting here, but he'd be fucked if he was gonna turn it down now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't loved how the last couple of chapters have turned out, but please bear with me because I'm feeling better about the next couple. As ever, I appreciate any and all feedback.
> 
> I'm thinking there will be two or three more after this so we should be wrapped up pretty soon!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first date

Harry and Merlin arrived at his door both dressed to the nines and looking so incredible Eggsy had to carefully remind himself that dragging them straight to his bedroom was not an option. He’d felt overdressed putting on a suit and tie, but they'd said dress smart and seeing that they’d both done the same, he was glad he went to the effort.

Harry handed him a bouquet of flowers more beautiful than Eggsy had ever seen. “You bought me flowers?” Harry told him almost shyly that he had indeed, and Eggsy grinned at him, adorable little creases forming around his eyes. “No one’s ever bought me flowers before. Thank you.”

While Eggsy nipped away to put them in water, Merlin tried to calm down a clearly nervous Harry. Eggsy returned a few minutes later and the three of them made their way to the restaurant. 

They were led to the back of the restaurant, a candle in the centre of the table and a bottle of wine - chosen by Merlin, Eggsy was surprised to learn - already on ice. While Eggsy was steadily getting using adopting a persona for these kind of situations, tonight wasn't a night for pretending and the real Eggsy still felt a little out of his depth. Harry patiently explained most of the menu to him, even going so far as to order for all of them when Eggsy was sure he’d make a fool of himself otherwise. From anyone else it would have been condescending, but from Harry it was sweet.

Harry had thought the restaurant was a bit pretentious and tried to debate as much with Merlin (who very quickly found that agreeing and disagreeing were both the wrong answer and left the decision to Harry), but Eggsy's love for pasta was well known to both of them and it was the best Italian restaurant in London. Once Eggsy got past his initial awkwardness and seemed to genuinely enjoy the food and the company, Harry was satisfied that he'd made the right decision.

The conversation flowed easily, as did the wine, and it was only when the bill arrived - the waiter not-so-subtlety trying to get rid of them - that they realised they were the only people left. Harry politely apologised while Merlin took care of the bill (despite Eggsy's protests, because 'we asked you out, we're paying, and we won't take no for an answer.') and the three of them made their way back out into the night.

As they got back to Eggsy's house, he couldn't help the bittersweet feeling that took over him at the reality of the best night of his life coming to an end. He couldn't give a shit about the fancy restaurant or the expensive wine or what could only have been a massive price tag for the overflowing vase sitting in his kitchen - for all he cared they could have taken him to the McDonald's down the road and bought him a happy meal, and making sure he got the right toy would have had the same effect. It was how well they knew him, how much they cared and their attention to detail - especially Harry's - that made his heart feel like it was going to burst, and it made him do something he'd never done before.

He'd never even thought of kissing Harry in a non-sexual setting before, but in that moment it was the only thing in the world he wanted to do. He hesitated just slightly, but Harry noticed and met him half way. It was more chaste than anything he'd ever have imagined with either of them before but right then it was perfect. Merlin smiled at him and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before the pair said goodnight, leaving him feeling warm but alone and already excited for their next date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I really appreciate every piece of feedback so please do let me know what you're thinking!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making it official

For their second date, Eggsy insisted on having them round for dinner. They started with a couple of martinis, made just the way Harry taught him. He brought out a salad to start, pausing only as he was serving it to wonder what exactly he was thinking when he decided on that - he didn't even like salad, he wasn't sure anyone really did.

They moved onto steak, cooked to perfection, with roast potatoes and steamed vegetables, Eggsy preening under the older men's praises the entire time. When they'd finished eating and the table was cleared, the three of them retired to the living room with some beers (Merlin's favourite, the ones he'd bought specially), the whisky Harry had insisted months ago that any self-respecting gentleman must have a bottle of, and the posh chocolates that he'd felt like a knob buying.

They stayed there late into the night - probably overindulging if they were being honest - with Harry and Merlin telling him about their youth, their families and the old days of Kingsman, and Eggsy entertaining them with stories of his friends, their childhood and his sister. By the time they were thanking him for another wonderful evening and putting on their jackets, Eggsy was almost begging them not to leave, the only consolation being that they seemed just as reluctant to go.

They made a weekend of their third date. It was a visit to Madame Tussaud's, a trip on the London Eye, a very brief look around the Tate Modern (before they quickly decided modern art is bollocks) and as many other typical tourist activities - which Eggsy had never had the chance to do and Harry and Merlin hadn't quite got around to yet - as they could fit in.

They even managed to fit in a picnic and a turn on the pedal boats in Hyde Park, where Eggsy and Harry got them a very stern warning for splashing each other. They caught people looking at them, clearly trying to figure out what the deal between the three of them was, but none of them cared - they were sure they'd have a lot of that to come if things worked out.

Their fourth date was put on hold as Harry was sent away for a fortnight, but he promised they'd go out as soon as he was back. Nonetheless, Eggsy and their whole relationship were dropped into limbo. Those two weeks were agony, especially knowing that if he'd gone away instead, Harry and Merlin would carry on as normal, but as it was he had no idea how to even be around Merlin. He’d never been so grateful for a week on surveillance as he was when he was sent off three days in.

True to his word, Harry was in touch as soon as he got on the plane, but - to Eggsy's disappointment - only to apologise that he'd be back so late and to promise dinner the following night.

Eggsy met them at the restaurant this time, having been caught up training with some of the other knights. Both men greeted him with a kiss on the cheek before they sat down to order.

Eggsy waited until their main courses were cleared before he decided to add some weight to the conversation, the mood light until then. "Listen, we need to talk about where this is going."

Both of their hearts sank to their stomachs and their stomachs dropped to their feet. Merlin straightened up, bracing himself for a blow and they both stared at Eggsy intently.

"Merlin, d'you remember when we talked, there was a question neither of us answered, yeah?” Merlin remembered well, but Harry looked curiously between them. "I asked him if he felt anything for me and he asked if I did for you. Well I do." A grin forced its way onto Eggsy face. "I have done since that first date, you smooth bastard."

Harry smiled back at him, but as Eggsy caught Merlin's eye, his expression guarded, he was serious again. "Eggsy-"

"You don't have to answer now, that's not what I'm saying. If you don't feel it or you're not sure, that's fine, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm not trying to put any pressure on you or anything but you know we can't keep doing this forever. I mean, this time that you've been away, Harry, it's been so fucking difficult. I don't think I can do that again and not know what we are to each other. I just need to know if this isn't going anywhere." Since Eggsy didn't seem to be coming up for air to give him the chance to answer, Merlin leant across the table, cupped his cheek and met Eggsy's mouth with his, taking full advantage when his lips parted in surprise. As Merlin withdrew, Eggsy blushed, his entire face turning pink, and sank down a little in his seat. "People are looking."

Merlin smirked. "Let them. Does that answer your question?"

"No bullshit?"

"No bullshit." Eggsy grinned again, getting a smile and a wink from Merlin in return. Harry watched their exchange with a smug, satisfied smile. He'd very much been looking forward to this moment and he'd been desperate to bring it up if Eggsy didn't. 

Merlin's feelings had become apparent to them both the night before. When Merlin's restlessness hadn't completely subsided by the time Harry got home, he realised it wasn't just Harry's return that he was so looking forward to, but their plans with Eggsy. With that came the realisation that while he respected the distance Eggsy kept in Harry's absence, he'd be devastated to see that become permanent, and he'd been almost as disappointed to see Eggsy shipped off as he had Harry. It was so different to how he'd fallen in love with Harry that he'd almost missed it - it may not be that same giddy, head-over-heels kind of love from when he was young, but there was no doubt he’d fallen for him.

“So what does this mean then?” It only dawned on Eggsy then that although he’d been hoping for this to go somewhere, he wasn’t exactly sure where. “Like I know I’m not gonna be the same as you two but I obviously wanna be more than just your bit on the side.”

“It means whatever you want it to mean.” Harry looked sincere, and Merlin nodded his agreement. “Would you like to be an equal in this?”

Eggsy let out a small, disbelieving laugh. “Don’t be mad. You two have been together forever, how would that even work?”

“Honestly, we have no idea. But we were hoping you might help us find out.” Merlin raised an eyebrow in question.

“Eggsy, would you do us the honour of officially becoming our boyfriend?”

“I s’pose so.” Eggsy shrugged, completely failing to hide his joy, but let out a full laugh as Harry rolled his eyes and Merlin shook his head. “Yes, I’d love to, of course I would.”

They stayed for dessert and a few drinks to celebrate, but ultimately decided that since Eggsy and Merlin had to be up early in the morning, it was probably best to part ways, though they did insist on dropping him home first. Eggsy turned to Merlin just as they got to the door, feeling very school-crush about it but unable to keep his mouth shut anyway. "So, just to be clear, you like me, or you have 'feelings' or-"

"I think I'm in love with you." Merlin's mouth curled into a smile.

Eggsy smirked, one eyebrow raised. "Really? Are you sure you didn't just, what was it? Get caught up in the moment?"

"Shut up." Merlin smiled, no bite to his words. He leant in for a kiss that Eggsy gladly returned. "I love you."

"Well that's good, init?" Eggsy giggled, then set his expression to something more serious as it sunk in that's what all of this was. Somehow his and Harry's word vomit had led them here. These were two people with comfortable lives and a happy marriage, and they were really inviting him to be a part of all of it. Permanently. "And I love you." He reached out for Harry, unable and unwilling to resist the urge to kiss him any longer. "And in case I weren't clear, I love you too."

"I'm glad to hear it." Harry kissed him back, deeper than before. "I love you too, darling."

Fuck, that was gonna take some getting used to - that they could all say and do these things and it was all okay. Good, in fact. The three of them lingered, smiles plastered on their faces, before Harry and Merlin tore themselves away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason this was very hard to write, and no attempts to improve it really helped, so all I can really say is that I hope it's not too terrible.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

Eggsy rested his head on the door as he closed it, feeling completely ridiculous with the huge grin that refused to leave his face and no one there to see it, and let out a laugh as he turns and slumped back against it. The entire situation seemed so surreal and so completely and utterly ridiculous that he couldn't be sure he wasn't dreaming. The most he'd dared to hope for was that they wouldn't dump him on the spot; he certainly hadn't expected to be in a relationship by the end of the night.

Everyone falls for someone they can't have at some point, right? But they move on and if they're lucky, they fall for someone that falls just as hard for them. At least that's what he assumed and what he hoped might get him through it if things didn't pan out. Admittedly most people don't fall for two equally unavailable people at once but Eggsy had never been very lucky. Except somehow, for some reason, he could have them. Both of them. It was as if the universe had reached into all of its deepest, darkest corners to scrape together every trace of kindness it had hidden away for him and make up for all the shit it had put him through so far.

He didn't sleep well that night. Between the giddy, almost sickening joy invading every cell of his body and the hundreds of questions racing around his head, something as plain and sensible as a good night's rest was the furthest thing from his mind.

Harry and Merlin walked home hand in hand and in comfortable silence but as they locked the door behind them and toed off their shoes, Merlin turned to Harry with a smirk. "I hate to say I told you so."

"You love to say 'I told you so'," Harry shot back but welcomed the kiss and the gentle nip to his bottom lip for his cheek. "But what exactly did you tell me?"

"That he's completely smitten with you." Merlin had told him that, and tried to convince him of it over Harry's misguided and stubborn assumption that Eggsy was only interested in him to get Merlin. Harry mumbled something about smitten being a bit of a reach. "Did you see how he smiled just thinking about our first date? He's head over heels for you. And so am I."

The distance between them had been slowly but steadily shrinking over these last few weeks and any trace that still forced its way between them despite their best efforts to close it - and absolute determination to ignore it - had completely evaporated with Harry's trip and their subsequent reunion, and was now forgotten altogether with the knowledge that all their heartache had been worth it. It was both a pleasure and a relief for each of them to have the other's affections back in full force, even more so to have Eggsy's added to that. Harry smiled at him, the picture of pure happiness. "I can assure you the feeling is quite mutual."

Merlin stroked his cheek, returning the smile just as brightly before a sadness settled into his features. "I'm sorry." Harry frowned at him in confusion. "I'm sorry that I was so hard on you. I didn't understand how you could love him and still love me, and I'm sorry that I didn't get it before but I do now. With how much I love you, I didn't think there could possibly be space for anyone else, so I thought that you feeling that way about him meant you felt it less for me. But I am still as in love with you as I have always been, and yet there's room for him too."

"As hard as it is to believe, even you are wrong sometimes, dear." Merlin let out a soft chuckle, which Harry joined him in before settling back into an earnest expression. "I never, ever loved you any less. He was only ever as well as, never instead of. You do know that, don't you?"

"I do now." Harry gave a satisfied hum and kissed the still apologetic look off of Merlin's face. A gentle press of lips quickly turned into a hungry need for one another and Harry hated to be the one to break it but one of them had to.

"There was a reason Eggsy didn't come home with us, remember?" Merlin scowled at him. "It's late and you have an early start."

"Wha-? Harry." Merlin pleaded, almost whined, but Harry just stepped past him looking very pleased with himself. "Oh come on."

"No," Harry called behind him already heading up the stairs, leaving Merlin pouting in frustration, only to trail behind him a minute later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to leave that night there but something in my brain wouldn't let me so have a little extra.
> 
> And to those of you that are only/mainly here for the smut, the next chapter's for you - I hope not to disappoint.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I promised smut so here you go - their first time as an official trio.

Eggsy practically bounded into Merlin's office, having received a text from Harry that they were both there. He stood barely inside the room all but bouncing on his toes.

"Why do you look so happy?" Merlin asked, his tone completely even. As if he didn't know. Harry's little smirk gave them both away.

"Well, you said sex was off limits until we know what this is, right? Well we know what this is and none of us are working tomorrow." Harry and Merlin looked at him with such hunger that he could feel his blood instantly rushing south. Neither of them missed how he shifted from one leg to the other, his bravado slipping momentarily under the intensity of their gazes. "So, your place or mine?"

Merlin stood, so calmly, and closed the door, crowding Eggsy back against it. "Are you sure you can wait long enough for either?" He slid a hand down Eggsy's front, felt him already hard in his trousers and spoke low in his ear. "Because we could take care of this right now?"

"Fuck, yes. Please." He was already struggling for breath but he started to feel a little lightheaded when Merlin sank to his knees with a sly grin and worked Eggsy's trousers open with the same efficiency that he did everything. As Merlin pulled him out of his pants, suddenly Harry was next to him, his lips on Eggsy's neck.

Merlin swallowed him down and he let out a loud moan as Harry kissed along his jaw, finally claiming his mouth. Eggsy's head hit the door with a soft thud as Merlin pulled back enough to have just the head of Eggsy's cock in his mouth and Harry dropped to his knees too. He forced himself to look down as they kissed, the tip of his cock between their lips - it's was sloppy and looked completely obscene but it was almost unbearably arousing.

The older men worked together to make him see stars and draw filthy sounds from his lips, and he was sure there was no way he'd still be standing if it weren't for the door carrying most of his weight. As if having his dick sucked and licked at by the two most sexually talented people he'd ever been with didn't have him close enough to the edge, it was Merlin sucking one of his balls into his mouth that was the final straw. "Fuck. You two...fucking gorgeous. 'M so close."

Merlin stood and pressed a trail of kisses up his neck as Harry finished him off, then finally slotted their mouths together, swallowing Eggsy's moan as he came down Harry's throat. Harry gently wiped his mouth and then Eggsy's cock with his handkerchief - because he's Harry Hart, of course he did - before tucking him away and standing himself.

"Jesus. That was fucking amazing. Best blowjob I've ever had." Eggsy grinned, a look of pure bliss, despite his legs still threatening to give way.

"We aim to please, darling." Harry smiled and kissed him again softly.

"Shall we pick up some food and go back to ours? I've a feeling we'll all be needing the energy." Both of them agreed, and when Eggsy had finally caught his breath and made himself look presentable again, he grabbed the spare clothes that he kept in his locker and the three of them made their way back to Harry and Merlin's, stopping to pick up some Chinese food on the way.

A heat simmered between them the entire journey but it slowly dissipated as they ate and talked. It was only when they were clearing the dishes (Harry washing, Eggsy drying and feeling oh so very domestic, and Merlin putting away) and Harry - having finished with the last plate - dried his hands and slid behind Eggsy, his hands on his hips and his lips on his neck, that the flame was reignited.

As Eggsy finished up too, he turned to face Harry and, with a hand on the back of his neck, pulled him down for a kiss. "Are you gonna watch like normal?"

"Would you like me to?"

"No." He kissed him again. "I want you to fuck me."

Harry stilled for a second. "Are you sure?" _After last time_ , he didn't add. He knew reasonably that they would probably be together in that way again, but he thought their first time as a trio might be something with fewer negative associations.

"Never been surer." He gave Harry a cocky wink. "And you..." He twisted out of Harry's arms and draped his own around Merlin's waist. "I'm gonna suck you off til you can't remember your own name."

Merlin gave a shrug of his mouth. "Well, you're more than welcome to try, darling." Eggsy was caught off guard by the name coming from Merlin - Harry could barely say a sentence without some kind of endearment but Merlin was still warming up to it - and Merlin took full advantage of his pause, pressing a quick kiss to his lips and dragging him towards the stairs. Eggsy quickly snapped back into action, grabbing Harry's hand and pulling him behind them.

The three of them undressed, none of them knowing or caring who took off what or where any of it landed. The couple pushed Eggsy gently onto the bed and between them, they worked him open with such precision it made his head spin. They took him apart so expertly, their hands and mouths roaming all over his body, that it took him a while to realise the needy whining and unintelligible begging filling the room was him.

"Are you ready for me, darling?" Harry gave him a devious grin, very much enjoying prolonging Eggsy's suffering.

"Yeah, so ready. Please." Harry pushed into him slowly, drawing a string of expletives which quickly faded to a moan. After a few thrusts from Harry, Eggsy was begging again, this time for Merlin.

Merlin climbed over him, bracketing his head with his knees and lowered himself into Eggsy's mouth with a deep hum. He shuddered as Eggsy moaned around him at Harry's impeccable aim. Just a few minutes later, Eggsy pushed him away, making Harry pause as well. "Hang on, I've got a better idea."

Eggsy moved to the edge of the bed so that his head was handing over the side and, with a wink and a grin, told the other two to carry on. Merlin stood, Eggsy's head between his thighs, and slowly fed him his cock. He groaned as Eggsy took him deep into his throat.

Harry took up his same position too, pounding into Eggsy, the obscene sounds of skin on skin filling the room. He told Eggsy, as he always did, how wonderful he looked and both of them how gorgeous they looked together, though he was sure it was mostly going unheard.

As Merlin was getting close, he pulled out of Eggsy mouth. As he stroked himself, he smirked down at Eggsy. "Where do you want it?"

Eggsy, too blissed out to bother answering properly, just grinned and licked his lips before opening wide again. Eggsy closed his lips and sucked hard as Merlin placed the head of his cock back in his mouth, still stroking his shaft. With one hand on his hip, Eggsy pulled him in deeper, and stroked him through his throat with the other, drawing a shocked gasp from Merlin. It only took one more swallow from Eggsy to have him coming straight down his throat with a loud cry. As he pulled out, he managed to tip to one side just soon enough not to collapse straight onto Eggsy.

Harry, having slowed down to let Eggsy focus on bringing Merlin off, pulled him back fully onto the bed and redoubled his efforts, relentlessly rubbing over Eggsy's prostate with each thrust. His mouth now being empty, Eggsy was free to moan and plead in the stunning way that they'd all come to expect. "Are you going to come for me, darling?"

"Fuck, I'm so close." Eggsy was panting, his face twisted in pleasure. "Just...say it, Harry. Please, say it."

Harry leant down to kiss him firmly, and wrapped one hand around Eggsy's cock as he mouthed along his jaw to nip at his ear. "I love you."

Eggsy came with a shout, his whole body shaking, and spilled over his stomach and his chest, some of his release even reaching his chin. Harry winced as he clenched painfully around him, but watched in awe as he arched his back and threw his head back, his hands twisted tightly in the sheets as his orgasm seemed to last forever.

Eventually Merlin moved to his side, placing gentle kisses to his neck and his cheek and whispering softly in his ear, in an attempt to stop him flying away from them completely. It seemed to work as he was soon settling back down and turning his head to lazily return Merlin's affections.

As Harry felt him relax, he began to move again, careful not to overstimulate Eggsy. Although relaxed enough, Eggsy was still tighter than before and it worked to quickly pull him over the edge, spilling inside Eggsy with a low moan. He collapsed to Eggsy's other side and kissed him sweetly as Merlin worked his way down his body, cleaning him with his tongue and peppering his torso with kisses. As Merlin closed his lips around Eggsy's softening cock, cleaning that too with a firm suck that ended in a filthy pop, Eggsy gasped, his whole body twitching again.

Eggsy giggled as Merlin stretched out next to him again. "Shit. I've never come that hard in my fucking life. Is that what love does to you?" Harry hummed and Merlin chuckled, although both could agree it had been a long time since they'd experienced anything that intense.

"As much as I would love to lie here like this for the rest of my life, I think we should take a shower, my loves." Harry sat up first, hoping at least one of the others would join him to convince the third.

"Do we have to?" Eggsy pouted.

"Mm, he's right." Merlin agreed out loud but made absolutely no move to get up. "We are filthy."

"Maybe I like being filthy 'cause of you two," Eggsy shrugged, and really neither man could argue with that. They exchanged a conspiratory look and both bent down to suck matching love bites on each of Eggsy's collar bones, earning a half-laugh-half-moan from the younger man.

"Should we at least put some clothes on?" Harry tried for some semblance of civilisation.

Eggsy looked them both up and down with a somewhat predatory grin. "I'd rather not."

Merlin snorted a laugh and Harry rolled his eyes with a fond smile, and frankly neither of them cared enough to push the issue. The most any of them bothered with was a quick wipe with a flannel before they all climbed into bed.

"I really do love you, you know. Both of you." Eggsy fiddled with the sheets, not really wanting to look at either of them. "I was so fucking stupid not to realise sooner. I can't believe I nearly fucked it all up."

"Oh darling." Harry stroked his cheek gently. "You didn't. That was all my doing."

"Stop it, both of you." Merlin leant over to kiss Eggsy first. "We're all fucking idiots, we all made mistakes, but let's just agree to forgive and forget, hmm? That's all in the past now, none of that matters any more." He kissed Harry too, just as fiercely. "Now, I love you both, but if I hear one more bad word about it from either of you, I _will_ kick you out of this bed."

Harry and Eggsy agreed to let it lie, at least for the night, and with another set of kisses all round, they all settled down to sleep. Tucked between the two most amazing men he'd ever come across, Eggsy fell asleep wondering how the fuck this had become his life, and which god he would have to devote himself to for allowing it to happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this lovely, smutty little interlude. There are still a few more chapters to come where you may see some more, and will definitely see some seriousness and a lot of silliness. Who knows, there may even be an ending at some point - I have to admit this has already gone on longer than planned.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I believe this is what they call the honeymoon phase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a bit more porn and lot of stupidity. You're welcome.

Merlin woke first to find Eggsy's legs tangled with his. His heart must have swelled to ten times its size as he sat up to see Eggsy curled into Harry's front and Harry's arm clamped tightly across him. He'd sort of expected this to be the point at which everything was set in stone, but it still felt oddly like it could all vanish at any moment. It was new for all of them, of course, but Eggsy had at least had a few weeks to get used to idea; Harry had had months. But Merlin had somehow gone from realising his feelings to this in the space of three days. Not that he was complaining - not at all, he wouldn't dream of it - but it did still feel so very fragile to him.

"Stop staring at us." Harry pulled him out of his thoughts without so much as opening his eyes, though a smile did pull at the corners of his mouth. Eggsy smiled over his shoulder, the last clutches of sleep still softening his features. Merlin wished desperately that he could capture the view and the moment without ruining it completely.

Eggsy pulled him back down and Merlin snuggled back in behind him, closing his eyes again. They stayed there comfortably for a few minutes before Eggsy groaned, being rudely interrupted by his bladder. He reluctantly dragged himself out of bed and to the bathroom.

"You look happy." Harry placed a hand on Merlin's arm, stroking the inside of his wrist with his thumb.

Merlin blinked his eyes open to find Harry watching him with a warm smile on his face. "I am."

"Happier?"

"Than before Eggsy?" Harry nodded. "No chance. I've been living the dream for years. I'm just as happy. Are you?"

"Yes, darling." It seemed ridiculous that Merlin would even ask. "Thank you for giving this a try."

"Oh love, I should be thanking you." Merlin shifted closer and leaned over to kiss him, one of his legs slotted between Harry's. "This is all because of you, you gorgeous, wonderful man." He punctuated his words with kisses all over Harry's face, making him laugh beneath him.

Eggsy's breath caught softly as came back into the room. He'd never seen anything as beautiful as the two of them with such bright smiles on their faces, and wearing nothing but the covers. His presence didn't go unnoticed, though, as Harry peeked over Merlin's shoulder. "See something you like, darling?"

"Fuck yes." He'd fantasised about them together so many times, more than we'd care to admit, but he never thought he'd actually see it. That would have defeated the point of his relationship with them up to this point, after all.

"Then by all means, take a seat and enjoy the show." Harry smirked and it took a good few seconds for Eggsy to engage his brain enough to move.

"No." Just as he was about to take up Harry's usual spot, Merlin called out. "Not there. Come here, love."

Eggsy hopped, with a stupid grin on his face, back onto the bed, lounging against the pillows. As soon as he was settled, Merlin set back about taking Harry apart. He kissed along his jaw and mouthed at his neck, sucking at the base of his throat just hard enough to leave a mark. He let his lips roam across Harry's chest, murmuring into his skin how perfect and stunning and amazing he was, and any other praises that came to mind. If it had been even remotely possible for Harry to melt under his touch, he'd have been no more than a puddle on the sheets. 

Harry bucked his hips up into Merlin's, earning a growl and a quick nip to his collar bone. Merlin reached over to rummage inside the bedside table, quickly finding what he was looking for and slicked his fingers up. As he snaked his hand between them and pushed a finger into Harry, Harry tipped his head back with a delicious moan. He quickly worked up to a second finger and then a third, before withdrawing and pulling a whine from Harry.

Merlin kissed Harry once again before speaking low in his ear. "Turn over for me, darling."

Harry did as he was told, turning onto his front with his head pillowed on his arms. He let out a contented sigh as Merlin pushed into him. His moans grew with every slow movement of Merlin inside him, and he shivered at the kisses Merlin placed along his spine.

A squeak made its way past Eggsy bitten lip - just imagining how Harry must be feeling was making him weak. Harry met his eye for a just a second before Merlin pulled his attention away, sliding his hand up Eggsy's leg with a filthy grin.

Merlin swiped a thumb across Eggsy's lip, only to have it sucked into his mouth, and groaned at the sensation. After a few minutes, he removed his thumb, replacing it with two fingers. Eggsy sucked on his fingers, coated them with saliva, and whimpered as Merlin finally pulled them away. He worked both fingers quickly into Eggsy's hole, still slightly loose from the night before - just enough not to hurt but still provide a delightful burn.

After giving him a minute to adjust, Merlin rubbed directly at his prostate, pressing him thumb to his perineum at the same time. Eggsy cried out loudly, joining Harry in a beautiful symphony of pleasure. "Oh my...fucking Christ."

Merlin chuckled, forcing another gasp from Harry. He sped up his thrusts, angling his hips just right to brush against Harry's prostate, as he maintained his torture of Eggsy's from both inside and out. "Look at you both. Incredible." They looked at each other, both whimpering at the dishevelled state of the other. "Come for me."

They weren't sure which of them he was speaking to but it didn't matter. With their eyes locked on each other's, they both came without so much of a brush to either of their cocks, and with Merlin's name on their lips. Merlin gave a few more brutal thrusts before he came too, biting down on Harry's shoulder to muffle his cry.

Eggsy was the first to break the silence, the three of them still panting. "That is the hottest fucking thing I've ever seen." Both men chuckled and Harry turned his head over his shoulder to tempt Merlin into another kiss before they each stole one from Eggsy. 

When they'd all gathered their strength again, they took it in turns to shower, then sat down to eat breakfast together (well, it was more like brunch after their morning antics). They tried to decide what to do with their day but very quickly decide that a lazy day in would be perfect.

By lunchtime, they'd ended up on the sofa - Eggsy lying with his head in Harry's lap and his feet in Merlin's, and Harry and Merlin with their feet stretched out together on the floor between them.

"I love this place. It's very you." Harry smiled down at him and he grinned right back. "You've got all this cool stuff. My place is boring compared. I don't think I'm a very ornament-y person."

"You think having the house covered in fucking butterflies if a better alternative, do you?" Harry kicked at his feet as forcefully as he could without without dislodging Eggsy, and Merlin flashed back a playful wink. Eggsy snorted out a laugh.

"Don't let him fool you, darling. His hobbies are not so different to mine." He ran his hands through Eggsy's hair, putting on an innocent expression. "He's quite the collector himself."

Merlin scowled at him immediately, knowing exactly what Harry was getting at - he'd only collected one thing in his life. "Harry, don't you dare."

"Don't you dare what?" Eggsy perked up like an excitable little puppy at the mention of some dirt on Merlin.

"Merlin here has an album full of photographs that he's collected over the years of animals in little hats." Harry had a mischievous grin on his face as he spoke.

Eggsy sat up with a gasp. "Do you actually?!"

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose and took a few deep breaths. "Harry, I swear to god I'm going to kill you. You could have let him get deep enough into this not to run away when he realises we're fucking insane before you decided to tell him all of our stupid little secrets."

Harry smirked in absolute delight while Eggsy peeled Merlin's hand away from his face, biting his lip to hold in a laugh. "Can I see them?"

"It's stupid, you don't really want to see them," Merlin grumbled, refusing to meet Eggsy's eye, feeling completely embarrassed at the hands of his own husband.

"If they mattered enough for you to keep collecting them, I do." Merlin looked at him and, seeing no hint of ridicule, allowed himself to smile at the absurdity of it. "Why animals in hats?"

Merlin shrugged dismissively. "It was a joke during training - Mr Pickle's in there - and it just sort of stuck."

"That and he thinks they're completely adorable. You should see him practically sobbing over them."

"Shut the fuck up." Merlin quickly threw a cushion at him, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"I've gotta see that." He straddled Merlin's lap, hoping it might get him somewhere. "Where are they?"

If Merlin was fazed at all, he didn't show it. "I'm not telling you."

Eggsy pouted and when it got him nowhere, he turned back to Harry. "Harry, where are they?"

"Harry, I swear, if you tell him where they are, I'll tell him your middle name." Harry had looked like he was going to answer but quickly snapped his mouth shut.

"What?!" Eggsy looked between them, his face telling them exactly how unfair he was finding this little game of secrecy. "What's your middle name?"

Harry shrugged this time, his features manipulated into a mask of indifference. "I don't have one."

"He's a fucking liar." Merlin chuckled and Eggsy narrowed his eyes at Harry, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Why don't you wanna tell me?"

"Nobody likes their middle name."

Merlin laughed aloud. "No, it's because it's fucking ridiculous."

Harry scowled at him. "My middle name is Bowen, and the photo album is under the bed in the spare room."

Merlin swore loudly, earning a laugh from Eggsy. When he managed to compose himself. He turned to Harry with a confused look on his face. "Bowen? What's wrong with that?"

"Say his whole name." Merlin helped Eggsy out, not willing to let Harry miss out on being just as embarrassed as he was.

"Harry Bowe-No way!" Eggsy's face lit up with glee.

Harry smiled despite himself. "My parents had a...unique sense of humour."

"There's a unique sense of humour, and then there's calling your kid Haribo."

"They did not call me Haribo." Harry protested jovially, in a way Eggsy imagined he had plenty of times before, probably in response to Merlin's teasing.

"They fucking did. If I didn't know the complete opposite to be true, I'd be sure they hated you." Harry threw Merlin's cushion back at him, grumbling something about hating him.

"I don't think that was the only piece of information I just handed you, my darling. You know where to look now." Eggsy face lit up again but fell slightly as Merlin sighed and covered his face again.

"I'm not gonna look. Not unless you show it to me." Merlin peeked out at him from behind his hand, a suspicious look in his eye, Eggsy was still smiling but not quite as jokingly. "If you really don't want me to see, I won't ask again." When Merlin still looked at him uncertainly, he let his earnestness show through. "I get it if it's your own private thing, but you ain't gotta be embarrassed. I'm not gonna take the piss out of something that makes you happy, I was just teasing before."

Merlin stared at him for another minute. “Go and get the photo album.” Eggsy looked at him as if to ask if he was sure and Merlin nodded with a soft smile.

Eggsy skipped away, coming back a few minutes later with his prize, and settled back between them. As promised, Mr Pickle in a tiny top hat was first up and Merlin was grinning ear to ear by the second page. They flicked through together, Merlin laughing at his favourites and stopping at any with particularly interesting stories behind them. Harry chipped in every now and again too, sharing his own memories of some of them.

When they reached the end and Merlin closed the book and turned to Eggsy, it was to a look of unbridled wonder. The grin that had been on Merlin's face the whole time faltered only for a second. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Eggsy craned his neck up to kiss Merlin on the cheek in an almost sickly sweet gesture. "Thank you. For showing me this part of you."

"Oh." Merlin blushed - honestly blushed - and it was so endearing Eggsy wished he could keep it there permanently. "Well, I...You're welcome?" Eggsy grinned again at his bashfulness. He wondered if he realised just how adorable it was. "Thank you for not finding it weird. I know it's a stupid thing to be embarrassed about but it's a strange habit for an old man to have, I suppose."

"Don't care." He stretched up to kiss him again. "It's you, so I love it."

Harry stretched his arm out to stroke the back of Merlin's neck, and Merlin shivered at the touch. "He refuses to believe how charming it is. Maybe you can convince him, he never listens to me, the old fool that I am." Merlin tutted at his self-depreciation and dragged him across for a kiss, crushing Eggsy between them, not that any of them minded.

That's how they spent most of the day - perfectly squished together, idling away the time and loving every second of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know where Haribo and animals in tiny hats came from but I found both genuinely hilarious so I hope someone else finds it as amusing as I do, otherwise I'm just sitting here laughing at my own jokes alone.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some small insights into some big moments. Terms and conditions. Meeting the parents. The first time apart. Moving in together. The first argument. The end of the honeymoon period?

After giving themselves the day to just be happy, Eggsy reluctantly forced himself to go back to his own house and JB. They only managed to stay apart long enough to sleep, meeting for breakfast the next morning, where they finally acknowledged that they did actually need to have a proper conversation.

“So what are the rules then?” Eggsy raised his eyebrows at the other two men, getting matching curious looks in response. “I’m your boyfriend, we’re going with that?”

“Boyfriend, partner, inamorato, whatever you prefer.” Harry smiled at him lopsidedly as Eggsy’s pondered it. ‘Boyfriend’ sounded a bit secondary school, snogging-behind-the-English-block. Harry and Merlin were distinguished men, he could hardly go around calling them his boyfriends. ‘Partner’ sounded good. It fit. “You’re our other third, darling, we can call it whatever you like.”

“Well, I don’t even know what the fuck that third one means, but I like partner.” They both agreed. “So are we telling people about this or…?”

Harry gave a small shrug. “We can tell whoever you like.”

“Well, we weren’t planning to broadcast it, but we wouldn’t like it to be a secret either. Not unless you wanted it to be.” He definitely didn’t want it to be a secret. If anything, he’d be happy to shout it from the rooftops, but he agreed that that was maybe not the way to do things.

“What happens when one of us ain’t around?”

Merlin looked at him strangely. “Um, we carry on as normal?”

“So we can still go out for dinner and stuff? We can still stay at each other’s places if we want? We can still bang?” A slight blush crept up his neck at the last part, earning smiles from the other two.

“Yes, darling. Unless you have any objections, I think anything the three of us can do, two of us can do.” Eggsy smiled at that. There were no objections at all. “Any other pieces of housekeeping?”

“Er…” Eggsy paused, thinking for a minute. “Ah, fuck it. We’ll figure it out.”

———————

Eggsy had told his mum there was someone he wanted her to meet and got himself a very sceptical look when he'd all but begged her to keep an open mind.

He'd invited her over to his house and arranged for Harry and Merlin to arrive later. As the doorbell rang, he turned to his mum pleadingly. "Before you react, just remember that I'm happier now than I've ever been in my whole life."

Michelle nodded, still bracing herself - for what, she didn't know - but she had noticed the spring in Eggsy's step over the last couple of weeks. She couldn't have missed it, really. And he'd gone out of his way, done everything he could to make sure she and his sister were happy, the least she could do now was keep an open mind about whoever it was that was doing the same for him.

Eggsy greeted them at the door and walked back into the living room, Harry and Merlin following closely behind. Michelle's eyebrows shot up as she saw Harry, barely even noticing Merlin. "Eggsy, what's he doing here?"

"Mum, please. You remember Harry, obviously, and this is Merlin." They each greeted her with a handshake and a kiss on the cheek - no matter how much resentment she still felt towards Harry, she could force herself to be civil for Eggsy's sake. "We're together, mum."

Michelle stared at Eggsy for a minute before her gaze flicked between the other two men. "Which of you?"

Eggsy stood between them, put an arm around each of their waists and took a deep breath. "All of us."

"All of you? The three of you?" Eggsy nodded, chewing on his lip, and subconsciously gripped Harry and Merlin tighter. "Wh- I mean...how?"

"Harry and Merlin were already married, but they took me on as well.” A grin spread across his face, just like it always did when he talked or even thought about their relationship. "We got on, we went on a few dates and it just worked. We fell in love, mum."

Michelle couldn't help being caught up by Eggsy's infectious smile, especially when both Harry and Merlin were looking down at him with such open adoration. Of course she did still have her reservations, though. "How did this even happen? How do you know each other?"

"We work together." It came out almost as a question. Michelle's face paled immediately.

"Mrs Unwin, I can assure you my line of work is quite different to the last time we met." It was a lie, of course, but she obviously couldn’t know the truth. She couldn’t know that Eggsy had followed in his father’s footsteps, especially if they wanted her not to hate Harry for the rest of their lives.

It was a lie she seemed to buy, though, as she eyed him suspiciously for a minute before giving a stiff nod. "Er, Michelle is fine. For both of you."

"Harry bailed me out when I got arrested. Friends in high places and all that,” Eggsy joked but Michelle didn’t seem amused. “And Merlin's the one I’ve told you about, that gave me the job. It’s Harry's shop but Merlin pretty much runs it."

"You've been working for _him_ this whole time?!" Eggsy winced. "I'm sorry, Merlin. I don't know if you know our...history."

"Er, I'm aware of the situation, yes." Merlin felt guilty letting Michelle's blame lie solely with Harry, but he couldn't exactly tell her that he was there or what really happened.

"I knew you'd be upset, that's why I didn't tell you but it's been good for me, hasn't it?" Michelle had to concede that this was the best thing that had ever happened to him. To all of them, in fact. "Plus, I don't think me working for him is the most important thing here."

Michelle was still wary about the whole situation but she knew how much courage it must've taken for Eggsy to go through with this little meeting, and that there was no way he would have if he wasn't absolutely certain about it, so she was determined to be supportive. She was glad to find that that came easier the longer they sat and talked. Still, she jumped at the chance to help him with lunch and get him alone for a few minutes.

"So. What do you think?" Eggsy was upbeat, putting on a confident front, but Michelle could tell he was still nervous.

“First of all, I thought I taught you better than to get involved with married men.” Eggsy felt very much like a child being scolded.

“You taught me better than to fuck about behind people’s backs. It weren’t like that, I swear.” Michelle hummed, narrowing her eyes at him good-naturedly. “What do you think of them?”

"Well, Merlin's lovely. He's very handsome.” She gave Eggsy a little nudge, making him laugh out loud. “And Harry's not without his charm. But Eggsy..."

"I know, mum. But he's not who you think he is.” He faced her, with all the sincerity in the world. “I can't wait for you to get to know him properly. If you just give him a chance, you'll love him."

"You're really happy like this?"

"You've got no idea." With the grin that lit up his face, she thought maybe she did.

Their meal was pleasant - it turned out that loving Eggsy being common ground between them did wonders to overcome their past. Even as Eggsy was clearing everything up, he could hear them chatting away. He could also hear the exact moment that the conversation took a turn for the darker side.

“Look, I can see that you make him very happy, that you all make each other happy, but he has had more than enough pain in his life.” She had a steely determination in her eye that made them believe every word she said. “If you ever hurt him again, I swear on my life I’ll kill you, I don’t care what it costs me.”

It was Merlin that answered first, before Harry could even think about it. “Please believe me when I say that you won’t have to. We wouldn’t dream of hurting him but if either of us ever did, the other would do it for you.”

Michelle was taken aback by his bluntness, but apparently satisfied with his answer. Eggsy’s heart fluttered at the sincerity in his voice, and in Harry’s when he echoed his assurance - he knew absolutely that they were telling the truth, probably more literally than Michelle realised. While he didn’t condone them killing each other over him, he appreciated the sentiment. They were keepers, no doubt about it.

———————

Harry's next trip away was only a week later, which meant both of them were barely reachable, what with Merlin coordinating every second of it. Ever since an incident about 25 years earlier when someone else led Harry directly into an ambush, in what could only be described as a colossal fuckup, Merlin had insisted on running every single one of his missions. Not that he didn't trust his people - they wouldn't still be working for him if he didn't - but he wouldn't take the risk when it came to Harry. And, selfish and biased though it may be, he wouldn't be betting Eggsy's life on their competence any more either.

Although Eggsy missed them both, and he was having to get used to being in his own empty house every night again, he definitely was not moping. So maybe he was pouting enough for his mum to comment on and start babying him over. And it was possible that his sulking had attracted some teasing from Roxy. And the best part of his week may or may not have been when Harry had a spare half hour and he got to go into Merlin’s office, curl up in his lap and talk to them both. But he definitely wasn’t _moping_.

He didn’t even pretend not to be ecstatic, though, as he heard a knock on the door and found Harry and Merlin on the other side of it. “What are you two doing here?”

“Charming,” Merlin quipped.

“No, I don’t mean it like that.” Eggsy had a goofy grin stuck on his face. “Just weren’t expecting things to be wrapped up til tomorrow.”

“Well if this is a bad time, we can come back then.” Harry went to turn away and Eggsy grabbed him by his arm to pull him closer.

“Don’t you dare.” He wrapped his arms around Harry’s neck, leaning up on his tiptoes to kiss him. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, darling.” Harry returned his grin, his hands resting low on Eggsy’s back.

“And you.” He turned to Merlin. “At least he was out of the country, what’s your excuse?”

“I’m a terrible man and I’ve been horribly neglectful,” he drawled, leaning down to kiss Eggsy. “Will you ever forgive me?”

Eggsy shrugged. “I might do. Are you staying?”

“Oh, whether you like it or not, I think.” Eggsy smirked - he definitely did like it - and dragged them both inside.

It felt good to finally be lying in bed with them again, even if it was a bit strange for it not to be their bed. They barely spent five minutes apart, he was at their place almost every night, and JB even had his own bed in their living room, but he could count on one hand the times they’d stayed at his.

“Ain’t it weird being here?” Merlin hummed a half agreement.

Harry propped himself up on one elbow and stared at Eggsy until he flushed under the attention. “You could always stay at ours.”

“We’re not leaving here just to go and sleep at yours, it’s not that weird.” Harry gave him an almost polite smile and looked at Merlin a little helplessly.

“He doesn’t just mean tonight,” Merlin said in an exaggerated whisper, before returning to his normal voice. “You could. Permanently.”

“Serious?” Eggsy’s heart fluttered and he looked at Merlin with such open vulnerability that it made his do the same. Merlin nodded with a warm smile, and Eggsy turned back to Harry. “Is that what you meant? You’re asking me to move in with you?”

“I am. We both are. I know it’s soon, and we haven’t been together for very long, but we’re too old to waste time not asking for what we want.” Eggsy leapt at him, pressing their mouths together, and ended up lying on top of Harry.

When he finally came up for air, he grinned down at Harry. “Yeah, I’ll live with you.” He reached out a hand to Merlin, entwining their fingers, and kissed the back of his hand. Merlin tugged gently on his hand and Eggsy rolled happy onto him instead, kissing him just as fiercely. “Course I will.”

They started moving things over the next day and he was officially moved in within a couple of days. On Eggsy’s suggestion, they christened his new home very thoroughly. They stopped only when Eggsy was no more than a human whimper, having come in every room in the house.

———————

"Where have you been?" Merlin came out into the hallway as Eggsy was taking off his shoes and jacket.

“Evening, how are you? Yeah, I’m good thanks, love, how are you?” Merlin stared him down, his question still standing, and Eggsy shrugged. “Out with my mates."

“Oh, and it would have killed you to let one of us know that, I see.“ His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Who are you, my fucking dad? I went to the pub, Merlin, it’s not that big a deal. Just chill out, yeah?"

Merlin stared at him for a moment, just long enough to make him feel uneasy. “Chill out? It's 2 o'clock in the morning! No. You can do whatever the fuck you like, you're a grown man, but don't have us waiting around worrying about you because you couldn't be bothered to let us know where you were. Don't have us wasting food for you because you didn't think to tell us you weren't eating with us. Don't have us calling and texting you because we were expecting you home hours ago, with no answer. You've got a phone, fucking use it."

"I'm sorry, Merlin." Eggsy put his hands up slightly, just the start of a sign of surrender, from where Merlin had backed him closer to the door.

Merlin instantly realised his mistake and took a big step back to put some space between them. He looked truly horrified with himself. "I'm sorry, Eggsy, I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine, I know." Eggsy gave him a small smile.

"I wouldn't hurt you."

"I know." Eggsy closed the gap between them and placed a hand on Merlin's cheek. He did know that, it was one of the only things of which he was absolutely certain - that Merlin would never hurt him. He hadn't thought he would for even a second, it was just an instinct that was still ingrained in him from living with Dean.

"Oh good, you're home." Harry drew both their attention, standing on the stairs apparently having been woken by their arguing. "Are you two coming to bed?"

Merlin looked at Eggsy and the soft smile on his lips one more time before silently passing both him and Harry to get ready for bed, a frown still stuck firmly on his face.

"Are you alright?" Harry walked the rest of the way down the stairs to greet him with a kiss.

"Yeah, I'm good." Harry scrutinised the smile that Eggsy gave him before pressing another kiss to his lips. As he pulled away, Eggsy looked at him a bit sheepishly. "You're not pissed off as well?"

"No." Harry stroked a hand through his hair. "Neither is he, really. We were worried, we didn't know where you were, that’s all. I tried to tell him you were fine and that you'd be home soon but he handles uncertainty very badly. You'd think a man of his age would have figured it out by now."

Eggsy smiled more warmly at that, a bit of relief blooming inside him. He sent Harry back off to bed with the promise that he was just getting a glass of water and he'd be up in a minute. As he was heading up to their bedroom, he could hear Merlin's voice. "I fucked up, I'm sorry, I'm going to drive him away from both of us." He couldn't make out Harry's response but he could only assume he'd be trying to comfort him. "He was scared of me, Harry."

"I wasn't." Eggsy walked into the room before Harry had a chance to answer. Merlin was sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands, and Harry next to him with his arm around his shoulders, but they both looked up as he spoke. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I wasn't scared of you, babe. It's just a...a reflex, I guess, it didn't mean anything. You were right to be angry, I should've told you I'd be back late.“

“No.” Merlin shook his head adamantly. “No, I overreacted, that was unacceptable. I'm so sorry, Eggsy, it won't happen again."

"It's fine. You wouldn't be getting yourself in this much of a state if you shouted at Harry, would you? It's my problem, not yours, you ain't gotta walk on eggshells around me." If anything, he felt guilty (and angry at that prick for making him this way) that he'd made it Merlin's problem, that Merlin was feeling so bad because he hadn't been able to control himself, because his body still acted without his brain. That and the fact that they'd only argued in the first place because he didn't just send them a quick text. He hadn't meant to be so inconsiderate of them, he was just so used to living by himself and having no one to notice if he was home later than usual (they’d only been living together for two weeks, after all) that it had slipped his mind completely. "I'm sorry I worried you both. I'll make sure I let you know next time, I promise."

"It's fine, sweetheart. Water under the bridge.” Harry smiled at him and rubbed Merlin’s shoulder as if to say ‘see, it’s all okay’. “Did you have a nice evening?"

"Yeah, it was good. It's been a while since we've had a good catchup." Eggsy had that smile which only came with genuine happiness, and which neither of his partners could ever resist mirroring.

As the three of them settled themselves into bed, Merlin almost reached for Eggsy but stopped himself halfway, still wanting to give him as much space as was possible with three adults sleeping in the same bed. With a roll of his eyes, Eggsy pressed his back to Merlin's front and pulled his arm across his waist, holding his hand to his chest with their fingers interlocked. Merlin pressed a soft kiss to the top of Eggsy's spine, a silent thanks.

Merlin was the first to fall asleep, snoring softly. Harry opened one eye and whispered to Eggsy. "For what it's worth, he was a bit like this the first time we argued, too. He used some choice words and he was convinced he'd gone too far and I was going to leave. It took a few days to convince him otherwise. He'll come around."

"Don't be stupid, this ain't our first argument." Harry just stared at him, waiting for the penny to drop. "You mean since we've been together. Shit. So how do I convince him he hasn't fucked it up? I'm not going anywhere, you know. Especially not over something so tiny."

Harry gave a small shrug. "Prove it to him. Do exactly what you're doing. Stay. Carry on as normal. He'll get the message in a day or two."

Eggsy had thought people like Merlin and Harry would be immune to those kind of insecurities (he couldn't imagine anyone wanting to leave either of them, after all) but he was certainly - and very happily - being proven wrong. And he'd be happier still to lay them to rest - it was no hardship at all to simply be with him if that's all it took to convince him that he always would be. He thanked Harry and held Merlin's hand tighter before they both joined him in sleep.

As they were lounging on the sofa (as they seemed to spend an excessive amount of time doing) the next morning, Eggsy brought it up again. "You do know you're a spy and I've got like a billion things that you can track, right? You could've just found me if you wanted to." He was trying to make light of it but Merlin shifted beneath him and he got the distinct feeling he'd said something wrong. A quick look at Harry didn't change his mind.

“If I had a complete lack of respect for you and your privacy, yes, I could." Eggsy looked up at him with a frown. He hadn’t meant it as a dig at Merlin, something that he could take offence to, but apparently that’s how it came across. "If you went AWOL at work, of course I'd do that. But otherwise you're my partner, not my subordinate. I was worried, and I'm sorry I snapped at you, but I trust you. I'm not checking up on you or keeping tabs. You don't want me to have that kind of control and I don't want it."

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right.” He settled back against Merlin and didn’t mention it again. He didn’t mention much for the rest of the day, actually; none of them did, as a noticeable tension lingered around them. So much for water under the bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading. Please do leave comments if you're enjoying it or if there's anything that you'd like to see.
> 
> Coming up next: I hope you like pain because the next chapter's pretty much done and I already hurt myself.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allow me to take you - and Eggsy - on an emotional rollercoaster ride into Merlin's past and their future.

Merlin did let it go over the next day or two, but he was still slightly off in a way Eggsy couldn’t quite put his finger on. He somehow managed to be just as loving as ever, but a bit distant and moody at the same time, without doing anything that Eggsy could actually call him out on. After giving him the benefit of the doubt for a while, he decided it was time to do something about it.

Eggsy climbed onto the back of Merlin's chair and draped himself over him, his chin resting on Merlin's shoulder. "You're not as happy with all of this as you thought you would be, are you? This whole 'new relationship' thing. Me living here."

Merlin tipped his head to the side to look at him, his eyebrows knitted together. "Of course I am."

"No, don't do that. Honesty, remember? We promised." Eggsy pressed a kiss to his neck. "Talk to me, babe."

Merlin tipped his head back onto Eggsy's shoulder and sighed, trying to find the right words. "It's a lot to get used to, and I'm so looking forward to getting used to it. I'm just not quite there yet." Eggsy hummed but waited, sensing that there was more to it. "I am happy, really, trust me on that, but it's a big change. I'm not as adaptable as Harry."

"I get that." Eggsy paused again before he could force himself to carry on. "Did we do all this too quickly?"

Merlin took Eggsy's hand and led him to climb down in front of him. If they were going to have this conversation, it was going to be face to face. He narrowed his eyes slightly at Eggsy, wondering where exactly this was going. "Is that how you feel? That we're moving too fast?"

"A bit, yeah. But for you, not for me." Merlin didn't answer, his expression completely controlled. "It feels like maybe we put too much pressure on you. Like we rushed you into all of this."

"I see. When you say 'we'...you've spoken to Harry about this?"

Eggsy shrugged. "Sort of. I told him I was worried, he told me to speak to you. He thinks it's something the two of us need to sort out between ourselves and he said he'll go with whatever we think."

"Whatever we think about what, exactly?" Merlin clenched his jaw, feeling more and more tense by the second.

"I think I should stay at my place." Merlin felt like Eggsy had just reached into his chest and squeezed his heart with all of his considerable strength. Eggsy avoided looking at him but forced himself to when he didn't get even a hint of a response, only to find all of the colour drained from Merlin's face and his expression looking very deliberately neutral. "I think you and Harry need some space without me, to just be a couple again for a bit."

"Eggsy, what exactly are you telling me right now?" He truly couldn't get his head around what he was saying or the implications. It was like he was hearing him speak but he couldn't quite understand the words. For all that he could comprehend, Eggsy may as well have been speaking a different language. "Just...please, in plain English, what are you telling me? Are you regretting this, us? Are you leaving? Because if this is about the other night, we knew it wasn't going to be sunshine and roses forever."

"Fuck no, nothing like that. It is a bit about the other night but not because I'm regretting anything." Merlin looked at least like he was trying to stay calm about it, although his distress was showing through. "I'm not leaving, alright? Not like that, it would only be temporary. But the fact that you thought this was fragile enough that I'd leave over one stupid little argument, that you’re still thinking it, that's a problem."

"That's not why I thought you'd leave." Merlin was clearly frustrated. He thought they'd been over this already. "I thought I'd scared you, and I'm not stupid enough to think you'd want to be around someone like that again."

"And yet even when I told you you didn't, you wouldn't even put your arm around me." Merlin avoided his gaze then. As stupid as Eggsy clearly thought it was, it made sense to him at the time and had ever since, but that wasn't worth arguing about now. "Harry told me you were the same when you and him first got together." Merlin rolled his eyes. "He didn't go anywhere and neither am I. But maybe the reason you think I could walk away so easily is that we've done everything so quickly. I mean in not even two months we’ve got together, you’ve told me you love me, we’ve moved in together, we’ve had our first row, you’ve met my mum. Most people take months or years to get to this point, and we've squeezed it into a few weeks. Maybe if we gave it the time to grow like a normal relationship you might actually believe that it's gonna last."

"I couldn't give two shits about a normal relationship. I knew it was going to take some adjusting, and that it might not be easy, and I was right but that doesn't mean I'd change anything. Do I seem to either of you like someone who would be doing any of this if I didn't want to?" Eggsy still looked sceptical. "Look, I'm sorry if my insecurities are getting in the way here, maybe one of us should have warned you about that, but I can't help it. You either need to learn to accept them or decide that you can't because I don't think they're going anywhere any time soon. It has nothing to do with how quickly or slowly we do this. Look how long me and Harry have been together and I was still terrified that he was going to leave."

As much as he offered the option not to accept his insecurities, an easy out if Eggsy decided just to say that they were too much for him to deal with, he desperately hoped that Eggsy wouldn't take it. Maybe in the interest of full disclosure one of them should actually have mentioned how much reassurance he might need from time to time, but that was hardly a selling point, was it? _'Now Eggsy, you could get involved with a needy, neurotic man twice your age, or you could probably just as easily take his husband, who happens to be as in love with you as you are with him, for yourself and forget about him instead.' Yeah, he could see that going well for him._

"Maybe that's the other problem. Maybe you two needed longer to sort yourselves out again; maybe you still do." Merlin looked at him as if he were being completely stupid, but Eggsy ignored him. "You went from being just the two of you for so long to having someone extra there all the time so quickly. Maybe you need to be a proper couple again, and I'll be a part of it when you're ready again."

"We're ready now. We've had decades to be a 'proper couple', and we did what we needed to do to rebuild that, now we're trying to build something different. We thought you were too." Eggsy looked slightly defeated, like Merlin was missing his point. "You think mine and Harry's relationship is more important to us that the one between the three of us?"

"Well, yeah, it is." Eggsy looked at him as if it was obvious. "Course it is."

"It's not." The silence that followed was shattered by Merlin's phone ringing. He ignored it. "It's not, Eggsy. You're a part of this. You're not some kind of add-on that we can pick up and drop when we feel like it, you're not just an appendage to our relationship, you're in this every bit as much as we are."

Merlin let his phone ring off again, but felt he had to pick up by the third call. He answered, his frustration clear, and hurriedly agreed to whatever the other person was saying. As he hung up, it took all of his willpower not to throw the thing across the room. He scrubbed both hands over his face. "Work?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry, I have to go." He looked so deeply apologetic Eggsy couldn't even consider being mad about it. "This isn't how I want to leave this."

"I know. But duty calls, eh?" Eggsy gave him a sympathetic smile.

"We'll talk about this later, I promise. Just...you'll be here when I get home?"

"Course I will. Love you." Merlin returned the sentiment and left him with a quick kiss to say goodbye to Harry and rush out of the door.

It was late by the time he got home. He expected that Harry and Eggsy had already gone to bed, but he was pleasantly surprised - and relieved - to be greeted at the door by the latter. He looked completely shattered. Merlin knew he must have stayed up just to wait for him and his heart fluttered at the thought.

"So you are still here." There was a slight teasing to his tone that he hoped didn't come across wrong.

The sleepy smile he got told him it didn't. "Course I am. I said I would be, didn't I?"

Merlin wrapped him in a tight hug, which Eggsy returned tighter still, and tucked his face into the side of Eggsy's neck. "I know this should wait until the morning but I don't want you to go." Eggsy pulled back, forcing Merlin to lift his head, and looked at him with a hint of unexpected nervousness. "I'm sorry if I made or let you believe that you were rushing me into anything but you weren't, and I'm sorry that my idiotic, irrational thoughts will rear their ugly heads sometimes but that's not how I really feel. I know that you love us and that you want to be with us, and you need to know that we feel exactly the same. That _I_ feel exactly the same. If you want to go back to your own place, if you want to slow things down, then that's fine. But if you don't, please don't do it just because you think it's what I need or what I want, because it's not. I want this. I want to be able to kiss you goodbye when I leave for work and come home to you at night, and when you're away, I want you to be coming back to me, not to an empty house. I mean it, I don't want normal, whatever the fuck that means, I want this."

Eggsy grinned at him, his face full of joy but also flooded with relief. "I was hoping you'd say that, 'cause I don't wanna go anywhere. I want this too." He pulled Merlin in for a kiss and only when they parted again did he notice the tears in Merlin's eyes. They looked so out of place Eggsy almost didn't know what to do. He leant up on his tiptoes to place a kiss at the corner of one eye, wiped a tear as it fell from the other, and only then realised that he was in a similar state.

Merlin tried to clear his throat but it did nothing to shift the lump there, so instead he just shook his head at the absolute ridiculousness that he felt. They weren't 14 years old or in a romcom so why the fuck were they standing here swapping 'I love you's with their eyes leaking like taps? It didn't matter, Eggsy didn't seem to mind, and if Eggsy didn't mind then neither did he.

When Harry got up, Eggsy was already cooking them all a fry up. Or at least he was trying to - Merlin was making it very difficult, standing behind with his arms folded tightly across Eggsy's chest. Harry couldn't make it out from where he was, but whatever Merlin was mumbling in his ear was making Eggsy giggle, and obviously infinitely more interesting than the eggs on the brink of burning. He almost felt bad interrupting. "All is well, I take it."

"Yes, no thanks to you," Merlin retorted good-naturedly. "You would've let him move back out."

"I would have let him only if you'd told him to." He walked over to kiss Eggsy. "It would have been entirely your fault, I'm afraid."

"Yes, but I'm an idiot. You're supposed to be the sensible one." He nuzzled into Eggsy's neck, mumbling as he did. "Too fast...bullshit."

"I am the sensible one. I was doing what was necessary for the sake of our relationship. He was hardly going to take my word that you were fine with it all. Call it picky, but he needed it straight from the horse's mouth." Eggsy shoved Harry playfully, but he caught his hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "Of course I knew that Eggsy wanted to stay and that you wanted him to. Luckily, you two managed to figure it out for yourselves. Honestly, it's madness to me that you could still think either of us would willingly go anywhere. Maybe with two of us showing and telling you, you'll finally believe how precious you are, my love." He kissed Merlin next, a smile still evident as he did. "See, most of us don't leave."

It was whispered so quietly that Eggsy could barely make it out. He probably wouldn't even have known anything had been said if Merlin wasn't holding him so close, putting him just within earshot and allowed him to feel how he froze for just a fraction of a second. He wondered if it was something that he should ask about but decided either way, now was not the time. For now, breakfast.

"Can I ask you something?" He was lying with his head on Merlin's chest, just gently brushing the skin in front of him with his fingertips, and Harry wrapped around him from behind, Merlin's arm stretched out to wrap around them both. "You can tell me to mind my own business." Merlin hummed in question. "Harry said 'most of us don't leave'. What does that mean?"

Merlin hummed as if to say 'oh, that' but still answered. "My first boyfriend. The one before Harry. Well, I say boyfriend...I thought he was but he wasn't so serious about it."

"He left you?"

"He did." Harry grumbled, a clear sign that there was more to it than that. Maybe he was pushing but sometimes Merlin needed a push. If he'd really not wanted Eggsy to know he'd have said it didn't mean anything (they'd all have known he was lying, of course, but it wouldn't have been mentioned again) but he didn't. Merlin rolled his eyes at Harry's prodding but carried on anyway. "I was young. I was 18, I'd just come out to my parents, meaning I'd just been kicked out. That's when I moved to London, and I met him. He was a few years older than me, he was charming and good looking, I fell in love with him. I thought he felt the same, but he was only after one thing, from me and anything else that moved - not that I knew the extent of it until it was over. And I, being the lovesick fool that I was, let him use me until he finally found someone better and moved on."

"You thought I'd do the same? And Harry?" Eggsy spoke softly, his voice full of understanding.

"Not really. Well, I suppose some part of me did. I know, it's stupid to still be so affected by something that happened so long ago."

"It's not." Harry hummed in agreement, as if he'd told him the exact same thing a million times before, and honestly, Eggsy was sure he probably had.

Harry turned his head to press a kiss to Merlin's arm. Of course it was decades ago, and of course Merlin had moved on, but the idea that someone could use Merlin - _his_ Merlin, his love - in that way, that someone so undeserving of his love in the first place had abused it in that way, and the fact that, without a care in the world, he'd left an emotional scar so deep it was still yet to heal, still filled Harry with rage for a man whose name he didn't know and who he was sure he'd never meet.

"Harry's right though. The guy's a prick, whoever he is. And a fucking idiot, who'd leave you?" Merlin hummed, pressing a kiss to his head, and stroked Harry's back in what he hoped he'd take as gratitude. He was grateful, endlessly so. I could have been so easy for Harry to get fed up with his constant doubts. He wouldn't have blamed him if he'd decided he might as well just leave him since that was what Merlin thought was going to happen anyway, especially when they were young and their relationship new. He would have understood if Harry had told him every single time just to hurry up and get over it, but he never had, not once. It wasn't just his teenage fling, it was his parents (and he was sure Eggsy would have picked up on that), it was every person he'd ever loved dropping him without a second thought. Everyone except Harry. Harry, who - with the patience of a saint - was still tirelessly working to prove that that wouldn't always be the case. And now Eggsy too, he supposed.

As expected, Eggsy had taken note of the comment about his parents, and he couldn't resist asking his next question for long. "Your parents kicked you out?"

"Mm hmm. They did." He sounded even sadder about that than his ex. "They er...they didn't approve."

"Did they ever come around?" He honestly felt bad asking, but his curiosity got the better of him and took over control of his mouth.

"No. I tried to contact them a few times, I wrote dozens of letters, but I never heard anything until somebody wrote back to one of them to tell me that they'd died in a car accident about 4 years after I moved away." He gave half a shrug. "Maybe they would have, who knows."

"Shit. I'm so sorry." Merlin gave him a tight-lipped smile, clearing his throat. Eggsy's voice fell to a whisper. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's fine, sweetheart. You weren't to know." Merlin placed another kiss to his forehead. "Anyway, it was a long time ago. A different place, a different time and all that." Merlin sucked in a deep breath and suddenly pulled his arm back and slid out from underneath Eggsy. "Right, who's having tea?"

Eggsy sat up as he walked out of the room, not knowing what to say to stop him, or whether he should. Once Dean was out of the picture and he worked himself up to come out to his mum, she'd been nothing but supportive of him, and he'd heard enough about Harry's parents to know that they were the same. He couldn't help thinking how unfair it was that Merlin never had that same chance, to be accepted by the people that were supposed to love him the most. He also couldn't help how angry he felt towards all of them - to his parents (was it bad to think of your partner's dead parents as complete fucking arseholes?) and the prick that had hurt him so much. Then he realised it was him that had brought the memories back and felt guilty all over again.

Harry clearly sensed how he was feeling and sat up too, pulling Eggsy close to him with a kiss to his temple. "He'll be alright, just give him a few minutes." He knew Harry probably knew best but he was still itching to follow. "I hate to say it, darling, but what you're feeling right now never really goes away."

"It's just not fair. He deserves way better than that."

"I know." They stayed put for another couple of minutes before they trailed after Merlin to shower him with all of the love and affection that he was due. They may not be able to make up for before but that didn't mean they weren't going to try, and Eggsy swore to himself that he'd give him all that he deserved now and forever, just as Harry had years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy is officially a two-man guy, in every sense

"Good job, darling." Merlin greeted Eggsy from the plane - he’d just done his first honeypot since he’d got with Harry and Merlin. What he needed was to get a visual on some documents that his mark kept very close to his chest. They’d managed to find out that he kept them in his room and that there was no way anyone was getting in there unless they were with the man himself, so they quickly decided the easiest thing to do was for Eggsy to seduce him, get invited back to his room and tire him out so he could find what he needed. Even with the new pressure of having his partner watching the entire time, Eggsy did an expectedly brilliant job of tiring the mark out and getting out of there as quickly as possible.

Eggsy flinched away from Merlin's touch as he went to put an arm around him. "Just let me take a shower first, yeah? Even the trace of him don't deserve to be touched by you." Eggsy shuddered at the memory, a look of disgust on his face.

As Eggsy came into his office, Merlin could see straight away that his eyes were bloodshot. "You've been crying."

Eggsy dropped down into the chair opposite him with a sigh. “It's fine, don't worry about it."

Merlin frowned, tutting softly at him, of course he was going to worry. ”You know if you'd wanted out of there, you could've gotten out and we'd have tried something else."

Eggsy shrugged. “Yeah, I know. But I was already so far in, might as well see it through and get the job done. I said don't worry about it."

"If you don't want to talk to me there are other options. If something happened tonight that's causing you distress, the counsellors are all prepared for that sort of thing. You can have medical look you over as well if you need to."

"No, it's nothing like that. I just,“ Eggsy sighed. "I hated every second of it, I couldn't wait for it to be over. It felt wrong, being touched by someone that ain't you or Harry. Just makes me feel a bit queasy."

"Eggsy, are you okay with doing these kinds of jobs?"

"Well obviously I don't want to."

"I know you don't. Hardly anyone does, but most are okay with it." Eggsy suddenly felt stupid for being the only one that had a problem with it, and it showed. "Most, not all. You're allowed to say that you're not okay with it, we're not in the business of work-mandated rape."

"Don't say things like that, it's not like anyone forced me into it. This ain't my first rodeo bruv, I've handled it fine before. Let's just hope I've got a while before the next one." For all his attempts at deflection, he was dangerously close to welling up again. He tried with another joke not to let Merlin notice. "Plus we all know I've shagged around enough on my own time, I can't get frigid about it now." He stood and made to leave, clearly wanting to end the conversation, but Merlin wasn't having that. He grabbed Eggsy's hand as he went to walk away.

"Eggsy, this is serious." He had noticed then. Of course he noticed, it's Merlin. "If doing these missions makes you this uncomfortable, we'll take your name out of the hat and you won't be asked to do them again. You just admitted that you kept yourself in an unbearable situation to get a job done, and if that doesn't set alarm bells ringing, I don't know what will. I don't want that from any of you, I would rather you take twice as long to get what you need than put yourselves through that. You lot get sent into enough shit as it is, I won't make any of you do that if you don't want to, ever. So if you're fine to carry on, carry on. But if you're not, just say the word."

"It's fine. How many of these have I done before? I swear I've done more in the last year than most people have this decade. It's only a problem now 'cause of you and Harry but if you don't mind, why should I? Someone's gotta do it, why should someone else have to just 'cause the company bike's caught some feelings?"

"That's not what you are. No one thinks of you like that." Eggsy just rolled his eyes - obviously that was what Merlin picked up on first. "And no one has to. We ask and we hope that people agree to it but if you all said no, we'd find another way. It doesn't matter whether or not we mind, it matters whether or not you do. Think about it, okay?"

He went away and he did think about it, and the more he thought about it, the sicker he felt; the more he could feel that man's hands on him again; the more he realised how much he'd hated it and how much he was dreading the next time; the dirtier he felt having Merlin praise him for fucking someone else; the more violated he felt having someone else inside him, it didn’t matter that he’d agreed. He realised only when a tear dropped onto his chest that he was crying again. Maybe Merlin's suggestion of talking to one of the counsellors wasn't such a bad one.

He stopped by Merlin's office on his way. "That was a real offer before, yeah?" Merlin confirmed it. "Then I'm taking you up on it. I don't wanna do that sort of thing any more, not if it can be helped."

"It can always be helped. You won't be asked again, you have my word."

"Thanks. I'll erm, I'll see you at home, yeah? I've just gotta do something first, don't know how long I'll be." Merlin gave him a gentle, knowing smile as he left.

Merlin was already home by the time he got there. He was already tired after the mission, never mind having to deconstruct it all in therapy afterwards. It had made him feel a million times better, but he couldn't deny it had really taken it out of him.

Harry looked at him with a face full of concern. "Are you alright, darling? You look exhausted."

"Yeah, I'm fine." Eggsy gave Harry a weak smile and let himself be drawn against him. He looked at Merlin and quickly flicked his gaze to Harry, silently asking if he'd told him about their conversation. Merlin gave a tiny shake of his head, just enough for Eggsy to notice without drawing Harry's attention. "I think I'm just gonna go straight up though."

"Alright then.” Harry stroked his fingers through Eggsy’s hair. “I’ll be up soon anyway. Good night, darling. I love you.“

“I love you, too. Night." He gave Harry a gentle kiss. "Night, Merlin."

"Night, sweetheart. I'm just heading up to get changed, actually." Merlin followed Eggsy up the stairs. He called Eggsy softly as he was about to start rummaging through drawers for some pyjamas. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I feel loads better now." He turned fully towards Merlin. "Thanks for that."

"Thank _you_.” Eggsy frowned at him in questioned but still went happily into the arms being wrapped around him. "I'm glad you agreed to it. I know it's not for me to say what you can and can't do but I don't think I could've forgiven myself if I'd let you go out and do that again, and then had you come back feeling like that. I'll never let you feel like that again, I promise. I know that you can handle yourself but having someone in your corner doesn't hurt and I'm in yours, always. I hope you know that."

A lump caught in Eggsy's throat. If Merlin hadn't suggested it, he wouldn't have even thought about refusing the missions, or going to the counsellors about it. If it was left to him he'd still be feeling like shit about that mission and probably every one that he did in the future, but luckily Merlin had his back more than Eggsy had his own. It was still a pretty alien feeling to have someone care so much and so deeply for him. He looked up at Merlin with that wonderstruck look that Merlin still never quite felt like he deserved. "I don't think you have any idea how much I love you."

"Oh darling, I think I do. I think it might be something like how much I love you." Merlin kissed him tenderly. "Get some rest, baby, you need it."

"You've never called me 'baby' before." Merlin suddenly looked embarrassed but Eggsy quickly kissed the look off of his face with a grin. "I like it."

Merlin smiled back at him. “Go to bed. I think I'll stay up for a bit but Harry should be joining you soon." Eggsy did as he was told, throwing on some pyjamas and leaving his clothes strewn across the floor before he crawled into bed. Merlin got changed too, picking up both of their clothes to put in the washing basket.

“Hey,” Eggsy called after him just as he was heading out of the door. ”Are you alright? I didn't even think to ask earlier."

"I'm fine. At least I am now that you are." He walked back over and dropped a kiss to Eggsy’s head. "Good night, sweetheart."

He folded his arms across Harry’s chest from behind the sofa where he was sitting, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder.

“Is he alright?” Merlin nodded. “Are you?”

“Mm. It was a tough one today, but yeah, I’m fine.” Harry reached up a hand to rest on the back of Merlin’s neck.

“We do appreciate you insisting on watching over us, but you can pass every now and then.” Merlin looked at him as if he’d just said the stupidest thing he’d ever heard, and Harry knew that it probably was. He'd always watch over them, no matter how difficult it was, and they all knew it. “Either way, it’s over now.” Merlin hummed. “Are you going up soon?”

“Not just yet, I need to relax for a bit first.” He unwound himself from Harry, standing up again. “You go ahead, though.”

“Are you sure? I can wait up if you want me to.” Merlin brushed off his concern, sending him off to join their boy. Harry stood, walking around to kiss Merlin. “I love you, you know that?”

“I do. I love you, too.” He gave Harry one more kiss before he went up to bed. The plan was to stay up and unwind with a drink or two, but he didn’t even get to pour one before he realised all he wanted was to be close to the men he loved. They both stirred as he got into bed but they all quickly drifted off again as he curled up, sandwiching Eggsy between them.

\---------------

"Darling, I'm not going to last much longer." Eggsy had come home from his latest assignment and all but demanded Harry fuck him. Harry was more than happy to oblige but despite his best efforts and even with his considerable stamina, he couldn't keep going forever.

"Fuck, just...just hold on, yeah? I'm so close."

"Come on, show me how beautiful you are when you come." Eggsy whined, unable to push himself over the edge. "Oh god. I can't hold on any more."

"Go ahead, love." Harry tumbled head first over the edge. After the long moments it took to return to himself, he took Eggsy in hand. Eggsy almost hissed at the touch - they'd been at it for hours and he'd been trying so hard to get himself off that it was just painful now.

"Stop, Harry. I can't, just leave it."

Harry frowned at him. "Are you alright?"

Eggsy threw his head back, almost sulking. "I'm fine. I'm just too worked up from earlier, I can't...let go."

"Have you felt like this before?"

"Yeah, any time things go wrong it puts me on edge." The problem with that was that he'd gotten so good at his job that nothing short of perfect would do. What Eggsy counted as something going wrong could be just a minor, inconsequential blip but it still riled him up. That was exactly the case this time but it had been so long since it happened last that this one really got to him.

"And how do you usually deal with it?"

"Honestly? I'd go out, get a bit tipsy, fuck a stranger then go home and pass out for 12 hours. It always got it out of my system." At least that explained the requisitioning of Harry's dick.

"Is that what you need now?" Harry hoped he wouldn't say yes and he honestly didn't think that he would but it probably couldn't hurt to be sure.

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" He pushed Harry off of him. "How long have we been together? Six, seven months? And you're still asking me that? Alright, I used to shag around, and yeah, I liked it. You didn't seem to mind it either, by the way. But now what, you think that means I can't be faithful? D'you have any idea how insulting that is? I'm a lot of things Harry, and I've done a lot of questionable shit, but I ain't a fucking cheat, alright?"

"I was just asking." Harry put his hands up in surrender.

"No, that ain't the sort of thing you 'just ask'. Do you really think I'd wanna sleep with anyone else? You think you and Merlin ain't enough for me? I don't want anything to do with anyone that ain't you two, I don't even do the fucking honeypots any more because it feels too much like cheating. I'd never do that to you two, right? Never."

Harry paused for a minute, just blinking at him. At the lack of a response, Eggsy huffed, pulling his boxers on and heading out of the bedroom door. "Eggsy, wait."

"No, I'm not in the fucking mood any more."

Harry gave him a few minutes before he put on some pyjama trousers and his dressing gown and followed after him, finding him glaring at a glass of water in the kitchen. "Feel better? Did that get it out of your system?"

"Piss off, Harry." Harry just stood staring at him for a minute, a semi-smug look on his face. "Did you do that on purpose?"

"I thought it might help." Harry realised his meddling might not have paid off this time. "Did I cross a line?"

Eggsy raised his eyebrows, looking at Harry in disbelief. "Yeah, you crossed a fucking line. Leave my past where it is, alright?"

"There's no need to be ashamed of it."

"I'm not, why would I be? I enjoyed it, so did the people I was with, I wasn't hurting anyone. What, are _you_ embarrassed by it, is that the problem?" Harry told him in the strongest possible terms how ridiculous that was. "I'm not ashamed of it and I don't regret it, but it's not who I am any more."

"Then why are you getting so upset about it?"

"Because I fucking love you, Harry! Because the last thing in the world that I wanna do is go back to fucking strangers every other night. And because when you pull shit like this it makes me wanna scream 'cause I don't think you get it and it's so frustrating. I'd never even look at a single person for the rest of my life if you asked me not to, and you're asking if I wanna shag someone else. Even if I did go out looking for a fuck, which I would never do, all I'd wanna do is come home to you. All I ever wanna do is come home to you, don't you get that?" Eggsy got to see Harry truly speechless for the first time. "I love you so fucking much. I never loved anyone before you two, and don't get me wrong, it's the most amazing feeling but it fucking hurts sometimes, it makes me feel like I'm going insane. Stuff like this doesn't help, Harry."

"Eggsy, I am truly sorry. I thought you might have a go at me and then you'd be fine and we'd get back to it. I only wanted you to blow off some steam, I didn't mean to insult you or upset you."

"Yeah, well you did. I know you didn't mean to but you did. You don't play fair, Harry. I'd never ask you something like that, and you'd never ask Merlin, so don't ask me either. It doesn't matter if you mean it or not."

Harry crossed to Eggsy, cupped his face in his hands and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm sorry, darling." Eggsy accepted his apology. That was the thing about Eggsy - as quick as he was to anger, he was always just as quick to forgive, at least when it was deserved. It also worked in Harry's favour that everyone knew he never apologised unless he really meant it. "And I love you more than you could possibly imagine."

"Doubt it. I've got a pretty good imagination." Eggsy burrowed into Harry's front, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist and snuggling his way into his dressing gown. "Plus I bet I love you more." Harry just hummed, he wasn't playing that game.

"You really don't take those assignments any more?" Eggsy shook his head. "Since when? Why didn't you tell me?"

Eggsy shrugged. "Since a couple of months ago. I didn't really think it mattered. Thought you'd think it was a stupid reason."

"It's not a stupid reason." Harry had almost done the same thing when he and Merlin first got together, but they both got on fine with it so he just carried on. They never had a problem separating their work lives and their personal lives in any other sense, and that was no exception. He could very much understand what Eggsy felt about it though. "But if you were worried about what we'd think, you needn't have been. We wouldn't think of it as cheating."

"I know you wouldn't, but I felt like shit." He suddenly remembered just how horrible he'd felt that night. "I don't wanna feel like that again. Merlin knows, by the way. I mean he sort of has to, but sorry if that bothers you."

"No, it's fine. I understand." It was really just accepted that Merlin always knew exactly what went on and the other two would take a pretty good guess. They both stayed silent for a few moments before he let himself ask the thing that was bothering him. "What do you mean it feels like you're going insane?"

"I dunno. I've never been in love before, I don't know if I'm doing this right or if the way I feel is normal." Harry gave him an odd look, wondering how exactly he could do being in love wrong. "Like, is it normal to think about one or the other or both of you constantly? Is it normal to wanna actually kill everyone that's ever hurt you and punch everyone that flirts with you? Is it normal to wanna fuck you and hug you literally all the time? Or like, I never know if I'm being a shit boyfriend. You and Merlin are really good at it, you've had loads of practice, but I haven't. I ain't really got a clue what I'm doing."

"Well, I don't know about 'normal' but I was exactly the same when I was younger, so at least if it's not we're both wrong. And I think you forget that we've had plenty of practice with each other but our situation now is new to all of us. I don't think any of us really know what we're doing but it seems to be working." Eggsy agreed. It may well be an unconventional relationship but he didn't know anyone in a happier one. "Though I do believe I left you quite unsatisfied. I wouldn't want any complaints, shall we pick up where we left off?"

Eggsy pulled away from him, looking almost shy. "I know I pretty much pounced on you but do you mind if we don't?"

"Of course not. How about you go and put something more comfortable on, I'll make us some hot chocolate and popcorn and we can watch a film?" Eggsy agreed happily - curled up on the sofa with Harry and hot chocolate sounded like heaven. He left Harry with a lingering kiss as he went to get dressed. "And don't choose something terrible. I won't sit through Ghost again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a bit of a longer wait for this than it was for the last few chapters but I hit a bit of a block with this and needed a break from it.
> 
> I really liked the idea of this but I struggled to write it and I'm not sure how happy I am with how it's turned out so please do let me know what you think.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A proposal, of sorts

"Imagine spending twelve grand on a dress that you're gonna wear once. It's mad, init? The amount people spend on their weddings." Harry and Merlin both hummed in vague agreement from the sofa behind where he was sitting on the floor - they couldn't care less about Say Yes To The Dress or Don't Tell The Bride or whatever other bullshit Eggsy was watching. Neither of them could understand why he loved those awful shows so much. "Did you two have a big wedding?"

Merlin set his book down first, looking like he was thinking hard about it. "That depends. Would you count us and two witnesses in a registry office as 'big'?"

"Really? How did you get Mr Peacock to agree to that?" He tipped his head towards Harry. "I thought he'd be one of them pull out all the stops, invite everyone he's ever met so he can show off types."

"I am here, you know." Harry dropped his book too, looking as if he'd never been so insulted in his life. Merlin chuckled and Eggsy winked at him.

"So how come it was so small? Was it a secret or something?" Eggsy folded his legs and turned around to face them both, the TV completely forgotten.

"Not at all," Harry shrugged. "Everyone already saw as a married couple, including us, so we didn't see the need for anything extravagant. It was more of a formality, really."

"So romantic. I'm a lucky, lucky man," Merlin teased.

"It was a lovely one," Harry spoke loudly over Merlin with half a smirk. "But a formality nonetheless. That and I'd already asked him to marry me. I had every intention of seeing it through and making him my husband. It was for us, nobody else." Merlin smiled at him like his heart was about to burst at the memory of it, and Harry returned it.

Eggsy looked between the two of them, grinning like an idiot. "You two are adorable." They gave him matching, thoroughly displeased looks.

"What about you?" Eggsy turned to Merlin, not really sure what he was asking. "Did you ever want to get married?"

"Nah, I never really thought I was the settling down type."

"What about now?"

"Well obviously I'm not gonna get married, like even if you wanted to I'm pretty sure that's illegal, but settling down don't sound like such a bad idea." Harry and Merlin swapped thoughtful looks and Merlin stood, pulling Eggsy up by his hand. Harry followed as he got down on one knee in front of Eggsy. Eggsy giggled. "What are you doing?"

"This is not what we planned but," Merlin cleared his throat, setting his face into a more serious expression. "Eggsy, we adore you and we would love nothing more than for you to marry us. We may not be able to have it legally recognised, but we can still have the ceremony, the vows, the rings, all of it. We want to be able to show you and everyone else how much we love you and how committed we are to you. So, if you can see, as we can, us spending the rest of our lives together, we would be honoured to call you our husband. Gary Unwin, will you sort-of-marry us?"

Eggsy just grinned at them for a long few moments until he realised they needed an answer and he hadn't actually given one. "Yes. Yes, I will sort-of-marry you. I don't think you get to call me your husband if we're not actually married though."

"Hmm, I might have to check with Harry but I don't think we give a shit?" He looked at Harry, who shook his head with a laugh. "No, apparently we don't. I dare anyone to question us."

Merlin got up to kiss Eggsy, Harry following again. "You are going to make us two very, very happy men."

"I thought I already did." Eggsy grinned at him.

"That's true." Harry looked thoughtful for a moment. "Oh well, I suppose we might as well not bother then."

"Oi, you can't take it back!" Harry kissed the outraged look off his face with a smile. "So you were planning this?" Merlin hummed in agreement. "Did you ask for my mum's permission and shit?" They both nodded. "Yeah? How was that?"

"Terrifying." Merlin looked deadly serious and Eggsy couldn't help but laugh. "No, she gave us the third degree a little bit but she was happy about it. She gave us her blessing."

"Yeah, she would. She loves you two." They both smiled at that. It had taken Michelle a little while to get used to the whole thing but she did, and she'd made them feel like part of the family ever since. There is a difference, though, between getting along with your son's partner and actually wanting him to marry them (never mind when two of them are involved), and they were both relieved and overjoyed to have her approval. "So what was the plan?"

"I don't think I can tell you that." Eggsy pouted slightly. "We can show you. The surprise might be ruined but it would be a shame to let the plans go to waste."

"I'm not gonna argue with that." He pulled Merlin back for another kiss. "Just one other thing though." Merlin raised his eyebrows in question. "If you call me by my real name again other than at the ceremony, there ain't gonna be one."

It was two Saturdays later that their plans were set for - not lost on Eggsy that it was exactly a year since their first date - but Merlin and Harry were called away. They both apologised profusely and told him to dress smart, meet them at the shop, and they'd go from there instead. Just as Eggsy was about to leave, the doorbell rang. He answered the door to find Harry and Merlin standing on the other side, both in the same suits they wore on their first date and Harry holding the same bunch of flowers. Eggsy's face lit up. He wasn't sure what made him wear the same suit too, but if there'd been any doubt about how perfect they all were for each other before, there wasn't any more.

Eggsy took the flowers, giving them pride of place on the table in the hallway, and greeted them both with a kiss. He guessed where they were going before they were even half way there. "Taking a trip down memory lane, are we?"

Harry and Merlin both smiled at him and then each other, but didn't say anything. His suspicions were proven right when they arrived at the restaurant - the one where they had their first date - and were even led to the same table, with the same bottle of wine waiting for them.

What Eggsy didn't know - and what Merlin wouldn't tell him - was that getting it had been a complete pain in the arse. This restaurant had been the only one to serve it at the time and they'd stopped serving it since. It took Merlin weeks, a small fortune and all of his charm to convince them to source it for them. Any other bottle of wine would have been fine, yes, but fine wasn't good enough. This had to be perfect.

It's probably a good job he didn't tell him though, because Eggsy didn't even rate the wine that much. It was nice and everything but so were loads of others. It was only because Merlin chose it to start with and remembered it for tonight that he gave a shit and got that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

The meal, the company, the atmosphere - it was all as lovely as the last time. Eggsy half expected to find a ring sticking out of his dessert but when they paid their bill and left without a hint of a proposal, he wondered what they were up to. It reminded him that although they all knew each other inside out, these two men were anything but predictable and more than capable of surprising him. He liked that about them.

Eggsy let himself be led by the other two and soon found himself strolling through Hyde Park, Harry pressed up against one side with an arm around his waist, and his other hand in Merlin’s. He laughed as they passed the lake where he and Harry got told off. He took his hand from Merlin’s just long enough to draw Harry into a kiss. Harry smiled down at him, neither of them wanting to speak and ruin the anticipation of what was to come. They kept walking just as they had been but now with Eggsy grinning so wide his cheeks hurt at the wonderful memories they’d already made together, and Merlin looking at him as if he was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

Again, Eggsy expected that that might be the place but as they kept walking out of the park and through the streets of London, he wondered where they were taking him next. They ended up at the Thames, crossing Westminster Bridge. They stopped midway, watching the boats on the river and turning back to look at Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament against the night sky - a glorious backdrop to a glorious night.

They carried on to the London Eye, where they’d hired a capsule just for the three of them. Eggsy had thought it was stunning the first time around but at night it was something else. As they reached the top, Eggsy was so busy taking in the skyline that he didn’t notice the other two step away. Harry called his name and he looked around at the two of them, each down on one knee and Merlin with a small box in his hand. From one breathtaking view to another.

Eggsy clamped a hand over his mouth, tears instantly filling his eyes. He knew it was coming and they all knew what his answer was but it still felt so surreal. He held up a finger for them to give him a minute to compose himself. After taking what felt like a ridiculous amount of time but was probably only a matter of seconds, he nodded at them.

“Eggsy Unwin, the year that we’ve spent with you has been so incredible. Neither of us could have imagined that we would be falling in love again at this age, or have anyone fall in love with us. Especially not someone as smart, kind, caring, and frankly gorgeous as you are. You have this infectious energy that we can’t get enough of, you can light up any room, and no matter how bad a day either of us has, we know that you can brighten it up just by being there. In short, you are one the most remarkable people we’ve ever met and you can’t imagine how much we love you. All of this working out so well was almost inconceivable and yet I feel every single day how happy you make me and I see how happy you make Harry, and we can only hope that we do that half as much for you. We will count ourselves lucky for every morning that we wake up beside you, every day that we spend with you and every night that you fall asleep in our arms. Our lives changed immensely 10 months ago, when you agreed to be a part of our relationship, and we don’t ever want them to change back.” Merlin flipped open the box in his hand, revealing three identical, thin, black bands. “Eggsy, will you marry us?”

Eggsy nodded frantically, unable to speak straight away around the lump in his throat and the tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t help but laugh, as filled with glee as he was, and that helped a little bit. “Yes, I’d love to marry you.”

The two of them rose, crushing him in a hug between them and peppering his face and hair with kisses. Merlin lifted Eggsy’s hand and placed a kiss to the back of it, and Harry slid one of the rings onto his finger. Eggsy stared at it, rubbing the inside of it with his thumb, and shook his head in disbelief.

“I can’t believe this is real.” The two men just smiled at him, both with tears in their eyes too - neither could they. “D'you really mean all of that?”

Merlin nodded, but Harry answered. “Every single word, darling.” Eggsy grinned, fresh tears spilling over.

“You got three rings? Can I put them on?” Merlin handed him the box and held up his left hand, letting Eggsy push his ring onto his finger. Harry held up his for him to do the same. They fit so perfectly alongside their wedding rings. Eggsy wiped the tears from his face, finally calm enough to stop crying. “God, I love you two so much.”

He pulled Merlin in to kiss him first, putting every ounce of love into it that he could, before he did the same with Harry, both of them telling him - as they always did - just how much they loved him too. They only had a couple of minutes left after that to make themselves presentable before they had to get off.

They didn’t say much on the way home. They were all too giddily ecstatic, and perfectly happy in silence as long as they were in each other’s company, to hold much of a conversation. By the time they got home, they could hardly keep their hands off each other. It wasn’t a sexual thing, there was no heat behind any of it, just a quietly desperate need to be close to one another. It was the way Merlin rested his hand on Eggsy’s hip as he slid past him; the way Harry’s hand brushed against Merlin’s as they made tea; the way Eggsy rested against Harry’s side as they sat down to drink it.

They quickly found themselves turning in for the night, Eggsy on his back with Merlin and Harry on either side of him and their hands laced together on his stomach. “Tonight was perfect. I mean it would have been perfect anyway, it was perfect the other week, but I don’t think I’ve ever been happier than tonight. Who knew you two were so sentimental?”

“It’s a closely guarded secret.” Merlin kissed his cheek. “But I think we can let you in on it.”

“How did you decide who was gonna ask?” Eggsy brushed his fingertips over the fingers laced on top of him.

“He all but demanded it.”

“He’s already proposed once, it’s my turn.” Eggsy laughed. “Plus he asked you to make it official and to move in with us, I’ve got to have something.”

“He does make a good point,” Eggsy shrugged, looking at Harry. Harry just hummed. Eggsy settled his hands more firmly over theirs. “Thank you, both of you. For everything, and for tonight. That must’ve taken you ages, and cost a fortune.”

“It’s worth it.” Merlin leant up to kiss him properly.

“And we should be thanking you. You did say yes, after all.” Harry tipped Eggsy’s head towards him to plant a kiss on his lips himself.

Eggsy didn’t respond to that - he didn’t know how to - and none of them said any more after that beyond their usual ‘I love you’s. They just basked in the love and the warmth surrounding them until they all drifted off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is all very emotional in my head so I hope that comes across well enough here. Again, this was a tricky one to write.
> 
> Comments keep me going so if you have an opinion, I'd love to hear it. Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our three boys are on babysitting duty.

It was Eggsy’s day to look after his sister. With his mum working now, she often needed a babysitter. Obviously Eggsy couldn’t guarantee his services on that front but he jumped at the chance when he could, and Harry and Merlin loved having her around too. He usually just picked her up after school and had her for a couple of hours but it was the weekend, so Michelle had dropped her off in the morning and they had the entire day with her before she returned to pick her up in the evening.

It was just getting on for midday when Eggsy got a call from one of the handlers, requesting his help on a mission. Roxy was out in Amsterdam, staying in the room next to their mark. A scan of the wall between them showed a memory stick sitting in the safe, which they could only assume held the information they needed. All Roxy had to do was wait for her to leave, sneak into the room, copy the files and sneak back out again. It was all too easy, really, as proved when she did just that and found the memory stick in the safe to be a decoy and nothing else of any use in the room. The only explanation was that she carried it on her but Roxy had already been seen around the hotel, and the woman had been cautious even then - it would raise too many suspicions to have Roxy close enough to pick her pocket. So they needed to bring someone else in, and Eggsy was by far the best person for the job. They knew where and when the mark was going for lunch, so Eggsy would pose as a waiter, slip the memory stick out of her pocket, copy it and put it back without her even noticing.

“You two will be alright by yourselves, yeah? I’m on backup duty.” He was already grabbing his stuff, trying his luck and hoping that not stopping to wait for an answer would stop them from refusing.

“No, hang on. Harry will have to look after her. If you’re going in, I’m coming with you.” Merlin got up too, finding his keys and his phone.

“What? You’re leaving me alone with her?” Harry looked amusingly alarmed at the idea. “I don’t know how to look after a child.”

“You look after her all the time.”

“Not by myself. I barely even help you.” Harry looked down, embarrassment colouring his cheeks. “I’m not sure how confident I feel doing it alone.”

Eggsy shoved everything into his pockets and stepped closer to Harry, brushing a hand through his hair. "She's five, she's not a baby, she don't need that much looking after. And we'll only be gone a couple of hours. Just give her some lunch in a bit, play a game with her or chuck a film on. She'll probably be out there with JB for ages anyway. You'll be fine, babe, and we'll be back before you know it, alright? Please?"

"Will you mother be alright with this?" Harry asked, clearly stalling to answer.

"You look after one of her babies every day." Eggsy leant down to kiss him. "I'm sure she'll trust you with the other one. I do."

“Are you completely sure about this?”

“We’re getting married, Harry. What kind of person don’t wanna babysit their own future sister-in-law?” Merlin laughed in the background.

Harry smiled at his teasing. “Are you aware of how ludicrous that sounds?”

Eggsy grinned for a second before looking at him seriously. “I’m sorry to drop you in it and I know it’s a lot to ask and spring on you but I ain’t got time to sort something else out. Please, Harry.”

He couldn’t say no to that. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, anyway, he just didn’t want to be the one in charge if she hurt herself, and he’d have no idea what to do with her if he got called in too. But then the chances of either of those things happening were probably quite small anyway. “Okay.”

“Thanks. Love you.” Eggsy dropped a kiss on Harry’s head before he ran out into the garden to find his sister. “Listen, darling, me and Merlin have gotta go to work but Harry’s gonna look after you, yeah? You’ll be alright with him?” She nodded happily. “Good girl. Be good for him, yeah? I’ll be back soon, Princess. Love you.” He gave her an exaggerated kiss on the cheek and jogged back in, leaving one last peck on Harry’s lips. “We won’t be long.”

Merlin gave him a quick kiss goodbye as well, promising that he’d be back to help out as soon as Eggsy was on the plane on his way home, and the two of them swept out the front door.

Harry kept one eye on her but mostly left her to it, occasionally hearing her giggling and JB's excited yaps, interspersed with the childish babbling of a one-sided conversation with the pug. By the time she came in, it was about one o’clock. Eggsy would be landing about now, he thought. JB followed her in, panting almost comically. “I think you tired him out, sweetheart. Shall we give him a break and have some lunch?”

She nodded and smiled politely. “Yes, please.”

“What would you like? I can make us some sandwiches, or we can have beans on toast.” He suddenly remembered the leftover dough in the fridge. “Or we could make our own pizzas?”

“Yeah, pizza!” Her face lit up at the suggestion. Harry sent her off to wash her hands while he got all of the ingredients set up. He rolled out two bases and when his little sous chef came skipping back in, the two of them got to work. Unbeknownst to Harry, what that meant was throwing everything available on there and smothering it in cheese, because apparently it’s more fun that way. 

When they were finished and the pizzas in the oven, Harry made them each a drink and delegated the important task of choosing a film. He sat through the start of it with her before he slipped out, coming back a few minutes later with their pizzas and some chocolate chip cookies for dessert.

Eggsy played his role flawlessly and his mission went without a hitch, the woman almost completely oblivious to his presence - his dexterity and her disdain for someone as lowly as a waiter doing him well.

“Good job, Bors! Now get your arse on the plane, we’ve got a damsel to rescue.”

“She don’t need rescuing.”

“I wasn’t talking about her.” Eggsy laughed but confirmed he was on his way. The minute he was on the plane, Merlin left. There was no point in waiting around for an hour for nothing - it wasn’t his mission, he was just an extra pair of eyes, so there was no paperwork to fill in - and there was a fair chance that Harry would kill him if he didn’t hurry up and get home.

By the time he got home, they were half way through the film. Merlin perched himself on the arm of the sofa and was pleased to be greeted my two smiling faces. Harry paused the film as he heard a small squeal next to him. “Merlin! Is Eggsy back as well?”

“Not yet, darling. He’s on his way.” She shrugged, only barely disappointed. Merlin nodded towards the plates on the coffee table. “What’s all this?”

“We made pizza!”

“And you didn’t save any for me?” Merlin put on a shocked face and was met with the most adorable expression he’d ever seen as she pushed her bottom lip out slightly, half smiling and half guilty-looking. He couldn’t help but smile back. “I’m joking, darling.” He stroked a hand over her hair and pressed a kiss to Harry’s temple. “What are we watching?”

“Brave. Merida’s my favourite.”

“You’ll like it. They’re Scottish.” Harry looked up at him with half a smirk.

“Oh, I can get behind that.” Merlin plopped himself down at the other end of the sofa. “Someone tell me what’s happened then, and we can carry on.”

On hearing Eggsy’s key in the door, Merlin slowly stood up and stepped into the hallway, pressing a finger to his lips and beckoning Eggsy towards him. Eggsy followed and almost melted at the sight that met him - his sister curled into Harry’s side and JB in his lap, all of them having fallen asleep before the film even ended. He turned to whisper to Merlin. “Have you ever seen anything so fucking cute?”

Merlin shook his head, a smile on his lips. Eggsy mimed a camera and Merlin nodded - of course he already had pictures. The two of them decided to leave them be, sitting out and enjoying the sunshine instead. They gave it an hour before they woke them up. Eggsy shook Harry’s shoulder lightly and his sister blinked sleepily at him as Harry stirred next to her.

“Wake up, sleepy head.” He dropped a quick kiss to Harry’s lips, and the cheeky little thing beside them took their momentary distraction as an opportunity to go back to sleep. Eggsy swept her up into his arms. “Oi, don’t try that. You’ve gotta wake up or you won’t sleep tonight. Did you have a nice afternoon, Princess?”

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah. Me and JB went exploring, then I made pizzas with Harry, and he let me have cookies and we watched Brave.”

“Did you now?” She nodded, grinning brightly. “Was Harry good? You didn’t have to put him on the naughty step?” She shook her head with a giggle and a squealed ‘no’. Eggsy gave her a mock-stern look. “Are you just saying that because he gave you cookies?”

“No! We don’t need a naughty step. Well, ‘cept maybe JB, he tried to steal the crusts off the plates.” Eggsy tutted at the dog, who just yapped happily at him.

“What were you exploring for? Did you find anything?”

“For treasure!” She said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “JB was my sniffer dog. Didn’t find nothing though.” She pouted, like she was truly disappointed.

“Aw. Maybe next time.” He grinned at Harry and Merlin, an idea popping into his head. “You know these two have lived here forever. I bet if there’s treasure, they know where it is. Maybe if you ask really nicely they can draw you a map.”

She whipped her head around, a look of completely amazement on her face. “Could you really?! Please please please!”

Harry just smiled, completely charmed by her, but it was Merlin that answered. “Of course, sweetheart. It’s been a long, long time since we’ve seen it though, we’ll have to try and remember where it is. Maybe next time you’re here we’ll have one for you.”

Eggsy had to let her go as she wriggled out of his arms, running over to hug the other two. “Thanks, Merlin. Thanks, Harry.”

Eggsy left the two of them fussing over her as the doorbell rang and he went to answer it, letting his mum in. She followed him into the living room, greeting both of his new fiancés, giving her little girl a squeeze and hearing about her day. “Are you staying for dinner, mum?”

“No, babe, we’d better get going. Thanks though, all of you. Sounds like she had a good day.”

“That’s all down to Harry, he did most of the work.” Michelle looked surprised at that, but thanked him again. It never failed to make Eggsy happy, seeing how well they got on now.

“Alright then, come on, darling. Shoes.” Eggsy took her hand, sitting her on the bottom step so that he could put her shoes on for her.

“I love Harry and Merlin. Do you love them?” They were still well within earshot, but kids never seem to care about that sort of thing.

“Yeah, I do,” He grinned. He really did. “Lemme ask you something. What d’you think about me marrying them? They asked me to.”

“So they’ll be proper family?” Eggsy nodded. “It'll be good. I’ll be happy."

“Yeah, me too, baby girl.” Michelle came out just as he was finished tying the laces of her second shoe. “You got everything?”

“I’ve got her bag.” Michelle took her daughter’s hand and reached out a hand to stroke Eggsy’s cheek. “I’m really happy for you, babe. Love you.”

Eggsy grinned. “Thanks. Love you too, mum. And you, Princess.” He gave them both a kiss and a cuddle before he waved them off and went back to join the other two. “I dunno what you were so worried about, you’re clearly amazing with kids.”

Eggsy slipped his way into Harry’s arms. “Apparently so, but I didn’t know that before, did I?”

“What do you mean you didn’t know that?” He frowned at him, finding it a ridiculous statement.

“Well I’ve never been around them since I was one, and I didn’t get along with them then.” He shrugged - it was just a matter of fact, not something that bothered him.

“Yeah, well she loves you.” He drew Harry into a long kiss. “So do I. Thanks for today.” He slinked over to Merlin, kissing him too. “And you. I think she might love you more than me if you actually give her a map.”

“More than she loves you or more than you love me?”

“Both.” Merlin chuckled at that. Eggsy suddenly remembered something, a devious smile splitting his face as he looked between the two of them.

“What are you grinning at, imp?” That only made his smile wider.

“I got you two a present, to say thanks.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a fair-sized, black plug.

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, and Harry raised an eyebrow. “Explain.”

“Well, I thought as a way to show you how grateful I am, and since we’re all off for the next couple of days…starting tomorrow morning, for 24 hours, I’m yours whenever you want me, as many times as you want, and this is gonna make sure I’m always ready for you.” The two men blinked at him, speechless, but silently wishing their 24 hours started now. Eggsy turned to Harry. “And you, to say thanks for coming to the rescue and sorry for dropping you in it, I’m gonna do anything you want.”

“Anything?” Harry raised an eyebrow again, a smirk on his face. Eggsy nodded, his grin absolutely filthy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this idea was cute so I wrote it. Plus it gives me a nice setup - we haven't had any real smut for a while so there will be some next. Like, probably a lot of it.
> 
> For anyone that's interested, Eggsy is Bors because - unless I have things wrong - Bors, the Younger grew up with Lancelot, found the holy grail (or something? Something to do with the holy grail) with Galahad, and was ridiculously loyal, and to me, that's Eggsy all over.
> 
> As always, I would love to read your comments!


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy shows Harry how grateful he is.

"Anything you want, Harry." Eggsy sidled back up to Harry. He pulled him into a kiss, slipping his tongue into his mouth and felt Harry respond instantly. He finally pulled away with a flirtatious grin and put his mouth to use on Harry's jaw and neck instead. "Tell me what you want, love."

Harry hummed in pleasure, finding himself a little breathless as he spoke. "I want you to fuck me."

Eggsy stopped dead at that. "Are you sure? I mean, we've never..."

"I know, but yes, I'm sure. If you want to, of course."

"Yeah, I do." He claimed Eggsy's lips again, the heat growing between them. Eggsy glanced at Merlin out of the corner of his eye, a playful spark there. "What about Merlin? Does he get to play?"

“He gets to watch, and offer some encouragement.” He gave Merlin a frankly indecent look, his meaning clear. “And if he behaves, maybe we can reward him.”

Merlin glared at them slightly, feeling a little bit jealous and put out by being left out of the proceedings, but the mention of a reward was very promising. Eggsy winked at him before he turned back to Harry, nipping at his bottom lip. “So where do you wanna do this? Here or upstairs?”

“Upstairs.” Harry tried to pull Eggsy along with him but found himself being pulled back instead. He mouthed at Eggsy’s neck, silently begging him to come along.

“Not so fast. Go and take a quick shower. I need you nice and clean for what I plan to do to you.” Harry growled into his neck but forced himself to leave and do as he was told anyway. As soon as he was gone, Eggsy draped his arms around Merlin's neck. "You are in for a show."

"And I've got front row seats? I'm a lucky man." Eggsy gave him a lopsided grin and sauntered off upstairs. Merlin needed a minute or two before he followed just to calm himself down a bit, or there was a very real possibility of him coming in his pants just at the image his mind presented of Eggsy fucking Harry.

Eggsy threw the covers to the end of the bed and rearranged all the pillows - he planned to take his time with this so he wanted Harry to be comfortable. When he was satisfied, he rummaged in the drawer for lube and stripped off, just in time for Harry to come striding through from the bathroom, completely naked. Eggsy looped his arms around Harry's neck, pulling him in for an obscene kiss and pressing his entire front against Harry's, the two of them stiffening against one another.

Merlin crossed one leg over the other - the easiest way to keep from touching himself, because he'd be spent before the other two even got started properly otherwise. Harry caught the movement out of the corner of his eye, his smirk breaking the kiss. Eggsy turned too, looking so very smug at being able to affect him so much already.

"Go and lay back for me, love." Harry quickly obeyed, settling back just the way Eggsy had meant for him to. Eggsy crawled up to him, a lascivious grin on his face. He left one last fleeting kiss on Harry's lips before he worked his way down his body. Harry hummed in delight at the soft brushes of lips down his neck and along his collarbones but let out a heavier moan as Eggsy latched onto one of his nipples. Eggsy giggled at the reaction and carried on moving, leaving a trail of kisses down Harry's stomach. He could spend all night like this. Harry looked fucking gorgeous in a suit but out of one, he was something else.

"Oh, god." Harry groaned as Eggsy took as much of him into his mouth as he could and pulled off again with one long drag. He pushed Harry's legs up so that his feet were planted firmly on the mattress, kissing the inside of each knee as he did. He took Harry's balls into his mouth, sucking gently on them and tickling the flesh beneath them with his tongue. Harry gasped as Eggsy let them go with a soft pop and licked a thick stripe across his hole. "Good lord."

Eggsy carried on lapping at him, Harry sighing contentedly as he did. After a few minutes, he stiffened his tongue to a point, pushing slowly into him, earning a moan from Harry and the first murmur from Merlin. "Stunning."

Eggsy fucked him with his tongue, wiggling the tip of it inside him and gently working him open. He closed his lips around it, earning filthy chuckles from both men as he snogged Harry's hole. Eggsy stealthily reached for the lube, smearing some on his fingers. Harry whimpered slightly as Eggsy removed his mouth but moaned again when he replaced it with a finger. He pumped the digit slowly in and out of Harry before he added a second, taking his time to stretch him again before adding a third. When he was sure Harry was open enough for him, he removed his hand, replaced it once again with his mouth and sucking unashamedly at Harry's loosened hole.

"Fucking Christ." Harry cried out, arching his back and threading a hand into Eggsy's hair. "Please, Eggsy. Please."

"You've got him begging already? Beautifully done, sweetheart." Eggsy grinned at Merlin as he slicked his cock up, ready to give Harry what he wanted. "Isn't he gorgeous from where you're sitting? Don't you wish you'd fucked him so much sooner?"

"Nah, I bet it's worth the wait. Ready, love?" Harry almost pleaded with him again. Eggsy pushed in slowly, letting out a shaky moan and drawing a whine from Harry as he did. "Fucking hell. Some warning would've been nice, Merlin. Does he always feel this good?"

Merlin just hummed in confirmation, a low chuckle following. Eggsy moved slowly, just testing the waters. It'd been ages since he'd fucked someone, a while even before they started dating. He hadn't really missed it until now, but maybe it was Harry rather than the act itself that had that effect on him. He kept up his movement, just a gentle roll of his hips but it soon had Harry completely boneless beneath him, the rhythmic brush against his prostate putting him in a state of maddening bliss.

"Looks like all your whoring around has paid off, he responds so beautifully to you. Don't you, Harry?" Harry looked over to him, a stupid smile on his face, and something sparked in Eggsy, a fresh heat building inside him. He sped up his thrusts, grinning cockily at Merlin for a second before he turned back to Harry. He fucked harder into Harry, both of them moaning out loud. Just as he could feel his orgasm start to approach, Eggsy took Harry's leaking cock in hand, stroking him firmly and angling himself to hit just the right spot inside him. "Jesus, you still shag like a fucking slag. But it's just for us, isn't it, darling? Come on, boys, you gorgeous things."

Eggsy spotted the silent question written on Harry's face - _How come Merlin got to speak to him like that but he got his head bitten off the last time he mentioned it?_ \- and smiled at him with a mischievous glint in his eye before he bent down to whisper in his ear. "I'm not a slut any more but I can still act like one just for you two, yeah?" Harry nodded, understanding his point. "Good. Now show me the experience pays off. Come for me, babe."

He stroked Harry faster, brushing his thumb over the head, and his hips didn't falter in their rhythm. All of his efforts worked together to bring him over the edge. He clung to Eggsy as he came, his fingers scrambling at Eggsy's back as he spilled over his hand with a shout. Eggsy grinned, his joy at having brought Harry to this obvious, and leant forward to kiss Harry through his orgasm. As his pleasure started to fade, Harry whined into Eggsy's mouth. Eggsy pulled away, throwing his head back as he chased his own orgasm. He let out a long moan and a handful of expletives as he came inside Harry.

"Fuck. It was definitely worth the wait." Eggsy leant down to kiss Harry again before he turned to wink at Merlin. He looked down and pulled a face at the mess on his hand. "Chuck us a towel, love?" Merlin threw him a towel and he cleaned the two of them up before they both turned their attention back to Merlin.

"I think he behaved himself, don't you, darling?" Eggsy nodded slowly, watching as Merlin eyed the two of them suspiciously. Harry suddenly climbed off of the bed, almost making the two of them jump. He slowed his movements as he reached Merlin, sinking steadily to his knees. "This is your reward, my love."

It was only when Harry started on Merlin's belt that Eggsy realised he'd never seen Harry go down on Merlin before. Every other combination of the three of them, yeah, but never this one. It seemed weird to still be having these kinds of firsts at this point in their relationship, but then there was very little about their relationship that people wouldn't find weird so that thought didn't last long.

Harry finally pulled Merlin out of his pants, and Eggsy took the opportunity to get a better view. He circled behind the chair that Merlin was sitting in, bending forward to mouth at Merlin's neck. He met Harry's eye and they formed an alliance, set on taking Merlin apart.

"Did you enjoy the show, love?" Eggsy's question distracted him from the mouth approaching him, and the warmth around his cock from answering the question. Eggsy giggled as he could see him torn between the two of them. He gently tipped Merlin's head forward, forcing him to focus on Harry slowly swallowing him down, and oh, he was grateful for that - Harry on his knees was a beautiful sight indeed. "I sort of missed that, you know. You saying filthy shit to me. The names." He punctuated each sentence with a kiss to Merlin's neck.

"Why--Fuck, Harry." Harry had Merlin's cock as far down his throat as he could take it and Merlin could feel it ripple around him as he swallowed. He had to take a deep breath before he could remember what he was saying. "I didn't know if it was okay now that we're together. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Well...if I remember right - which I usually do - you'd just finished calling me a needy fucking whore when I realised I was in love with you. So I'd say it's probably okay, yeah." Harry's eyes lit up at that. That night between Merlin and Eggsy was long forgiven but still not often spoken about, and Harry was not aware of that particular tidbit. He started sucking Merlin's cock with a renewed energy. Eggsy kept mouthing at his neck and jaw. "I thought you didn't want to any more, and I didn't miss it enough to bother mentioning it. But now I know you're still up for it..."

Harry could tell Merlin was getting close and he used his tongue to push him even closer, brushing the underside of his shaft and flicking it over his slit every now and then. Harry quickly flicked his gaze to meet Eggsy's again and, in perfect unison, Eggsy pushed Merlin's collar out of the way to suck a bruise onto his collarbone, and Harry pulled off of his cock to suck hard on his balls.

"Oh, god! Harry. Fuck." Merlin cried out, his hand flying to cradle the back of Harry's head. He wasn't pushing - Harry could easily move away if he wanted to - but giving just enough to guide Harry to where he wanted him. Harry took the tip of his cock back into his mouth, swallowing ribbon after ribbon of his release until Merlin was completely spent. "You two are fucking menaces."

"And you wouldn't change a fucking thing." Eggsy moved round to claim Merlin's lips with his own, then knelt down to do the same to Harry's. When he pulled away, he grinned back up at Merlin. "Harry's mouth tastes like you. You should try it."

Merlin didn't even have a chance to answer before Harry was on him, proving Eggsy's statement. Eggsy left the two of them snogging like teenagers, just stealing the occasional glance as he changed the sheets that he and Harry had made a mess of. The three of them showered and brushed their teeth before they all fell into bed together.

"I know all that makes it seem like I weren't being serious but I'm really grateful for today. She had a really good day, I haven't seen her little face that happy in ages. Thank you." Harry told him he was more than welcome, and Merlin - for his lesser part - quietly agreed. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd be bad with her, but I had no idea how good you'd be with her either. Didn't really have you down for the hands on fatherly type."

"I think you're barking up the wrong tree, love." Eggsy turned to Merlin, a soft frown creasing his forehead. "Eggsy, if we were going to be fathers, we would be by now. We probably should have spoken about this before we proposed. I know you love us, and I hate to say it...but if you want to be a dad one day, you're with the wrong people."

"I know that. Funny enough, the thought did cross my mind. But she's enough for me, and I get to give her back at the end of the day. I'm with the right people." There wasn't really much either of them could say to that. That wasn't a guarantee that Eggsy wouldn't one day change his mind about fatherhood, but at least it didn't feel like he was sacrificing something huge to be with them. "We should go to sleep. We could all be very busy tomorrow." He flashed them a suggestive grin before he kissed them each goodnight and settled down to sleep, the other two following right behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did promise lots of smut, and lots of smut there will be but writing it is hard and I needed to post something. Consider this part 1 of 2.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy delivers on his promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth, I just struggled writing this and hoped for a while that it would write itself, but it did not. So here you go, much later than expected, the smut you were promised.
> 
> Also, if you're grossed out by the idea of masses of jizz, you might wanna stop when they go to bed for the night.

Eggsy was the first to wake up the next morning. He snuck out of bed and into the bathroom, cleaning himself up and preparing for the day’s activities. Harry stirred as he slid back into bed between them. Eggsy whispered, trying not to rouse Merlin too. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty.”

“Good morning, darling.” Eggsy leant over to kiss Harry softly.

“Looks like you’re collecting on your present first.” Eggsy grinned and Harry smiled back at him.

“Oh good, that did happen. I was beginning to wonder whether last night was all just a delightful dream.” Harry turned onto his side and Eggsy leant into the touch as Harry brushed a hand through his hair. 

“You liked it then?”

“Very much, darling. Thank you.” Harry drew him in for another peck on the lips, making Eggsy smile again.

Eggsy shivered slightly as Merlin shifted closer behind him, slinging an arm over his waist and pressing a kiss to the back of his neck. “You’re not starting without me, are you?”

“Well, if you’re gonna sleep in, you’re gonna miss out.” Merlin pinched Eggsy’s bum for his cheek, causing a domino effect as Eggsy flinched at the pain then whimpered at the way it made the toy shift inside him.

Merlin slid a finger between Eggsy’s cheeks, feeling the base of the plug. “Oh, isn’t that nice?” Merlin kissed along Eggsy’s shoulder, his hand settled back on his hip. “Has the first turn been claimed, then?”

“Actually, I was going to suggest you go first, assuming that’s alright with you, Eggsy.” Eggsy nodded - he wasn't going to choose between them. In fact, a little egotistical part of him sort of hoped they'd fight it out amongst themselves.

“Always the gentleman.” Merlin winked at Harry, a small smile on his lips. He pressed closer to Eggsy and rested his head on his shoulder, Eggsy turning his head just enough to kiss Merlin’s jaw. “Hm, a very good morning indeed.”

Eggsy reached a hand behind him, giving Merlin’s dick an experimental stroke and feeling very pleased to find him already hard. He worked the plug back out of himself, handing it over to Harry for safekeeping, and pushed back against Merlin, who took that as his cue to push into Eggsy. Merlin moved lazily but it still had Eggsy sighing in pleasure.

It felt unprecedentedly intimate, having Merlin so gentle and Harry right next to them watching. It's not like they never usually had any warmth to it - they fucked a lot, but they made love more - but this was in a league of its own. Merlin kept rolling his hips, leaving soft kisses on Eggsy's neck and shoulders, and any other spot he could reach.

Harry always enjoyed watching them together, now maybe more than ever. Eggsy's eyes closed in pleasure, the quiet, satisfied noises he was making, Merlin showering Eggsy with affection and meeting Harry's gaze every so often with a happy little glint in his eye; it was a turn-on without a doubt but it also made him feel strangely proud of how far they'd come, and completely content in their lives right then.

"Don't." Eggsy brought him out of his thoughts, gently pushing Merlin's hand away from his cock. "I wanna wait for you two first."

"You won't be waiting long, darling, I'm sure." Merlin let his hand drift over to Harry, smirking as he found him in a similar state to himself. Eggsy let out a small laugh, making Merlin groan at the sensation. He sped up his movements, just enough to push him over the edge. He came inside Eggsy with a low hum, sucking a mark onto the side of his neck and making him moan as he did. Eggsy half twisted around to kiss Merlin properly, both of them smiling at each other as they parted again. "One down."

"One to go." Eggsy turned to Harry, grinning at him too. He pushed Harry playfully onto his back and clenched as he pulled off of Merlin's cock. It was an awkward shuffle to settle himself over Harry, straddling his hips, and sink down onto him. He bent forward to kiss Harry, careful not to dislodge him in the process. Harry moaned into his mouth as he started to move. Eggsy buried his face into his neck, mouthing at the skin there as he moved and enjoying Harry's constant grip on his hips.

As worked up as he was, it wasn't long before Harry was ready to come too. Eggsy took his warning as a challenge, squeezing around him and nipping at his jaw. Harry came with a choked off gasp, holding Eggsy's hips firmly against his. Eggsy kissed him again, before he sat up straight, finding a better angle as he slowly rose and sank on Harry's cock. He stroked himself as he moved, moaning out loud as he got himself off.

Harry and Merlin stroked his thighs as he came down from his orgasm. Merlin sat up to plant another kiss on his lips. "You two are stunning."

"That makes three of us." Eggsy winked at Merlin and pinched Harry's side, making him smile too. "Where's the plug?" Harry handed it over and they were both quietly impressed at the way he managed to slide off of Harry's dick and replace it with the plug. "We should probably at least have a wash before breakfast. Well, brunch.”

The three of them dragged themselves to the bathroom, doing the bare minimum to qualify as clean enough. Eggsy hovered by the door as the other two put some clothes on, again doing only the bare minimum as neither of them bothered to do more than pull on a pair of pyjama trousers.

"As much as I'm enjoying the view, aren't you going to put something on, darling?" Harry gave him a quick peck on the cheek as he walked past.

"What for? I'm only gonna have to keep taking it off." Neither of them argued, he did have a point. "I'm not cooking though, it'd probably be dangerous." Merlin rolled his eyes, knowing it would be him cooking and pinched Eggsy's arse as he skipped in front of him.

Merlin was right - Harry managed to make himself busy with the post and the dog and whatever else he could waste a bit of time on, for just long enough for Merlin to give in. He got his own back, though, when he pushed his and Eggsy's cleared dishes to Harry and disappeared to the garden with JB himself.

As he set the last dish on the draining board, Harry turned back to Eggsy with a suggestive smile. "So, Merlin cooked, I cleaned. I think it's time you made yourself useful again."

"Oh, that's all I'm good for, is it?" Eggsy put on a pout.

"Not all you're good for, but you are very, very good at it."

"Well, it'd be a shame not to share my talents then, wouldn't it?" Eggsy rose from his seat, bracing himself with his hands flat on the table and grinned over his shoulder at Harry.

"I should think so." Harry swallowed, his mouth watering as he stepped closer to Eggsy. He lowered his trousers just enough to pull himself out, spat into his hand and gave himself a few long strokes. Just as Eggsy was starting to think he might never get on with it, Harry reached forward to slowly twist the plug, smirking to himself as Eggsy's cock twitched. He slowly pulled it out and pushed himself in instead.

Eggsy moaned loudly as Harry filled him, then laughed at the lewdness of it. "Don't think I'll ever get enough of that."

"I sincerely hope not." Harry started to move, quickly progressing from a slow push to harsh snaps of his hips. He held Eggsy's waist tightly as he pulled him back against him. He snaked one hand across Eggsy's front and tweaked his nipple.

"Fucking hell." Eggsy threw his head back, a grin on his face. Harry reached the other hand up too, pulling at both of Eggsy's nipples and placed a kiss to Eggsy's spine, letting his teeth scrape there just briefly. "Oh god, Harry!"

Harry let Eggsy loosen up from his orgasm before he spread Eggsy's arse cheeks with a hand on each and watched as his own cock slid so easily in and out of Eggsy's hole. It wasn't long before Harry came too, with a shout of Eggsy's name. Harry slumped over his back, hooking his chin over his shoulder. "Dirty boy, making such a mess where we eat."

"You made the mess, not me. I didn't do anything, it was all you." Eggsy turned his head to give him a satisfied smile and Harry couldn't help but kiss him. Harry swiped his finger through the mess on the table and licked it off, making Eggsy shake his head in mock disgust. He pulled his softening cock out of Eggsy and plugged him back up again, reached for a tea towel to wipe himself, the table and what had leaked between Eggsy's legs, then pulled his trousers back into place. "You're throwing that away. I'm not drying plates with something that's had our spunk all over it."

"Fine, but it could come in handy today." Eggsy squealed and broke into a giggle as Harry threw the tea towel at him.

"You're so gross." He looped his arms around Harry's neck, pulling him down for another sloppy kiss. "I like it. My kinda man, you are."

Merlin was scrolling through the news on his phone with his feet up on the coffee table when the two of them walked into the living room. "You'll scandalise the neighbours."

Harry gave him a quick kiss on his way past to plonk himself down at the other end of the sofa. "They should be used to it by now. If they're still scandalised, I don't think it's our problem."

Merlin hummed, then tipped his head back to look at Eggsy. "And you're just going to put your bare arse all over the furniture, are you?"

Eggsy straddled Merlin's legs, putting their bodies as close together as they could get. "Shall I sit here instead?"

“I suppose that is the better option.” Merlin grinned and pulled him in for a kiss. He ran his hands up and down Eggsy’s sides, his eyes raking over his body appreciatively. He stroked his thumbs over Eggsy’s ribs, making him squirm and his hips twitch against Merlin’s. “You really can’t get enough, can you?”

Eggsy shook his head, biting his lip. Merlin let one hand fall to stroke Eggsy’s thigh and let the fingertips of the other brush along his spine. “Please, Merlin.” Merlin shook his head, a wicked smile on his face, and kept up his maddening caresses. Eggsy’s hips hitched against Merlin’s again. “Jesus, will you just hurry up and fuck me before you drive me fucking mental?”

“I don’t think so, darling. It was whenever we wanted, wasn’t it? I want to take my time.” Eggsy groaned and slumped against Merlin, who let out a low chuckle. Merlin grabbed a handful of Eggsy’s arse, squeezing slowly. With a scratch of his nails through the hairs on the back of his neck, a sweep of his tongue across the mark he’d left there earlier and a soft kiss to the base of his throat, he had Eggsy whining and begging again. He took the chance to grind up into Eggsy’s now fully-hard cock, only to lean Eggsy backwards and spend another half an hour taking him apart with his lips across his chest, his stomach, his arms. Eggsy whimpered as he pressed a kiss to each wrist. “Shall we, sweetheart?”

“Yes, fucking hell, please.” Merlin tapped Eggsy’s thigh to get him to stand, then guided him to lay back on the coffee table. Eggsy clenched as Merlin unplugged him, trying not to let anything escape, until Merlin pushed into him excruciatingly slowly. "Don't you fucking dare be gentle. I swear to god I'll kick your arse."

"I'd love to see you try." He gave a few more slow thrusts just to wind Eggsy up that little bit more. "What do you reckon, Harry? You think he could kick my arse? Who's your money on?"

"Frankly, my dear, I couldn't give a shit. I'd much rather watch this than you fighting." Eggsy and Merlin both laughed, Eggsy turning to see that Harry was in fact watching them quite intently. "In fact I think our boy might be quite driven to distraction if you don't do something drastic soon."

"Yes, Harry." He turned back to Merlin with an impish grin on his face. "Go on, listen to your husband. Do as your told."

"You cheeky little shite." Eggsy's loud moan turned into a delirious laugh as Merlin finally started fucking him the way he'd spent the last hour willing him to. Merlin hammered into him, making sure to hit just the right spot inside him every time. He was so focused on Eggsy that his own orgasm took him almost completely by surprise. He let out a loud groan as he pushed as deep into Eggsy as he could. He held still as he stroked Eggsy's cock, barely having to touch him before he was spilling over his own tensing stomach with a shaky moan. "You gorgeous thing."

Eggsy angled his hips up as Merlin withdrew and put the toy back into place. Merlin bent down to lick a stripe up Eggsy's stomach, cleaning him as he went. He rested his head on Eggsy's hip, still panting, his breath tickling Eggsy's sensitive cock. Eggsy pushed his head away weakly. "Fucking hell, I dunno if this is a fucking brilliant idea or the worst one I've ever had. I think you two are gonna kill me." Both men laughed, and Eggsy squirmed as Merlin wiped them both clean - he didn't even notice Harry pass him the cloth. "Shit, I could do with a nap. You two wanna come with me?"

It was an offer that neither of them had any interest in refusing so they gladly trailed up the stairs after him, the three of them falling back into bed and almost immediately back to sleep - the day-so-far's activities had clearly taken it out of them all more than they thought. Eggsy was woken by his stomach grumbling. The full rumble that followed was apparently loud enough to wake the others too.

"How much energy d'you reckon shagging burns off? 'Cause I am fucking starving. D'you fancy a pizza?" As the other two agreed Eggsy grabbed his phone, ordered a small feast then chucked it back on the bedside table and burrowed into the covers again. "Wake me up when it gets here."

They let Eggsy doze off again for the half an hour it took for the pizza to arrive. Merlin tried to drag him out of bed while Harry answered the door but the smell of the food did a much better job than he did. Eggsy was downstairs so fast that Harry didn't even have a chance to put the boxes down before Eggsy had a slice of pizza in his mouth. They put away a frankly impressive amount between them, then spent the next half an hour sprawled out on the sofa unable to move out of fear of throwing up, and the next after that just refusing to.

Eventually Merlin hauled himself up to put all the leftovers in one box and Harry went to fetch them some beers, taking full advantage or Eggsy's persistent and shameless nudity as he pressed a cold bottle to his back. Eggsy jumped with a shriek. "Oh, you wanker!"

Harry handed the bottle over with a laugh, then bent to press a quick kiss to his lips. "Not with you two around, darling. In fact, I'd very much like to prove that point as soon as you're ready."

Eggsy threw his legs over the arm of the sofa, pulled himself up to sit on it and pulled Harry closer by his hips. "Lucky for you then, I'm good to go."

Eggsy laughed as Harry looped his arms under his knees and pulled his hips forwards by his thighs, letting his head and shoulders hit the seat behind him. Merlin chose that as his moment to come back in. "Hm, dinner and a show?"

Eggsy and Harry both grinned at him as he took a seat to watch, waving them both on. The plug slipped easily out of Eggsy and Harry slipped in just the same. Harry wasn't a young man any more, he didn't have it in him to go three long rounds in a day. Luckily for him, Eggsy was one ahead of him and wasn't going to last long either. Eggsy came first, arching his back deliciously, and dragged Harry right over the edge with him. He pushed Harry away, letting gravity keep him full long enough to put the plug back, quickly wiped himself and Harry off, then pulled Harry with him as he shuffled back. Harry tried to balance his weight so as not to crush him but Eggsy didn't really care about that. He pulled Harry fully on top of him, tangling their limbs together and necking like a pair of teenagers.

Merlin watched on smiling, feeling as if he shouldn't but unable to tear his eyes away. As the two of them dissolved into murmured conversation and soft laughter, he knew that this was everything Harry had hoped for. Harry would never admit it but Merlin was sure he was happier now than he'd ever been when it was just the two of them. Merlin didn't begrudge it though, not at all, it made him endlessly happy to see them the same.

Eventually, when it didn't feel like he might ruin a perfect moment, Merlin moved to collect up their empty plates to take them to the kitchen. Eggsy slid out from underneath Harry and followed closely behind him, wrapping his arms around Merlin's waist as he started washing up. "I was gonna do that."

"It's alright, love. It's just a couple of plates." Merlin looked over his shoulder with a smile and carried on washing.

"You alright? You've gone quiet."

"Of course I am. I was just watching you two. You look happy."

"Ain't we all?"

Merlin finished with the last plate and turned in Eggsy's arms. "You've no idea." He dropped a kiss to Eggsy's lips before he wiped a wet hand over Eggsy's face, making him giggle.

Eggsy stepped back, shoving Merlin's shoulder playfully. He rubbed his hand over his stomach and the slight bulge there, poking at it gently. "Oi, look at this."

"It's all the pizza, you gannet."

"Only partly, that's the worst bit. It was already like that 'cause of you two." He giggled to himself. "Mmm, pizza and cum."

"You're disgusting." Merlin wrinkled his nose, but kissed him even as they were both laughing. "D'you think you can handle a bit more?" Eggsy nodded, a grin on his face. "Aren't you sore?"

"A little bit but it's worth it." Merlin took him at his word, spinning him round and grinding his hardening cock against Eggsy's arse. He covered Eggsy's hole with his hand as he eased the plug out, then slowly pushed his cock in. He held Eggsy tightly against him as he fucked him. Eggsy gripped one hand tightly on the back of Merlin's back, holding on for the ride and came completely dry after just a couple of minutes. Merlin pulled out until just the head of cock was still inside Eggsy and stroked himself, trying to be considerate of his sensitive hole. His grip loosened slightly and his knees went a little weak as he finally came inside him.

Merlin pulled out, pressing his hand there again until he slid the plug back in. He dropped to his knees and licked the mess that escaped off of Eggsy's arse and thighs, as well as that on his fingers. As soon as he pulled away, Eggsy bent to claim his mouth in a long, sloppy kiss. "You're fucking filthy."

Eggsy put on a shocked, offended look. "Me?!"

"You just sucked mine and Harry's jizz off of my tongue."

"And you licked it off my arse."

Merlin pouted thoughtfully. "Call it even?" Eggsy agreed, then sent Merlin off to Harry, deciding it was too cold to still be sitting around with no clothes on. He came back in jogging bottoms and a hoody and curled up next to Harry, who was in turn curled into Merlin.

Harry eyed him curiously. "Did you take it out?" Eggsy shook his head. "Are you going to?" Another shake of the head. "You'll be hurting in the morning."

Eggsy shrugged. "I'll live. Plus, I promised you a whole day. I don't even think it's been 12 hours."

"And you've spent us both. You shouldn't take advantage of old men like that." Eggsy dug his elbow into Harry's ribs, making him flinch slightly but ultimately laugh and pull him tighter against his side. They stayed like that, flicking through the channels to find something not too taxing, until they all started to fall asleep. Eggsy had to herd the other two up the stairs and into bed before he took off his hoody - he'd probably melt wearing that with a duvet and two other people surrounding him - and flopped down between them, all of them drifting off almost straight away.

It was Merlin pressing closer behind him that stirred him from his slumber in the morning; one part of Merlin, in particular. He twisted his shoulders to look at Merlin in slight disbelief. "There is no way you're hard again. I thought yesterday would keep you out of my hair for a least a week."

"Oh well if that's what you wanted, I can leave you be." Eggsy protested, turning all the way round to drape himself over Merlin's chest.

He leant up to kiss Merlin, while one hand snaked its way down to his cock. "It's a good job your 24 hours ain't up yet." 

Merlin stopped his hand from wandering. "You don't have to just because of that. It's not like it won't go away on its own. You don't have to if you don't want to."

"I always want to." Eggsy grinned, looking to Merlin for permission before he carried on. He shimmied out of his trousers and pulled Merlin's off too, then spotted Harry blinking himself awake just as he straddled Merlin's thighs. He flashed a wink at Harry as he stroked Merlin's cock a few times. He lifted himself up slightly to line him up with his hole. "You ready?" Merlin nodded and Eggsy slowly pulled the plug out, sinking onto Merlin's cock with a pleased sigh as soon as he did. Merlin took the plug from him and tossed it onto the bed. "What did you do that for?"

"It's not like we need it any more." Merlin turned to Harry with a sly grin. "You'll be lucky to get a turn in before our time's up."

"Yeah, but what about when we're done? It's all gonna come out as soon as you do." Eggsy's cheeks took on a pink tinge as he spoke about it.

Merlin looked like he was thinking for a minute, then held Eggsy's hips down onto him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and stood, carrying Eggsy with him towards the bathroom. Eggsy honestly almost came on the spot, then again when Merlin looked over his shoulder to Harry with a cocky grin. "Coming for a shower?"

Harry hopped out of bed straight away, stripping off and following after them. Harry got the shower going while Merlin got Eggsy going, gently rocking his hips up into him. Once they were in the shower, Eggsy used Merlin's shoulders to raise himself up, bouncing on his cock in a perfect rhythm. Merlin kissed down Eggsy's chest, latching onto one of his nipples, and stroked his cock, making him come hard. Eggsy squeezed around Merlin's cock, determined to bring him over the edge with him, and it worked spectacularly.

Merlin waited a minute for them both to calm down but as he felt his cock start to soften, he knew he couldn't wait forever. He pulled Eggsy in for a kiss before he looked at him with a smirk. "Ready?"

Eggsy nodded, biting his lip. Merlin slowly pulled out, and Eggsy let out a loud moan as his cock finally popped free and all their loads fell to the shower floor with a splat - it felt almost as good coming out as it had going in. "Fuck. I feel so empty. Harry, you wanna give me one more load before I push it all out?"

He turned to Harry with a grin so cocky he was powerless to resist. Eggsy rested back against Harry's chest as he pushed into him, relying on Merlin to hold him up. Harry managed to angle himself just right, dragging across Eggsy's prostate with every thrust, but it was Harry finishing inside him that last time that really did it for him. Harry pulled his cock out and another splash of cum came with it. Harry kissed up his neck and Eggsy whined as he murmured in his ear. "That's it, darling. Push it all out."

Eggsy did as has told, pushing more and more of it out of his arsehole. They were all frankly astonished by how much of it there was, and the sight of it had them both devouring him, barely a part of his torso left untouched by their lips. "You two are such a pair of dirty old perverts."

"You can't possibly be realising that only now, darling." Eggsy snorted a laugh.

"I think you'll find us being dirty old perverts is how we ended up together." Eggsy grinned at him - that was true and he was very glad for it. Merlin pressed down lightly on his stomach and he gasped as another load fell out. He gave a few more experimental pushes but no more than a trickle came out. 

"Shit. If I push any more, that ain't gonna be the only thing coming out, you get me?" Eggsy blushed furiously, but they both just kissed a cheek each, completely unbothered by the suggestion. Merlin set him back on his own to feet and they all washed up quickly before the older men left him to it, all of them trying to see if they could remember a better 24 hours in recent years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're as disgusting as I am and liked the idea of this as much as I did, feel free to let me know! And if not, comments will still be very much appreciated.
> 
> Just a heads up, we will be getting back into the plot next chapter and the next few won't be quite as cheerful and carefree as the last few, so prepare yourself accordingly.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They can't spent their entire lives in bed together, they do have to get back to real life at some point, and real life is rarely all sunshine and roses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the plot!

It was a blissful couple of days off but they did have to get back to real life at some point - Harry was off for a bit of surveillance, Eggsy had a briefing and a mission to prepare for, and Merlin was back to being the puppetmaster. Eggsy got off easy with half a day of briefings, Harry was home in the early evening, having decided to work at home rather than hang around longer than he needed to, so it was just Merlin that was missing.

It had long gone dark by the time he got home. Merlin came in and dropped a loud kiss to Eggsy's cheek. "You're back late."

"Yeah, I had some work I had to get done before I could leave." He took off his jumper and tie and dropped them on the sofa before wrapping his arms around Eggsy's shoulders.

Eggsy sniffed, scrunching up his face as he did. "What d'you smell of? That ain't your aftershave."

"Hm? Oh, I got the tube back. A bloke on there stank of the stuff." He let out a small laugh. "I'll probably smell of it for a week." Eggsy gave him a small, almost polite smile. "I'm going to have a shower and go to bed, are you coming up soon? Where's Harry?"

"He's in his office, finishing off a report I think. I'll probably be another couple of hours. I've gotta read all this for next week, I wanted to get through it all tonight then I can go back over the details over the weekend."

"Okay. I'll probably see you in the morning then." Eggsy nodded, the two of them saying their goodnights before Merlin turned to head upstairs. Eggsy noticed a mark on the back of his collar as he did - makeup, fake tan maybe? - but decided not to mention it. He realised only after Merlin had gone that he'd left his jumper and tie behind, so he folded them for him to pick up in the morning. Only, he noticed as he did that the jumper stank of smoke and tequila, which would be fine if not for the fact that Merlin didn't smoke and tequila was pretty much the only thing he didn't drink.

He didn't hear Harry come down an hour or so later, too lost in his thoughts and distracted by the lump in his throat. It seemed more than a bit ridiculous to be suspicious of Merlin, of all people, and yet his brain refused to provide a more reasonable explanation.

"I'm off to bed, darling." Harry walked around in front of Eggsy as he put on a neutral face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Doesn't matter." Eggsy flashed him a slightly watery-eyed smile.

Harry sat down next to him, pulling Eggsy into his side. "It doesn't look like nothing. What is it, darling? Can I help?"

"I don't know if I should tell you," Eggsy mumbled into his chest.

Harry frowned at that, not that Eggsy could see it. "What do you mean?" Eggsy just shrugged.

After a few minutes, Eggsy pulled away from Harry, picking the file he'd been reading back up. "You should go to bed."

"Are you sure? I'm happy to stay up." Eggsy nodded that yes, he was sure. "You can tell me anything, you know. In case you change your mind."

Eggsy smiled and nodded but he was still clearly unsure about it. "I better get this finished. Night, love."

Harry reluctantly kissed him goodnight and went to bed, and Eggsy forced himself to get through the rest of the file even though it took him half the night, his mind swimming with too many questions to focus properly.

Merlin brought him coffee in the morning as he sat to drink his own before he left for work. "You didn't come to bed."

"Nah, I fell asleep down here." Harry came and joined them, noticing a slight tension in the room immediately. "What did you have to do last night then? Important, was it?"

"It's all important, really. Nothing interesting though." Eggsy nodded but didn't push any more than that, and they mostly drank in silence. 

Merlin finished his coffee and got up to leave. "Where's your clothes from yesterday, by the way? I was gonna put a wash on."

"Oh, I already put one on, don't worry about it. I got your shirts out of the basket too." Eggsy thanked him a little awkwardly and accepted the kiss that Merlin gave him. He kissed Harry too and dropped his mug in the kitchen sink before he left for work.

"What was that about? Have I missed something?" Eggsy didn't answer. "Is it something to do with last night and why you didn't come to bed? Because I know you didn't just fall asleep down here." Eggsy shrugged, not really knowing what to say. "You can tell me anything, Eggsy."

Eggsy put on his most convincing smile. "It's fine, babe, it's probably nothing. Don't worry about it, alright?" Harry dubiously agreed to let it go.

Monday came around and Eggsy was off on his assignment. It was some fancy party, mostly just information-gathering, nothing too strenuous, but he'd had to learn a fuckload of stuff about everyone there beforehand as well so he was glad to get it over and done with anyway. Merlin signed off as soon as Eggsy was on his way back, not waiting around to chat like he usually did. Since there wasn't much to it, Eggsy decided he might as well get all his paperwork done before he went to find Merlin to go home. By the time he was done, though, Merlin wasn't in his office, and some of the other handlers said he'd gone a while ago. Eggsy was a bit peeved that he'd left without saying anything, but he had told him he was going to hand everything in first and Merlin didn't always want to wait around, so it wasn't a first for him to leave without Eggsy. He did usually say so, though. Plus, when Eggsy got home, Merlin wasn't there either, and Harry was surprised they weren't together, thinking they were both still at work.

He didn't get home until quite a while after Eggsy, actually. He greeted them both as he usually did, then raked his hands through Eggsy's hair. "I didn't know you were coming home."

"I thought you were already gone. I couldn't find you." Eggsy eyed Merlin a little suspiciously, but he seemed completely unfazed.

"Oh, we must have just missed each other, I suppose." He brushed it off as no more than that before he went about his evening pretty much as usual, if a little more reserved.

Harry was away that Thursday. Eggsy didn't know the details - they never did about each other's missions - but Harry had been bored enough at the thought of it that Eggsy wasn't worried and Merlin had told him he'd be home. He'd texted him in the evening to say he'd be back later but when it turned 1am and Merlin still wasn't home, Eggsy got that doubtful feeling back again. Harry was supposed to have been turning in fairly early and Merlin would've told him if something had gone wrong, but he'd heard nothing like that. He gave up waiting and decided to go to bed rather than sit around worrying. He heard Merlin come in maybe half an hour later, then heard him take a quick shower and pad into the bedroom. Eggsy pretended to be asleep, not in any mood to speak to him, and was equal parts furious and miserable when Merlin didn't even bother to see if he was awake. He didn't whisper to him, didn't even put his arm around him, just climbed into bed and went to sleep facing the other way.

Eggsy woke up when Merlin was getting dressed. It was early - he had to be at work and ready to go before Harry set off for the day - so Eggsy didn't bother to wake up properly, but he did offer a sleepy hello, which Merlin returned somewhat distractedly. "Is everything alright with Harry? Thought you'd be back earlier."

"Yeah, everything's fine. We were just wrapping up for the night, that's all." As Merlin turned to give him what he was sure was supposed to be a reassuring smile, Eggsy caught a glimpse of two scratches on the side of his neck before he pulled on his shirt to cover them. So much for staying asleep.

They had the weekend off together, and Eggsy hoped things would feel normal again. He wondered if maybe his doubts had all been creations of his own imagination, and the odd moods just down to them all being back at work. But by the time they were getting ready to turn in on Saturday night, Merlin started to act off with them again - distant, checking his phone constantly. He spent half of Sunday preoccupied with his laptop and barely responded when Eggsy tried to cheer up the mundanity of a Monday morning. Eggsy and Harry weren't exactly surprised to find themselves eating dinner without Merlin - he hadn't said when he'd be home, after all, just that it wouldn't be an early one - but as time wore on, it bothered Eggsy more and more. They went to bed together, but just as he had the last few nights, Eggsy managed to worm his way onto Harry's side rather than sleep in the middle. 

They were both just about to drift off when Merlin came in. Harry turned, half awake, to greet him. "There you are. We thought you'd got lost."

Merlin let out a small chuckle. "No, just some work to get done. You know how it is."

He disappeared into the bathroom for a while before he came back and joined them in bed, again - as far as Eggsy could tell - not really cozying up to them. Eggsy waited until he thought they were both asleep before he crept out. He ended up leant over the kitchen sink, crying silently into the hand clamped over his mouth, while trying only semi-successfully to get himself a glass of water with the other.

He heard Harry clear his throat from the doorway but couldn't really react to it. Harry walked over, took the glass from his shaking hand, filled it and held it steady as Eggsy drank from it, before drawing Eggsy tight against his chest. He really was in quite a state. Eggsy sobbed into Harry's t-shirt, the sound only slightly muffled. Harry combed his fingers through Eggsy's hair. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" Eggsy moved his head, but it was somewhere between a shake and a nod. Harry held him for a few more minutes, waiting to see if he would say anything. "Eggsy, please. Even if you don't want my help, if there's something wrong between the two of you - which there clearly is - it affects me too. You can't keep me in the dark forever."

Eggsy took a long pause before he finally spoke, still bawling into Harry's chest. "He's a liar, Harry. That's the fourth time in the last week and a half that he's said he was working late and I'm pretty sure he was lying about the other three, at least."

Harry stilled. "I don't understand. What do you mean he was lying?"

Eggsy pulled away slightly, wiping at his eyes. "Well, when you were in Edinburgh, what time did you wrap everything up that night?"

"Around ten o'clock, why?"

"He didn't come home til after 1. And last week, when you thought we'd be back together, he said he was still at work but his lot told me he'd left ages before I did and he didn't get home until ages after. So do you know where the fuck he was? 'Cause I don't."

Harry shrugged slightly. "That doesn't mean there's anything wrong. It's probably just a misunderstanding."

"Alright then, what about that night when you first asked me what was wrong? You must've noticed there was something wrong."

Harry thought back for a minute to the night in question. "He only popped his head in to say he was home. He didn't come in properly until after his shower. Why, what should I have noticed?"

"Well even not coming in to see you is weird, init? He stank of someone else's aftershave. He said it was from a bloke on the tube, but then his jumper would smell of it too and it just smelt of smoke and tequila instead. He's never come home smelling of smoke before, at least not while I've been around, and when was the last time he drank tequila? And there was a mark on his collar, looked like fake tan or makeup or something, and he just happened to wash it straight away? And where do you think the scratches on his neck came from?"

"I assumed it was you, I didn't bother to ask." Eggsy shook his head, mirroring the sad look in Harry's eye. "Just to be clear, where do you think he was? What exactly are you accusing him of?" Eggsy just looked at him. They both knew what he was thinking. "No, Eggsy. He wouldn't do that. You know his past, you know he loves us, you know how betrayed he felt when he found out I was in love with you. He wouldn't cheat on us."

"And I don't wanna jump to conclusions but I know he was lying, and he's definitely been acting weird. I dunno about you but he's barely touched me the last week, and proper conversations with him have been rare as rocking horse shit. The only other thing I could think was that there's something wrong with him and he's trying to keep it a secret but that don't explain half of it. Plus he'd tell us, right? He wouldn't keep that from us." Harry agreed that he'd probably tell them if that was the case. "So, I mean, can you think of a better explanation for it?" He couldn't think of one himself. He didn't like to think that it could be true, and he was sure there was another explanation for everything, but he couldn't think of a single one. Harry was more than a little bit hurt by the possibility of it, and it showed. "See, this is why I didn't wanna tell you."

Harry shook himself out of his own thoughts, not even realising how much his mind had drifted. "No, I'm glad you did. You shouldn't have to worry alone. I'm sure it's nothing. Maybe he's planning a surprise or something and he's trying to keep it a secret."

"Harry..." Eggsy gave him a pitying look.

"Or maybe not that but there will be another explanation, I'm sure." He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself as much as Eggsy. "Why haven't you spoken to him about it?"

Eggsy looked down. "Because what if it's true? If that comes out, we can't go back from it."

Harry tipped his head back up to look at him. "And what if it's not? It's already causing a rift between you and you don't know anything for sure yet."

Eggsy tucking himself back under Harry's chin, hiding his face in his chest again. "What happens to us two if he has? Because I won't stay with him, Harry, I can't."

Harry hushed him. "Don't say that, don't even think about it." It was a little bit selfish on Harry's part - he didn't want to think about it himself - but it wouldn't do Eggsy any good to be fretting over it either. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it, in the very unlikely event that we do."

Harry ended up going back to bed but spent more time staring at Merlin than sleeping. He never, ever thought he'd have to wonder what his husband was up to but here he was. It was only made worse by the fact that, having voiced his suspicions and made them real, Eggsy couldn't bring himself to go back to bed and pretend everything was fine.

Eggsy found himself biting his tongue all morning, and Harry was quiet too. Eventually, when they both sat up straighter as he sat between them, Merlin realised something was wrong. "What's the matter with you two today?"

Harry cleared his throat. "I think we need to talk. Kitchen."

"What about?" Merlin looked between the two of them, growing more and more worried by the severity of their expressions. Harry led, Eggsy followed and they sat beside each other at the kitchen table, Merlin trailing behind and taking a seat opposite them.

Harry started off. "Where were you last night?" It suddenly felt very much like an interrogation.

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him, confused. "I was at work, I told you that."

"What about Thursday night?" Merlin didn't answer straight away so Harry carried on. "Or last Monday? Or the Friday before that?"

"I don't know, I don't keep track, but if I wasn't here, I must have been at work. Why are you asking me this?"

"You weren't there on Monday," Eggsy cut in. "They all told me you'd gone home."

Merlin shrugged. "They must have been mistaken."

"They don't make mistakes like that. They said you got a call and you had to go, seemed personal." Eggsy waited to see if Merlin was going to offer some kind of answer but when none was forthcoming, he made his question clearer. "It weren't Harry and it weren't me so who was it? Who's calling you that you leave straight away but don't tell either of us about it?"

"What, you think I'm playing away from home or something?" He looked at them both almost laughingly, but found two very unamused faces staring back at him. "Oh my god, you do. You can't be serious. After everything - everything that's happened between us and before either of you - you can't honestly think that I would do that."

Eggsy narrowed his eyes at him. "Harry doesn't. And I don't want to, but you could've answered my question just then and you didn't."

"I didn't think I really had to. Arthur called me in for a meeting on short notice. I didn't bother telling you because I thought you'd still be there when we were finished."

"You didn't mention it when you got home either."

"We don't all tell each other everything that we do every day."

"Yeah, but I told you I was looking for you. You could've just said that's where you were." Merlin just shook his head, exasperated by the seemingly pointless line of questioning.

Sensing that they'd end up going round in circles otherwise, Harry stepped in again. "When I was away, we were finished by 10:30. What were you doing after we stopped speaking?"

"I was tying up all the loose ends for the day, and I came home. Why am I on trial here?"

"That don't take you two or three hours in the middle of a mission, especially not one as dull as Harry made it sound." Merlin gave him a curious look. "I heard you come in." Merlin looked momentarily caught out by that.

"Okay, so I wasn't in a rush, is that a crime now?"

Eggsy sat back, folding his arms across his chest. "Alright then, what about that Friday? Where were you then?"

It took all of Merlin's self control not to roll his eyes. "Again, I was at work. You already know that."

"Yeah? Who with?"

"You know who I work with."

"Yeah, I do, and the last time I checked you don't get close enough to any of them to come home smelling like them."

"That's where this is all coming from?" Merlin dropped his head into his hands, growing increasingly frustrated, before sitting back up again. "I told you, there was a guy on the tube drenched in it. You know how packed it gets, I spent three stops glued to him."

"Then why didn't your jumper smell of it? It stank of smoke. Taken up a new habit, have you?" Eggsy's voice was dripping with sarcasm. "And since when do you get the tube home anyway?"

"There were no cabs around, it was quicker to get the tube than to wait for one. And I went for lunch with Douglas - you know he smokes like a chimney. The smell stuck to my jumper so I took it off. I only put it back on because I was cold walking home from the station."

"What about the mark on your shirt?" Eggsy stuck out his chin.

Merlin raised his hands in a questioning shrug. "What mark? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You don't know what I'm talking about?" Eggsy raised an eyebrow, a mocking smile on his face. "That's why you washed it straight away?"

"Oh, for...the love of god," Merlin mumbled. "We all needed things washed, I thought it would save either of you having to do it. I thought I was being helpful."

"Fine, let's say you weren't trying to cover your arse. Still, why have you been acting so weird? You'd've known I heard you come in if you'd done what you normally do and checked if I was awake, you barely even said hi last night, you've been quiet all week. It's like the lights are on but no one's home, and I wanna know where the fuck my boyfriend's gone."

"I haven't gone anywhere. I've been tired and maybe a bit distracted, yes, but I've been busy. There's been a lot going on. There's no more to it than that." Eggsy huffed out a laugh, shaking his head incredulously as his eyes started to water again. He pushed himself abruptly out of his chair, heading for the kitchen door. "Eggsy, I don't understand why you're upset."

"Because you're fucking lying!" Eggsy turned back, gripping his own hair in his hands. "And you do it so easily, you act like it's nothing. It shouldn't be that easy for you to lie to us."

Merlin fixed him with a stern look. "Whatever you think I've done, I haven't."

"Are you ill?" The question took Merlin completely by surprise, and they could both see the fear in Eggsy's eyes.

"Ill? What? No, of course not. Why would you think that?"

"It was the only other thing I could think of that made any sense." It would explain the weird behaviour, the preoccupation, the mystery phone call. If medical were dealing with it and he wanted to go when there were the least people around, it would explain the late nights. It didn't explain everything, but enough that the idea stuck, and Eggsy honestly wasn't sure which of the two possibilities was worse. "If you were, you'd tell us, right? You don't have to keep that to yourself."

Harry looked just as eager for his answer as Eggsy did, so Merlin made a point of answering to both of them. "I would, but I promise you I'm fine."

"Then tell us the truth." The fire was back in Eggsy's eyes and his voice. "Where were you really? Who were you really with?"

"I was working. That is the truth. Everything I've told you is true." Eggsy finally started to cry at that. He'd given him more than enough chances to tell the truth and he still chose not to.

"It's not." He was certain of himself in what he was saying but his voice still sounded so broken. It hurt both of the others to hear the pain there.

"Harry, you have to believe me." Harry kept his expression completely even, though Merlin's eyes begged him. "Tell him."

"I don't." Merlin dropped his head back into his hands. Harry kept his voice even all the same. "Why didn't you come in to see me that night? Because you knew I'd notice there was something wrong?"

He rubbed his hands down over his face. "No, you were busy, I didn't want to interrupt."

"That's never usually a problem. I don't mind being interrupted." Merlin sighed and shifted uncomfortably. "I don't know why you're lying to us, and I hope it's not for the reason that we're thinking, but I know that you are."

"I can't believe you're both really believing this."

"D'you have any fucking idea how much he wanted to believe you?" Merlin eyebrows rose at Eggsy's sudden explosion. "His suggestion was that you were planning a surprise, that's how fucking desperate he is to believe that you wouldn't do that to us. But even if that was true, you'd be stupid not to have given it up by now."

"Until this morning, I wouldn't have, but now I don't know what to think. What other conclusion are we supposed to come to?"

Merlin would have been tearing his hair out by now if he had any left. "I've explained everything. Which part of it is so hard to believe?"

"It's not one bit." Eggsy sounded just as frustrated as Merlin felt. "I'd believe any of them on their own, but it's too many things all together, I don't buy it. You even know that we know you're lying and you won't admit it or tell us why, how are we not supposed to think there's something dodgy about it?"

"Because you're supposed to trust me."

"I don't. Right now, I don't." Eggsy could practically see Merlin's heart shatter, and he could feel the tears still streaming down his face. Even Harry looked shocked at him. "I trust you with my life, but right now I don't trust what you say and I can't trust you not to break my heart. And I don't think I can marry, or pretend marry, or whatever the fuck it is that we're doing...I can't do that with someone I don't trust completely."

Merlin closed his eyes, reeling from the blow. "Eggsy, please."

"If this don't matter enough to you to tell us the truth, then why are we bothering?" Merlin shook his head, Eggsy just didn't understand. He stepped closer to Merlin, cupping his cheek in his hand. "Tell me again that everything you've said is true. Tell me that you were just at work as normal, and you haven't been acting weird. Tell me that all of this is just in my head. You tell me one more time and I won't question it again." Merlin looked at him for just a second, his lips parting as if he was going to say just that, before he quickly looked away again. "I knew it. Just tell us what the fuck's going on, Merlin, please." Merlin just looked at him, choked up himself, and they both spotted the tear tracks down Harry's cheeks. "Can't you see how much this is hurting us? All of us."

"Of course I can." Merlin's voice sounded small even to himself.

"Then tell us. Please." He was begging now, there could be no denying that.

"I can't." Eggsy let his hand fall away. He really thought he might finally come out with it then. He turned and left the room without another word. Merlin looked at Harry pleadingly. "Harry..."

"Don't." Harry's tone was sharp. "I cannot believe that you would do this to us."

"It's not what you think."

"And yet you can't tell us what it is." Harry was quietly but very clearly furious. "After the way you reacted when you found out how I felt about Eggsy - something which I couldn't help, I might add - if you've chosen to do anything like what either of us might be imagining, I won't forgive that, and I don't think he will either."

"I haven't." Merlin was adamant, still, but with nothing but his word to back it up, it was getting less and less convincing. "I wouldn't do that. I couldn't, you know I couldn't."

"Whatever else you have or haven't done, you've spent the last couple of weeks sneaking around and hiding things from us, and all of that time and tonight lying through your teeth. You'd better have a fucking good reason for that." Harry followed after Eggsy, only to find him frantically throwing his things into a bag. "Eggsy? Where are you going?"

"Back to mine." Eggsy let out a dark sort of laugh. "Well it ain't even mine any more, is it? Fucking...Bors' house, that's where I'm going. I can't stay with him."

"It's not just him that you're leaving." He was pointing out the obvious but it seemed like it needed pointing out.

Eggsy seemed completely unbothered by it, though, not pausing for even a second. "Then come with me if you want but I can't stay here."

"And I can't just go with you. Please don't go." It was selfish, he knew - just like he knew why Eggsy was leaving - but he felt like he had a right to be thinking a bit selfishly.

Eggsy zipped up his back, hauled it over his shoulder and stepped right in front of Harry, looking him in the eye as he spoke. "I feel like he's just ripped my heart out and left my fucking chest open, Harry. I don't even wanna look at him, how am I meant to stay in the same house as him?"

There wasn't much of an answer to that. Maybe with a bit of time for everyone to calm down he'd change his mind, but there didn't seem much point in trying to change it for him now. Harry reluctantly stepped aside to let Eggsy pass him and run down the stairs. Merlin stepped out just as Eggsy was going for the door, and grabbed Eggsy by the wrist. "Eggsy, please. Don't leave. I can fix this."

Eggsy yanked his hand free. "Don't fucking touch me!" Merlin held his hands up. "You don't get to bullshit your way through this then call the shots. You told me everything I needed to know when you decided not to tell me anything."

"I didn't decide not to. I want to tell you - believe me, I do - but I can't."

"Why not?" Eggsy shrugged. "There ain't a gun to your head."

"I just can't."

Eggsy scoffed. "Yeah, alright. Fuck this." Eggsy took off his ring, resisting the urge to throw it right in Merlin's face, and slammed it down on the table instead.

"Don't-" Merlin scrubbed his hands over his face, turning on the spot as he looked up to the ceiling. "Eggsy, please, don't do anything rash. Keep the ring, don't let this be the end of it, I'm begging you. I can explain everything, I swear, I just need some time."

"How long?" They both turned to Harry. "How long do you need? A few hours? A couple of weeks? A month?"

"Er...a week." It came out almost as a question. He hadn't really expected Harry to ask that. "Maybe less."

"Fine. You have a week and then you tell us everything. And I mean everything."

"I will, I swear." They both looked at Eggsy in question. He nodded with a small shrug, but was still set on leaving. It was a twist of the knife for both of them when he quickly left and slammed the door behind him, his ring still sitting where he left it. Harry glared at him and Merlin could read all of his thoughts on his face. "Please stop looking at me like that."

Harry paused, just staring at him for a moment more. "Do you not remember having sex with Eggsy behind my back?"

"Oh, come on." He couldn't believe Harry was bringing that up now, it was ancient history as far as he was concerned. "I thought we were past that. I thought you were okay with it."

"I am." Harry's tone was oddly light. Conversational. His intent in bringing it up might have been a bit malicious but the way he said it wouldn't have given that away. "But it might suggest a pattern."

"It doesn't." Merlin was firm in his answer.

"We'll be the judges of that. I know that you love him so you do whatever you have to do to make this right. He doesn't deserve this, he's done nothing wrong, and at least this time, neither have I. I will not lose him because you have." There was no room for misinterpretation. As Harry turned and walked away, Merlin knew that he'd lose them both if he couldn't convince them. He had an idea of how to do that, now he just had to cross his fingers and hope that it would work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, what is he up to? Feel free to submit your guesses, and please do let me know what you think in general.
> 
> As ever, thanks for sticking with me this far!


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a long and difficult week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up that there are mentions of unhealthy eating habits and sickness which is semi-related to that and probably a bit more graphic than it needs to be. I don't think it's too bad but if you're worried that it might be a problem for you, you can skip this chapter without missing too much.

Merlin pretty much vanished for the next couple of days and in the brief glimpses he got of him, Harry could tell that whatever it was he was busy doing, he wasn't getting much rest doing it. Part of Harry wanted to tell him to slow down a bit, maybe get some sleep and eat a proper meal, but he was the one that had put so much pressure on him in the first place so he wasn't sure how much it would help. Instead he focused his energy on trying to get Eggsy to come home, and it was home. He may as well have been staying in a hotel for all the attachment he had to that house now.

Between missing Harry and JB (and Merlin if he was being completely honest, but he was still too bitter to admit that) and the promise from Harry that there'd be no tension with Merlin - how could there be when he was barely around? - Eggsy hesitantly agreed to come home. For now, at least.

JB ran straight to him as soon as Eggsy walked in the door, then flopped down onto his back as Eggsy crouched to scratch behind his ears. The pug let out a sad whine as Eggsy stood but he paid him no attention - he knew he was just being spoilt, that he'd have been well cared for in his absence. He looped his arms around Harry's neck and scratched at the back of his head. "I hate this. S'orrible."

"I know, darling, so do I." Harry drew Eggsy into a slow kiss. Even in such a short time, he missed having him there so badly. "But I really do believe that he'll make things okay. Just give him a chance."

Merlin was only a few minutes behind Eggsy and the pair quickly separated as he came in. _Speak of the devil._ "Eggsy." It came out a little breathlessly, and it took a second for him to get his brain back in order. "You came back."

Merlin looked like he was trying hard to hold himself back from going to Eggsy, and a small part of Eggsy wished he'd stop. "Harry asked me to."

"Is this for good, or...?"

"I dunno. You ain't off the hook yet." It came out more unfeeling than he meant it but Merlin just nodded his head in understanding. Merlin's breath caught as Eggsy stepped towards him and raised a hand, but was left sorely disappointed when Eggsy just pushed his collar out of the way, thumbing over the faded scratches beneath it. "You know, I only realised after I left, I never asked how they got there, and you didn't tell us either."

"I'll explain everything, I promise you." There was no point in offering an answer, Eggsy wouldn't believe it anyway. "I, um, I have to get back. I just came to pick something up." Eggsy and Harry gave an awkward kind of nod and Merlin jogged up the stairs, only to reappear moments later. "See you, then."

They both offered their goodbyes and as Merlin shut the door behind him, Eggsy sagged in on himself, groaning in frustration. Harry sighed. "I don't think that was giving him a chance."

"No, me neither." He didn't know why he did that; it wasn't necessary, it didn't get them anywhere, and it wasn't even just out of some spiteful desire to hurt Merlin. Eggsy sat down almost sulkily and went back to giving JB the attention he constantly craved. With a squeeze to Eggsy's shoulder, Harry left them to it.

As Merlin reached the halfway point of his time limit, he felt like he could start to relax a little bit. He'd spent the last few days running himself into the ground and only taking care of himself enough to stop Harry's concerned looks (he obviously didn't realise Harry was just giving him those looks behind his back instead) but with more time to spare, he was around the house a bit more too. He'd already exiled himself to the spare bedroom that first night so that Harry didn't have to but it was different now that Eggsy was back as well. It crossed his mind that he didn't actually have to stay in the house, but he was sure staying elsewhere would only make him look worse.

For the next couple of days he felt like he was constantly intruding in happy, private moments between the two of them. He felt terrible when he walked into or through a room and they instantly parted, and even worse when they didn't. He just wanted so badly to be a part of it again. He wanted to be able to touch them again, and regretted so deeply those times he'd chosen not to. At least while Eggsy seemed off with him, Harry still offered fleeting but comforting, maybe even encouraging, touches.

It was Eggsy's third night back when Merlin could hear the two of them in their bedroom from what seemed to be eternally his. He could hear them giggling and playing around like they usually did, and he knew exactly where it was going. He tossed and turned, and even considered knocking himself out so that he didn't have to hear the moans and the cries of pleasure from the other room, knowing that he might never be witness to them again. As he heard the obvious sounds of their climaxes, he was filled with so much pain and guilt and fear. He wasn't quite aware of his brain forcing his legs to carry him there but he made it to the toilet just in time to stop him having to clean his own vomit out of the carpets.

It was mostly just retching, his stomach too empty to actually bring anything up, but god, it was painful. It was fitting, really. As he rested his head against the arm braced across the toilet seat, he felt a hand rubbing gently up and down his back. He'd know that touch anywhere. Harry offered soothing words and kept rubbing as Merlin heaved again, all of his insides clenching agonisingly even as he willed his body to give up. As he spat out the lingering bile in his throat one more time, Harry stroked a hand over his head. "Are you alright?"

Merlin nodded slightly, not wanting to raise his head properly to look at Harry. "I'm fine. You should go back to Eggsy."

"Well that puts me in quite a predicament because he told me to come and make sure you were okay. Literally kicked me out of bed, in fact." Merlin finally turned his head to look at Harry and found no dishonesty there. That little tidbit filled him with more hope that it probably ought to.

Merlin's face twisted a little bit, though, as he remembered what the two of them in bed together had sounded and felt like just minutes ago. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"I'm sorry, we shouldn't have been so brazen. We got...carried away." Harry wasn't really sure why he was apologising but he felt like he should be. It wasn't a very good one, actually, but Merlin told him it was fine anyway. Harry sat down next to him properly. "He's worried about you, you know. We both are." Harry took Merlin's hand in his, squeezing gently. "A part of him still thinks there might be something the matter with you. Please tell me that isn't true."

"It's not, I swear." Merlin finally raised his head properly and squeezed back. "Please don't worry, I'm perfectly healthy. And don't let him worry either."

Harry nodded. He'd do his best. "Even so, I think we have reason to be concerned. You never get sick. Unwell, yes, but not physically sick."

"I never usually have this much on my plate." Harry hummed his understanding. He was tempted to tell Merlin that it was fine and not to worry about explaining anything, and just go back to normal. But he wanted the truth more, and he knew Eggsy did too.

"Speaking of...When was the last time you had something decent to eat?"

"Er, breakfast this morning?"

"You were up before the sun, dear. You should have had something since then, it's not healthy. Come on, brush your teeth, I'll go and make you some food." Harry stood, tugging Merlin's hand with him.

"No, you don't have to do that. You can go back to bed, I'm fine." Merlin dropped his hand away from Harry's and tried to give him a mollifying smile but only succeeded in earning himself a very stern look instead. "Besides, I don't think when Eggsy told you to come and check on me he meant for you to be gone half the night."

"He seemed perfectly fine when I told him I'd be as long as it takes to make sure you're okay. You don't seem okay yet." Harry swept out of the room without giving him another chance to argue.

Merlin hauled himself up, rinsed his mouth out, splashed some water over his face and trudged downstairs. Harry was already waiting for him with a mountain of chicken, rice and feta salad on the table. Harry poured them each a glass of apple juice, settled a hand of Merlin's shoulder as he sat and set his in front of him, before sitting down with his own.

"Thank you." Merlin looked so heartbreakingly sincere, like he thought they'd already got to such a place in a short time that his husband coming to his aid was something unexpected. Harry just offered a smile in return. Merlin devoured half the plate in a couple of minutes, only having realised how hungry he was once he took that first bite. Only then did he sit back, eating at a normal pace again, and eye Harry curiously. "Why didn't you go with him?"

"What, and just leave? No." Harry shook his head adamantly. "I couldn't do that to you and it would take a lot more than that to make me want to. I don't even know that you've done anything wrong."

"You don't know that I haven't," Merlin countered.

Harry shrugged. "That's true, I suppose, but not a good enough reason for me to leave."

Merlin nodded almost gratefully but quickly dropped his gaze. "It was good enough for Eggsy."

"You're his first love. He thought you'd wronged him." Harry hesitated for a second. It wasn't exactly a fair comparison that he was about to make, but it was one that Merlin would understand. "Let's not forget how painful that can be." Merlin nodded thoughtfully, a long silence lingering between them. "I know I said that I wouldn't forgive you but I don't think that's true, I think it was mostly shock and anger talking. I just need to know what I'm forgiving you for."

"What about you and Eggsy?" Harry raised his eyebrows in question. "If he's still not convinced, he won't forgive me. How will you deal with that?"

"I'm working on the assumption that I won't have to. I prefer to think that whatever it is you're going to tell us will make everything alright." Harry stood and took Merlin's empty plate, dropping a kiss to his head as he did. "I have every faith in you. Now come on, I don't think you've had a decent sleep all week either."

"Harry." Merlin forced him to pause, rather than brush over the moment. "Thank you." Harry gave him another warm smile and tilted his head towards the stairs.

Merlin followed him up and Eggsy appeared in their bedroom doorway as they reached the landing. Merlin bid them goodnight and went to walk past but felt a hand brush his arm and loosely grip his hand as he did. He turned back to find a concerned look on Eggsy's face. "Are you alright?"

Merlin gave him a soft smile. "Yeah, I'm fine, Harry made sure of that. Sorry to steal him away." Eggsy shook his head as if to say 'don't be'. He looked like he wanted to say something else but didn't know what. Merlin frowned slightly. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, fine. Night, then." Merlin gave his hand a quick squeeze before he let it go. He gave them both a nod and a small smile as he left them again. Eggsy and Harry watched him disappear into his room before they climbed back into bed together, Eggsy resting his head on Harry's chest. "Is he really alright?"

Harry rubbed his thumb across Eggsy's shoulder. "I think so. I think he just wants this all to be over."

"Don't we all." Eggsy sighed. "D'you think he has actually done anything? Been seeing someone else, I mean."

"I think if he has, there'll be more to it than that. And I know that he'll be regretting it."

"That ain't a 'no'." Harry hummed noncommittally, only asking what Eggsy thought in return. "You already know what I think. I mean, I wanna say the same as you but what more can there be to it? He either has or he hasn't, and there ain't an excuse if he has. I really hope I'm wrong. Don't think that's ever happened before."

Things were still far from normal but Eggsy was at least less hostile after that. Judgement day came around and Merlin was already out of the house by the time Harry and Eggsy got up. Eggsy had that horrible, queasy, nervous feeling in his stomach so Harry spent most of the morning trying to keep him calm, while desperately hoping that Merlin would walk in any second and things would be back to normal by dinner time. 

Merlin came home in the early afternoon to find Harry pacing the room and Eggsy practically climbing the walls. "Can we talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every single comment is appreciated so please do keep them coming!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin comes clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped to get this up sooner but work and illness has left me too tired to get much done most of the week, so apologies for the wait but enjoy!

"Can we talk?" The other two practically leapt at the offer. He stood in front of them as they took a seat on the sofa. "I want to tell you everything and answer everything you asked before you say anything. Please." They both nodded and Merlin handed them each a file. "I was working, that was true. I can't tell you all the details but we think there's something big coming. We had a chance come up out of nowhere to gather intel but we don't know which agents are going to be involved so the first meeting had to be with someone he was guaranteed not to see again. We were short on time and since I was the one that received the intel, I was the easy option. I had to get close to him and coax information out of him. Arthur is the only other person who knows about this, he authorised it and he swore me to secrecy. In those files are copies of the initial order and authorisation, and the authorisations for the subsequent times - all from Arthur and signed by the man himself - as well as the briefs, and mine and Arthur's mission reports for all four occasions that you asked about plus one since. The person of interest's name, any identifying information and future planning are redacted but otherwise the nature of the meetings are in there in detail. You can read as much or as little as you want or need. I don't think I need to tell you that all of this is for your eyes and ears only. This information cannot go any further. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," they chimed in unison.

"Good. You should know that most of what I told you was true. I did have lunch with Douglas that day, I did take my jumper off because it stank, and I did only put it back on because I was cold walking back from the station. But our man's got a fondness for cigars and gets sloppy after a couple of shots, that's where the smell came from. And as for why I smelt of him and the mark on my collar, he's very...tactile." He meant 'handsy' but he was trying to choose his words carefully. "Eggsy, when you couldn't find me, Arthur had called me in on short notice, but he also sent me out. It was only supposed to be a chance passing so I hoped I'd be back before you noticed. Harry, when you were away, I was with him, and I was tying up some loose ends. Just not for your mission. The scratches on my neck are from where I pulled away when he tried to kiss me. Arthur went mad about it, actually. I was supposed to let it go wherever our guy wanted it to but I couldn't without you two knowing about it. In those files you'll also find the most pointless medical reports in the history of Kingsman from where I had to have them checked out." Harry smirked. He could imagine how Merlin must have kicked off about having to be examined over something so ridiculous and it created a very amusing picture. "And again, I met with him twice last week, one of which neither of you knew about. There should be two more to come over the next week or so - one more standard meeting and the final one where I'll break contact, as well as the quick meet that I’m supposed to have with him this evening. I wish I didn’t have to go today but I’m not in a position to refuse anything and honestly I think Arthur set it up purely out of spite, knowing that I’d have to do it. If it helps, I’ve already cleared it with him that you'll have access to the paperwork for all three of those too.”

Arthur had come up with some fucking ridiculous and completely unnecessary plan of having him meet up with his new friend to hand over tickets to a show that Merlin could apparently no longer attend. It was an entirely transparent retaliation for the minor inconvenience Merlin had caused him, but he had no choice but to accept it with a nod and a 'yes, sir'.

Harry stood and wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist, letting himself be enveloped in return, then leant in to kiss Merlin. He wasn't particularly prone to emotional outbursts but it was clear to all of them how much this meant to him. "I don't need that. I didn't need any of this. I know the truth when I see it, it's all I wanted." He stroked his thumb across Merlin's back. "I'm sorry. Truly. I don't imagine any of this has been easy for you." Merlin just hugged him tighter, he wasn't really sure what he was supposed to say. He still wasn't off the hook yet.

Harry stepped to Merlin's side, their arms still around each other's waists and they both looked to Eggsy flicking through the file. Feeling their eyes on him, he looked up. "So this was all for a job?" Merlin nodded. "So why didn't you just tell us that?"

"If I'd told you I was working on a secret mission, you'd've known there was something big going on. You weren't supposed to know it existed at all." Harry stepped away, deciding it was probably best to let them talk it out without him. He skimmed through the file himself, but purely out of curiosity rather than for confirmation. "I'm sorry that I lied to you both but I didn't have a choice."

"I ain't like we'd've told anyone if you'd told us it was some top secret thing.” Honestly, he sounded childish, but neither of the other two called him out on it.

"You know it's not just about that. It's the principle, I was just doing my job." His voice had an almost pleading undertone to it. "I would have told you if I could and I was going to as soon as I was allowed."

"Why didn't you just tell us you were out with a mate or something?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow at him. "You think I have a lot of those, do you? Would that have attracted fewer questions?"

Eggsy looked away, pouting slightly. "Probably not. But what about when you came home the first night? Why did you come and see me but not Harry? You could've covered it up better."

"Honestly, I was panicking a bit. I assumed you'd know something was wrong regardless. I sort of hoped I'd miss both of you but you were right there." Merlin suddenly looked annoyed, and maybe a little embarrassed. "And I have already been berated for the carelessness that's led me to having to ask for all of this."

"Is that why you've been so weird with us? You panicked?"

"'To start with, yes. And then it was mostly because I felt guilty, and I was stressed."

"I thought nothing happened." Eggsy narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing _did_ happen. But I was still spending time with another man and hiding it from you, no matter how decent the motive."

"Have you done this before? Have you been on missions while we've been together that we don't know about?" Merlin shook his head.

"While _we've_ been together?" Harry asked softly.

“Never." His answer was firm. He needed them to know that he'd never made a habit of lying to them and keeping secrets from them. "We usually have enough time to plan it out and send an agent that we can afford not to have them see again but it was so last minute.”

"How the fuck did you even get Arthur to agree to this?" All mission details were on a strictly need-to-know basis, meaning that at most they only ever knew vague information about each other’s missions, and Arthur wasn't one for breaking - or even bending - rules.

"Er, not easily." What he meant was that he’d spent the first half of the week finishing off a prototype that he’d been secretly working on for months and was sure Arthur would love, and the other half making sure his entire department’s paperwork was up to date to the last detail, all while doing his normal work. He’d then gone to the estate, handed everything over to Arthur, reminded him of all of their impeccable records, and all but begged him - though he would have actually begged if he’d had to - for those files. He was also fairly sure that he'd have to delete the word 'no' from his vocabulary when dealing with Arthur any time in at least the next six months. "I'm not certain, but I think he might own my soul now."

Merlin took Eggsy's look of shock at what he'd achieved as disbelief in what he was telling him again. "Eggsy, I don't know what else I can give you. That's the truth, right in front of you."

"I know. I believe you." Merlin puffed out a heavy breath, nodding stiffly, before he slipped into work-Merlin mode - the stony-faced version of himself - out of fear of being overwhelmed by all he felt otherwise, even as a wave of relief washed over him so huge it gave him goosebumps. A realisation dawned on Eggsy then. He stood, taking Merlin's hands in his. "I really hurt you with all this, didn't I?"

Merlin's resolve fell immediately. "Don't. I don't blame you, I would've thought the same thing."

"Yeah, but you would've been wrong and I'd be pissed off and upset." Harry could vouch for that, he thought, after the way Eggsy had blown up at him.

Merlin frowned, looking a bit defeated, and his voice matched when he spoke. "What do you want me to say?"

Eggsy shrugged. "I want you to tell me how you feel. If you wanna have a go at me or whatever, I'll take it. I deserve it."

"Who will that help?"

"You, hopefully. Maybe me and Harry."

"You really want to do this?" Merlin gave him a challenging look.

"I really do." He didn't. But he wanted things left unsaid lingering between them and coming back to bite them on the arse even less. "Tell me."

Merlin took a deep breath and let out a heavy sigh. "Fine." Harry closed his eyes and sagged in disappointment. They were so close. It was most likely naive but he'd really hoped they would get this out of the way and things would go straight back to normal. No such luck. "You accused me of cheating on you, told me you didn't trust me, gave your engagement ring back and left. I begged you not to and you did it anyway. And then you came back and I had to watch the two of you together from the sidelines. I really don't blame you, I understand why you did all of it, but you can't take all of the things that would hurt me the most, put them all together and then be surprised when they do just that. The thought that I would do that to you shouldn't even have crossed your mind."

It really shouldn't have crossed his mind. The thought that Merlin would do that was ridiculous, but once the idea found its way into his head, it stuck. Eggsy bit his lip, his gaze fixed firmly on the floor purely so that he didn't have to look at the anger he was sure he'd find on Merlin's face. If he'd just spared a glance, he'd have seen there wasn't any at all. Instead he'd have seen that he looked tired more than anything, ready to just be done with this whole thing. Eggsy wished there was something more that he could say but nothing seemed like enough so all he said was, "I'm sorry". He raised his head to look Merlin in the eye, realising it didn't sound sincere enough, and said it again. "I'm sorry, Merlin."

"I know you are, I'm not holding it against you. You see? That didn't help any of us." Eggsy sucked his lip in, regretting having pushed for it. Merlin brushed his thumb over it, trying to take the guilty look off of his face. Harry looked guilty too but in a much less puppyish way. Merlin took one hand from Eggsy and held it out to Harry instead, who went to him happily, and pulled Eggsy against him too. "I don't care about that, I just miss this. If you're both satisfied, can we please start moving past this?"

"I think we can." Harry kissed him again.

"Yeah, me too." Eggsy gave them a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. Merlin tapped under his chin with one finger then held it there as he leant down to kiss him. Eggsy's lip trembled slightly as they parted again but he quickly firmed it back up.

It was good just to be able to hold them again. It had only been a week that they'd been so separated from each other but it was another few before that in which he'd distanced himself from them. It felt like a lifetime that they stood like that but still not nearly long enough by the time his phone buzzed in his pocket and he knew it was time to leave again. He slowly and painfully pulled himself away from them. "I'm so sorry, I really have to go. I shouldn't be more than two hours, two and a half at the most. We'll have dinner together when I get back?"

The other two agreed eagerly and he took every last moment that he could to kiss them goodbye before he left them once again. As the door closed behind him, a strange atmosphere hung in the air. Harry and Eggsy both stood around for a few moments not really knowing what to do with themselves. Eggsy broke the silence first. "I'm sorry."

Harry frowned in confusion. "To me? What for?"

"I was wrong. And I at least partly convinced you. I could've ruined everything, again."

Harry pulled him into a hug. "Darling, you've never ruined anything. Everything's going to be fine, I knew there'd be a good explanation for it."

"Exactly. I should've as well. Why weren't work the first thing we thought of? Or not even the first thing, just at some point. It should've been 'something's up with Merlin, must be work' but I didn't even think of it. Then you were worried and Merlin's been feeling like shit, I shouldn't have said anything."

"Eggsy, calm down. Don't be angry, we're going to get past this."

"Of course I'm fucking angry, why aren't either of you?! I was a fucking idiot."

"You weren't. You were concerned and you had every right to be, and now everything's going to be fine. Why be angry when we can be happy about this?"

Eggsy stewed on it for a minute, then quickly grabbed his keys and his wallet and headed for the door, only shouting behind him, "I'm going shopping." Harry hoped that some of that might sink in but he very much doubted it would be the last time they spoke about it.

Eggsy bustled back in half an hour later with bags full of food and a flustered look on his face. Harry didn't even bother asking what was going on, just raised an eyebrow in question. "The first time I cooked for you. I wanna recreate it. I'm gonna make some of my brownies as well, you both like them, right?" Harry hummed happily; it was a lovely memory and a thoughtful idea. And it was hard to imagine a situation where he'd have to, but Merlin had decided the first time he'd tried one that he'd probably give up his life for another of Eggsy's brownies, and Harry couldn't really disagree. "I dunno if I've got enough time, though. Can you help me?"

"Of course I can." All he ever needed to do was ask and Harry would oblige. He gave Eggsy a quick kiss on the cheek and helped unpack the bags. Unsurprisingly, Harry followed Eggsy's instructions brilliantly and they were done with minutes to spare, albeit with a kitchen that looked like a bomb had gone off.

Merlin called out to them as he came in. Harry called back, summoning him to the dining room. Merlin slowed as he walked into the room and saw the table with all but the steaks laid out on it. "Well this all looks very familiar. Whose idea was this?"

"It was Eggsy's." Harry smiled warmly at Merlin before turning his gaze to Eggsy.

Eggsy looked, as far as Merlin could figure out, unaccountably nervous. "I know it don't make up for everything but I thought it weren't a bad place to start."

"Oh, darling, you don't have to make up for anything." Merlin stepped closer to him, and drew him into a tender kiss. "But it's sweet of you to do this. Thank you."

"I love you. Feels like forever since I told you that and I'm so sorry about everything, but I really do." It felt like forever since Merlin had heard it too. From either of them, actually. A tiny part of him started to think he wouldn't ever again.

"I know you do, sweetheart. I love you too." It felt almost as good to say it again as it did to hear it.

Eggsy finally smiled at him. "Harry helped, by the way."

"Thank you." Merlin stepped closer to Harry, then, raising a hand to brush over his cheek. "I love you."

"And I love you, dear." Harry pressed his lips firmly to Merlin's. "All of this is not going to eat itself. Shall we?"

"I think we shall." Merlin grinned and the other two couldn't help but reflect it as they all took their places at the table.

Harry asked how the meeting went as they tucked into their salads. As they expected, he couldn't tell them all of the details until it was approved but it was good to know that they could, in their usual vague way, ask how it went and be given an answer. Once Eggsy cleared those plates and returned with their steaks, all of them piling potatoes and vegetables onto the plates with them, they slipped into an odd kind of small talk. It was strange to be asking about each other's weeks, given that they'd still been living under the same roof the whole time, but it still flowed comfortably.

To a point, at least. As they were getting towards the end of their meals, Eggsy went noticeably quiet but he waited until they were just finishing off to speak up again. "Can I ask something?" Harry and Merlin looked at him expectantly. "Do you still want me to have the ring? I mean, I get it if you don't want the whole engagement thing right now, if we have to work back up to that, but I just wanted to ask."

Merlin set his cutlery down. "Is that a serious question?" Eggsy nodded slowly, feeling very unsure of what the right answer was supposed to be. "Do you want it back?"

"Well, yeah, if you want me to have it. But I don't want you to feel like you have to. You don't have to decide now or nothing." Merlin hummed thoughtfully as Eggsy quickly stood to clear their plates again, no doubt to avoid what he thought was an inevitable rejection. As he came back in with their warm brownies and ice cream, Merlin stood too and strode out of the room, leaving both Harry and Eggsy with slightly bewildered looks on their faces.

They weren't left waiting for long though, as Merlin strode back in a minute later with a ring box in his hand. As soon as Harry and Eggsy had left him alone, he'd picked up the ring, put it back in its box and locked it in the safe in Harry's office. He plucked the ring out, set the box down on the table and, with a sense of determination, held out his hand for Eggsy to take. "Of course I still want you to have it." Eggsy cast a questioning look at Harry. "I think we both already know his answer. He'd've wanted you to have this no matter what happened today."

"It's that simple?"

"Absolutely. I love you, I want to marry you, that never changed." Eggsy tentatively offered his hand to Merlin as if he expected he might change his mind at any second. Instead, Merlin took it, gently pushed the ring onto his finger and placed a kiss over it. "The question was whether or not you felt the same and I can't tell you how relieved and how glad I am that you do." Merlin paused for a second, realised he might be laying on a bit thick even if he did mean it. "Are you sure you want this?"

"Yeah, I do, I'm sure. I'm sorry I said I couldn't." He pushed the ring more firmly onto his finger. "I never should've taken this off."

"Well, it's back where it belongs now, hm? That's all that matters." Merlin brushed his fingers through Eggsy's hair, just enjoying being allowed to touch him, and Eggsy gave him a slightly watery-eyed but genuine smile. Merlin placed his hand over Harry's and squeezed, giving him a quick wink as he passed him on his way back to his seat. "Shall we polish this off before the ice cream melts completely? And I hope there are more of these in the kitchen."

Eggsy grinned, nodding. He'd made two batches just to be on the safe side. Merlin moaned dramatically as he ate, more to put smiles on the other two's faces than anything, and it worked. For all of Harry's tutting and head shaking, the little tugs at the corners of his mouth gave him away.

Eggsy had to snatch Merlin's bowl away from him before he could lick it clean. He groaned as he stepped back into the kitchen, having forgotten the state that he'd left it in. Merlin stepped out after him, pulling him against his side with an arm around his waist, and Harry followed, slotting his hand into Merlin's. Merlin lifted his arm over Harry's head, never letting go of his hand, and pulled him in by his waist too.

"Team effort? What d'you think?" Merlin dropped a kiss to each of their temples before he let them go, then snuck another bite of brownie before they all got to work. It felt so natural working around each other like that, just like it every other one of the hundred times they'd done it before. Moments like this, Merlin thought, were exactly what he'd been working his arse off all week to get back to. For all the mundanity of the task itself, the buzz that lit up his veins just from being close to them made it almost exciting to do it together. In fact, if anyone ever asked Merlin to sum up what love meant, this would be his perfect example - cleaning up their disaster zone of a kitchen, barely avoiding tripping over two other people's feet, accidentally soaking his shirt with the washing up water, and being perfectly fucking ecstatic about all of it.

With the kitchen finally sparkling, the last drinks of the night drunk and their bed occupied by the three bodies that belonged there, it felt every bit as perfect as their very first night together. As Merlin lay on his back with Harry stretched along one side and Eggsy curled against the other, the world, having been knocked so far off course, felt right again. "If I could spend every moment of my life like this, I would die a very happy man. I missed you and this so much.” He dropped a kiss first to Harry’s head and then Eggsy’s. “I love you so much. Plus that bed is fucking uncomfortable.”

Harry let out a small laugh, then kissed Merlin’s jaw. “I love you too, dear. And I am sorry.”

Merlin shushed him, telling them he didn’t need or want any more apologies. Eggsy turned his head to kiss the shoulder where he was resting and stroked his fingertips up and down Merlin’s torso. “Love you.” They fell asleep like that - glued together and completely secure in the knowledge that they were all loved by one another.

Merlin was up first the next morning, allowed himself the every-so-often indulgence of watching them sleep for a moment, then cooked up a feast for breakfast. He brought JB back up with him, letting the pup snuffle his way along under the covers to wake them up. Eggsy grumbled as he pushed the furry little face away from his own, then immediately shot Merlin an unimpressed look - JB never climbed onto the bed unless someone let him, and Merlin was the only one that ever did. Merlin just grinned brightly at him, refusing to look even the slightest bit apologetic. Realising that there was no way he was going to be allowed to go back to sleep, he shoved Harry awake too. Only then did he look at the clock. “Oh, babe, it’s 7 o’clock. What the fuck?”

“It’s our first day off together in ages and the last one for a week, you’re not sleeping it away.” Merlin pulled the covers off of them, laughing evilly.

Eggsy made grabby hands at the covers. "Just half an hour." When Merlin still didn't give in, Eggsy snuggled up against Harry and smirked at him instead. Very dirty tactics. "Half an hour ain't gonna hurt."

Merlin sighed. "Fine. By the way the reason he's here is because he can't be trusted with the eggs and bacon and pancakes and toast and porridge and everything else that's waiting downstairs." He patted his leg and lifted JB up as he came running over. "Come on, boy, you can have Eggsy's share."

“You’re such a dick.”

“I know, isn't it terrible?" Eggsy finally threw his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself to his feet. “There we go. Morning, beautiful.”

“Piss off,” Eggsy mumbled around a yawn but set the pug in Merlin’s arms down and took his place. He leant up to give Merlin a long kiss. “Morning, gorgeous.”

“Go on, before everything gets cold. I’ll drag this lump out of bed.” Eggsy skipped away, calling JB after him. Merlin had no doubt Eggsy would be sneaking a few things his way before anyone else was around to see it. Merlin tickled Harry’s feet, his only reliable weak spot. “Come on, it’s no good pretending to be asleep.”

Harry gave up the act immediately, smiling up at his husband. “Five more minutes?” Merlin shook his head, and Harry hauled himself up with a groan and draped himself over Merlin. “This breakfast had better be worth it. Good morning, my love.”

“Morning, darling.” He gave Harry a quick peck on the lips, then another, and another, until he realised he was undoing all the work of hurrying them along. Instead, he turned Harry around and pushed him along ahead of him. “Come on!”

Merlin had thought of a few ideas for outings to float with them after breakfast but the almost constant drizzle left none of them in the mood to get dressed and venture out into the world. The next best option was to pile the sofa up with cushions and blankets, fill the coffee table with snacks and queue up some films to watch. It wasn’t a bad backup plan, actually.

They took a break two films in, just because they thought they should, but it didn’t bother Eggsy at all to be the only one to take no more than a quick loo break before he snuggled right back in. With Harry reading the newspaper in his slippers and his dressing gown and Merlin throwing a ball around the garden for JB, it all felt so sickeningly domestic. The Eggsy of a year and a half ago would take the piss out of him endlessly but he couldn’t even begin to imagine wanting anything but this again. And with that thought, the stiff upper lip he’d been trying so hard to keep in place since the day before finally faltered. He wiped his eyes, trying not to draw Harry’s attention, but the sniff that he couldn’t quite help let him down.

Harry was at his side immediately with an arm around his shoulders, even as Eggsy tried to swallow it back down and tell him it was okay. Nevertheless, Harry silently caught Merlin’s attention and called him in. Since Eggsy refused to look anywhere but down, Merlin sat on the floor in front of him, so that he couldn’t possibly avoid him. “What’s the matter, love?”

Eggsy shook his head, feeling stupid, but the other two were clearly not going anywhere. “I thought I was gonna lose you two. I know it’s stupid and I shouldn’t even have thought it but I really thought we were already losing you. And Harry, I didn’t know what the fuck was gonna happen to us if I was right, but I don’t think you’d’ve chosen me.”

Harry stroked his thumb over Eggsy's shoulder. “You’re right, but only technically. I wouldn’t have chosen between you, you would never have lost me. And we weren’t losing Merlin either.”

“That’s never going to happen, sweetheart. For a start, your mother would have my head on a fucking stick.” Eggsy let out a small laugh, wiping his eyes again. “I love you two. I’m never going to leave you, not for anyone or anything. And you know if you keep crying you’ll set at least one of us off too.”

“I know. I know, this is stupid, sorry." Eggsy wiped his eyes and his nose again as they both told him it was okay. "I was just thinking how shit it would've been if it had all turned out badly, because I'm really, really fucking happy the way we are."

"And you're certainly not alone in that, darling." Harry's bright smile told them both exactly how he felt. Harry loved to be proven right - he'd taken a huge sense of smug satisfaction in Lee and Eggsy both making it to the last two in their Lancelot trials; it was only his gentlemanliness that stopped him laughing in the faces of all the people that told him he'd never marry Merlin; and he was completely over the moon when Eggsy decided to be with them and stay with them - but none of those moments made him as thrilled to be right as Merlin's big reveal had. He was ashamed to think that he had doubted him at all but it was only the tiniest part of him, and it wasn't entirely unfounded, after all. It didn't matter any more though - Merlin knew he meant it when he said he was sorry, and he knew Merlin meant it when he said it was okay.

"It's all okay, love. We're going to be fine. Better than fine, all three of us, together." Eggsy nodded, beaming even with red-rimmed eyes. That never failed to make him happy, the thought of being with them forever. He fought his way out of his blanket cocoon to clean himself up a bit and when he returned, they all huddled together just a little bit tighter.

As anticipated, work dragged them apart for the next few days, but they counted themselves lucky that they could all be home at reasonable times and enjoy the evenings together. Eggsy was unfortunately the first to break the pattern a couple of nights in. By the time he came home, they were already sitting, feet up, with their evening tea and biscuits. Eggsy watched from the doorway as they chatted away happily, completely unaware of his presence. Eggsy grinned to himself as Merlin dunked a biscuit into his tea, swiped the melted chocolate off onto Harry's nose and then leaned in with a grin to kiss the outraged look off of his face, not bothered at all by the chocolate that ended up on his own cheek, especially as it made Harry smile. It was times like this that he realised how in love they still were. He'd always thought that after a decade or two together, it was more familiarity and loyalty that kept people together than actual love, but that couldn't be further from the truth for these two. He couldn't wait to be their age and still be as in love as they were.

Eggsy looked down at his hand, spinning the ring around and sliding it up and down on his finger. He wasn't sure he deserved it. He took it back, of course he did, because he wanted to marry them and he wanted the ring that went with it but that doesn't mean he should have. They were so happy, before him and still, and he'd caused so much drama in all of their lives. He could have just walked away after the last time in Merlin's office, he could even have pretended Harry's confession never happened and left them to sort it out on their own, but he couldn't just leave it alone, could he? Shit, he could _even_ have just said no to shagging a married couple in the first place but he fancied them so he went ahead with it, not thinking for a second about what it could've done to them. No, he definitely didn't deserve it.

"Eggsy." Harry called him, and clearly not for the first time, but the first that he'd heard. He almost dropped the ring as he jumped at the sound, but made sure to clutch it tightly. They both frowned at him. "Is everything alright, darling?"

Eggsy nodded with a slightly forced smile but his eyes gave him away. He went to turn away but they called for him to wait so he did. With Harry following close behind, Merlin stepped up to him and tipped his head up with one finger under his chin. "What's wrong, baby?" Eggsy's heart skipped a beat every time he called him that, even more so for how rarely he did. Eggsy couldn't force himself to answer. He felt like such a prick, coming in and ruining their happy, peaceful evening, getting everyone's attention on him again. Merlin prised his hand open, giving him a questioning look as the ring sat in his palm rather than on his finger. "Eggsy, what's wrong?"

"Do you think I deserve this? After everything I've put us through, do I deserve this back?" He looked between the two of them, not really sure who he was expecting to answer. Both of them, he supposed.

"What do you mean?"

"Are you giving it back again?" Harry sounded disappointed.

"No. I mean, I don't want to but..." He shrugged. "I dunno, maybe I shouldn't have taken it back in the first place."

"Whether or not you should have depends entirely upon whether or not you wanted to. Did you say that we didn't have to decide right away because you weren't sure yourself?" Eggsy gave him a firm 'no'. Truthfully, that wasn't why. "It's not just any old ring, Eggsy, it's an engagement ring. We didn't give it to you lightly. And every time you take it off, it's like you're telling us that you don't want to marry us. It's okay if you don't or if you need some time to get back to that point but you can't keep changing your mind. It's not fair."

"I do. I swear, I do. But after everything I've done-"

"And what is that, exactly?" Eggsy thought it was a stupid question but Merlin made it sound like a genuine one.

"I nearly ruined everything. I should've just kept my fucking mouth shut." Neither of them looked ready to concede that. "I mean, you two have been together forever and look how happy you are, but if Harry believed me just a little bit more, I would've fucked everything up over nothing."

"Eggsy, it's okay." Merlin stroked his thumb over Eggsy's cheek, only to have him pull away.

"Will you stop saying that? You keep telling me it's okay and it's not. The way I made you feel ain't okay, the way me and Harry felt weren't okay. I was wrong. I put us through all of that and I was wrong." Again, neither of them would agree. If anything, they looked set to argue. After all, neither of them blamed him. They didn't really blame anyone. "How many times do I have to almost wreck your marriage before one of you holds it against me?"

"What do you want me to do?" Merlin left a long pause, in which Eggsy offered no answer. "Do you want me to invent some anger? I think you were right to think what you did."

"I want you to make me take some fucking responsibility!" Merlin's raised eyebrow was all that showed how taken aback he was. "Even if what I thought was fair enough -which it weren't, how could I think you'd do that? - the way I acted weren't. I didn't have to be so fucking cold towards you, did I? Me and Harry didn't have to flaunt it right in your face. You were right, I did all the things that I should've known would hurt you and I didn't even think about what it would do to you. Merlin, you said it yourself, you begged me not to and I still left you. So d'you know what? Yeah, I want you to be fucking angry. Let me know that you give a shit. Make me feel as bad about it as I deserve to."

"I should never have said those things to you. And I was. I was angry and I was devastated and it spurred me on to win you back, but I'm not any more. I know that even if it hurt me, it wasn't because you were trying to. You ask Harry how many times I've been really angry with him in 30 odd years." Eggsy just stayed staring at him so he gestured to Harry. "Go on, ask him."

He stared at Merlin for a few seconds more before he turned to Harry. "How many?"

Harry thought about it for a second. "That I can recall, four."

"Four times the entire time we've been together, and you know it's not true that I don't give a shit about him. Do you think there haven't been other times where he's pissed me off? Of course there have, but I let it go because there are so many other things that deserve my anger more, and my time is always better spent loving him that arguing with him. The same goes for you. Can I say something that I don't think you've thought of?" Eggsy nodded. "You did me a favour." He scoffed. "No, listen. Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep that from you? My entire life is about secrecy, but not with you two, not like that. And Christ knows how long I would've had to keep lying to you. Because of you, I don't have to. So you want some responsibility? You take responsibility for that."

That seemed to appease him just a little bit. "But what I did still ain't right. At least Harry acted like a decent person and a decent husband. I should've stayed."

"Maybe. Maybe you staying while you were as angry as you were would've made things worse. Maybe having all of that it one house would've destroyed us for good." Harry hummed in agreement. As much as he'd wanted Eggsy home, he'd never questioned that letting him go was absolutely the right decision. "Darling, I'm not saying this to criticise you, but there are three things that you _need_ to do if we're ever going to move past this. First of all, you can't compare yourself to Harry. If we all start comparing ourselves to each other, we'll all end up going around in circles and turning into strange parodies of each other rather than the people that we all fell in love with. Second, you need to stop thinking of mine and Harry's marriage as a separate entity. Our marriage as it was ended the second we agreed to date you and we're not looking to get it back. It's about the three of us now, that's what we need to focus on."

"But..." He paused. He had no idea how he was planning to end that sentence. "Alright. I'll try. The third one?"

"The third one might be easier said than done but you have to let this go. We all have things that we could feel bad about but I can't make you feel bad about it when I don't feel badly towards you. And even if I did, where would that get us? You're right, what we all felt isn't nothing, and it was a horrible few weeks, but we have a choice now. We either choose to forgive each other and ourselves and move on, or we choose not to and we stay stuck in this until we let it tear us apart. I don't want it to tear us apart."

"Neither do I." He looked at them both earnestly. "I'm sorry about all of this."

"At the risk of getting another ear full, I promise you it's okay." He stroked his hand over Eggsy cheek again, and was glad that this time he let him. "Please let that be the last apology I hear about this, you've nothing to feel guilty about."

"Thank you." He smiled at them again, genuine this time. Merlin had told him it was okay at least half a dozen times but it was different having it explained to him in that way. He held up his engagement ring. "Now are you a hundred percent sure about this? 'Cause once I put it back on, it's not coming off again."

"Good." Harry's rested his hand on the back of Eggsy's neck, stroking through the hairs there. "We're sure if you are."

He nodded, slid it onto his finger and held his hand up for both of them to see. "I'm sure." He kissed each of them. "I love you. Hope we're all as happy in 30 years' time as you two are now."

"If we're still around by then," Merlin said with a shrug.

"Oi! You're gonna live forever. You've gotta stay alive at least as long as I do, it's the rules."

"We'll do our very best, darling." Merlin leant in to kiss him again. "I love you."

"We'll outlive god himself if that's what it takes to never leave you."

"You don't believe in god."

"Well then I've already outlived him and I'll continue to do so." He pulled Eggsy into a kiss too. "I love you, darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we have it! I was very nervous about posting this and I really hope I've done it justice. If you think I have, please let me know; if you don't, please tell me what you think I could have done better.
> 
> One last note: this chapter brings us over 50k with plenty more to come when I expected it to be about 20k so thank you so much to all of the people who are still reading and commenting, and encouraging and motivating me to continue.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How they get back on track.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just so you know, it may or may not have been glaringly obvious that I didn't have a name in mind for Eggsy's sister before but I've now decided she's called Sophie in this.

With everything forgiven, life transformed back into something normal again over the next few days. It wasn't quite forgotten, but that's not always a bad thing. It made them kiss just a little bit deeper, hug just a little bit tighter and smile just a little bit brighter when they woke up in bed together each morning.

They found themselves on one such morning again when Merlin cracked one eye open and found Eggsy grinning at him. "Can I help you?"

"Nah, I'm good." Merlin leant over to kiss him, and Harry peeked over Eggsy's shoulder to claim his own. Satisfied enough with that, he settled back down and let Eggsy have him to himself for a moment. Eggsy shifted slightly, finding a better angle to kiss Merlin. It was just a gentle press of lips at first, then he deepened it, then licked into his mouth. Merlin moaned into Eggsy's mouth, a moan that the other two had heard enough times to know exactly what it meant. And sure enough, with a glance downwards, the evidence was there in the slight tenting of the sheets. Harry quirked an eyebrow, again over Eggsy's shoulder, while Eggsy just smirked at him.

"Sorry. Just ignore that, it'll go in a minute." Merlin blushed awkwardly. "It's just been a while, that's all."

"How long's a while? I've never given you a hardon just from kissing you before." Eggsy winked. "Well, not from kissing your lips, anyway."

Merlin tucked his face half into his pillow. "Since that morning in the shower."

"Fucking hell, that was ages ago." A month. It had been a month. Harry and Eggsy had at least had that one night but for Merlin, nothing. "You've not even had a wank?"

"I haven't really found the time or the mood for a wank, love. Just leave it, it's fine."

"Do you really want me to?"

Merlin stumbled over his words for a moment. He didn't, but he didn't want there to be any expectation either. Sex was a big part of their relationship, that was undeniable, but it was still the least important part and the first to fall away in times of uncertainty. They'd never made it any kind of overt agreement but they'd all independently decided at one point or another that if there was even a chance that any of them were feeling insecure in their relationship, then it was probably best to steer as clear of their fuckbuddy past as possible. "You don't have to do anything."

"I know. And you don't have to let me...but if I wanted to?" Merlin paused for a second, then nodded. "I've missed him too."

Merlin laughed. "Don't call it 'him'."

Eggsy grinned as he groped at Merlin's cock. "What, Little Merlin? I can't call him 'him'?"

"'Little Merlin' is worse. Honestly, if you want to get rid of it, you're going the right way about it."

"Oh, well I'd better give it a reason to stick around then, eh?" Eggsy shimmied his way under the covers. All of a sudden he swallowed down as much of Merlin as he could.

"Oh, you greedy little cocksucker." Eggsy grinned as much as he could around Merlin's girth, then threw the covers back. Merlin gave him a half apologetic look - he knew Eggsy hadn't ever minded yet but he still didn't mean to say it, it just kind of slipped out - but Eggsy just winked and slowly started moving his mouth up and down Merlin's length.

Merlin groaned as Eggsy pulled off just enough to flick his tongue across his slit. He sucked hard at the head of his cock, making him arch his back as Harry watched with a hungry look in his eye. Deciding Merlin had waiting long enough, Eggsy started to move again, bobbing his head sloppily. Merlin moaned, and in just a few short minutes he was coming loudly. Eggsy swallowed quickly as rope after rope of Merlin's release flooded his mouth, his cock pulsing forcefully.

Eggsy giggled as he pulled off completely, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. As soon as Eggsy's mouth was removed, Harry replaced it with his hand, his constant stroking never letting his erection flag. Merlin bit down hard on his lip but Harry gently teased it free, shaking his head with a filthy grin on his face.

"Harry, what the fuck?" Merlin chuckled but it broke into a moan as Harry twisted his hand. Harry's rhythm faltered just briefly when Eggsy's mouth closed over his interested cock but he quickly regained it, making Merlin throw his arm across his eyes with a groan. "Harry, please."

"Please what?" Merlin moaned again as Harry gave a gentle squeeze. "Would you like me to stop?"

Harry slowed his hand when Merlin didn't answer and pulled a whine from him. "No, please, don't stop." Harry sped back up again and Eggsy did the same, just as intent on getting Harry off as Harry was on Merlin. Merlin could feel himself getting closer as Harry kept stroking him, but he wasn't quite there yet. "Fuck, Harry, I don't know if I can."

"I think you can." Merlin's brow creased as if he was trying hard not to let Harry down, even as his moans got louder at Harry's skilled touches. Harry smoothed his forehead with his thumb and shushed him softly. "Don't push it. Just let it happen."

Harry brushed his lips over Merlin's skin, just feather-light touches to his neck, jaw and shoulders, taking more and more effort to focus on Merlin instead of on Eggsy's excellent attempt to suck his brains out through his dick. Harry's own gasps and moans only spurred Merlin on as his breath ghosted over his skin. Merlin fisted his hands in the sheets as Harry kissed a path from his shoulder, up his neck, to the spot behind his ear, writhing as he kept up his stroking. As Harry's breath caught in his ear, that was the final straw for Merlin. He cried out loudly as he came, spurting over Harry's hand and his own stomach.

Harry kept stroking him through it until he finished completely and his stomach muscles started to twitch with the instinct to pull away, then pressed a long kiss to his grinning lips before he turned his attention back to Eggsy. With Harry much less preoccupied, Eggsy upped his enthusiasm, expertly bringing Harry off with a broken moan and an arched spine in just a couple of minutes.

"You two are incredible." Merlin grinned at them both and reached a hand down to comb through Eggsy's hair. "I think it must be your turn."

"Bit late, bruv." Eggsy raised up onto his elbows then crawled up and flopped down beside them, leaving a small puddle behind. He shrugged at the others' raised eyebrows. "You two are really fucking hot. Didn't even know you could do that."

"Neither did I, not any more. It's been years. But I suppose this one has always been good with his hands." Harry snorted a laugh. Merlin grimaced at the cooling mess on his stomach. "Ugh, I need a shower and these sheets need a wash."

"Oh, I see, you two get to start the day with a morning blowjob..." Eggsy pouted mockingly.

"I just offered, you turned me down." Eggsy fought the smile that tried to form.

Harry tutted at him, smiling at his teasing. "Don't sulk, darling. It's not very gentlemanly."

"Is wanking your husband off til he screams while you're fiancé sucks you off gentlemanly?"

"As long as I leave you both satisfied, yes. Are you not satisfied, darling?"

"I'm always satisfied." Eggsy blushed. "I already came twice." They both gave him stunned looks, wondering how the fuck he'd managed that. To his credit, he hadn't let it distract him at all. Their reactions only made the colour in his cheeks deepen. "I told you, you're really fucking hot."

"Well then I do believe that makes three of us." Harry kissed Eggsy, a fond smile on his face, then nudged him towards the edge of the bed. "Come on."

"Alright, fine. I'm gonna have a bath, take JB for a walk, get us a McDonald's breakfast, then we can chill and save our energy up for tomorrow. What d'you think?" Harry nodded in agreement.

"What's tomorrow?" Merlin frowned in confusion, before his brain kicked in and he smiled as he remembered. "Oh, right, we've got your sister."

"Yeah. I mean we don't have to have her here if you'd rather not, or if it's too soon or whatever. I can take her out instead."

"Don't be stupid, of course we'll have her here." Harry's answer was exactly as expected but Eggsy looked to Merlin for his.

"Of course we will. I'm always happy to have her, I just forgot for a minute, that's all." His smile convinced Eggsy. His sister had always been a lovely kid, he loved her to pieces and he was sure Harry and Merlin didn't mind having her around either but they'd never signed up to have a kid running around all the time so he was always just a tiny bit wary of agreeing to have her at home without asking first.

Eggsy got out of bed and went about his plan for the morning. By the time he got back, the other two were up and dressed too. Harry was reading the newspaper but got up and traded a kiss for the bag in Eggsy's hand when he came in. Eggsy walked straight through to the garden, where Merlin was. "What are you doing?"

Merlin didn't turn to look at him, just carried on digging. "What does it look like?"

"It looks like I better start planning your funeral 'cause Harry's gonna kill you for fucking up his flowerbed."

Merlin sat back on his heels and smirked up at Eggsy. "This is on Harry's orders."

"What? Why?" Harry loved his flowers. Digging in the flowerbed was the only thing he ever really told JB off for so why he'd send Merlin to mess around in it, he had no idea.

Merlin looked at him for a second, waiting for him to figure it out as if it was obvious. "Well we can't give our little explorer a map and have no treasure for her to find. This is the safest place for her to dig."

He suddenly felt guilty. When he'd told Sophie to ask them for a map, it was only for show. He was planning to make it himself all along. "Shit, I forgot about that. I didn't make a map."

"Harry did. Stained it and ruffled up the edges and all sorts. Made it look all old and official. It looks good." Eggsy's heart fluttered at the thought of Harry going to all that effort. "He's made up some clues and puzzles to lead her around the house to find the map as well. He wanted to make a game out of it, I believe we'll be given our parts tomorrow."

"He didn't have to do that." Merlin shrugged. "It's like he's skipped the dad part and gone straight to being the world's sickest grandad."

Merlin laughed. "Don't say that to his face. Or please let me be there when you do."

"I don't mean it in a bad way." Eggsy gave him a playful shove. "What's the treasure anyway?"

"You'll have to wait and see." Eggsy tried to peek into the bag that Merlin had ready to bury but Merlin quickly pulled it away, holding it out of reach. "I said wait."

"Fine. Food's inside, by the way." Eggsy poked his tongue out at him and then sulked off back inside to let Merlin get on with it. His pout disappeared and was replaced with a grin as soon as he saw Harry. He draped his arms over Harry's shoulders, standing close to him as Harry settled his hands on Eggsy's hips. "You're amazing, d'you know that?"

Harry smiled back at Eggsy's grin. "I certainly like to think so, but why now, specifically?"

"You made a map?"

He shrugged. "She'll be expecting one."

"She won't be expecting a whole trail of breadcrumbs." Harry argued that that was rather the point, and that simply handing her a map was no fun for anyone. "You didn't have to make it, I would've done it."

"And now you don't have to."

"Merlin's ruining half your flowerbed."

"It's a quarter at most, and I can always fix it."

"You'll spoil her."

"Maybe she should be spoiled." Eggsy shook his head with a fond smile on his face. Harry had an answer for everything. "I think every child should, a little bit. She's spoiled, not spoilt, there is a difference. You know how grateful she'll be."

"Yeah, I know, she will." Eggsy grinned as he pictured her reaction. "Can I see it?"

"No." Harry dropped a kiss to his nose. "You can wait until tomorrow."

"You two are well out of order. It's not me that's going treasure hunting." Harry held firm, a smug smile on his face. "Thank you."

Harry's look softened immediately. "You are very welcome, darling, but I didn't do it for you."

Eggsy just stared at him, assessing him for a moment. "You really love her, you two, don't you? I thought since you never wanted kids or nothing you'd think it was a pain having her around but you're so good with her. And to her, and for her."

"Of course we love her." Harry looked almost insulted at the suggestion to the contrary. "She's a bright, good-natured, beautiful little girl and a joy to be around. Why wouldn't we love her? And, if nothing else, she's important to you. That makes her important to us."

"You soft, old git." Eggsy grinned, his voice full of affection.

"Less of the 'old', thank you." Eggsy laughed softly.

"I love you. You're so lovely and amazing and...perfect. I forget how sweet you are sometimes and I shouldn't. Thank you, for reminding me." Behind all of Harry's posh exterior and bravado and endless fucking sarcasm, there was the kind, thoughtful man that he'd only really seen for the first time on their first date. He found all the rest of it attractive, of course, but it was that that made him fall in love with him.

"Don't say it too loudly, darling. People might catch on. I love you, too." Eggsy smiled at him. "I was thinking...I haven't mentioned it to Merlin yet either, but I was thinking that Sophie would be the most adorable flower girl. Or something, she should have some role. Maybe she could be ring bearer."

"Who could be ring bearer?" They both turned to Merlin as he walked through the door. "Making plans without me?"

"No, it was just a thought. Sophie, she should have a role in the ceremony." Merlin nodded. "I know the ring bearer is traditionally a boy but one of the betrothed is traditionally female so I think we can afford to stray from that."

Both of the others chuckled. "Yeah, I agree. She'd love everyone's eyes on her for a minute or two. What do you think, Eggsy? I'm sure your mum would be happy, wouldn't she?"

"Yeah, course she would. And she'd love you for suggesting it." He stroked a thumb across Harry's nape. "You should ask Soph tomorrow."

"Well that's settled, then. I do believe we just started planning our wedding." Harry beamed at Eggsy, then planted a kiss on his smiling lips. Merlin placed a kiss on each of their heads, smiling as he passed to clean his muddied hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're as pleased as I am to get back to some happier stuff. I've had some really lovely comments on the last few chapters, and the overall response has been overwhelming so please do keep that coming if you like what you read.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did someone mention wedding planning?

As the three of them sat down together, the excited, mischievous look in Eggsy's eye was clear. "So, talking of wedding planning, should we do that at some point?"

"That point being now?"

Eggsy shrugged. "Why not?" Merlin shrugged in answer. "Alright, so have we got a date in mind?"

They both looked at him a little blankly. "I can't say I've thought about it, darling."

"No, me neither." It wasn't exactly a good start. They hoped Eggsy had thought about things a bit more than they had. "Have you?"

"What about our anniversary? Of when we got together properly. Obviously not in a couple of weeks, that'd be mad, but next year?" Harry nodded, considering it for a moment - a year seemed so long to wait but the last one had already gone so quickly so maybe it wouldn't be so bad - and Merlin agreed that it was a nice idea. "I can't believe we haven't even been engaged for two months, y'know."

It seemed a bit out of order to think it felt like longer but in his defence, a lot had happened in that time. Neither of them seemed to take offence to it anyway, though. Merlin gave a small shrug of his mouth. "Well you should, we went from dating to living together in this time. And that's only from the real proposal, it has sort of been longer than that."

"True." Eggsy's mind drifted back to the proposal briefly before he forced himself back to the topic at hand. "Alright, are we going big or small with this?"

"Big." Merlin raised an eyebrow at the speed of Harry's answer. "What? We've already done small, let's try it the other way."

Eggsy grinned at the completely innocent look on Harry's face as he tried to justify himself. "I'm not gonna argue. Getting to show off with you two on my arms? I'm all up for it."

"Alright then, big it is." Merlin could hardly argue with both of them. Big parties weren't really his thing - in fact, neither were small parties - but he could make an exception for this and them. "Any thoughts on the venue?"

"Knowing Harry, a castle or something." Eggsy gave Harry a playful nudge.

"Cheek. That might be a bit much but I'm sure we could find a nice hotel. In the country somewhere, perhaps." They could probably find a dozen decent ones right on their doorstep but most of them were too extravagant (even for Harry) or too clinical for the occasion. It called for something a little more out of the way with a bit more privacy, he thought. "We could always pay for the rooms if people would prefer to stay over rather than travel there and back."

"And the travelling if it's far. We can hire cars and stuff, or borrow them, there's enough of them just sitting underground waiting to be used. I want everyone there, I don't want them to not be able to 'cause they can't afford it. A couple of people might be a bit funny about it but I'll have a while to convince them." They both agreed. They didn't really care what it took as long as everyone was there that should be. "Right, so we already know a place to get some decent suits, I feel like flowers is probably more Harry's area so I'm staying well out of that. Rings?"

"Leave them to us too. It's a surprise."

"What if I hate them?" Eggsy held his head up, like a challenge.

Merlin gave him a shrug and a smirk in return. "We'll take our chances."

Eggsy narrowed his eyes at them and silently wondered whether he could get them to give in and show him beforehand. He decided probably not. "Alright then. I want a massive, fuck-off cake. And it better look good and be tasty."

Harry let out a small laugh. "Any more specific than that?"

"Well how big are we going with this? 'Three-tier cake' big? We could have one for all our favourite flavours - chocolate, fruit, lemon." He pointed to Merlin, Harry and himself, respectively. "And it's gotta have proper icing as well, none of this buttercream bullshit."

Harry smiled. He'd clearly put a lot of thought into this particular part of the planning. "I'll tell you what, darling, why don't we leave the cake to you?"

"Alright then." Eggsy grinned. "I guess we'll have to think about actual food. Drink? An open bar might be dangerous and expensive given that all of our mates drink like fish, but it ain't a proper celebration unless someone gets drunk enough to throw up while they're trying to tell you they love you."

Merlin laughed. "My money's on Roxy."

"No, everyone knows Matthew is the biggest lightweight."

Eggsy snorted a laugh, imagining both of them in that state. He sighed. "I don't really know what else there is. The only wedding I've ever been to is my mum's and that weren't exactly fancy."

"Music. Band or DJ?"

"Band," Harry called at the exact same time Eggsy said "DJ".

"Why not both?" Merlin offered. "A band for the evening and a DJ for later on when everyone gets a bit rowdy and they're too merry to appreciate live music."

"That sounds good." Eggsy agreed too. "We'll need to find a photographer. And then there's the colour scheme, wedding favours, seating arrangements, place settings, but they're all details that can be sorted out later."

Merlin groaned. He'd stay well out of all of those faffy little details, the other two would do a great job of it anyway, he was sure. "I don't think we've any need for groomsman, it'll be crowded enough up there as it is. We definitely don't need three best men in the mix."

"I'll have my two best men right there." Eggsy and Merlin rolled their eyes affectionately and Harry tutted at them both. "There are the invitations, of course. It's not much of a party with no guests. And let's not forget the honeymoon."

"I think we'll deserve it. Fucking hell, there's loads to think about it." Eggsy huffed out his breath. "Are we sure about this? It's a lot of stuff and it sounds like it's gonna be a lot of money for a party. I don't mean to be shitty about it but it's never gonna be official. It's all just symbolic, init?"

Harry nodded. "It is. But I think what it symbolises justifies the cost. If it's the money that you're worried about, we'll gladly foot the bill."

"No, you won't. We'll pay for it together." He wasn't gonna have them covering all of it. That would hardly be fair when the whole thing was really all about him. "It's not about that, it's the people that are coming, or at least the people that I hope will come. Some of them have never seen that kinda money in their whole lives, and we're just gonna spend it all on a wedding that we won't even be married at the end of. I don't want them thinking I've forgotten what it's like or where I came from, or that I take it for granted. I mean, no offence, but there's so many more worthwhile things we could do with that money."

"If you'd forgotten where you came from, they wouldn't be invited to the wedding." Eggsy shot Harry a look - that wasn't the point. "If you want to scale things down, this doesn't have to be such a large affair. But darling, the people who love you and who've known you your whole life will know better than to think those things. They won't begrudge you this."

"But what if they do? What if they refuse to come and I don't have some of the most important people in my life there for one of the most important moments of my life?"

"They won't. That won't happen. And if any of them have any problem with it, you said yourself you'll have a while to talk them round." Merlin tried to put his worries to rest but Eggsy still looked unconvinced. "Look, this is our first time discussing any of this, none of it is set in stone. Would it help if you spoke to the people you're worried about before we make any real plans?"

"Probably. But it's you two's wedding too, it ain't just about what I want."

"Love, I don't care if it's right here in our living room, a pissup in the pub, a fancy hotel, a castle or the fucking moon." Eggsy let out a small laugh at that, bringing a smile to Merlin and Harry's faces in the process. "I want to marry you and I want you to be happy and have everyone there who should be."

"I have every confidence that they'll all be fine with it and want to celebrate as much as we do, but if the idea of it makes you or them uncomfortable, we can do something less extravagant. The ceremony is the important part, and that can happen anywhere. The rest is just...garnishing." Eggsy shook his head with a smile. He wasn't sure a massive cake and a free bar counted as garnishes.

They were right, it was all about getting married. Everything else was just extra, they didn't need any of it, it was all just a massive waste of money, surely. All that fancy stuff, splashing out on weddings, it was just for people overcompensating for something, weren't it? That or people so up themselves that they have to have an entire day of showing off and having everyone's attention on them, and that wasn't what any of the three of them were like, not really. So why did he want it? He wasn't quite sure, but he was sure that he did.

"Perhaps we should put off asking Sophie to help until we know what sort of thing this is going to be." It came out more like a question, slightly hopeful that someone might contradict him.

"No, you wanted that, we've gotta do it. No matter what we do, we're still gonna have rings, she can still look after them." Eggsy thought for a minute. "I think I'm gonna meet the boys later, see what they think. And mum tomorrow."

"There's no rush, love." But there was to Eggsy - he didn't want to leave it as a half answered thing where it was up to him to call all the shots. He might as well at least see what they thought so they could decide what to do.

Eggsy met Ryan and Jamal that evening. He got to the pub before them, taking a booth tucked away in the corner rather than their usual table. They chatted away for a good hour or two, just catching up before he decided to get to the point. "Listen, you know I'm getting married, yeah? Well, sort of."

"Still not convinced it ain't a joke but yeah." Ryan gave Jamal a not so subtle nudge for that.

Eggsy just shook his head with a smile. "It's not a joke. It might be a dream but it ain't a joke."

"Jesus, you're such a soft git these days." Eggsy rolled his eyes at Ryan's teasing. "So you're getting married, yeah..."

"Well we were talking about it today, y'know like where we're gonna have it and all that. Harry mentioned a hotel in the country or something, and we were thinking about hiring cars to get everyone there and I dunno. D'you think it's a bit much?"

"A bit much for what?" Eggsy shrugged. That wasn't really a question he was expecting. "You lot are mad about each other, if that ain't an excuse to go all out, I dunno what is."

"Fucking go for it, bruv. If that's what you wanna do, do it. If anyone don't like it, fuck them." Eggsy laughed. He always could rely on them to make him feel better. "Oi, your fellas can sort us out some decent suits, yeah?"

"Yeah." Eggsy nodded with a grin. "I'll sort it, don't worry about it."

Ryan looked a bit hesitant as he went to speak again. "So everything's cool with you lot then? Y'know...with Merlin."

"Yeah, everything's good." Eggsy couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "It was all just a stupid misunderstanding, I feel like a right knob about it. But yeah, we're back to normal now."

"That's good, mate. I'm happy for you." He looked it, too.

"To you, Harry and Merlin." They all raised their glasses with a quick 'cheers'.

Harry and Merlin were already in bed by the time he got home. He wasn't surprised, he'd told them not to wait up - he wasn't expecting a wild night but that didn't mean it was gonna be an early one, either. Harry turned to him sleepily as he slid under the covers. Merlin raised his head slightly. He knew what Harry was going to ask and he wanted to know the answer too. "How did it go?"

"They said go for it." Eggsy grinned. Fuck what he thought before and fuck everyone else that thought it - he loved them, they loved him, why not celebrate in the biggest way possible? He still had to be sure it wouldn't ruffle his mum's feathers but he was pretty sure she wouldn't object too much, if at all. This was it, he was gonna marry them and he was gonna shout it to the whole fucking world. "Let's do it. Let's go all out."

"I was hoping you might come back and say that," Harry smiled.

"Yeah?" Harry nodded, then Eggsy looked to Merlin.

"No arguments here, darling." Merlin gave him a sleepy smile before he broke into a huge yawn and they all decided it was probably best to carry on the conversation tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly had no idea the amount of shit that can go into a wedding until I thought about writing one. It's exhausting but I liked the idea of them starting to think about it. Please let me know if you do too!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's some treasure to be found!

"Nooo." Harry groaned as the alarm went off, trying to keep Eggsy in bed with them.

Eggsy giggled. "Babe, I've gotta get up."

"No." Harry was firmer that time.

"I have to. You can stay if you want but mum's gonna be here in like half an hour, so no lie in for me." Eggsy wriggled out of Harry's grip.

Merlin nudged him as he climbed out after Eggsy. "Come on, love." Harry grumbled as he followed them, but was rewarded with one of Merlin's delicious cooked breakfasts.

When they were done and just waiting for the day's little guest to arrive, a thought suddenly occurred to Merlin. "Did you tell your mum what happened?"

"What, and have her hate you and get myself a lecture about how I should never have got involved with married men, when it could've turned out to be nothing?" Eggsy forced a laugh. "No thanks."

"Does she really think that?"

"No, but I bet she'd say it anyway." Eggsy smirked. "She'd probably be more pissed off with me than she would with you, she well fancies you."

Merlin laughed. "No, she doesn't."

"She does," Harry called from the other side of the room.

"Excuse me, who asked you?" Harry shrugged and turned back to his newspaper. "She doesn't."

"I promise you she does. 'Ain't Merlin handsome?' - first thing she said to me about you two."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "She can think I'm handsome without fancying me."

Eggsy giggled. "She could, yeah, but she don't."

"Why are you telling me this?" Merlin laughed - it was such a ridiculous conversation to be having.

Eggsy shrugged. "It's funny, init?"

"How is the fact that my future mother-in-law has a crush on me funny?" Merlin threw his hands up, an amused yet confused look on his face. "How is the fact that your mother has a crush on your fiancé funny?"

"How is it not?" Merlin just shook his head as Eggsy laughed. "It's not like you fancy her, then it wouldn't be so funny."

"She's a bit too...well, a lot too female for that." Merlin gave him a mischievous grin. "Your dad, though..."

"Fuck off!" Eggsy cackled, even as he shoved Merlin. "You're such a knob."

Merlin shrugged. "You started it."

Eggsy cringed a little bit. "You didn't actually fancy my dad, did you?"

"No, but his son is _gorgeous_." Merlin wrapped his arms around Eggsy and drew him into a long kiss, grins still on both their faces. They were broken apart by the sound of the doorbell and Eggsy shoving Merlin towards it. Merlin rolled his eyes and shook his head as Eggsy hid round the corner.

"Merlin!" Sophie threw her arms around Merlin's legs as soon as he opened the door.

"Hello, darling." Merlin picked her up and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "How are you today?"

"Good." She grinned.

"Glad to hear it. Harry's in the living room, he's got a surprise for you." She hopped down excitedly and ran off to find Harry. "And how are you doing?"

"Not bad, thanks. You?" Michelle smiled at him. He wasn't sure if she looked a bit flustered or if it was just Eggsy and Harry putting ideas in his head.

Merlin returned her smile. "I'm very good, thank you."

"That's good." She looked around Merlin quickly to see if she could spot her son. "Is Eggsy about?"

"He's around somewhere. Making a nuisance of himself, no doubt." He was. Merlin could practically hear him sniggering from his little hiding spot. "Do you need him? You're welcome to come in, or I can go and get him?"

She waved his offer off. "No, you're alright. I'll speak to him later."

"Oh, I'm supposed to ask you about later. Can you two stay for dinner? We wanted to ask you a couple of things about the wedding."

"Yeah, we'd love to." She smiled a proud smile at the mention of the wedding. "Right, I'd better get going. I'll see you later, Soph." Sophie ran back to the door to kiss her mum goodbye before she skipped off back to Harry. "See you later, love. Have a nice day, hope she's not too much trouble."

"Never, she's an angel. You have a good one." Merlin gave her his usual charming smile as she left. Eggsy tittered as Merlin shut the door and he came out. "Shut it."

"Tell me I'm wrong. You know what helps you out?" Merlin raised an eyebrow in question, humouring him. "It's that thing about women fancying blokes that are good with kids, init? You think she wants you to be her daddy?"

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him. "Have you forgotten that you're talking about your own mother? Teasing me cannot be that important to you."

"A little bit, yeah." His face flushed as he bit his lip. He shuddered, a grimace on his face. "Fuck, forget I said that."

Merlin just laughed as he stepped around Eggsy and into the living room, Eggsy following behind. "Hey, look who I found."

"Eggsy!" Sophie leapt at her brother, who swept her up into a tight hug with a big kiss.

"Hello, baby. You alright?" She nodded happily. He asked her about school and how she'd been and she chatted away to him like always. "Did Harry tell you he's got a surprise for you?"

"No, Merlin told me."

"Did you find out what it is?" She suddenly went shy and shook her head, not yet. "Oh, come on, you're not shy with Harry. Go on, go and ask him what he's got for you."

Eggsy put her down and she walked timidly over to Harry. "Do you have something for me?" Harry told her that he did. "Am I allowed to know what it is? Please?"

"Of course you are. Do you remember last time you were here at the weekend, you were searching for something, weren't you?" She nodded. "And you remember Merlin and I said we'd see if we had a map for you?" She nodded again, bouncing excitedly. "Well, I couldn't find the treasure or the map but I did find this." He held out a piece of paper to her, made to look as old as the map. "I think it will help but I thought I'd figured it out and I didn't find anything. Maybe you'll have more luck."

She took the paper from her and read the clue written on it:  
_Look where you would find the coffee,  
The crisps, the chocolate and the toffees._

"It's in the kitchen, silly!"

Harry gasped, tutting at himself for being so daft. "Of course it is!"

Sophie grabbed his hand and dragged him along to the kitchen. She went straight for the cupboard where she knew those things were kept and found a second clue tucked at one side of it. "See! It was right here."

"You know, I checked every other cupboard, I must have forgotten about this one." Sophie told him it was okay and maybe he'd find the next one. "What does it say, then?"

She carefully unfolded the note and read the message inside:  
_If the pup goes to snooze, he'll find some more clues._

Harry looked thoughtful for a second before sighing in defeat. "You know, I have no idea."

"Well, the pup is JB, right?" Harry had to agree. "And where does he sleep? It's JB's bed!"

Harry followed behind as she skipped off and stood proudly with the next clue in hand. "I think you're much better at this than I am. Perhaps I should leave it to the expert." She tried to encourage Harry - it was sweet, really - and she still looked a little unsure as he insisted she carry on without him but she did eventually agree.

She came back with each new clue, getting more and more excited as she got closer to finding the treasure. A few clues later, she hopped into Eggsy's lap. "Eggsy, I think you're supposed to help me."

"Am I, now?" Eggsy laughed.

"This one just says 'Brother knows best'." She held the note in front of Eggsy's face as proof. "I think that means you. Can you help me please?"

"Course I can, Princess. Is that all there was?"

She pulled a puzzle piece out of her pocket. "There was this wrapped up in it as well but I dunno what it's for."

"It's funny, that." Eggsy got up and went to rummage in a drawer. "I found this the other day and there was a piece missing, I wonder if that fits in there." He pulled out a small brown pouch full of puzzle pieces and tipped them out into a little pile on the coffee table. He hadn't found it, of course, and he had no idea there was a piece missing - Harry had given it to him that morning, told him to put it somewhere safe and forbidden him from looking at it. Obviously he knew what it was - not many things feel like puzzle pieces - but he was weirdly excited to find out what it looked like. "The only thing is, I took it all apart and I can't remember how it goes back together. What d'you reckon, you think we can manage it together?"

"I think so. Let's try." Sophie knelt down next to Eggsy and added her piece to the pile. Realising they'd stand no chance of getting her to stop otherwise, Harry decided it was a good time to fit in some lunch. He brought out a plate of sandwiches for them to munch while they worked.

It took them longer than Eggsy expected, Harry had made sure it was difficult enough for her to actually need Eggsy's help. Eggsy was sure to let Harry know with a look how annoyed he was not to be able to do it immediately but it was obvious to all of them how much he was enjoying himself. As the pushed the last piece into place, Sophie jumped up, bouncing on the spot for a second before she threw her arms around Eggsy's neck. "We did it!"

"Yeah, we did. Good job, baby girl." Eggsy stroked a hand over her hair, grinning at her proudly when she finally let him go. "Come on, then. Where have you gotta go next?"

She turned back to the puzzle, reading its message out loud:  
_Hunting for treasure can be quite the toil,  
So where do you go to wash away the soil?_

"The bath?" Eggsy nodded and sent her off to find the next one. She came back to show them each of the next handful of clues, running around the house in between. She came back a little while later and stood in front of the three of them. "I think I need help again."

_There are still more clues to be got,  
His voice may be funny but his puzzle is surely not._

"Who d'you think needs to help you?" Eggsy tried to contain his laughter, unlike when Sophie had asked after the first time she'd met him why Merlin talked funny and Eggsy had cackled for a while. "Who's got the funny voice?"

Sophie chewed on her lip for a second before she smiled shyly and tiptoed over. "Merlin, can you help me please?"

Merlin laughed. "I can try, darling. How can I help?"

"Well, I found this." She showed him a torn corner of a wordsearch with just the start of a word crossed out, and a list of words that looked like it had been torn from somewhere too. "I dunno where the rest is, though."

"Do you know something?" Merlin stood and went to the kitchen notice board, where Harry had pinned the envelope that he'd told Merlin was his prop but banned him from opening. Merlin gave the envelope to Sophie to open, and she did, very carefully. "I found this this morning. I thought it was just a bit of old rubbish, I almost threw it away. Can you imagine if I had?"

Sophie gasped. "Then we'd never find the treasure!"

"I know. It's a good job something told me it might be important, eh?" She nodded, still looking slightly horrified at the idea that it could have been lost forever. "Let's see if we can do it then, shall we?"

They put the three pieces together and found the first word on the list crossed out. They worked through the list together, dodging the red herrings to get all of the words crossed off. When they were finished, the uncrossed letters spelled out 'spare room under the bed'.

"I think that's your next place to look, darling." Sophie squealed excitedly and thanked Merlin with a big hug before she disappeared once again in search of the next hint.

Just a few minutes later, as they heard a crash upstairs and Sophie start to cry, Eggsy and Merlin both flew out of their seats and up the stairs, Merlin's long legs carrying him quicker. Harry stood along with them but ultimately stayed put, feeling guilty that his stupid, elaborate plan had got her hurt.

Merlin sighed in relief as he got to Sophie and found her apparently unharmed, albeit with a broken lamp at her feet. "Come away from it, darling. Some of the pieces might be sharp and we wouldn't want you getting hurt." She stepped away from the shards but didn't step closer to them, eyeing Merlin warily instead. Merlin reached out a hand to her with a soft smile on his face. "It's okay, come here."

Merlin crouched down as she came over to him, rubbing at her eyes as she carried on crying. "Sorry, Merlin. It was an accident, I didn't mean to."

"It's okay, darling." He stroked a comforting hand over her hair. "Are you okay? It didn't fall on you or anything, did it?" She shook her head. "Let's see your hands. Did you touch any of the pieces?"

"Only one bit. I didn't wanna leave it messy." She held her hands up for Merlin to inspect and revealed a cut across two fingertips. Merlin looked them over, and they were thankfully nothing to worry about.

"You have to be careful when things break, darling. We can fix this up just fine but leave it to the grown ups next time, okay?" Merlin wiggled his fingers in front of her. "Your little hands are far more precious than these old things."

Sophie looked up at her brother, who was just smiling at the scene playing out in front of him, before she looked back at Merlin. "Am I gonna be in trouble? You looked upset before, and Eggsy."

Her guilty face looked so much like Eggsy's, he doubted he could be upset with her even if he wanted to be. "Oh, sweetheart, no, of course not. We were a little bit worried, that's all. We thought you might've hurt yourself, but you'll be okay with a couple of plasters, that's the important thing."

She still looked hesitant, staring at the floor as she shifted from one foot to the other. "But, even though I broke the lamp?"

"You are far more important than a silly old lamp. And can I tell you a secret about it?" She nodded slowly. "I bought it as a silly present for Harry because I knew that he'd hate it. Neither of us really liked it, I think you did us a favour." She finally smiled at that. "Now, it seemed to me like you were getting close to finding the treasure. You're not going to let this stop you, are you?"

"No way." She shook her head, a determined look on her face.

"There's our brave, little explorer." Merlin smiled at her and she returned it more easily that time. "Did you find what you were looking for in here?"

"Not yet."

"Then maybe once we clean you up Eggsy can help you. Just make sure you stay away from that bit until I clean it all up, okay?" She nodded. "Come on, then." Merlin picked her up, rested her on his hip and almost bumped right into Eggsy as he turned around, having forgotten he was there. Eggsy just took a step back, smiling a little proudly as he let them pass.

Merlin cleaned her hand, wrapped a plaster around each injured finger and wiped her face. "You know what the most important part is, don't you?" Sophie shook her head. "No?! The most important part is you have to kiss it better. Can I?" Sophie nodded, then giggled as Merlin placed an exaggerated kiss on her hand. "There we go. All better?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Merlin."

"You're welcome, sweetheart. I think we can get back to exploring, then, don't you?" She agreed with a bright smile and gave Merlin a hug before she grabbed Eggsy's hand and led him back up the stairs, Merlin following behind. They found the next clue in no time, she proudly showed it off to Merlin and then ran off to show Harry too. Eggsy waited behind to help him finish tidy up. Merlin looked up at him from his crouched position. "Sorry, I probably should've left that to you."

"No, don't be silly. I wouldn't have handled it better than that." Eggsy pressed a kiss to Merlin's head, giving him a quick squeeze around his shoulders. "You were amazing."

Merlin laughed it off. "It's just a couple of plasters, it's no big deal."

"It's not just that." Growing up around Dean, Eggsy remembered vividly how terrifying it was to do anything wrong. He doubted Sophie remembered it but he doubted just as much that the way Dean used to scream at her or Michelle every time she cried or made a mess or did any of the other mildly inconvenient things that kids do hadn't stuck with her somehow. He was sure she wasn't crying because she'd actually hurt herself - she hardly seemed bothered by it at all once Merlin convinced her it was fine - but more likely that she was scared, that someone might be angry, that they'd shout at her, that she'd be in trouble. But instead, Merlin let her know it was okay, even made her smile and laugh. So maybe next time she wouldn't cry about it, maybe the next time after that she wouldn't look at them so cautiously, maybe a few times after that she wouldn't be scared at all, or at least no more than any other kid. He didn't think he had to tell Merlin that, though, he was sure he'd understand. "It's more than just a couple of plasters."

Merlin gave him that kind of sad smile that meant he knew exactly what - or, more accurately, who - Eggsy was thinking about. "Yeah. I know."

Eggsy mirrored the look on his face before he tutted, thumbing at a mark on Merlin's shoulder. "She got blood on your top."

Merlin just shrugged. "It doesn't matter. It's probably seen worse."

"Probably. Sorry about the lamp, I'll replace it."

"Please don't." Eggsy laughed at how serious he was. "Look at the fucking state of it, it's hardly a great loss. Really, don't worry about it."

Eggsy took the bagged up lamp out to the bin while Merlin ran the hoover through the room, making sure there were no tiny bits of glass or china left in the carpet. By the time they were done, Sophie had talked Harry through three more clues and finally got to the last one.

_You'll need a map to find what you're looking for.  
Look behind the yellow door._

Sophie bolted up and out to the garden, pulling Harry along behind her as she headed for her little playhouse with the yellow door. As she went inside, sitting right in front of her was a slightly tatty scroll with a red ribbon tied around it. She carefully unrolled it to reveal the map. It had the house and Sophie's little playhouse marked out, all of the flowerbeds, even the tree in the far corner. And right where he'd instructed Merlin to bury the treasure, a small red cross, the words 'X marks the spot' scrawled across the bottom.

Sophie grinned, throwing her arms around Harry's legs and hugging them tight as he rubbed her back. She sprinted off to show Eggsy and Merlin what they'd found and Harry took the opportunity to put one of JB's treats in the soil and just barely cover it over. He met the excited little girl at the door, then helped her read the map to find the spot they were looking for.

Just as they were sure they'd found the right place, Harry stopped her. "You can't finish your adventure without your trusty sidekick, can you?" Harry whistled for JB and subtly guided him to the treat he'd hidden. As he'd hoped, JB started off the digging but lost interest as soon as he found his own treasure, so Harry and Sophie took over, neither of them afraid to get their hands dirty (although Harry did warn her to be careful of her injured hand).

After a little more digging, they uncovered a sack, which they pulled out and opened up. Eggsy and Merlin joined them as Sophie unpacked her find. Inside the sack was a fancier leather pouch with a neatly tied drawstring. Inside that was a small congratulatory note with a green 'well done' badge (Sophie's favourite colour), an explorer themed puzzle book and princess themed colour book with some felt tips, a little stuffed giraffe (Sophie's favourite animal) and an even smaller bag containing a necklace with an S on it. It was nice enough but it was really just cheap tat. Although he hadn't mentioned it to the others, the main idea behind it was that she might use the bag to hold their rings. And right in the bottom was an abundance of chocolate coins and real ones.

Harry beamed. He couldn't deny that it had taken a lot of effort but it was absolutely worth it. "Congratulations, Sophie, you make quite the explorer."

"It wasn't just me. Everyone helped. Even JB." She considered the pile in front of her for a minute. "We should share but I'm not sure how to split it up."

"I'd like you to have my share, darling." Eggsy and Merlin said the same thing and she looked like she'd just won the lottery. Even so, she insisted on giving them each a couple of chocolate coins.

As she got to Eggsy, the last of the three of them, he pulled her into a tight hug and gave her a big kiss. "Well done, baby. I'm proud of you." Sophie snuggled closer to him, hiding her face in his neck. Eggsy smiled at the other two - Harry, in particular. God, he was lucky. Eventually, Sophie let go and Eggsy let her stand again. "Are you happy with all the cool stuff you found?"

"Really, really happy." She gave each of them a hug and thanked them for helping her, even JB. Harry announced that it was time to get started on dinner so Merlin helped her put everything away while Harry and Eggsy headed in to get cleaned up and get cooking.

Eggsy wrapped his arms around Harry's waist as he washed his hands, pressing himself tightly against his back. Eggsy didn't let go even as Harry dried his hands then laughed as he tried and failed to turn around and unclasp Eggsy's hands. "Darling, I don't think I can cook like this."

"Don't care. Dinner can wait." Eggsy stayed for another minute before he loosened his grip just enough to let Harry turn. "Thank you. You really didn't have to do all of this. This must've taken so much time and work."

"It's worth it to see her so happy." Harry smiled at him. "And you and Merlin."

"We're so lucky to have you. She's got a shit dad, no grandparents that she sees, or aunties or uncles or cousins. Just me and mum. Thank fuck she's got you two as well now." Eggsy reached up to kiss him. "Love you. And I'll cook, you can just come and keep me company."

They crossed Merlin and Sophie on their way to the kitchen and honestly, good luck to Merlin getting her cleaned up. Eggsy got together everything he needed and put everything on to cook - spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread, Harry's secret favourite (everyone else thought it was lobster but those inside their house - and only them - knew better).

"So did your parents do stuff like this for you when you were little?" Eggsy grinned. "I can just imagine a little you running around exploring and stuff."

Harry smiled along with him. "No, they didn't. They-"

Harry was cut off by the sound of the doorbell. Eggsy gave him a kiss peck on the lips. "Hold that thought, yeah? I'll be back in a sec." Eggsy returned a minute later with his mum, who Harry greeted with a kiss on the cheek. They chatted for a minute until Merlin and Sophie came in and she drew her mum's attention away. "Soph, are you gonna tell mum what you did today?"

Sophie agreed, eagerly dragging Michelle away to show her what she'd found and tell her all about it. Merlin lingered in the doorway. "What are you two nattering about?"

Eggsy grinned. "Harry was just about to tell me about all his adventures as a little kid."

"It's wasn't quite like-"

"Eggsy, can I show mum the puzzle?" Sophie darted in, looking up pleadingly at Eggsy.

"Babe, Harry was talking. It's rude to interrupt people like that."

She turned to Harry with a genuine apologetic look. "Sorry, Harry."

"It's quite alright, darling." He smiled at her warmly.

"We put it away somewhere safe. We'll show her after dinner, it's nearly ready." Eggsy gave her a gentle nudge and sent her back off. "Go on, what were you gonna say?"

"It's not important, darling." Harry dismissed it with a shake of his head.

"Everything about you's important," he smiled. Harry didn't answer, just dropped a kiss on his head as he passed him to fetch the plates. They dished up and all sat down together to eat, the still-excitable Sophie providing most of the conversation and entertainment.

When they finished, they showed Sophie where they'd put the puzzle, the wordsearch and the map and left her to show them off to her mum. Michelle came in a little while later as they were just finishing washing up, having left Sophie with her colouring book. "Soph told me about the lamp."

Harry turned to face her, a solemn look on his face. "I must apologise. Perhaps I shouldn't have left her to search on her own, and it could have been avoided."

Eggsy pressed into his side, one arm around his waist, and looked up at the guilty expression on his face. He stroked his thumb comfortingly along his side and Michelle tipped her head slightly at the display, smiling at them. "It's fine. She's a kid, they get hurt all the time, she's alright. I'm more worried about the lamp. I can replace it or give you the money."

"Oh, there's no need for that." Harry relaxed, relieved that she wasn't irretrievably angry with him for putting another member of her family in harm's way. Michelle insisted on making up for it somehow anyway. "Please, if you'd seen how hideous it was, you'd know we're glad to see the back of it."

Michelle laughed at that and Eggsy smiled at both of them. "Listen, mum, we wanted to ask you a couple of things. How about I make us some tea and we'll sit down, yeah?"

"Alright then. Should I be nervous?" They all assured her she needn't be. Eggsy quickly made the tea and threw a few biscuits onto a plate and the four of them sat down together again. "Go on then, what do you need to ask?"

"Well, first of all, we were talking about the wedding and we started thinking about the venue and stuff, and then I think we got a bit carried away with everything. I mean, if we do all the things we were talking about, or even most of them, it's gonna be a pretty big deal. And, well, what d'you think?" Michelle wasn't really sure what he meant. What was she supposed to think? "Do you think it's a bit over the top? D'you think people will be weird about it? Would you be uncomfortable with some big, fancy thing?"

"Oh, babe, no. Of course not. If that's what all of you wanna do, you should do it." She paused for a second. "That is what you all wanna do?"

"Yeah, course it is." The other two nodded as well. "Just...you don't think it's a waste of money?"

"Eggsy, just because we had nothing doesn't mean you always have to." Eggsy suddenly felt strangely embarrassed. He wasn't sure why - money wasn't an issue in their relationship, it wasn't one generally for any of them anymore, and he'd never been ashamed of his past. Maybe it was the reminder. Maybe it was that he still felt so unsure. Maybe it was a little bit that he still needed his mum to tell him it was okay. "You do whatever the three of you wanna do. Whatever that is, I can't wait."

Eggsy grinned, letting out a small laugh of relief. "Thanks, mum." She could tell he really meant it. "The other thing we wanted to ask...well, Harry wanted to ask. It was his idea."

"We wanted to ask your permission to ask Sophie to be part of the ceremony. We hoped she could be ring bearer."

"Oh, that's so sweet. She'll love that, of course you can ask her."

Harry gave her a grateful smile. "I was hoping I could ask her today, actually. If that's alright with you."

"Yes! Yeah, of course, go ahead."

"Thank you." Harry sat for a minute longer until he realised everyone sort of expected him to go and ask her right away. He walked into the living room and tried to ignore the others gathering in the doorway behind him. "How are you getting along, sweetheart?"

"Good! I already finished this one." She turned back the page to show Harry the picture she'd already finished colouring.

"It's beautiful, darling." Harry crouched down in front of her. "Listen, Sophie, I was wondering if you might be able to help me with something."

"What is it?" She set her pen down and looked at him wide-eyed, listening intently.

"You know that Eggsy, Merlin and I are getting married..." She nodded and Harry tried his best to look like he was really in a predicament. "Well we're going to have rings that we give each other. The problem is, they're so small and we're going to be so busy on the day, I'm worried that they might get lost, so we need someone very special to look after them for us. It's a very important job, so we need someone that we trust very, very much, and I can only think of one person that might be up to it. Do you think you could manage it?"

"So I'd be in charge of the wedding rings?" Harry nodded at her and she thought hard about it for a minute. "But what if I lost them?"

"You're much less likely to lose them than we are, we're going to be running around like headless chickens." Harry pulled a face at her and she giggled. "And we know that you'd take your job very seriously, but we also know that accidents happen sometimes, so we're sure you wouldn't but if you did lose them, we wouldn't be upset with you."

"You promise?" She looked at the floor, her voice barely more than a mumble. "I don't wanna ruin everything if I'm rubbish at it."

"I promise, darling. And I'm sure you'll be very good at it." Harry rubbed his hand over her back, drawing her attention back to him. "What do you think? Do you think you could help us?"

"I'll do my best." She looked so determined. Harry smiled at her and she gave a small one in return.

"Thank you, darling." Harry placed a kiss on her head and she gave him a bigger grin and a hug before they turned back to the book in front of her.

Merlin had his arms wrapped around Eggsy with their fingers intertwined. They looked like they were leaning so heavily on each other that they'd both topple right over if either of them moved, but they both looked so perfectly comfortable, with matching looks of complete adoration as they watched Harry. Michelle's heart swelled to see her little boy surrounded by so much love.

She teared up as Sophie agreed to take on the role. "God, he's so good with her."

"Yeah, he is." Eggsy grinned at Michelle. "Everything today was all him, y'know. We weren't even allowed to know about half of it."

"He did all of that by himself?" Eggsy nodded. "Oh, he shouldn't have."

"I told him that, he doesn't care. He just wanted us all to have a good day. And it was fucking amazing." Merlin smiled down at him as he grinned.

"You two really don't have to go to any trouble when she's here." She was speaking more to Merlin then. "I mean, getting her brother to look after her is one thing but this..."

"This is no trouble. He loves having her around. We both do." He flashed her a warm smile.

Harry came back with one of Sophie's tiny hands in his as she rubbed her eyes sleepily with the other. "I think somebody might be a little tired out."

"Oh, bless her. We'd better get going." She pulled Harry into an unexpected hug. "Thank you for today."

"It was my pleasure." Michelle and Sophie said their goodbyes and Eggsy saw his two favourite ladies to the door.

Michelle gave him a kiss on the cheek and paused to stroke the other. "I still don't know how you do it, and I definitely couldn't do it myself, but I've never seen anyone as in love as you three are with each other. Don't feel guilty about celebrating that however you want. You've got some right good'uns there, who can blame you for showing them off?"

"Thanks, mum. Love you." He pulled his mum into a tight hug, then crouched down to do the same with his sister. "And you, Princess. See you soon."

The two of them left and Eggsy went back to find the other two embracing. Merlin reached out a hand to where he hung in the doorway for him to come and join them, and they both wrapped an arm tightly around him. "Thank you for today, both of you. I feel like I've taken over your lives, y'know with me and the dog and the kid, but you handle it so well. I love you two so much."

"And I love all of it, especially you." Merlin kissed him slowly.

"I love you too, darling. I wouldn't dream of having it any other way." Harry kissed him too, a big smile on his face.

"I had so much fun today. And Sophie loved every minute of it. You are so amazing." Eggsy let out a small laugh. "And all of it was so fucking cute."

"Eggsy, please, I've spent years cultivating a reputation as anything but cute. Don't ruin it now." He tried to give Eggsy a stern look but he couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"It's not like I'm telling the world. It'll be our little secret." Harry hummed, and Eggsy turned to Merlin. "Don't think I've forgotten how great you were earlier as well."

"I just set her back on track. I couldn't let all of Harry's hard work go to waste, could I?" Eggsy gave him a grateful smile anyway, which Merlin accepted with one of his own.

They were all happy to just stay in each other's arms for a while, until Eggsy broke the silence by yawning dramatically. "Right, bed? I can't be the only one that's fucking knackered."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really excited to post this, so I'd be even more grateful than usual to see what you think. I hope it lives up to expectations.
> 
> That said, please bear in mind that this was written by someone who is never around kids and has absolutely no idea how to deal with them.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're all just a little bit broken, but with each other's help, they just might all be alright.

Over the next week or two, they started looking at venues - it may be a while away but they didn't want to leave it to the last minute and then struggle to find somewhere. They dismissed any that didn't seem to quite live up to their fantasies and any others that seemed a bit too poncy, then narrowed it down to a shortlist of places to visit.

Eggsy sloped off to make some appointments and Harry took the opportunity to cuddle up to his husband. "Do you mind this being so extravagant when our wedding was how it was?"

Merlin gave him what had long been known as his 'don't be stupid, Harry' look, but Harry still looked like he was waiting for an answer. "Of course I don't mind. And even if I did, I'd be outvoted anyway."

Harry frowned at him. "You see, when you say that, it makes me think you do mind."

"I don't. The bigger, the better. I want to show it off to the world." Harry smiled. "Our wedding might've been low key but our relationship definitely wasn't. Did we not rub it in people's faces for years? I think we've both still got some scars to prove it."

Merlin stroked his thumb over the spot where Harry had taken a broken glass to the shoulder after they'd had a few too many drinks and gotten a bit too blatant about their new relationship in a pub one night. He'd only narrowly avoided being slashed in the face by a disgruntled patron. That wasn't the only one, either - it wasn't like they'd ever sat down and counted between them they probably had a dozen little reminders of the hatred and disapproval they'd had to fight for half of their lives. "They're worth it. Every one of them."

"I couldn't agree more, love. I'd take a thousand more if I had to." He kissed Harry sweetly. "This is our wedding too, you know. I know it's mostly about Eggsy but it's not _all_ about him. Everything that happens from here is on top of all of that, it doesn't replace it."

"I know, dear." He'd really just been hoping that Merlin did too. He rested his head on Merlin's shoulder, both of them content in staying exactly as they were. At least until Eggsy came back and gently tucked himself into Harry's side, as if he hoped they wouldn't notice so that he could avoid shattering some important moment, and the three of them were even more content still.

They had Sophie for the whole weekend that weekend. Harry and Merlin were working on Friday night so Eggsy picked her up from school and had her to himself for the evening. He loved having all of them together but it was nice to have a decent amount of time with her, just the two of them. They were both asleep by the time Harry got home, having left Merlin behind to prepare for his own mission the following day.

Since he got home so late, Eggsy was careful not to wake Harry when he got up with Sophie in the morning. He left him as long as he knew Harry would want him to before they brought him his breakfast in bed. Harry insisted they join him and they all happily munched away at their toast and watched cartoons. Once Sophie had had enough but the others hadn't quite, she was perfectly fine occupying herself with her hoard of toys, and they would've been happy to watch her all day but they did decide they'd better get up and get ready to go out eventually.

They quickly got dressed and out of the house, Sophie hurrying them both along. They took her to London Zoo, where they'd even booked for her to feed the giraffes. Walking hand in hand with Harry with his little sister so fucking happy still felt like a dream to Eggsy, one that he hoped he never woke up from. He'd have to say his highlight was Harry telling her all about the different butterflies in the butterfly house. He didn't care how many times Harry told him not to say it out loud, it was fucking adorable how much he loved them.

As they sat and watched Sophie in the play area, Eggsy couldn't help thinking back to the few weeks before. "So are you gonna tell me what it was like when you were a kid?"

Harry just smiled at him. "You don't want to hear about that."

Eggsy frowned. "Kinda sounds like you don't want me to hear about it."

"No, it's not that." Harry sat up straighter, clasping his hands together. "It was pleasant enough, I was happy enough, I had two parents who loved me and everything I could possibly need. It's quite a boring story."

Eggsy took his hand, hoping he seemed more supportive than pushy. "Why d'you seem cagey about it then? Don't sound like you were happy enough."

Harry swept his thumb across the back of Eggsy's hand, appreciating the gesture. "Darling, I can hardly complain when you and Merlin had the childhood and parents that you did."

"You can if you've got something to complain about."

"I haven't really. But the stereotypes about posh families are not entirely baseless. My parents loved me but they weren't very loving towards me when I was a child. They didn't really know what to do with me until I was 12, I saw the nanny far more than I saw either of them, I wouldn't say I really _knew_ them until I was about 15. And they didn't bother to have a spare, so to speak. It was a bit lonely, perhaps, but I don't remember ever being unhappy, and I was always cared and provided for. Like I say, I can't really complain."

He'd honestly expected that Harry had been completely spoilt, doted on by everyone around him. He'd heard Harry and Merlin talk about his parents quite a few times and they always sounded amazing, but then again he'd been an adult in all the stories he told, Eggsy realised. "I don't like thinking of you as a lonely, little kid."

"Then it's a good job he ceased to exist a good 20 years before you were even born." Eggsy still looked a little sad. It didn't matter that he'd never seen Harry like that, it was enough to know that it had happened. Harry just smiled at him. "Do try to look a little less like a wounded puppy, darling. I'm not upset about it, neither should you be. You were supposed to enjoy today."

"I am enjoying today." He smiled back at him - he truly was. He shifted closer to Harry, resting his head on his shoulder, and Harry put his arm around him. "So all this stuff you do for Soph..."

"I'm trying to help give her the childhood that none of us had." Eggsy gave him that look that he did like he'd hung the moon and the stars and every planet in the solar system.

"Thank you." For doing that for her. For thinking of all of them like that. For telling him that and everything else. He craned his neck up to press a firm kiss to Harry's cheek, and Harry placed one to his head in return. The moment was ruined slightly, though, when Eggsy's eye was caught on a woman staring at them as appalled as if they'd just started dry humping right there in the playground. They were used to people trying to figure out what was going on between them when all three of them were together, and people assumed they were father and son when it was just two of them, but the way some people reacted still surprised him and left a bad taste in his mouth. He didn't say anything, of course - he'd been told enough times to let it go - but he did make a point of gripping Harry's hand tighter and staring her down as they walked past her to leave.

Merlin had barely slept, no matter how much Harry had lectured him the day before, and wasn't back until long after the others. He greeted them as he always did but - feeling guilty as he did - quickly excused himself for the evening.

"For fuck's sake," he murmured to himself. What he hadn't been warned of were the toys and books strewn across their bedroom and the crumbs all in their bed. They'd clearly enjoyed breakfast in bed and not gotten around to cleaning it up yet. He loved Sophie, he loved all of them, adored them, the mess and the noise and all, but just this once he wished they'd kept it to Sophie's bedroom - as the spare room had now become - or at the very least out of theirs. It was the last thing he needed when all he wanted to do was come home and crawl into bed.

He trudged back downstairs to the living room. "Eggsy, where are the keys to your old place?"

The house was empty most of the time but they did still use it every now and then, mostly when one of them was too injured to be around Sophie and Michelle but much less often as a kind of hideaway. Rarely enough, at least, that it gave Eggsy pause. That and the weariness in his voice. "What for?" Merlin just turned around, nodding for Eggsy to follow, and he did. "What's the matter with you? You never go there."

Merlin rubbed his fingers over his tired eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He really didn't feel like being questioned. "Yeah, well, I am tonight. Keys?"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong."

Merlin sighed. "I've had a shit day, I'm tired and I don't feel like clearing up our room and changing the covers before I can go to bed. Is that good enough for you?"

"But you feel like driving to my old place?"

"No, but that's the better option of the two." Eggsy just stared at him. "Eggsy, I'm not looking for an argument, especially not with your sister in the house. Can you please just give me the fucking keys?"

"Fine." Eggsy hunted in a drawer for the spare set of keys and pushed them into Merlin's chest. "You know, instead of going off to sulk, you could just fucking talk to us."

Eggsy waited just a second to see if Merlin might do that before he turned with a shake of his head and left Merlin alone to do what he wanted. Merlin didn't bother trying to stop him - he really didn't want an argument and he was sure there'd be one. The front door closing behind him was all the goodbye the others got.

Thinking he was alone in the Bors house having pissed off Eggsy, most likely Harry and consequently himself, Merlin turned cautiously in the direction of the door as it closed but relaxed back against the kitchen side clutching his drink in his hand when Eggsy called out to him. Eggsy quickly found him there but didn't say anything once he did. "What are you doing here?"

"It's still my house, ain't it?" He regretted it as soon as he said it, even more so when Merlin rolled his eyes and turned his back on him to top up his glass. It wasn't fair, especially not when he was living in Merlin's with a room set up for his sister, but he still couldn't help those shitty, defensive, little comments sometimes.

"Did you come here just for that? I told you I wasn't looking for an argument but clearly you are." Merlin kept his back to Eggsy, only turning his head when Eggsy gently placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not. I’m sorry, that's not why I came here." He finally turned when Eggsy tugged slightly, not wanting to have a conversation over Merlin's shoulder. "You said you had a shit day, I didn't even ask why. I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"You could've called."

"You wouldn't have answered." Merlin bowed his head. Eggsy was right about that. "What's wrong, love?"

"I'm fine." Eggsy didn't look at all convinced by his feeble attempt at placation. Merlin took a long drink. "I don't want to talk about it now."

"No? Then why don't I help you relax instead?" Eggsy stepped closer to him, settled his hands on Merlin's hips and leant up to kiss along Merlin's jaw.

"Eggsy, I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? It seems like a very, very good idea to me." He kissed down Merlin's neck between his words, then leant up to kiss Merlin's lips. As soon as he did, something snapped in Merlin. He slammed his glass down and his hand went straight to the back of Eggsy's neck, tipping his head back so he could take full control. He backed Eggsy against the wall, biting at his lip as he kissed him, his hands tearing at both of their clothes to get them out of the fucking way. He seemed hungry. Aggressive. Eggsy returned everything he had to give, but he showed no sign of getting it out of his system - the opposite, if anything. "Babe...you're angry. What the fuck's going on?"

"Not now. Later." Giving up on their clothes, Merlin placed his hands on the wall either side of Eggsy's head as he claimed his mouth again. He worked his way down Eggsy's neck and Eggsy let him, no longer trying to give as good as he got but not trying to stop him either. Merlin paused. "Problem?" There was that aggression again. Merlin forced himself to calm down for long enough to look at Eggsy seriously. "Is this a problem? Tell me to stop and I'll stop."

When Eggsy didn't answer, Merlin dropped his arms to his side and took a step back, but Eggsy grabbed his tie before he could get too far. Eggsy shook his head slowly. Merlin might be angry but he was sure it wasn't with him. He trusted him not to hurt him, at least no more than he gave him permission to. He wasn't looking to take it out on Eggsy, just blow off some steam. Eggsy kissed him hard, trying to match his fierceness. "No, not a problem."

Merlin took over again, making Eggsy moan with the forcefulness of it. He let go only to push Eggsy in the direction of the stairs, both of them stripping off as they went and leaving their clothes strewn through the house. Eggsy lay back on the bed, leaning on his elbows, only to be flattened when Merlin climbed up over him and kissed him again. Merlin pressed him into the mattress, grinding their hips together, and Eggsy moaned into his mouth as Merlin's cock dragged against his own.

Merlin didn't exactly take his time preparing Eggsy but he didn't want to hurt him either. He had two fingers stretching easily inside him and was about to add a third when Eggsy stopped him. "Just fuck me. Don't be gentle, whatever you need, I can take it." Merlin paused for just a second before he lined himself up and pushed slowly but firmly into him. Eggsy arched off the bed as he bottomed out, then cried out as he pulled out and thrust harshly back in, mostly out of pleasure but just a little bit from pain. Merlin stayed still for a minute, torn between what he clearly needed and his desire not to hurt Eggsy, and Eggsy knew which one he'd choose so he forced him to do the other. He hooked his legs behind Merlin's back, refusing to let him call it off. "I can take it."

Merlin nodded stiffly, taking that as all the permission he needed, and Eggsy let him move again. He kept his movements slow and deliberate to start with, drawing a grunt from him and a moan from Eggsy with each one, but they soon picked up, Merlin slamming forcefully into Eggsy and leaving him moaning endlessly with his hands twisted in the sheets. Merlin fixed his eyes right on Eggsy's, like he was staring into his soul and it took Eggsy's breath away completely. All he wanted to do was hold him, touch him at least. So he did. He reached up one hand to gently stroke Merlin's cheek. And just like that, whatever it was that snapped in Merlin downstairs dissolved just as quickly. He let out a shaky breath as Eggsy repeated the motion, his mind and his body slowing down as Eggsy's touch grounded him.

He leant forward to rest his forehead against Eggsy's, his voice a low whisper when he spoke. "I'm so sorry. You don't have to do this."

"I want to." Eggsy pulled him into a slow kiss. "It's alright, babe. Whatever it is, it's alright."

"I love you."

"I love you too, baby." He never called Merlin that but if it made Merlin feel anything like the way it made him feel when Merlin said it to him, he could gladly start. And if the way Merlin pressed even closer to him was any indication, he thought maybe it did.

Eggsy took the opportunity to carefully roll them over so that he was sitting on top of Merlin. He moved slowly, rising almost off of Merlin's cock before sinking back down, thankfully having found a better angle for himself because as hot as a tightly-wound Merlin was, how they were before probably wouldn't get him off. Not that he minded a quick wank or handjob after but he much preferred this.

Merlin settled his hands on Eggsy's hips, no longer trying to take control, just unable to bear not touching him. Eggsy took both of his hands, intertwined their fingers and held them down above Merlin's head as he bent down to kiss him again. Merlin kissed back, just as desperate as before but with none of the anger - like he needed Eggsy to live rather than just wanting to devour him.

Sensing that Merlin was getting close, Eggsy sped up his movements, determined to bring them both off together. He very rarely failed at anything he set his mind to. Eggsy's orgasm drew a low moan as it hit him, while Merlin's was no more than a silent gasp. Eggsy collapsed onto Merlin's chest and tucked his face into the side of his neck, leaving soft kisses there. He lifted his head again, looking at Merlin with a kind of shy grin. "Who knew all you needed was a nice, hard shag to stop you being such a moody bastard?"

"Don't do that. Don't play down what you do for me. It wasn't that, it was you." Eggsy gave him one more long, assessing look before he rolled off of him, curling into his side instead. There was a long silence before either of them spoke again. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to use you like that."

"It didn't feel like being used." Honestly, it felt like being needed. He kinda liked that.

"I shouldn't have accosted you like that." Eggsy just smiled at him, telling him it was fine. "I didn't mean to take it out on you."

"You didn't. The way you looked, I'm pretty sure if you were taking it out on me you'd have punched me, not fucked me." Eggsy gave a little laugh but was only met with a small smile. "It's fine, love. We've all done it when we've been in the mood to need something like that." Merlin hummed, only sounding half convinced, but Eggsy didn't push any more. He knew Merlin would stop feeling bad about it once he got whatever it was off his chest. "We took the piss, I know. I'm sorry."

Merlin gave him a confused frown. "What?"

"All the mess. We meant to clear it up, we just forgot."

Merlin scratched his hand through Eggsy hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "It's not your fault, darling. It's not that."

"It didn't help, though. I'm mean, that's really not what you want after a shit day."

"It's fine, I wasn't angry about that. I wish it was that easily solved." Eggsy propped himself up on one elbow and looked at Merlin with a frown. Merlin resolutely refused to look at him, not wanting to see his reaction. "Today was supposed to be the last one. Arthur decided this morning that it wouldn't be."

Arthur had already changed the end date of Merlin's association with this bloke three times, for no apparent reason, and it was starting to piss them all off. "Why is he doing this?"

Merlin turned to him with a defeated sigh and a shrug. "Because he can? I don't know."

Eggsy lay back down, stroking his hand across Merlin's chest. "It can only go on for so long though, you'll be done with it soon."

"Not soon enough. I want this to be over. God, I can't wait for it to be over." It wasn't like Merlin to talk that way about work. No matter how much he hated an operation or the people involved, it was his job so he got on with it and put it behind him as soon as it was done. Eggsy just stroked his cheek. He wished he could put an end to it but it wasn't even close to within his power to do that. Merlin looked at him, scanning every inch of his face as if he was trying to commit it to memory, as if he hadn't already. "I nearly lost you and Harry over this. I nearly lost everything that I care about. I don't want to be reminded of that over and over again forever because Arthur wants to see me squirm."

"It won't be forever."

"It feels like forever." Merlin reached up a hand to settle on the back of Eggsy's neck, Eggsy leaning into the touch. "Every time I have to meet him, I think about you and Harry crying that night, all I can picture is the looks on your faces, how angry and upset you were, and I want to kill him. I don't just mean I hate him, I mean I have to battle with myself every single time not to kill him with my bare hands. It's exhausting. And I think the more I hate it, the more Arthur drags it out because operationally, we could easily have been done with him by now."

Eggsy clung tighter to him, as if he could absorb some of his frustration. "I don't get it. Why would he do that?"

"He was pissed off that I let you and Harry know something was up. He's still punishing me for my fuckup." Every time Merlin went out on one of these things and every time he came back just as fed up as the time before - or more so, in this case - Eggsy wished he could tell Arthur what a miserable wanker he thought he was and demand he let Merlin be done with it, but he was sure he'd end up either unemployed or stuck with the shit nobody else wanted to do for the foreseeable future, and he wasn't so sure Merlin would thank him for fucking with his job. "I didn't want it hanging over us on our anniversary. I was hoping this would be over by then but since there's less than a week to go, I don't know if that's going to happen."

"This ain't gonna make a difference to our anniversary." No matter how annoyed they all were with the situation, they could and would put it aside for one day.

"You say that but I wouldn't put it past him setting something up on that night." Eggsy groaned at the thought of it. "I should've been with you today but instead I had to be with that prick. I don't want spending our anniversary with him to be an option. I know you and Harry do this all the time and you probably think I should stop bitching about it but I didn't sign up for this shite."

"No, I know. I get it. I don't think that, it just means we know how shit it is when you're stuck with an assignment you hate. It'll be over soon, babe, and me and Harry are here, just like you're always there for us." Eggsy leant up to kiss him then folded his arms on Merlin's chest, resting his head on them to look up at Merlin. "You didn't get to be with us today but there's still tonight and tomorrow if you want. Or you can stay here and I'll leave you to it, and I can sort something else out for Sophie for tomorrow, give you a bit of a break."

"No, you don't have to do that, and I'd much rather come home." He ran his fingertips up and down Eggsy's spine. "I didn't really want to come here in the first place."

"Why did you?"

"I was angry and fed up...and upset. And I didn't want to ruin everyone's night. I think I might've done that anyway, though, pulling you away from them."

"You haven’t. I’d rather this than you going to bed feeling like that.” Merlin smiled, wrapping his arm tightly around him, and Eggsy smiled back. “I can’t leave Soph with Harry all night, I promised I’d put her to bed. You coming home, then?”

They got themselves cleaned up and did just that. Before even Harry could do more than ask if he was okay, Sophie reached up to Merlin to be picked her up, and he was happy to oblige. “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

Sophie didn’t answer, just nodded. She wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck like a little, blonde koala, apparently sensing how much he needed that hug. Merlin closed his eyes as he held her tight. After a few minutes, she loosened her grip on him. "Cuddles always make me feel better when I'm sad. Why are you sad?"

"It's nothing for you to worry your lovely little head about, I think I'm just being silly. But you're right about the cuddles, I do feel better. Thank you, darling." Sophie beamed at him, clearly very proud of herself. "More importantly, though, I want to hear all about your day."

"We went to the zoo!" She started to tell him all about it and Eggsy gave him a look that said he'd regret asking but he didn't. He'd listen to her excitable little babbling all night if she wanted him to. After listing off every animal she could remember seeing and telling him what each of them had for lunch, she seemed to be done. "Are you working tomorrow as well or are you gonna be with us?"

"I'll be with you all day. What should we do?" Sophie shrugged, too shy to suggest anything. "What about...the aquarium? Or London Dungeons? Or the science museum? Or maybe we could go to the park for a couple of hours and then the cinema, or come back here and watch some films? We can do anything you want, it's your weekend."

"Science museum!” She bounced excitedly and they’d have to say they were all quite happy with her decision. “And then maybe we can watch a film before bed if there's time. London Dungeons sounds cool but it might be too scary."

Merlin hummed in agreement. "Maybe we’ll have to save that for when you're older, then, but that sounds like a good plan to me."

"Come on then, Princess. We'd better get you to bed or you'll be way too tired to be walking around museums. And I promised you a story, remember?" Merlin put her down and she said her goodnights and took Eggsy's hand, holding it tightly all the way up to her room.

As soon as they were alone, Harry moved to him, holding Merlin's face in his hands with a concerned look on his. Merlin couldn't quite bare to meet his eye knowing that he'd put it there. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left like that."

"We were worried."

"I know. I'm sorry." He kissed Harry, just a gentle slide of their lips of first, but it quickly took on the same desperation it had with Eggsy, like Harry himself and Harry alone would stop him floating away or losing his mind or any many number of other things. When they parted, it left Merlin slightly shaken again. "I love you."

"I love you too, my sweet." Harry settled a hand on the back of Merlin's neck, the other hand tipping his chin up to try and make him meet his gaze. "What happened?"

"All of this shit was supposed to be done with today and it's still not."

"He changed his mind again." It wasn't a question but Merlin nodded anyway. "I know he's our boss but he can be such an arse." Merlin let out a small chuckle at that. "It's okay, my love. This can't go on for much longer, and in the meantime you have us to support you."

Merlin wrapped his arms around Harry with a sigh. "I don't know how you two do this. How do you put up with all of this all the time?"

Harry gave a small laugh and wrapped himself just as tightly around Merlin. "It's what we agreed to when we took the job. I don't know how you sit in front of those screens all day but it's the job you chose. And in fairness, we don't usually have someone constantly moving the goalposts just to push our buttons." Merlin half hummed, half groaned. "It will come to an end at some point, and you may feel like you're losing the will to live but it probably won't actually kill you."

"It's not whether or not it kills me, it's whether or not I kill that nasty, little tosspot," Merlin murmured into Harry's shoulder.

"Do you mean Arthur or the mark?"

Merlin laughed, lifting his head to draw Harry into another kiss. "The mark. But I can’t make any promises about Arthur.”

Eggsy came back just as the two of them were separating and that wouldn’t do. He came up behind Merlin and threw his arms around both of them, trapping Merlin in the middle. Merlin laughed as he tried to grab at Eggsy and bring him around from behind his back, but could barely move with two pairs of arms wrapped so tightly. “Eggsy, you do know you’re gonna have to let go?”

“Spoil sport.” He let go and leant up to kiss Merlin. “I love you.”

“I adore you.” Eggsy blushed a little as he grinned. “Thank you.” He stroked his hand across Eggsy’s cheek before he turned back to Harry and kissed him too. “And you, to both of those things.”

“I must say I’m quite taken with you as well, dear. And you’ll be very pleased to hear that our room is pristine and our bed waiting to be slept in.”

Merlin let out a happy sound. “I married an angel.” Harry tutted and shook his head despite the smile that he couldn’t keep off of his lips. “I know it’s still a bit early but are either of you joining me?”

“In a bit, babe. Won’t be long.” Harry echoed him and they sent Merlin off with smiles and a dozen more kisses before the two of them sat down with some hot chocolate. “How long d'you think this is gonna go on for?”

Harry sighed. "I hope not long. I can see how much you’re both struggling with it.”

“You think I can’t tell you are as well?” Harry chose to stare into his mug rather than look at or respond to Eggsy. He liked to think of and present himself as completely unflappable, he didn't like how much this unsettled him - or any of them - and he certainly didn't like to admit it, not even to Eggsy and Merlin. In a way, it was good for him that they could both see right through him. "You two don't really have many firsts these days. You've lived and worked together most of your lives and this is kind of a big thing that you ain't had to deal with before. It's alright not to take everything in your stride, you know."

"I'm sorry, when did you take on the role of the wise old man?" Eggsy snuggled closer to him, mumbling for him to shut up. "I am trying not to let it bother me but it's a challenge."

"I know. We've just gotta think it'll be done soon, though. Like, it's shit but it's temporary." Harry hummed, and Eggsy stood, took his empty mug and gave him a kiss in return. "It'll be fine, love. And it'll be done this week if Merlin gets his way. And even if he don't, we'll still have a reason to celebrate."

"Indeed we will." Harry smiled at him and, satisfied that Harry's mind was suitably distracted, Eggsy left him with a smile of his own to dump their mugs in the sink. He was gone for all of about 30 seconds before he had Harry's arms around his waist and his face tucked into his neck.

Eggsy let him stay for a minute before he carefully turned in his arms. He pushed his fingers through Harry's hair, a small smile still on his lips. "You alright?"

"Mm hmm." He pressed his lips to Eggsy's again. "I love you."

"I love you too, babe." Eggsy grinned, squeezing gently at the back of Harry's neck. "Shall we go and join our third?"

As promised, they took Sophie to the science museum the next day. She loved all the interactive stuff, she got all of them to join in with her at one point or another. They went to see a film about space at the IMAX cinema and it was hard to tell who was more fascinated by it - Sophie or Merlin. The maths exhibition was a particular highlight. Sophie didn't understand most of it, and Harry insisted he understood even less (not quite true but not too far off, either) but she was so eager and Eggsy was filled with pride. She wasn't quite so interested in the old cars and planes but Eggsy loved them. They made sure to buy a good couple of armfuls of stuff before they left - some experiments for them to do at home, a couple of toys, an obligatory souvenir pencil and an astronaut bear that she'd already decided to take in for show and tell on Monday.

They stopped for a wander (or a run, in Sophie's case) around the gardens on the way home, and she managed to talk Eggsy into giving her a piggyback the rest of the way. They had dinner, then Sophie picked out The Incredibles as their movie and curled up in Eggsy's lap as they watched. When it finished, she tried hard to convince Eggsy otherwise, but he was firm in telling her she had to go to bed. She only sulked for a second before she thanked them all for the weekend and her presents, gave them all a big kiss and hug goodnight and skipped off upstairs to get ready for bed and have her bedtime story.

Merlin got up for the bathroom in the middle of the night and as he was walking back, he heard a sound coming from Sophie's room. He stopped completely still and silent just to be sure he'd heard it and there was another little whimper. He knocked gently on her door. "Sophie? Are you okay?" There was a small gasp and another sniffle before the room well silent. Merlin crouched down, hoping she might hear it when he spoke and feel a bit more at ease. "Sophie, it's just Merlin. Can you open the door for me, darling?" There was still no answer. "Do you want Eggsy instead? I can go and get him, he won't mind."

Merlin was just about to get up to go and get him when the door opened just a crack. Sophie peeked through the little gap like she was checking it was really Merlin before she opened the door properly. Her sad, little face was truly heartbreaking. Merlin just held out his hand to her, letting her come to him. She did - she tucked herself against his front and he ended up with a slightly snotty shoulder, but he really couldn't find it in himself to mind.

Merlin rubbed his hand up and down her back to try and comfort her but he wasn't entirely sure how much it was working. "What's the matter, sweetheart?"

She tucked herself closer into him. "Had a bad dream."

"Oh, I'm sorry, darling." He pressed a kiss to her hair. "What was it about?" He felt her tense back up a bit at his question so he went back to trying to soothe her instead. "It's okay, you don't have to tell me. Shall I see if Eggsy's awake instead?"

Sophie nodded. "Can I come with you?"

"Of course, sweetheart." Merlin picked her up and she kept her face tucked into his shoulder the entire time. He gently shook Eggsy awake - he grumbled at first but he was wide awake when he saw Merlin with his sister in his arms and a sympathetic look on his face. "It seems there are some bad dreams floating about."

Eggsy got out of bed and coaxed Sophie away from Merlin, holding her tightly himself instead. "You had a bad dream, Princess?" She nodded again. "What happened? D'you wanna tell me about it?"

"It was about Daddy." She wasn't whispering nearly as much as she thought she was so Merlin heard the answer too. "He was angry with you and Mummy and Merlin and Harry."

Eggsy hugged her even tighter. "Yeah? How come?"

"For buying me all the stuff. He said it was stupid and I shouldn't be allowed and he was really angry." Having mostly stopped while Merlin was comforting her, she started crying again. "He shouted at all of you and me and it was really scary."

"It's alright, Princess. No one's gonna shout at you, or any of us. He's not here, baby girl, it's just me, Merlin and Harry." Sophie lifted her head to look around for a second. Obviously she knew Eggsy and Merlin were there, and despite their hushed tones Harry was just waking up, but that was it. "No one's gonna do anything bad to you while we're here, you're always safe with us, I promise."

"Promise promise?"

"I promise promise. Double promise. Triple promise, for the three of us." He gave her a kiss. "Are you alright?" She nodded slowly. "D'you think you'll be alright going back to bed?"

She pushed out her bottom lip, clinging a little tighter to Eggsy. "Do I have to?"

Eggsy stroked his hand over her hair. "You've got to at some point, you've got school in the morning."

"She could sleep in here, with us." Harry had been watching them silently until that point but Sophie clearly didn't want to go back to her own room and Eggsy clearly didn't want to let her.

Eggsy looked at Merlin, who nodded as well. "D'you wanna do that instead? You wanna sleep in here with us?" Sophie nodded. "Alright then, darling. Just for tonight though, alright? It can't be every time you stay." Sophie understood that and she agreed - she wasn't trying to pull anything, she just really didn't want to go back to bed by herself. "Okay, good girl. Come on, then."

They all got back into bed, Sophie snuggled closely to Eggsy. Before they went to sleep, Eggsy managed to whisper a quick but heartfelt 'thank you' to Merlin and got a kiss to his temple in return.

Eggsy let the other two have a lie in while he took Sophie to school the following morning, astronaut bear left behind for his own safety, but they were both up by the time he got back. He barely even greeted them before the one thought that had dominated his mind since the night before found its way out of his mouth. "I wanna kill him."

Harry didn't even look up from his newspaper. "Go ahead. Merlin can cover it up."

"That's not funny."

"I wasn't joking." He did finally look up, then, and Eggsy could see the sincerity on his face.

Eggsy gave a hopeless sigh. "He's her dad, Harry."

"Is he? When was the last time he saw his child?"

Eggsy did genuinely try to remember but he couldn't. "So he's a shit one but he's her _dad_. I can't actually kill my sister's dad. I know what it's like to lose one of them at that age and grow up without one, remember?"

"The loss of your father was, regrettably, just that. The loss of hers will not be a loss at all. Her life can only be made better by not having him in it." Eggsy groaned, conflicted. "The difference is that you didn't have another positive male role model in your life. She has at least two, I would like to think three." Eggsy tutted at the self-deprecation it required to even consider not counting himself. "My point is that you, Merlin and I will be far better father figures to her than that man will ever be."

"That ain't exactly hard, and we ain't exactly the best role models." Harry narrowed his eyes at him and Merlin gave him an equally confused look, neither of them sure whether or not they should be offended. "Don't get me wrong, you two are amazing, but we do kill people for a living quite a lot."

"Then let me use my skills for good." Eggsy sighed again. He desperately wanted to agree with Harry but he just didn't feel like he could do that to Sophie. "Eggsy, I care about her, too. We both do. Not as much as you do, but we do care. He may not be around but the threat of him is. All I want to do is eliminate that threat."

"For what it's worth, I agree with Harry."

"I just...I know he's a shit dad, and I don't want him anywhere fucking near her but what about when she's older? What if she wants to know him then?" The other two didn't have answers for that. Well, they did, but maybe not ones that Eggsy would find helpful. Eggsy pondered on it for a long few minutes. "If you didn't hear her, she wouldn't have come to us, or to me. Do either of you know what it's like being the scared kid crying alone in your bedroom? I mean, I know I do." They both looked to the floor. "I'm not being shitty about it, it's a genuine question."

Merlin shook his head. "No, I don't."

"Yes." Merlin didn't look at all surprised by Harry's admission but Eggsy was. He filed that away to talk about later, and Harry knew it.

"Then I don't want her to be like us." The thought of it only made him angrier. "He's done that to her. I didn't want her to ever be like that. I want so much better for her than that."

"So we change it. We show her that she doesn't have to be alone, that she can come to you, or to us. And we show her that there's nothing to be scared of and let it be true. We take away the only thing she might possibly have to fear." Harry always was very persuasive. He could so easily use his powers for evil but instead he was using them to protect Eggsy's family. Well, his family, really. This conversation probably shouldn't make Eggsy love them even more but it definitely did.

"You'd actually do it? You'd actually kill him?" Harry nodded. "And you'd really cover it up?"

"Well I'd hardly let my husband go to prison for getting rid of my fiancé's abusive stepfather, would I?" Eggsy gave him a look that said he wasn't after backchat. "Yes, I would cover it up."

Eggsy had no doubt that they would both see their parts through. But he also knew that if he told them not to, they wouldn't do a thing. That option seemed less and less appealing, though. "I want him out of her life for good, I just don't know if I can do it."

"No one's asking you to, love."

"You don't have to do a thing, darling. Just tell us it's okay and consider it done."

Eggsy looked between the two of them. They clearly all wanted the same thing. He nodded determinedly. "Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, thanks for reading and please do leave comments because they make my day!


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy anniversary! Happy-ish. Things don't go to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the wait but life got busy and this chapter got very frustrating.
> 
> Before we start, a bit of background that will be relevant in this chapter and the next but that I didn't wanna write into a chapter...  
> Everything went down pretty much as it did in the first film with a few key exceptions: Harry went to Kentucky but didn't get shot in the face, but was stuck there. Eggsy still went to Arthur about the whole church situation and did still kill him, hence my Arthur is not Chester King. Eggsy didn't get off with Tilde, he hopped straight back on the plane, they picked up Roxy and Harry, then he went home with Harry and Merlin and fucked them instead, and that's how this whole thing started.

Eggsy made it through most of the day but didn't quite make it to home time before he grabbed hold of Harry and dragged him to Merlin's office. "Listen, what I said this morning...have you done anything yet?"

Harry laughed. "Give us a chance, darling."

Eggsy shook his head - Harry clearly had the wrong end of the stick. “No. No, that's good. If you haven't, I mean. Don't."

"I'm sorry?" Merlin gave him a confused frown - he could've sworn they'd already talked this through.

"Don't do it.” Eggsy gave them an almost pleading look. “I changed my mind."

"Okay." Harry dragged the word out. "Might I ask why?"

"Because I can't ask you to do that.” Eggsy half scoffed, like the whole idea had always been completely ridiculous. “I can't ask you to kill someone."

"Eggsy, how many people do you think I've killed? How many people have the three of us killed in total?" It was so matter of fact that it took Eggsy aback for a second.

"That's not the same. That was following orders or killing people that would've killed you otherwise. That's not going out of your way to bump someone off just because they're a shitty person."

"Eggsy, he made your life a misery for years." Merlin seemed almost as bothered by that as Eggsy was himself. "He's still affecting your sister and, whether you like it or not, you."

"Yeah, I know that, thanks." Eggsy glared at him for the reminder and Merlin just raised an eyebrow, deciding to stay silent from then on. "We only kill to save a life, right? You won't be saving any lives."

"We'll be improving them." Harry only sounded half convinced himself. Trying to convince him Dean wasn't a piece of shit wouldn't work (mostly because he was) but bringing Kingsman rules into it definitely would. In fairness, just Eggsy asking would work eventually but it never hurt to have a back up plan.

"That's the rule now, is it? I don't think so. It's true what you said before, we can change things for Soph, and you two have already changed things for me." He paused, not wanting that to seem like just some flippant remark. "I can't ask you to do that as well."

Merlin nodded - they'd do it if he asked so they wouldn't if he asked them not to - but Harry didn't seem quite so deterred. Not yet, anyway. "So is it that you don't want to ask or that you don't want us to do this? Even if we're willing?"

"Does it matter?" Harry shrugged. "Either way, the result's the same - I don't want you to. Is that the kind of relationship this is? Where you're willing to be a murderer and an accomplice just because I say so? Because that's fucked up, and a whole bigger conversation that we've gotta have. That is what you'd be, you do know that?"

Harry had done an excellent job so far of keeping that word out of his mind. He could live with being a killer - he was trained for it, it was necessary sometimes. Being a murderer...not so much. "Must you put it in those words?"

"Why not? It's true. If the word makes you uncomfortable, you definitely shouldn't actually do it, Harry. I know you don't talk about it but I know how guilty you feel about loads of the people you've killed. The church..." Harry turned away from him and stalked across the room, trying to get as far away from the conversation as he could without actually leaving the room, and very briefly considered fleeing completely. "It weren't your fault and everyone in there was a piece of shit that didn't deserve the air they were breathing but you still feel bad about it. Are you telling me you won't feel bad about Dean, when it's your own choice? I won't put that on your conscience, on all of ours."

"Eggsy..."

"No. I said don't. Whatever you're planning, call it off and don't think about it again. Both of you. Not because I want him around, because trust me, I don't, but you two are gonna have to live with that forever, and I don't want that to happen. He deserves it but you two don't." They both nodded, just the slightest bit of gratitude there. They'd been so caught up in wanting Eggsy and his family to finally be free of Dean that they hadn't actually thought of that. Maybe they could live with it, maybe the end would justify the means, but it was probably more likely that Eggsy was right. “Can I be honest with you for a second?”

“Always.” Merlin meant it, of course he did, Eggsy knew that. The other two were honestly a bit insulted that he’d even ask.

“It’s a bit scary how easily you agreed to it. And me. I mean, it seemed fair enough when I was angry but now,” Eggsy shrugged, not really sure how to finish his sentence without it being taken badly. “Should I be worried?”

"You mean have we done this before?” Eggsy nodded. "No. This would be the first. Or did you mean, should you be scared of us?“

“No, I know I shouldn’t be, and I’m not. But fucking hell, that explains not thinking it through. Why now?" Because they loved him? Because they'd do anything he asked? Because they wanted to protect him and those he holds dear? But none of those felt quite right and they definitely weren't the right thing to say. They'd only make him feel more like it was his fault while Harry felt that it was his - he'd talked him into it, hadn't he?

When Harry couldn't quite come up with an answer, Merlin did. "Because he has hurt and is still hurting people that we love."

"But you've had people hurt both of you before. One particular person springs to mind that did a pretty good job of fucking you over." It came out harsher than he meant it to, and if the way he pursed his lips was any indication, Merlin had taken it that way too. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant." Eggsy wasn't so sure he did.

"I just mean he hurt you. A lot." Merlin's expression softened again at his explanation and the sadness in his voice. "And Harry, if you feel like this about Dean, I can't imagine how you feel about that."

"And now you know why I've never known who he was." Even Merlin looked a bit surprised at that. "Merlin never told me and I respected his privacy enough to not find out for myself, otherwise I imagine we'd have had a conversation very similar to this many years ago. Perhaps I'd have been able to live with it - with both. Perhaps it's lucky for me that I'll never know. Either way, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have encouraged it."

"None of us should have. I mean, I love that you care about me that much but I don't want you actually killing anyone over me." Eggsy closed the long gap between them and rested a hand on the back of Harry's neck. "It's sort of sweet, in a fucked up kinda way. But let's stick to flowers and homecooked meals and all that other less murdery shit, yeah?"

"I think we can probably manage that." He gave Eggsy a quick kiss and had it gladly returned before Eggsy waltzed back over to Merlin.

"And you..." He stood between Merlin's legs, cradling his face in his hands as he kissed him too. "I love that you wanna protect us but I think you look out for us and save our arses enough already, don't you? Maybe save all the secretive shit for dates and presents and stuff. And when I talk you two into stuff it'll be like eating and sleeping properly, and getting Harry to be on time for anything ever. Sound good?"

"Sounds good, darling." With that, and realising that at that time in the evening with no missions and nothing pressing to attend to he'd stand no chance of getting them both to leave his office without him, Merlin called it a day, packing up his work and sending the others to do the same. Just as easily as it had come about, it was forgotten.

They expected him to be in a foul mood when he got home on Wednesday night - at the very least, a bit down - but Merlin was in high spirits when he walked through the door. He went straight to the other two, bordering on smothering them with hugs and kisses, making Eggsy laugh and Harry tut, but both were happy to reciprocate.

Eggsy pulled Merlin down to sit between them instead of arching over them. “You're in a good mood."

"I am indeed. I am finally free of that insufferable gobshite, and I'm taking my husband and my soon-to-be husband out for the evening. But just before that..." Merlin disappeared back into the hallway for a second and came back holding out two files with the information from the final few meetings, as promised.

Eggsy took his first. "You wanna know what I think of this?" Merlin raised an eyebrow in question, and Eggsy just nodded towards the kitchen in answer, the other two following after them. Eggsy dropped it into the sink, grabbed the matches from the drawer, struck one and dropped it right on top of the file.

"You don't want to know what it says?"

Eggsy shook his head. "If there's anything I need to know, you'll tell me."

In all of their minds they were long over it but he could never describe how good it still felt to hear that. Two words - _I don't_. That was all it took to convince Merlin that the three of them would never be the same again, if they were still the three of them. But here they were, back to normal, with Eggsy - not for the first time - proving that his trust had been restored to full working order.

Harry dropped his folder on top, then looped his arms loosely around Merlin's waist. "Well, thank god that's finally over."

"Tell me about it." He gave Harry a quick kiss. "Now go and get ready, both of you."

Harry was about to do as he was told but Eggsy hung back. "You do know we're going out tomorrow night?"

"I do, and I won't have it tainted by this. Can we not do both?"

Eggsy shrugged. "You might end up spoiling us."

"Oh, that's exactly my intention, darling. After the way you two have been through all of this, I don't think there are two people in the world more deserving of being spoilt." He pulled Eggsy in for a kiss too. "Now go, with the time you two take to get ready, we already won't be eating until midnight. The fucking vanity in this house is a joke."

"It's not vain if you're as fit as we are." Merlin snorted a laugh as Eggsy flashed him a wink and the two of them disappeared.

When Eggsy woke the next morning, the world felt different somehow. Okay yeah, it was their anniversary, it'd been a year, but then it'd basically been a year the day before as well. It was different for it to be official, though. He'd never celebrated an anniversary before. It should've been scary, he was sure it would be, he was sure he'd freak out when it actually came around. But there was none of that, not with them. Eggsy stretched, making the others stir and shift closer to him.

“D’you know what’s mad?" It was only a whisper, only half meant to be heard, but Merlin looked at him and Harry cracked one eye open anyway. "We've been together a whole year. And I am so fucking happy." He gave Harry a big smooch. "I never thought I'd be this happy. Ever." He turned to give Merlin his fair share too. “You two are happy, right?”

They looked at each other for a second before they were both on him, pressing kisses to any patch of skin they could. “Thrilled. Ecstatic. Over the moon.”

Harry was the first to pull away. “Yes, darling, we’re happy.”

"Good. Can you let me get up, though? I wanna give you your presents." After another minute of wrestling them to get up, they finally let him. He disappeared for a few seconds then came back with both hands behind his back and sat cross-legged at the end of the bed, still without giving anything away. He handed Harry his first - a large, perfectly wrapped square. Harry opened it with all the care it deserved, and found inside three perfect hearts formed from dried petals - each heart with one of their initials delicately cut out of it - in a frame that matched some of his others. “It’s, um…Well, you know the flowers that you gave me on our first date, I didn’t think anything about it other than that they were pretty, but when I found out how much you love flowers and everything, and you got me the same ones when you proposed, I thought maybe there was more to it. So I found out what they all mean.” He leant over, pointing to different parts of it as he spoke. “Like I know that one’s for love, these ones are for passion and happiness, and that one is for playfulness. I know there was one for hope and I think one was fear or anticipation or something? I left them out, I don’t think we need them any more. We’ve already got it, we ain’t gotta hope for it. I mean, I know that one’s for luck and I don’t think we need that either but I thought I’d leave it in, just in case. So yeah, they’re the petals from the actual flowers that you got me when you proposed.” Harry stared at him blankly. “Did I get it wrong? Oh god, I’ve just thought way too much into it and made a dick of myself, haven’t I?”

"No, darling, you got it exactly right. I just never expected that you'd look into all of that. This is...beautiful. Stunning." Harry stared down at it, dancing his own fingertips lightly over the glass, before he looked back at Eggsy with more sincerity and gratitude than he'd ever seen in his life. "Thank you."

"You sure? I mean I thought after I had it done that I probably should've left the others in as well but it was too late to change my mind by then." He was babbling - definitely babbling - but he'd wanted so badly to get it just right.

Harry smiled at him - one of those real, rare smiles, the kind that Eggsy suspected only two people on the planet had ever seen. "No, it's perfect. I like that you thought of it in that way. It's wonderful, darling."

Eggsy grinned, then turned to Merlin. "Alright, your turn."

Eggsy held out the other present. It was much smaller, a perfect cube. Merlin opened his just as carefully as Harry had. It was a clear case with a cork floating in the centre of it (at least it seemed to be floating until you looked close enough to see the wires inside). "It's from one of the bottles of wine we drank the same night, I asked to keep it at the restaurant. I know you got them to get it specially for us. I got it engraved with our names and today's date." Just as he said, all three of their names were engraved in black lettering around the top, with 'Happy Anniversary' in tiny letters on the side and the date underneath. "I wanted you both to know that I know how much thought and effort you put into things and I appreciate it. It don't go unnoticed."

"We're not the only ones, clearly. This is incredible, love." Eggsy knew he wasn't overstating it. It was exactly the kind of intricate detail that Merlin loved. "I can't believe you kept it. I don't know how you even thought of something like this. Thank you."

"I'm glad you like them." Eggsy beamed. He truly was - he'd had them hidden away for ages, just itching to give them to them.

"I suppose you'll be wanting yours, then." Eggsy shrugged but eagerly accepted the polished wooden box that Merlin retrieved from under the bed.

Except when he opened it, all that was inside was Kingsman-issue glasses and cuff links. He gave Merlin a playful smile. "I don't think work accessories qualify as anniversary presents. And I've already got some of these."

"Not exactly like that, you haven't." Eggsy narrowed his eyes suspiciously, confusion slightly creasing his brow, and Merlin gave him an easy smile in return. "Turn the cufflinks over." Eggsy did just that. The backs of them held mismatched engravings, a small 'M' beneath one and 'H' beneath the other. "Now put the glasses on and look at them."

Once again, Eggsy did as he was told. He looked at the one marked 'M' first and heard Merlin's voice say 'I love you, darling', then looked at the one marked 'H' and heard Harry say the same. A huge grin took over Eggsy's face - it'd never get old, hearing that. "Oh my days. Babe...that is amazing. And fucking adorable."

Merlin chuckled. "They're the sound waves of our voices, but I tweaked them just the tiniest bit so that no other software will be able to read them. Those glasses are the only thing that will be able to read them, because - and so that - those messages are for you and only you. So when you're away and we can't tell you ourselves, you can just look at them whenever you want and hear it anyway, so you always know that we love you."

"I already know that, but it's nice to have the reminder. I love it, thank you, babe." His present from Harry was last but by no means least. It was perfectly wrapped with a bow tied neatly around it. Eggsy slowly peeled back the paper to reveal the gorgeously designed hardback cover of - apparently - Eggsy's very own cookbook. "Is this a hint? Do you want me to be your little househusband, stay at home and do all the cooking and cleaning while you and Merlin go off to work?"

Harry smiled at his teasing. "Not unless you want to. Open it." Eggsy did, and laughed around a gasp as he flicked through the pages. His brownie recipe was, of course, the opener. His lasagne recipe was in there, so was his herby bread, and his recipe for the world's fluffiest pancakes. Cooking was always a bit of a luxury when he was growing up, but he decided when he started living by himself that he should probably at least figure out how his oven worked. He was a bit surprised to find he actually quite liked it, but it was only when he moved in with Harry and Merlin that he could justify the frankly ridiculous amounts of food that he wanted to make and really started to develop his skills and his recipes. They were still mostly just printed recipes with his own notes added, or things that he'd scribbled down from scratch, with smudges of chocolate or egg all over them, all stashed at one end of a shelf. "You mentioned that you'd be in trouble if you lost any of them. I wanted to make sure that didn't happen."

"This is sick. It's all in my handwriting, how did you manage that?"

"If you have enough samples, they can make you your own font from your handwriting. You didn't make it easy, you don't write very much down, do you?" Eggsy rolled his eyes with a grin. "They have that and the design saved now so it can easily be added to when you come up with something new."

"You've basically just given me permission to make a mess of the kitchen every chance I get, you know that, right?" Harry kindly pointed out that he did that anyway and Eggsy gave him a momentary scowl before he smiled again. "I love this. Thank you." Eggsy set his things aside and took theirs off of them to do the same before he kissed Merlin first, then Harry, and flopped back down between them. "I love you. So, so much."

"It can't be anywhere near as much as I love you, sweetheart." Merlin carded his fingers through his hair, smoothing the still sleep-messed strands. As Eggsy turned to him, he knew that whether or not it was actually true - and he was pretty sure it wasn't - Merlin believed what he said.

Harry threaded his fingers in with those of Merlin's other hand and settled them both over Eggsy's. "I love you more than you could ever possibly know."

And for someone so full of sarcasm and witty comebacks, Harry was capable of so much sincerity. The two men together still threatened to inadvertently overwhelm him sometimes, even without his own feelings on top, but it was easier each time to accept that he was so loved and that he could love so much in return.

They had the rather sophisticated plan of having a huge breakfast to get their energy up, spending all day in bed and then going out for a fancy-arse dinner, and Harry and Eggsy just finished working on the first part of that - they'd made heaps of food and were about to summon Merlin. Harry collided full force with Eggsy as he stopped dead in the doorway. Merlin was sat on the sofa with his head in his hands and his tablet screen lit up on the coffee table. "Babe? What's the matter?"

Harry gave Eggsy a quick squeeze before he stepped round him, rubbing his hand over Merlin's back. "Merlin, what's happened?"

Merlin just passed his tablet to Harry - they were going to find out all about it anyway so he might as well show them now. Eggsy was at Harry's side instantly, both of them reading the message from Arthur. It was the briefing details of an operation whose aim was to dismantle a sex trafficking ring, based on intelligence gathered by Arthur and Merlin. They knew that the guy Merlin was dealing with was a shady character but they had no idea it was that bad. The disgust was clear in Eggsy's voice. "That's what all this has been for?" 

Merlin nodded and Harry handed the tablet back, a stunned look on his face. "Shit. You want us working on this?"

"No, I don't. I want you as far from it as possible." Merlin sighed a heavy sigh. "But I need you on it."

Harry nodded in understanding and Eggsy did the same. He hated the sound of it at least as much as Merlin did, but Bors had a job to do. "When is it?"

"Three weeks from tomorrow, early morning. That's all the time we've got to plan for it. These things can take months, we don't even have one, and he fucking knew about it." Merlin dashed his tablet back onto the coffee table, dropping his head back into his hands. "He waited until today, just to ruin it for us."

"What d'you mean? How d'you know that?"

"The intelligence that he gathered, I know where and how he got it, and I know when. I just didn't know what it was until now."

"Is he fucking mental?" Eggsy was clearly furious. "He's playing with people's lives, he can't get away with that."

"He won't." It sounded like a promise. "But we don't have time to deal with that now."

Eggsy nodded - he had a good point, they could do without taking on something this huge without a head of the table - before confusion settled over his features again. "Why's he waited until today?"

Merlin scrubbed his hands over his face. "Because it's our anniversary and there is no low that he won't stoop to to get back at me."

"How does he even know that?"

Harry jumped in to answer that one. "We're all taking the day off and everyone knows roughly when we got together. He might act like a fucking moron but he isn't one."

Merlin groaned as his phone rang, his tone sharp when he answered. Harry and Eggsy couldn't hear the other side of the conversation but they could only imagine it was to gloat. "Arthur. Yes, I got your message. It was nice of you to sit on that information, keep it warm for us for a couple of weeks. No, you let me make _my_ self clear - if anything happens to anyone that doesn't deserve it because we didn't have time to get everything in place, I will hold you personally responsible and I'll see to it that everyone else does as well."

Merlin hung up a second later, muttering expletives under his breath. "He's making you go in and deal with it now?"

Merlin shook his head. “No, worse than that, he's saying it's my choice. So that when I abandon you - and I am so sorry, but I don't think I can not go - it will be my decision."

"That ain't a choice. Course you have to go.” Eggsy bent to kiss Merlin’s head. “I mean, I know today's important but you’ve got a job to do and people to save, don't you dare even think about feeling guilty about it."

"He's right, my love."

Harry settled a hand on the back of Merlin’s neck, and he leant easily into the touch. “I know. That doesn’t make it better.”

"What's the deal with you lot?" The other two just looked at Eggsy. "He's not doing this just because he thinks you fucked up. He's already done enough to make up for that. So why's he so desperate to get one up on you?"

Merlin hesitated for a second, then let out a sigh. “He tried to kill Harry and I made his life hell.”

Harry rolled his eyes. ”Oh Merlin, don't be so dramatic. You don't know that he tried to kill me."

Merlin gave him a look but didn’t argue with him. "You know Arthur was a knight before he was Arthur, but before that he was a handler. He was supposed to be Merlin when my predecessor retired but he turned it down because he wanted to be an agent instead. Then he was the lead on the mission that nearly got Harry killed. He led him into that ambush."

"Merlin thinks he did it on purpose so that he could have my job, which is completely ridiculous because no one in their right mind would give it to him."

"He'd have used it as leverage to say he wasn't suited as a handler.” He and Harry shared a look that said they weren’t arguing about this again. If it wasn’t such a serious conversation it would have been amusing - it always was when they got stuck into debates that they'd already had at least a hundred times before. “Anyway, that fuckup ruined any remaining chance that he had of becoming Merlin and I got the job instead. And I made his life very difficult while I was his boss."

"And he's only getting his own back now? That's messed up, it was literally decades ago."

"Yeah, well, he hasn't had the authority or the opportunity before this so he's taking full advantage." Merlin stood with a groan. "Right, I have to go and contact the other agents and explain to my team that we need to perform a miracle. I'll need you two to come in in a little while but you might as well enjoy the rest of the morning."

Merlin went to kiss Eggsy but he pulled away. "What, you're going right now? But breakfast's already done. Cold, probably, but it's ready."

Merlin gave him an apologetic look. "Eggsy, we need all the time we can get."

"You need food. You're not gonna get very far on an empty stomach. It'll take you ten minutes, and we'll get ready and come with you."

"It's adorable that you think you can get ready in ten minutes."

Eggsy gave him a playful glare. "Fine, twenty."

Merlin had no idea how they all managed to get ready and eat in that time but he certainly wasn't going to complain. Eggsy was a good influence. It may not have been much but it was nice to have that extra bit of time with them as the travelled in together before the entire organisation descended into chaos.

The first thing to do was make sure Kay and Tristan would make it in, then he had to pull anyone that wasn't essential from every other project, brief his team and assign all of them tasks - they may already know what was going to happen and when but there was still so much more work to do than that. Then came the agents' briefing, in which he had to explain that they were working to rescue what they estimated to be a couple of hundred victims across three locations - Bors and Kay (one of the newest knights to join the table) would take care of the main base, and Galahad and Tristan would take one each of the others. What he also had to tell them - and what he'd kept from Harry and Eggsy earlier on was that they expected about 80% of them to be children.

"Bors, Galahad, I need a word. Tristan, Kay, you're dismissed." Eggsy and Harry stayed put as the other two silently left. "I need to know that you can handle this."

"You think we'd turn this down? They're kids, Merlin. The same age as my sister, some of them younger. You think I'm gonna just not help them?"

"That's exactly why I'm asking. After Valentine, you are - without question - the best person for the job. But, as much as I wish it weren't the case, you'll no doubt see some horrible things by the time this is done. We can't afford to have you off your game because it's too personal for you. Either of you. So, again, I need to know that you can both handle this."

Eggsy sat up straighter and nodded, his jaw set. "Best person for the job. I can handle it."

Merlin looked to Harry, who nodded as well. "Yes, I can handle it."

"Good. That'll be all." They were clearly their marching orders and a lot more dismissive that Merlin meant but he still had a lot to do and even more on his mind. The other two didn't take it personally or call him out on it, though, they just left him to it.

Merlin spent the rest of the morning and the start of the afternoon putting all of the transportation, extraction teams, medical teams and other support teams together and in the diary. Eggsy and Harry slipped into his office after the briefest of knocks just as he was trying to massage the headache away from his temples, making both of them frown in concern.

"We brought you this." Eggsy set down the sandwich, fruit salad and bottle of water that he was holding as Harry pulled Merlin's hands away from his head, placed a kiss to each temple and took over trying to relieve his headache. "We guessed you ain't eaten nothing."

"Thank you, loves, but I don't have time for lunch." Eggsy just folded his arms and Merlin started on half of the sandwich - it was so much easier than arguing.

"So what are the chances of us going for dinner tonight?"

Merlin hummed grumpily. "I don't think I'll make it, I'm sorry. But you two should go, it'd be a shame to waste the reservation."

Eggsy nodded slowly, his lips slightly pursed. "And I take it I'll have to cancel the hotel viewings and stuff?"

Merlin tilted his head, giving Eggsy an apologetic look. He hadn't even thought about that. "I'm sorry, darling."

Eggsy gave him a small but easy smile and kissed him on the cheek. "Don't be. It's alright, it can wait a few weeks."

They stayed only as long as it took Merlin to finish eating, knowing that hanging around would only make him more tense and be mostly unappreciated.

Merlin spent the rest of the afternoon checking on his team and their progress. He couldn't really say it but he genuinely felt bad for them, though not a single one of them gave even a hint of a complaint, and they had made an excellent start. He let those that wanted it take a break - which was most of them, they knew they could be few and far between - and took the opportunity of not being needed to take one himself.

When he opened the door to his office, there was a table set up with candles, water (wine would've been better, but no drinking on the job) and three place settings, and the two loves of his life standing beside it. Harry shot him a look that he was pretty sure was supposed to mean 'don't you dare tell him you don't have time for this' but the thought hadn't even crossed his mind. All he could think was how much he loved them and how much he wished it could still be their night off in their favourite restaurant and not a rushed meal in his office during his break.

"Well you two are just full of surprises." He closed the door behind him and greeted each of them with a kiss.

Eggsy grinned. "I've been told that before."

"I thought you were going for dinner."

"We are. We just decided to go here instead. Better atmosphere." Merlin snorted a laugh and it brought a smile to Harry's face. He cupped Merlin's face in his hand and swept his thumb over his cheek. "It wouldn't have been the same without you, my love."

"Just 'cause you've gotta work, don't mean we're gonna leave you out." Merlin would have to admit that sometimes he liked how they never did as they were told, and this was definitely one of those times. "We should probably get started if we wanna eat something hot, though."

It turned out that Rebecca from the kitchen - who Eggsy had been friends with since a few months earlier when she'd accidentally burnt herself and dropped an entire shepherd's pie on the floor, and he'd cleaned it up while she took care of the burn and offered to help make a new one - had been more than happy to help. She knew they were supposed to be taking the day off together and was all too quick to tease Eggsy about loving Kingsman more than Harry and Merlin when she spotted him that afternoon, but once he told her they'd all be called in, she insisted on doing something for them. Between them, they whipped up a fairly simple but delicious three course meal.

The food was lovely, the company even better, but it was only really as pleasant as it can be on a time limit so they promised to do it again properly as soon as they could. Eggsy stacked all their dishes up to take back to the kitchen as Merlin went back to his desk and Harry stepped in. "Let me do that, darling."

"Nah, it's alright, I've got it. It'll give me a chance to say thanks to Bex again, anyway." He gave Merlin one last, lingering kiss. “Love you. I’ll see you later, yeah?"

Merlin didn’t have the heart to say he wasn’t sure he would so he just smiled and nodded instead. “I love you too, darling. Have a nice evening. And thank Rebecca for me.” Eggsy nodded, and Merlin grabbed his hand as he went to leave. “I’m sorry about today. Thank you for this.” Eggsy just squeezed his hand with a soft smile before he finally dragged himself away.

Harry tilted his head as he looked at Merlin. “What’s wrong?”

“I feel like a complete arsehole.” Harry stepped behind him, resting his hand on his shoulder, and Merlin tipped his head back to look up at him. “We’ve never missed or worked an anniversary and this is what happens on our first with him. I’m sorry, love.”

“Don’t be silly, dear. It’s not your fault, and we’ll have plenty more to come. Will we see you tonight?”

“I hope so. Are you really both okay about all of this? About today?"

“It’s not ideal but we understand. Are you?” Merlin shrugged with a sigh - Harry had pretty much summed it up. Harry slid his hands down to Merlin’s chest and placed a kiss on his head. “Just come home tonight, it will make all the difference. Now, I know you have a lot to do, but I also know that we’re going to lose you to this for the next three weeks and that you’re going to work until you pass out and then get up and do it all over again, unless someone stops you. Even if it’s just to sleep for a few hours, it will do all of us some good to have tonight together. So promise me, unless the world needs saving, you’ll come home tonight.”

“I promise.”

“Good.” Harry stepped around to kiss Merlin properly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” And with no more than a smile, Harry was gone too and Merlin was well and truly back to work.

By the time he got home he desperately hoped that Harry and Eggsy would still be up, and he was not disappointed. They were cuddled up on the sofa snogging like teenagers and he very nearly felt bad for interrupting.

They parted as he stepped into the room, both giving him genuine smiles. “Hello, you gorgeous, wonderful things.” He gave each of them a kiss. “Good night?”

“It just got better.” Eggsy grinned, Harry hummed in agreement and Merlin felt instantly more relaxed. “In fact, we were just gonna go upstairs and we were hoping you’d be back and you'd wanna join us."

“I'd love to." Harry led the way, and JB scampered up after them, whining when Eggsy shut him out with a whispered apology.

As he turned back to the room, Harry and Merlin were kissing around the dumb smiles on their faces, and Eggsy wondered for a second if it was possible for his face to get stuck in a grin because he wasn't sure when the last time was that he wasn't smiling, and with these two with him, he couldn't imagine the next.

They slotted Eggsy between them seamlessly and executed a perfectly coordinated attack on his neck, with soft brushes of lips interspersed with just the right amount of pressure that it would be gone by the morning but it would make a beautiful pattern for now. Merlin met Eggsy's lips with his own as his hands moved to his top button. He kissed along Eggsy's jaw and down his neck, moving lower with each button that he undid, then across his collar bone as he pushed the shirt from Eggsy's shoulders.

Eggsy had to bite his lip to hold in a moan as Harry flicked his tongue across that one perfect spot behind his ear, but let it slip completely when Harry pulled Eggsy's hips back against his own and made his arousal known. Eggsy pulled Merlin's tie off and helped push his jumper off - they were both still very overdressed as far as he was concerned but the tie was taking the piss. He ran his hands down Merlin's chest and stomach and over the front of his trousers and...nothing.

Eggsy pulled back with a slight frown of concern, even with his mind as clouded by arousal as it was. Merlin kissed the look away. "It's fine. I'm just not quite in the mood."

"Do you want to stop?" Harry's look matched Eggsy's, the ridiculous, lovely pair that they were.

"Absolutely not."

"Babe, if you're not into it..."

"You two both seem into it and I am very into you. I'll catch up." He was only met with two uncertain looks and he kissed them both again, completely unwilling to let the moment go entirely. "You two have been looking after me all day, let me take care of you."

Merlin drew Harry into a deeper kiss, forcing the three of them closer together, and Eggsy gladly swapped places with Harry to give them better access to each other. He worked on the buttons of Harry's shirt as Harry did the same with Merlin's. He pulled Harry's arms away from Merlin to slide his shirt off, kissing across his shoulders and his back, then circled round to pay Merlin the same attention.

There wasn't a part of either of them that he didn't love - how's someone's back sexy? Do people normally get turned on by someone's arms? That little dip at the bottom of their throat definitely shouldn't be that hot, should it? They were the kind of questions that crossed his mind quite often but he always came to the same answer on all of them: he couldn't give a fuck. He was theirs and they were his to admire every inch of if he wanted to, and god, he wanted to.

Merlin was quick to turn his attention back to Eggsy. He knelt with a cocky smirk, undid Eggsy's trousers and helped him step out of them as they fell to the ground. He pulled Eggsy's boxers down, too, then closed his lips over the head of Eggsy's cock. He slowly moved to take the whole length in, then pulled off again, and Eggsy's legs almost went out from under him. "On the bed, darling."

Eggsy scrambled to do as he was told and Merlin knelt at the end of the bed, throwing Eggsy’s legs over his shoulders. He licked a stripe up his cock, then sucked on each of his balls. He flicked at the spot behind his balls with his tongue, making Eggsy groan in pleasure. Merlin chuckled and it only made Eggsy whine. He moved lower still, brushing his tongue lightly over Eggsy’s hole before he licked across it properly, lapping at it lovingly. The sound that it made in the otherwise silent room probably should’ve been disgusting but at this point, everything just turned Eggsy on more. Harry palming himself through his trousers didn’t help.

As Merlin pushed his tongue into Eggsy, Eggsy cried out and couldn’t stop himself from grabbing Merlin’s head, grinding his hips against his face. He let go just as quickly but Merlin pulled him closer with his hands on his thighs and worked his way deeper. It was only a minute before it was just too fucking much. “Fuck, babe, stop.” Merlin pulled away and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, at least as much for effect as necessity. “If one of you doesn’t fuck me right now, I’m literally gonna die.”

Harry took a step closer, a silly grin on his face. “Oh, well if you’re _literally_ going to die, perhaps I could offer a life-saving injection.”

Merlin turned to him with raised eyebrows and a laugh. “That is the worst thing you have ever said."

"Come and shut me up, then." Merlin obliged, standing to kiss Harry and stop him saying anything else so ridiculous. Harry pulled away a little breathless. "I do believe our boy was dying, and I think I may be about to follow suit. We can't have that, can we?"

"We certainly can't." Harry leant forward to whisper something in Merlin's ear, making a dark grin spread across his face. At a small nod from Merlin, Harry's capable hands had his trousers off in no time and he settled back against the headboard, still in his pants. Harry was about to start on removing his own when Eggsy sat up and hooked his fingers into Harry's belt, pulling him closer so that he could do it for him.

With as much impatience as either of them had even seen, Eggsy had Harry completely naked and dragged him down for a kiss, all desperate and messy. He was panting when he pulled away, his eyes dark with want. "Please, Harry, fuck me."

"Patience." Harry slicked up his fingers with lube from fuck-knows-where, laid Eggsy back with his other hand on his chest and pushed one finger inside him. Eggsy arched off the bed with a moan at finally having something inside him, never mind that it was nowhere near enough. Harry didn't bother teasing this time - it definitely wouldn't be appreciated. He worked a second and a third finger in in quick succession, Eggsy twisting his hands tighter in the sheets with each one. Finally, Eggsy whined, all but begging him again. Harry gave him a filthy smirk. "Hands and knees, darling. Over Merlin."

Eggsy scrambled to comply, with his knees either side of Merlin's hips and his hands either side of his head. He grinned down at Merlin's equally indecent look. "Hi."

"Hi." He smiled at Eggsy and craned his neck up for a quick press of his lips. "You're stunning, do you know that?"

"I try." He shrugged as much as he could, with a cocky smile plastered on his face. It faltered immediately as Harry pressed a kiss to his shoulder, then a trail down his back. He pushed his fingers back into Eggsy - just to be sure - and Eggsy pushed back against them, trying his very hardest not to beg again. Instead, as soon as he could force himself to, he went for what he hoped was a calmer approach. "Babe, as nice as this is, and any other time I'd be happy to come just from your fingers, but that ain't what I want right now."

Harry chuckled softly behind him, then bent over him to press a kiss to his jaw. "Sorry, darling. It is far too easy to get carried away with you."

Eggsy let out a continuous moan as Harry lined himself up and entered him in one long, slow push. He waited for what seemed like an eternity, giving Eggsy time that he didn't really need to adjust to the feeling. When Harry finally started to move, his arms decided they'd had quite enough of holding him up, and he dropped his head down beside Merlin's. "Fucking hell, you've got no idea how much you're missing out, not being fucked by him."

Merlin let out an amused hum. "No? Why don't you tell me?" Eggsy whined. Harry knew how to fuck him within an inch of his life and take him apart in the most depraved ways, but he knew just as well how to take his time and make Eggsy see stars. "Tell me how he makes you feel, love."

"It's-" Harry hit a spot inside him that apparently turned out to be an off switch, because Eggsy just gasped and went completely still for a long few seconds. "Fuck, I can't. Can't fucking think straight. Harry...you're fucking amazing."

Merlin chuckled as Harry gave him a very self-satisfied smirk. Every one of Eggsy's little gasps and moans went straight into his ear, their frequency only increased when he kissed at neck and his shoulders. It might've been strange, the way he worshipped Eggsy's shoulders, of all parts of him, but he'd heard no complaints so it mustn't be a bad strange.

Between Harry's slow, strong, thrusts and Merlin's delicate touches, Eggsy was almost certain he'd died and gone to heaven. He was almost as sure that if he could gather his wits enough to check, he'd find that Merlin had grown at least three extra arms because it felt like his hands were fucking _everywhere_ , every touch setting his skin on fire. He wondered - to his own amusement - what he must look like if he felt like this, and Merlin quickly offered an answer, like the mindreader he often seemed to be. "Gorgeous. Both of you."

"Yeah? How gorgeous?" Somehow he could always manage a grin, Merlin felt it against his neck. Harry moved with him as Merlin dragged Eggsy's hips down against his own to let him feel how hard he was, as he bit lightly where Eggsy's neck meets his shoulder. Eggsy groaned at both. "Oh, fuck."

Merlin snuck a hand between them to wrap around Eggsy's cock and winked at Harry. "Harry can't be that good if you lasted this long, darling."

"He is. So good. Don't wanna stop."

Harry bent forward, somehow never faltering in his movements, and spoke low in Eggsy's ear in that voice that could make the phone book sound filthy. "Don't hold back, darling. Indulge me, stroke my ego a little bit."

"Oh, fucking hell, Harry." Merlin rolled his thumb over the head of Eggsy's cock as he stroked in time with Harry, and that was as much as Eggsy could take. He came with a harsh gasp before letting out a long moan as his whole body shook with the force of it. Harry pulled out slowly when his trembling subsided and helped ease him down to Merlin's side. He kissed him softly as the last few shudders worked their way through his body and he was left completely boneless. Another grin found its way onto Eggsy's face. "Shit."

Harry kissed him again and raked his hand through his hair, making sure he was okay and not caring that it was all damp with sweat, before he turned his attention to Merlin. He kissed him, too, just as slow and sweet as he had been with Eggsy - there were plenty of times for speed and roughness, and frantic fucking, but tonight was most definitely not one of them. Harry smiled at him, making him smile back just as brightly, before he spoke to him, little more than a whisper. "I want to ride you, my love."

"Well then, I'd hate to deny you." Merlin quickly did away with his pants and shuffled down the bed. Harry took the hint as Merlin tried to manoeuvre him, settling his knees either side of Merlin's head. With a firm grip on his hips, Merlin lowered Harry just enough to sweep his tongue across his hole, just testing the waters before he pulled him flush against his face.

Merlin licked into him, his perfect jaw and talented tongue making Harry weak. He held onto Merlin's head with both hands as he slowly worked him open, desperate to keep him doing just that. "Oh, good lord. You are incredible."

"Not incredible enough if you can still talk properly, ain't that right, Merlin?" In all honesty, Eggsy had really been thinking the same as Harry - he was incredible, they both were. He'd be lying if he said that Harry Hart sitting on Merlin's face was something that he ever expected to see, but he didn't think he could tear his eyes away if he tried. He still felt so lucky to be allowed to be a part of this, and to know that he wouldn't be leaving them or be sent on his way when they were done. Maybe today more than ever. Harry gave him a wonky smile and Merlin gave a fake glare - or as much as he could with most of his face still obscured by Harry - and was that the worst possible time to think how madly in love with them he was?

Merlin nudged Harry's hips up and, in a move that apparently even surprised Harry, took his cock into his mouth and eased a finger into him at the same time. Harry straightened up for just a split second before he melted against Merlin, only barely able to hold himself up enough not to choke the man. How Merlin had the coordination in this situation to give such an amazing blowjob while stretching him open was entirely beyond him, but he was grateful for it. Merlin wiggled his tongue against Harry's cock and pressed against his prostate, and it was very nearly his undoing. "Oh, god, Merlin. Please."

Merlin pulled off of him with a smile. "Go ahead, love."

Harry moved down Merlin's body, and Merlin groaned himself as Eggsy wrapped a hand around his cock and stroked slowly under the pretence of steadying him for Harry. Harry slowly lowered himself onto Merlin with a soft, happy hum and bent forward to kiss Merlin, perfectly happy to just have him seated inside him. As he straightened up to moved like he wanted to, Eggsy ran a finger down his spine, making him shiver and drawing moans from both of them.

Eggsy threw one leg over Merlin's, shadowing Harry's position. He pressed himself against Harry's back, his hands over Merlin's on his hips, as he licked at Harry's skin, his tongue dancing up his neck and behind his ear. Harry craned his neck round to kiss him, an uncoordinated slide of his lips against Eggsy's. Eggsy pulled away with a grin. "I could watch you two all day."

Harry huffed out a laugh as Merlin just smirked. "I don't think I'm going to last all day, darling."

And if he sounded even a little like he wanted to last, Eggsy might've considered not slipping in the odd little bite as he kissed at Harry's shoulders. He might not have run one hand across his chest and the other down to his leaking cock. Merlin might've resisted the urge to grip his hips just a little bit tighter - nowhere near enough to bruise but enough that Harry would feel and most definitely like it. But he didn't sound like he wanted anything of the sort, so they did all of those things.

Each rise and fall of Harry's hips forced a moan out of him, his breath growing harder to catch. "Oh, my...Christ alive."

Merlin stroked his hands up Harry's sides and back down to press their hips together, and Eggsy grinned. He leant up to whisper in Harry's ear. "Come on, babe."

Harry kept his movements up for just a minute before he was too close to focus properly and Merlin took over instead. Eggsy sped up his stroking of his cock, taking him right over the edge with a sharp gasp. "Oh, fucking hell, yes." He bent forward to kiss Merlin again, just lazy little pecks, really. "You are amazing." He turned to look at Eggsy over his shoulder. "And you, darling."

"I think you proved yourself as well, babe." Eggsy winked at him.

"Oh, without a doubt." Merlin kissed Harry's cheek, raking his fingers through his hair. He smiled as Harry turned back to him. "My turn?"

"I think you've earned it." Merlin gave one slow thrust just as a test, and Harry shuddered but didn't stop him. He collapsed completely with a delirious chuckle, though, as Merlin thrust into him properly. "Shit. I'm sorry, my love, I don't think I can."

"It's a good job he's got two of us then, ain't it?" Eggsy nuzzled into Merlin's neck. "D'you wanna fuck me?"

Merlin gave a short laugh. "Always."

Harry gently eased himself off, and Eggsy tugged at Merlin's shoulders, pulling him up over him. Merlin went easy, bracketing him against the mattress and slotting his mouth against Eggsy's. Eggsy reached down to guide Merlin into him, arching up against him as he pushed in.

Harry stroked his hand down the back of Merlin's neck and Merlin leant into the touch - an automatic reaction after all those years. Merlin took Harry's hand in one of his, their fingers woven together, and Harry brought it to his own lips before settling it on Eggsy's hip.

Merlin kept his movements slow and steady, drawing soft sounds from both of them with each one. Harry took Eggsy's hand, then, kissed from his wrist up to his shoulder, and skipped over to his nipple, sucking gently at it. "Oh, fuck. That ain't playing fair, is it?"

"Who's playing, darling?" Harry kissed at his neck and rubbed one hand across Merlin's chest. "I take your pleasure very, very seriously."

Eggsy whined because honestly, when had that ever not been true? Even before they really meant anything to each other, they made him feel _so fucking good_ , treating sex with the same single-minded focus that they did missions. They were men of many, many talents, and this sure as shit made the list. He found it impossible to keep himself quiet as Harry carried on. Just as Harry increased the pressure, Merlin angled himself up just a little bit more so the rubbing against his prostate was relentless.

With the tongue on his chest still doing wonderful things to him, Eggsy almost forgot how to breath and choked on air when Harry stroked his cock. When they managed to time a slow drag across his prostate with a tug of his other nipple, that was it for him. He came with a high-pitched moan that he refused to be embarrassed about. He pulled Merlin down for a kiss and whined into his mouth as he fucked him through is orgasm.

He still held Merlin close as he broke the kiss. He panted into Merlin's ear, and he wished he could say he was playing it up for effect but there was absolutely no need. "Oh, fuck. Yes, babe." Merlin practically growled in his ear. "I know you're close, love. Just that little bit more." Eggsy clenched around him and his hips finally stuttered as he came inside Eggsy with a loud cry.

He slipped out of Eggsy, still trying to catch his breath, and flopped down to join the sweaty jumble of limbs already there. "Jesus. That was something else." The other two gave happy, agreeable hums. "We are disgusting, though. As gorgeous as you both look all debauched, there's no way we can sleep like this."

Eggsy couldn't really disagree when he felt Merlin's come slip out of him, but he let the other two go first anyway. He hopped in the shower as soon as Merlin was done, and by the time he came to the doorway brushing his teeth, they were already in their freshly-changed bed, legs all tangled together and Merlin's arm around Harry. Harry eyed him suspiciously as he watched them. "What's that look?"

He disappeared to rinse his mouth out and when he came back they were both looking at him with raised eyebrows. He stood there for another second, just savouring the view - the speed and ease with which they went from filthy to so domestic was ridiculous - and found a grin spreading its way across his face completely of its own accord. "Happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary, darling." They were almost exactly in sync and it only made the moment more perfect. He climbed into bed, resting his head on Merlin's other shoulder. He'd be gone by the time they woke up, they knew, and he most likely wouldn't be back until everything was over and done with, but that was okay. He was here tonight, and that's all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hope that was worth the wait. Parts of this have been written and rewritten multiple times, and for every ten minutes I spent writing it, I spent an hour being frustrated with it. And guys, listen...it is really hard to write sweet, fun, hot sex. Judge for yourselves but I might've got one out of three.
> 
> So if you think it paid off and you'd be kind enough to take just a few moments to let me know, I can't tell you how much I'd appreciate it.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission and the aftermath

They were exactly right in that they barely saw Merlin in the weeks that followed, but just because they didn't see him, didn't mean they couldn't take care of him. Eggsy had promised Bex a massive favour, whatever she wanted - not that she needed it - if she could make sure some food made its way to Merlin's office at sensible intervals, and Harry had a longstanding agreement with one of Merlin's longest-serving, most confident and most trusted juniors to try and get him to take breaks every so often in times of stress, in return for Harry's feedback on his latest project to impress the man in question. He wasn't always successful but he at least let Harry know when Merlin was running himself too far into the ground, because god, he was stubborn. He'd be in the sick bay from exhaustion, dehydrated from drinking nothing but coffee, have his stomach start digesting itself from where he didn't bother to stop for food, and still insist that he was perfectly fine.

They were just over two weeks in when one such time occurred. Apparently he hadn't taken more than a loo break in two days and hadn't slept in at least three, and the best they could gather was that he might've had a few bites while he was working. Having been assured that they could manage without him for a few hours, Harry and Eggsy cornered him in his office.

Merlin greeted them both with a kiss and a weary smile. "It's good to see you but I have to get back to work."

"No, you don't. They can do without you for a while."

"You know we've got less than a week to go. It's all hands on deck, around the clock. That includes me."

"But you've gotta take a break. You've got your team working round the clock but no one else is actually working 24/7 except you."

"I'm fine. Do I stop you doing your jobs?"

"First of all, you're not fine. I mean, have you looked in a mirror lately? Because you look like shit, and that's coming from someone that loves you. Second of all, we don't get in this state - half of our job is literally just going for dinner. And third, you would tell us to abort a mission if we weren't fit for it, and you would definitely tell us how stupid and irresponsible it would be to carry on." Fuck, he was right. It's so annoying when other people are right. "We're not gonna stop you, we're not gonna tie you to the bed or lock you in your room or nothing, but you must know it's a bad idea to keep going like this."

Harry couldn't help but smirk. There were still odd moments when Eggsy seemed uncertain, like he might be overstepping, but on the whole he'd really come into his own, and clearly wasn't afraid to tell Merlin when he was being a complete idiot. And it was testament to how much Merlin loved him that he just stood there and took it. "Please just do as you're told, dear. Right now, this operation can afford to lose you for a few hours. What it cannot afford is to have you work yourself sick and be without you in its final stages. Who else do you trust to oversee this on Friday? Because at this rate, it won't be you."

Merlin let out a resigned sigh. "Fine. A couple of hours, that's all. And if they need me, you're not stopping me."

"We wouldn't dream of it."

They whisked him off to the canteen first for a proper meal because 'really, all you ate yesterday is a banana and some biscuits? Don't take the piss', and for him to see something other than his office and the bullpen. Then it was back to the all but abandoned quarters joined to his office, where he refused to get into bed. Before Harry had a chance to argue, Eggsy took Merlin's hand and led him to the sofa, sitting there and pulling him down until his head rested in his lap. It was only a couple of minutes before Merlin drifted off and they waited a few more before they decided to leave him in peace. Eggsy gently lifted Merlin's head so that he could slide out, grabbing a pillow to take his place, and that was apparently all it took for Merlin to stir.

Harry crouched in front of him, stroking his cheek. "It's okay, my love. Sleep."

"Stay." It was only a sleepy mumble but there was just a hint of desperation to it. "Both of you. Can you stay?"

Eggsy abandoned the pillow, setting Merlin's head back down on his thigh. "Yeah, babe, we'll stay. Go back to sleep, we'll be right here."

Eggsy ended up dozing off with him while Harry played PA/security guard, making sure Merlin wasn't interrupted unnecessarily. Eggsy woke with him as he came to a few hours later - no where near long enough by anyone's standards but Merlin's, but it would do - and with a couple of ‘thank you’s, a handful of 'I love you's and a promise to take better care of himself when he could, they left him to it again.

The mission went better than expected but still wasn’t entirely successful, and Merlin called a meeting with Arthur and all of the knights as soon as the clean-up was dealt with and everything handed over to the appropriate authorities. It definitely wasn’t standard practice and all of them looked at each other curiously, trying to figure out if any of the others knew what was going on or if they’d missed the memo.

Once everyone was present and accounted for, Merlin took his place, his manner commanding their attention even more than usual. “Gentleman, Lancelot, I know that this is all rather sudden and a lot of you are itching to go home but we do have a very important matter to attend to. I’ve brought you all here to propose to you that we dethrone the king. I believe that Arthur is no longer fit to hold the position.” Arthur scowled at him while Harry smirked and Eggsy gave him an encouraging wink, and there were murmurs of surprise and scandal until Merlin cleared his throat and drew their eyes back to him. “As most of you know, we carried out an operation in the early hours of this morning, and those of you that do will know that we’ve been working on this for just over three weeks. What most of you don’t know is that Arthur has known about it for almost twice as long as that and decided to keep it to himself, purely to punish me.”

“It was confidential information that I wasn’t sure you could be trusted with. Would you like to tell everyone why you believe I was punishing you?”

“Gladly. I think it hurts your case more than mine.” Merlin fixed him with a cold look before he turned back to address the room. “Some of my actions and behaviour after my first meetings with our original suspect became a cause for concern for Galahad and Bors and I requested that I be allowed to share only the barest details with them to alleviate that. Arthur granted that request but has been holding it over me ever since. I’d like you to note that while this was a strictly personal issue, I made no mention of it but that is no longer the case.” Most of the knights nodded in acknowledgement of the fact. “For those of you who weren’t involved, we took down a major human trafficking ring this morning. We had four agents at three sites across Europe, we thought we had isolated each site in terms of cutting off contact and agents were instructed to kill on sight to further reduce that risk. However, there was a fourth site whose existence we only became aware of last night, even with me and my team working around the clock, meaning we had to send a fifth agent at the last minute. One of the bases had better security than we could have anticipated and they had a very sophisticated communications system, which we couldn’t have accounted for and dealt with in the time we were given. So, by the time our agent arrived at that last base, they’d already been alerted to our efforts elsewhere and started to execute their prisoners. All of this could have been prevented if we’d had more time to plan. Arthur directly endangered the lives of two of the knights that he’s supposed to lead, and three others indirectly. He also risked the lives of hundreds of people and cost the lives of 17 innocent civilians.” Merlin put their pictures up for all of them to see - only one adult amongst them and maybe half a dozen teenagers but most of them children. It was a harsh image but he refused to let Arthur go unchallenged. And the fact that most of them hadn't almost been killed in this fucked up process didn't mean they had it easy, not even close. “Of course, I will now give him the chance to speak in his defence, but from where I’m standing, this man is not worthy of the title Arthur, and I propose that he be stripped of it with immediate effect.”

They all turned to Arthur expectantly and thoroughly unimpressed. He could see that they’d all most likely made their minds up but it didn’t stop his pathetic attempt to justify himself. “Merlin has just admitted that his carelessness led him to breaking confidentiality. This was obviously a very sensitive case and I couldn’t be certain that he could be trusted not to leak the information.” Merlin shook his head and Eggsy and Harry both had to resist the urge to speak up. Not that they needed to, everyone knew it was bullshit - Merlin was pretty much the only person other than Arthur who knew all of the organisation’s secrets, if he couldn’t be trusted, his job wouldn’t even be in question, he’d’ve been dismissed already. “I’ve served you all well for the past couple of years, this was a brief oversight on my part and I seriously doubt it has damaged the success of the mission - there were very few casualties, we managed to get people to everywhere that they were needed and brought them all back safe again. It was a mistake, I admit, but not one large enough to dismiss the head of the organisation.”

“For the sake of clarity, I’ll point out that I didn’t break confidentiality, I requested and received the permission that I needed, there was never a risk of any leak. What you call a brief oversight was at least a fortnight of you keeping crucial information from me, my team and your agents. We managed to get people to all of their locations by the skin of our teeth and had we had more time to plan, we could have expected zero casualties.” Arthur didn’t offer any answer to that. “Okay, without further ado, I’m going to open this to a vote. All those in favour of dethroning the king, vote for; all those in favour of letting him stay, vote against. We’re looking for a majority.” The votes came in quickly and Merlin read the result off of his screen. “And we have a unanimous decision. As of this moment, you’re relieved of all duties as Arthur. You are to return all Kingsman items - that includes vacating your Kingsman property, from which your personal belongings will be removed - and you will, or course, be subject to all standard confidentiality rules. I don’t think I need to remind you of the consequences of breaking them. Is all of that understood?” Arthur reluctantly nodded. “Wonderful. You’re officially dismissed.”

"Happy, are you? You dress it up as concern of fellow agents when really it was your husband and your...boy toy." He said both like he had a sour taste in his mouth. Eggsy wanted to punch the stuck up, ballsack-looking tosser right in the face - and the way Harry's jaw clenched said he wanted to do the same - but they did and would conduct themselves with more dignity than that. "In reality, all of this could've been prevented if it were not for your disgusting, perverted relationship. It'll never last anyway." 

"Please, anybody, do correct me if I'm wrong and we can take it back to a vote if that revelation makes a difference, but I do believe everyone in this room is aware of our relationship and the nature of the concern was perfectly clear." The man was truly only embarrassing himself. Merlin called for him to be removed and Arthur was pulled indignantly from the room to be held until they could dispense with him completely. A silence hung in the room once he had gone as they all stayed focused on Merlin. “I appreciate that must have been difficult for all of you, but it is the job of every single one of us to maintain the integrity of this organisation. As protocol dictates, I - as Merlin - will be acting head of the organisation until a new Arthur is appointed and sworn in over the next few days. That is unless there are any objections, since I’m the one that called this meeting.” There were none. “Well then, onto our next order of business - nominating a new Arthur.”

“Why not you?” Everyone turned to Eggsy in question. “I’m just saying, Merlin’s the best leader we’ve got at the minute. Why not make it permanent?”

“It’s tradition for Arthur to be promoted from a knight. And I’m perfectly happy with the title I already have.” Eggsy nodded and let him continue. “As you know, we do need a unanimous decision for this, so we’ll take your initial nominations and work from there. So, if you wouldn’t mind…” The votes trickled in more slowly this time. “Okay, it seems we have a tie between Galahad and Bedivere, with four votes each and Percival picking up the spare.”

“If I may…” Merlin nodded for Harry to speak. “While I am flattered and I appreciate the confidence of my colleagues, I feel I’m far better as an agent than I would be as Arthur. I would like to respectfully withdraw my name from any further consideration.”

“Okay. Would anyone else like to do the same?” Nobody else did. “Well then, in light of that, we’ll take another vote.” They came in almost immediately this time. “Well, that was easier than expected. Congratulations, Bedivere, it looks like you’re our new king. You'll be sworn in on Monday. The rest of you, I expect your nominees for Bedivere the following day." There was a round of applause for Bedivere and a sincere thanks from him. "Before you go, I want to thank and congratulate everyone that was involved in today's operation. It was an already difficult mission complicated further by the limitations put on us, but you all did excellent work and it was largely a success because of that. Go home, get some well-deserved rest and I'll see you all in a couple of days. Dismissed."

All of the other agents filed out except Harry and Eggsy. Eggsy wrapped himself around Merlin and leant up for a kiss. "Well done, babe. That was amazing."

"Thank you, darling. It's just Harry that has to get rid of an Arthur now."

"I hope I'll never have to. Bedivere's the right choice. He'll do well, I think." The other two agreed.

Merlin pulled Harry closer to kiss him, Eggsy making room for Merlin to hug them both. "I'm so proud of both of you. You did so well today, it can't have been easy."

"No, it wasn't." Harry stared pointedly at the floor and Merlin pulled him even closer.

“I think…yeah, that was my hardest one so far.” Harry hummed and Merlin hugged him tighter too. “I, um, I thought I’d pick Sophie up from school, take her to the park and that before I take her home. Didn’t know if either of you wanted to come with me?”

“If you don’t mind.” Harry gave him a tight smile. “I think we could all do with a bit of cheering up.”

Merlin groaned. “I still have a few things I need to sort out but I will if I’m done in time.”

“He’s a prick, just leave him there until tomorrow. Or let him sweat over the weekend."

“We can’t just keep him locked up for no reason, Eggsy, he’s still a human being.”

“And 17 more of them just died because of him. He deserves to fucking rot.” It was times like this that they wished their work was just a bit more official - he was responsible for the deaths of all of those people and he was going to walk free, no real consequences, because they could hardly report that to the police or anything similar.

“I completely agree but that’s not our call to make, darling.” It was tempting - so very, very tempting - but if they went around doing things like that, keeping people locked up indefinitely, without regulation or order, how much better did it make them than the people they fought to stop?

Eggsy hummed grumpily. “Fine. Right, I’m gonna go and call my mum.”

That left Harry and Merlin still holding each other tight. Harry drew him into a kiss. “You have done brilliantly today. I don’t think I have ever, in my entire life, loved you more than I do right now.” Merlin smiled at him. “Now, go and make us proud once more, finish what you started and get rid of that bastard so that we can draw a line under all of this.”

Merlin caught them just as they were leaving, having tied up all the loose ends, and it was clear how pleased the other two were to have him join them. Sophie ran excitedly to them when they got to the school - she wasn’t expecting them, after all. Eggsy hugged her tight, holding onto her until she started to squirm. He pressed a big kiss to her cheek when he finally let go. “I missed you.” It had only been a few days but that one alone had felt like a year. Sophie was quick to tell him how silly he was. “You know I love you, don’t you? And Harry and Merlin and mummy, we all love you so much, you know that?”

"Yeah, I know. Love you too." She tucked herself embarrassedly into Eggsy's front. Eggsy cuddled her tight again. Most of the teenagers, at least, were runaways and as much as he tried not to, he kept thinking about Sophie ending up in the same position - not knowing how much she was loved and wanted and needed. It made him want to wrap her up in cotton wool and keep her close forever.

They took her out as promised, Sophie - thankfully - blissfuly oblivious to the harrowing feeling that stuck with them. They dragged it out to the last possible minute to take her home, and politely declined Michelle’s offer to stay for dinner. Besides being sure they'd be terrible company, none of them were really in the mood to eat, so they went home instead. Merlin went straight for the whisky, and Harry insisted on taking JB out in a way that - without saying it - was obvious that he'd rather go alone.

It wasn't that he didn't want to be around Eggsy and Merlin, ninety-nine percent of the time he'd rather be with them than anywhere else on the planet. It was just that, despite having no need or desire to talk about the day's events, it was all his brain would offer as a topic of conversation, and yet he couldn't actually think of anything to say about it that wasn't completely obvious. He just needed to be alone for long enough for his brain to realise that there was far more in the world than just that. He needed to be able to process everything that had happened - not just that day, but over the last few weeks; and not just to him, but to all of them - alone. It was like he'd been so on edge for so long that relief couldn't quite reach him. And so it had nothing at all to do with not wanting to be around them, and everything to do with not wanting to bring them down further.

"Is Harry still not back?" Eggsy had been in the bath for the best part of an hour and he'd already been gone for a while before that. "He's been gone ages, shouldn't we try and get hold of him?"

"He probably just needs a bit of time, love. This was hard on everyone." Merlin pressed a kiss to his head. "I'm sure he's fine."

"Has he done this before?"

"Quite a few times, yeah. It's nothing to worry about, he just needs some breathing room when things get a bit much, that's all." Eggsy had wondered if that point even existed - nothing ever seemed too much for Harry. He, impossibly, seemed to take everything in his stride, and it was a bit unsettling to see him not do that for once. "If you're worried and you need to put your mind at ease, call him. You know he won't mind."

Eggsy waited a while - if Harry needed time and space, he definitely didn't need Eggsy chasing him up - but as the two hour mark went by, his worries got the best of him. He phoned Harry and wasn't really surprised when it went to voicemail. "Hi babe, it's me. I know you probably just need some time to yourself and I don't wanna bug you but you've been gone for ages. Take your time, just let me know you're okay if you get a minute. Or safe, at least. I love you."

The reply came through ten minutes later: **I'm safe. I love you.**

As Merlin sat beside him with his third drink of the night, Eggsy frowned at him slightly. Besides taking on - and then temporarily becoming - the head of the organisation, it was often easy to forget that Merlin saw everything that all of them saw on missions. That had to take its toll. "Are you alright?"

Merlin nodded slowly with a soft smile just for Eggsy. "I'll be fine, darling." Eggsy's mouth twitched into a small smile that he couldn't quite make stick, too worried about the two men who couldn't quite say that they were okay. "Really, it's okay. Things will be better by the morning, you know how it is."

Eggsy took him at his word. If Merlin said he'd be okay, he probably would be. And if he needed a few drinks and a decent sleep to do that, it wasn't for Eggsy to stop him. He was happy to just settle against him, the two of them sitting in silence for a while. But then it didn't really seem fair on either of them to leave all the things that he wanted to say unsaid. "I love you, you know. I know it's been tough and everything didn't go to plan but it would've been so much worse if it weren't for you. Don't get me wrong, I've missed you like mad, but it's worth it when the reason you're not with us is because you're doing stuff like that. I'm so, so proud of you. Every day."

Merlin looked at him with a slightly watery smile and a bit of mock suspicion. "Are you trying to make an old man blush or cry? Because at this rate you might do both."

Eggsy shrugged. "Neither. But you're the man that I love, one of my best mates, my colleague-slash-boss, and you're amazing at all of them. I'm just telling you what you deserve to hear."

"You," Merlin was interrupted by the front door closing, but it didn't stop him pulling Eggsy tighter and dropping a kiss to his head before he hopped up, "are lovely. And I love you."

Eggsy wanted to leap at Harry and cling to him like some kind of giant limpet but he had no idea how that would go down. Did they talk about this? Did they ignore it, pretend Harry hadn't just disappeared for three hours? He didn't know.

So he watched Merlin instead. He watched one of the most intimate moments he'd ever seen as Merlin folded him into a hug for just a few seconds, then pulled back with one hand on the back of Harry's neck and the other on his cheek. "Okay?" Harry nodded and Merlin pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. "Good. I love you."

"I love you too, dear." Harry kissed him once more, then turned his gaze to Eggsy. Only then did he let himself get up to greet him.

Eggsy caught Harry staring at him a few times through the evening but he never held Eggsy's gaze. He decided not to make anything of it - he had a lot on his mind and he might still decide to talk about it without Eggsy's pestering. But when Merlin left the room to make tea, his gaze stuck on Eggsy and didn't move.

"Harry..." Eggsy called to him in a singsong voice and he realised he must've been ignoring him, miles away without even noticing. Eggsy had a small smile on his face, an odd mix of amusement and concern. "Are you alright?"

Harry just looked at him again for a long moment. "The man that you love." Eggsy tipped his head in question. "I heard you when I was coming in, talking to Merlin. You said he's the man that you love."

"Well, yeah, course I love him." Eggsy smiled. "That's not news, is it?"

"The - not a, or one of - man - singular - that you love."

"Oh, Harry." In Harry's mind, it was pitying, like he'd only just figured out a joke that he'd been the butt of the whole time - _All this time, you didn't really think I loved you, did you?_. But that was completely at odds with the way that Eggsy cupped his cheek and looked him in the eye. "He's not the _only_ man that I love."

"It sounded so...exclusive."

"Exclusive to you two, not just Merlin. I just didn't think that I had to say 'one of' every time," Harry looked down. Embarrassment didn't suit his face. Eggsy tipped his head back up to look at him. "But I will if you need me to, because I do love you. And I don't ever want you thinking I don't, you get me?"

Harry nodded. "I'm sorry, it was silly of me. I'm just feeling a bit, well, fragile, I suppose? Days like today remind me how lucky I am, and how much there is to lose."

"I know what you mean. That's alright. You can be fragile." Eggsy grinned and stepped round behind him, folding himself around Harry as much as possible over the back of the chair. "I can be your bubble wrap. Wrap you all up, make sure you're alright." Eggsy squeezed him tighter to make his point and delighted in the little laugh it got from Harry. "I love you."

"I love you too, darling. Thank you." Eggsy just pressed a kiss to his cheek but stayed right where he was otherwise. It was rare that Harry needed that kind of comfort but Eggsy was happy to provide it. Even when his back started to hurt from the slightly awkward position, there was barely a thing in the world that would make him move.

Eggsy started to get frustrated with the lack of an outlet as the evening wore on. He ended up wandering aimlessly around the house until Harry stopped him with his hands on his shoulders. "I'd rather not have to lay new carpet this weekend because you've worn through it." Eggsy's shoulders sagged as Harry let them go to scratch at the short hair at his nape. "What do you need, darling?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." Harry just repeated himself. "You know what I need, but neither of you two do so it's fine, don't worry about it."

"How do you know? You haven't asked." Merlin came up behind him then, too, resting one hand on his shoulder.

"Fine." He didn't really need to ask, they all knew anyway - where Merlin drank and Harry, apparently, disappeared to be by himself, Eggsy fucked. And maybe, possibly they were definitely, absolutely not the healthiest ways to deal with things but they worked, and now didn't seem the time to start trying to change things. "Do either of you want a nice, really hard, nasty fuck?"

Merlin let out a small chuckle at the bluntness of it. "Are you looking to fuck or be fucked, love?"

"Both?" Eggsy matched his laugh as Harry smiled at both of them. "I dunno, either."

Harry's lips spread into a grin. "I think we can do both."

They fell into bed quickly after that, Eggsy between the two of them, and oh, wasn't that a lovely place to be? Every movement of his hips pushed him either deeper into Harry or further onto Merlin's cock in the most maddening kind of perfection, and he wondered how and why they'd never tried this before.

Harry was the first to come. They were surely the most beautiful men on the planet, and how anyone could be expected to last looking up at them both like that, he had no idea. Eggsy may have been the only one inside him but every time Merlin tried to catch Eggsy off guard with a thrust of his own, it felt like being fucked by both of them. God, it was incredible.

"You're fucking stunning. Tell us if it's too much, yeah?" Harry nodded and Eggsy bent down to kiss him with a dirty grin that he had to return, then looked over his shoulder at Merlin. "Come on, babe." Merlin practically growled as he started fucking him. Eggsy groaned, "Fucking hell, Merlin. Harder or don't fucking bother."

It could easily have been taken badly but Merlin just breathed a laugh. "You cheeky little prick."

"Oh, fuck, yes." He may be more used to giving them, but Merlin knew how to take orders and he knew just how to give Eggsy what he needed. "Shit. Talk to me, like you used to. Please."

"Like I used to? You mean back when you you were a fucking slag?" Eggsy's hissed 'yes' let him know just how much he was on the right track, so he kept murmuring dirty words in his ear. "D'you miss it, hm? Being such a slut? Do you miss being able to have anyone you wanted, when we were just a couple in a long line of people that you fucked?" Eggsy shook his head, biting his lip. "Look at him, isn't he beautiful? You think a filthy whore deserves someone as perfect as Harry?"

"No." It was an earnest answer, more than any single syllable had any right to be. His breath hitched in a way that had nothing to do with Merlin being inside him. "Don't deserve either of you."

Merlin wrapped his arm around Eggsy's waist, holding him tight, and kissed behind his ear before speaking low into it. "You're wrong. I'm sorry, sweetheart, you're wrong."

Merlin let him go as Harry pulled him down to lie against him. "Of course you do, darling. We're the ones who don't deserve you."

"That's not true." Harry would argue it all night, but maybe once they were in a less carnal position. Merlin slowed his hips on instinct but Eggsy only pushed back against him. "Don't stop, Merlin, don't slow down. I need to feel you. Please." Once again, Merlin did as he was told, and Eggsy came just a few minutes later. He grabbed Merlin's hands as his spent cock slipped out of Harry, keeping his rough grip on his hips. "Keep going."

Merlin wasn't far behind though, and Eggsy went weak and collapsed against Harry as Merlin slammed into him and came inside him. Harry could feel a wetness on his shoulder that was far too much to be just sweat. He flashed Merlin an alarmed look, and Merlin slowly pulled out. He lay beside Harry, both of them trying to coax Eggsy out.

"Eggsy?" He didn't respond, just stayed clinging to Harry, his shoulders moving with each silent sob. "Darling. Did I hurt you?" Eggsy shook his head, and Merlin felt probably more relieved than he should have. "What is it, love?"

Harry brushed his fingers gently through his hair. When his shoulders finally stilled, he sat up and wiped his cheeks, avoiding both their gazes. "Eggsy..."

"I'm fine." He was up and pulling his boxers on before either of them could argue that he most certainly was not. "I'll be fine. Just give me a minute, yeah?"

They gave him a minute, heard the shower turn on, run for a while and turn off, and then they gave him a minute more. They found him sat against the bathroom wall, clothed but hair still dripping. They took their places either side of him, Harry with his arm around him and Merlin with one hand on his thigh.

"Sorry." Eggsy forced a smile. "Crying during sex, not exactly sexy, is it?"

"It's only a problem if it's the sex that made you cry. You'll knock his confidence." Eggsy let out a much less forced laugh and Merlin even managed a small smile before he went back to a concerned frown, rubbing his thumb - hopefully soothingly - across Eggsy's thigh. "Please talk to us, darling."

Eggsy looked away from them again, playing with a loose thread on his trousers instead. "It's too much."

Merlin tilted his head down, tempting but not forcing Eggsy to meet his eye. "What's too much, love? That, just now?"

"No, that was good, that's what I needed." He took a long pause. "When I took this job - or agreed to try out for it, at least - I had nothing to lose. That's not true any more. I've got you two now, my mum's got her life back on track, Soph's growing up, and she's fucking amazing. A couple of years ago, I didn't give a shit if I lived or died and neither did anyone else, but now there's so much that I wanna live for, and I know that it would kill all of you if anything happened to me, and anything could've happened today. Not just to me, to either of us. Anything could've happened to you today, Harry. And Merlin, it's been horrible seeing you like this the last few weeks, worked half to death and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, and all because of some fucking stupid, decades-old grudge. I'm not gonna pack it all in or nothing but we're only ever one shot or one grenade or one fucking...throwing star away from game over. I still don't know what I did to deserve this but I know we're always that close to losing it. And I know it's what I signed up for but it just feels like too much and I don't know how to deal with it right now."

"What can we do? What do you need?" Eggsy shrugged. "If you need time off, I'll get it sorted out."

"No. I don't need work Merlin, I need my Merlin. I just need you two. I need us to be us for a bit. It's stupid and needy but I need to really feel like you're both here. And it fucking scares me how much I need you." And _that_ was the whole point, he realised. He'd never liked to rely on anyone, because every single one of them - not necessarily through any fault of their own - had let him down. So no, he never needed anyone - he could do just fine on his own, thanks - but he felt increasingly like he might actually die without these two, and yeah, it scared the shit out of him. But then he realised he didn't actually want to be okay without them, he didn't wanna be any way without them. And, for the very first time in his life, he thought maybe it wasn't so bad to need someone. He closed his hand over Merlin's. "I missed you. It's not the same without you." He turned to Harry. "I mean, you know it's not the same when it's just two of us. It's like when you're away."

"No, it's not the same. I know, darling." Bless his little heart, still so worried about hurting Harry's feelings. Harry gave Merlin an almost longing smile. "I missed you too, my love."

"And I missed you, both of you, more than I think you know. And if being us is all you need, then you've got it darling. I happen to know that there's a plan to be us for the rest of our lives." Eggsy gave him a small smile but he could sense Eggsy still thought he was missing the point. "It's not stupid. You've been under a lot of stress and you're still fairly new to the game, especially with our situation and worrying about us too, it's no surprise that you haven't figured out how it all fits together yet. And even if that weren't the case, the last few weeks have been surreal, it's perfectly natural to need your reality back. It's the same reason I needed you to stay with me, you started to feel like figments of my imagination, some kind of sleep-deprived hallucinations. And just like you were there when I needed you, just like we were there for Harry when he wanted us to be, we're here for you, love."

"I don't know if it makes it less scary but it's not just you needing us. You've no idea the difference it's made to have you with me rather than be alone." Eggsy was surprised by that confession. He knew Harry had been missing Merlin, of course, but he thought they were pretty much used to that by now. He didn't think him being there would really make a difference. "We need you just as much as you need us. You might've noticed, we are rather taken with you."

Eggsy's grin at that was brilliant and infectious. Merlin gave his thigh one more squeeze. "Come on then, we should probably get up off of this floor and get to bed."

"Probably. A couple of old codgers like you might never get up if you stay here too long." What he meant was 'thank you'. What he meant was 'I love you'. So he told them that too. "We can't go to bed yet, though. Food first."

"Darling, I'm exhausted. I couldn't give a shit about food."

"Yeah, well I give a shit about you, and you need food. Have you even eaten today?" Merlin's silence was a good as an answer, like a child trying not to get caught out and failing spectacularly by their refusal, and Eggsy's tone was aptly chastising. "Come on, then. I did already make you shag me on an empty stomach, I can't send you to bed on one as well."

They all wolfed down as much as Eggsy's deemed enough, then collapsed into bed as soon as they could. Merlin held them both tightly, possessively, Eggsy almost crushed in the middle by all of their desires to be so close. He felt a pang of guilt as the memory of Eggsy sobbing flickered through his mind. "I think maybe we should give the name-calling a miss from now on."

"Yeah, I think so too."

"I'm sorry. You know I don't mean those things, don't you?"

"Course I know. Don't be sorry." Eggsy smiled softly at his doubtful look. "I wouldn't've asked if I didn't want it. But you're right, not any more."

Harry let them get one kiss in before he stole one of his own from each of them. And their bed felt a bit more cramped than they'd grown used to over the last few weeks but they wouldn't have it any other way.

Eggsy jolted awake as Harry slipped out from beside him a couple of hours later, and Merlin gripped him tighter for a second before he woke too. "Where you going?"

"Nowhere, darling. Go back to sleep." He wandered back over to drop kisses on each of their foreheads. "I couldn't sleep, I'm just going to make some hot chocolate. I'll be back before you know it."

Merlin wanted to sleep so badly - so, _so_ badly - but Eggsy looked so torn between them, he couldn't bear to. He made the decision for him, instead, when he climbed out of bed, wrapped an arm around Harry's waist and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "Come on, I'm making."

He set three mugs down on the table, complete with whipped cream and tiny marshmallows - and Eggsy would have to find out where he was hiding those - and sat down with them. They both looked at Harry sort of half-expectantly but half of his drink was gone before he spoke. "I can't stop thinking about it. You were right, it felt more personal this time. I can't imagine how Hector must be feeling, having seen them all. And you."

Merlin just shifted uncomfortably until Harry took his hand and he realised he actually wanted him to say something. "I feel...responsible." That wasn't what Harry expected. "It's bloody ridiculous. If I'd been a bit nicer to one person 25 years ago, 17 others would still be alive."

"I think that might be a slight oversimplification. And you can't know for sure that it's true."

"That's on him, babe, that's not on you." Merlin just shrugged, he didn't really agree but he couldn't be bothered to argue. "No offence, but I'm sure you've been a prick to loads of people while you've been Merlin. None of the others would've done what he did."

"Yeah, well, just him is enough. And this wasn't about me." He ignored Eggsy's frown as he looked back to Harry. They weren't supposed to make the list but they were far from the first people to die because of him and probably just as far from the last. It was a bit late to start feeling bad for getting people killed. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, dear. You really needn't have got up." Merlin shrugged, stifling a yawn as the memory and pull of sleep got to him.

"We should do something tomorrow. Just the three of us. If you fancy it." Both of them perked up in interest. "We should get out for a bit, it's not good for you being cooped up like that for so long. We could go for a nice country walk. Or we could drive down to the beach, somewhere quiet. Fish and chips, ice cream, hot doughnuts, dip our toes in the water. Take our minds off things for a bit."

Harry was sure his smile matched the dopey one on Eggsy's face. "That sounds like absolute perfection, darling."

"We can do anything you like as long as we're together and you don't wake me up too early. And I'm not getting stuck doing all the driving." They made a deal and made their way still somewhat dejectedly back to bed, and Eggsy hoped that Merlin was right, that things would be better in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and if you enjoyed it, please don't forget to show a needy writer some love.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys take a day trip, and Eggsy gets a little bit jealous.

Eggsy ended up driving there, while Merlin dozed in the back of the car half of the way. The rest of the way, he seemed completely lost in his thoughts, guilt and sadness resting on his face. When Harry caught his eye, he shot him a questioning look, and Merlin gave him the smallest shake of his head in return. Not now.

He waited until Eggsy was off paddling knee-deep in the sea before he wrapped his arms tightly around Harry's waist and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. Harry rested back against him, holding onto his forearms. "What's wrong? The mission?"

"Not exactly." Harry didn't ask what he meant, just waited. "It's brought up a lot of regrets."

"Any in particular?"

Merlin hummed against Harry's shoulder. "At the start of it all, when you and Eggsy were suspicious, I was adamant that I would never do that to you. But I did, didn't I? To you, with him."

"That was a lifetime ago." Harry stroked his thumb over Merlin's wrist. "You still think about it?"

"All the time." Harry turned his head as much as he could to look at Merlin, a light frown on his face. "Our whole relationship, even up to Eggsy, I've been worried - in a sense, at least - about you cheating on me, and I was the one that did."

"We both know it wasn't the cheating that you were worried about - you can handle the idea and the reality of me sleeping with other people - but me going off with someone else. They are very different things, and you didn't do either. What you did with Eggsy is nothing like what we thought at the start of this."

"Does that make it better? I still went behind your back, you said it yourself." It wasn't meant as a dig at Harry, only evidence of his own point, and Harry knew him well enough to know as much. "It was still enough to justify what you thought."

"I said it when I was upset. In a drunken and fragile state, you slept with someone that we both already had a sexual relationship with, and then you told me about it and apologised straight away. That description hardly spells out a monster."

"None of those things excuse what I did. I am so, so sorry, still." His remorse was palpable, Merlin pouring every ounce of it that he had into it. "I still can't believe that I did that. I had a choice, I made the wrong one, and now one of the little building blocks of our relationship will always be that I hurt you. I'll never stop regretting that."

Harry turned in his arms. "And I will never regret it. If that night hadn't happened, he might never have realised or admitted his feelings for you, and we might never have gotten to where we are now. Any one of us could be blamed or thanked for this whole wonderful, bizarre chain of events, depending on how we look at it and when we say it started." Merlin rested his head against Harry's and Harry tipped his chin up to draw him into a long, slow kiss. "I forgive you."

"Thank you." It was only breathed against his lips, but Harry knew how much it meant.

"If nothing else, I'm all too aware of how irresistible and persuasive our boy can be." Merlin gave him a slightly unamused look. "My love, I had no idea you were still beating yourself up over that but please don't for even a second longer."

Merlin smiled at Harry fondly for a moment before sparing a glance at Eggsy. "I think I must be the luckiest man on the planet."

"I'd say so." Harry smirked and Merlin laughed, and the whole thing should've put something of a downer on the day but it didn't.

They joined Eggsy in the sea, all of them soaked within minutes but refusing to care when the sun was shining and the answer to their only problem in that moment. They had fish and chips for lunch, on Eggsy's insistence that it's not a real beach trip without it, and hot doughnuts topped with ice cream, because - Harry insisted - what's the point in choosing when you can have both?

They ended up spending the afternoon just laying on the beach. At some point Eggsy built a sand replica of HQ - admittedly, a terrible one - only to knock it down at Merlin's tittering and be kissed senseless on the wreckage by way of an apology.

It got a bit chilly as the sun started to set but with his head on Harry's chest and Merlin half curled into his side, it was hard to notice and even harder to care. "What if we just stayed here like this forever?"

"I don't think we can, darling. Reality is waiting for us, I'm afraid."

Eggsy hummed semi-disappointedly but didn't answer for a while. "We should go on holiday. When everything's settled with the new Arthur and we've got a new Bedivere, we should go away for a week or two. This could be us every day."

Merlin rested his head up on one hand. "Where do you wanna go?"

"Don't care. Anywhere. Throw a dart at a map and I'm there if you two are." Merlin smiled at that and shrugged agreeably.

"I'd best find the darts then."

"You're serious?" He half twisted to look up at Harry. He'd expected at least a hundred different reasons why they couldn't all be away at once but none of them seemed to care. It seemed to be a case of dealing with it if and when they needed to.

"There's every chance some bastard will ruin it but I see no reason why we can't try." Eggsy grinned at him and he nodded towards Merlin. "It's the backbone of the organisation over there that might take a bit more work."

"If - like you say - we wait until the right time, I'm sure the place won't crumble without me for a little while." Eggsy settled back down with a stupid grin on his face, feeling excited despite a complete lack of plans. Don't holidays usually come before cohabiting and engagements? He wasn't sure. He didn't really care.

Once the last traces of the sun had disappeared from view and they'd had their fill of gazing at the stars they rarely got to see at home, they packed up and headed back. Harry ended up driving home, feeling as enamoured as ever with the men singing at the top of their lungs beside and behind him.

It was a relief after that to have the trainees in - if nothing else it gave Merlin a work-mandated routine and allowed him to come home almost every night, unlike during the madness of the few weeks before. It also meant that Harry and Eggsy were around a bit more than usual to mentor their nominees, at least until Eggsy's pick dropped out - she'd made it to the final four (not bad for his first time choosing) but that was where her run ended. Harry's made it to the last two, and Eggsy had pouted when he realised he had to make himself scarce to allow them their 24 hours together.

"What have you got planned, then?" Eggsy asked while he was tapping away at his phone, as if it was just a side thought and not something he desperately wanted to know.

"I think a firm word before anything. I think getting this far has given him a bit of an attitude problem, I'll need to put a stop to that before he becomes insufferable. Of course it would be more fun to let Merlin say his piece, but I feel I should do some mentoring. Other than that, only the usual sorts of things. My trademark martini masterclass, of course." Eggsy had fond memories of that lesson but he wasn't going to show it. He went for casual, bordering on uninterested, understanding. And he failed spectacularly. "Eggsy, are you jealous of my candidate?"

Eggsy tutted. "Course I'm not jealous."

"Eggsy." Harry put his arms around him, his hands resting low on his back, and Eggsy buried his face in his chest. "You've nothing to be jealous of."

"Shut up, you knob. I'm not jealous." Harry let out a kind but very amused chuckle and Eggsy shoved at him weakly. "Go away." Harry did let him go but wrapped him up tighter again when Eggsy grabbed at his shirt with an insulted look. Eggsy's lips curled into a teasing smile. "Wouldn't be the first time you've had a thing for one of your candidates. We were one martini away from jumping each other's bones by the end of that night."

Harry let his fingers brush against the skin where the back of Eggsy's shirt had bunched up, a flirtatious smirk on his face. "We are always exactly zero martinis away from jumping each other's bones."

Eggsy paused for a second. "True, but not the point. And you've got a thing for pretty boys, especially if me and Merlin are anything to go by, and he is proper fucking pretty."

Harry frowned. "Should I be jealous of my candidate?"

Eggsy grinned at having got the upper hand. "D'you think he's fit?"

"Objectively, yes."

"Do you fancy him?" Harry shook his head, an amused smile still on his face. "D'you wanna shag him, though?"

Harry gave him a confused look, his smile never quite leaving his lips. "Why would I want to shag someone that I don't fancy? Unless I'm being paid for it."

"That makes you sound like a rent boy."

"There's nothing wrong with being a rent boy." Eggsy shrugged - he supposed not. "That doesn't answer the question."

"I dunno, he might he be enough of a prick to not fancy him, but fit enough to still wanna shag him." Harry all-out laughed at that, though a sort of kindness and patience still lingered beneath the surface. "Seriously, do you?"

"No, do you?"

"Don't be an idiot. Why would I wanna shag him when I can shag you and Merlin?"

"Well, precisely, darling." Harry stroked the hair back off of Eggsy's forehead, staring into his eyes with that stupidly, almost sickeningly adoring look of his.

"You still wanted to shag me even though you had Merlin."

"That's because I fancied you."

"Did Merlin know that then?"

"Of course."

"And he didn't mind?"

"Why would he?"

"Spending time getting close to a dashing younger man..." He was mostly taking the piss but maybe just a tiny bit insecure. Just a little, teensy bit.

"And coming home to him every night. Just like I'm coming home to both of you every night." Fuck, Harry always saw right through him. "Trust me, darling. You have nothing to worry about."

"It's not that I don't trust you."

"I know." His smile was warmer now, the amusement of Eggsy's questions having faded.

"But if he tries it on with you, I might have to knock him out."

"And I could use the time that he's unconscious to show you how much I'd enjoy that little display." Harry dipped his head to speak in Eggsy's ear, that low rumble that he knew made Eggsy just a bit hot under the collar. "For the record, Merlin fancied you too. After punching your way through that glass, he'd've had you right there in front of everyone amongst the water and debris if you and I had been open to it."

Eggsy gave him a devilish little grin. "I probably would've."

"Come to think of it, so would I." Eggsy cackled. "So you think he's pretty?"

"Yeah, don't you?"

"Absolutely, but I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to say it out loud."

"And you'd be wise not to."

Eggsy's head flew round, his cheeks flaming. "Oi! How long have you been there? It's rude to eavesdrop."

"How is it my fault if a spy's not observant enough to notice me standing right behind him?" Merlin smirked at him. Surely it was unfair to take advantage of him letting his guard down in his own home, especially when Harry was being so bloody distracting just by existing. "Especially one that wants to talk shite about me."

Eggsy squealed as Merlin stalked towards him, using Harry as a human shield. Harry stood tall in front of Merlin. "It appears he's under my protection, I couldn't possibly let you near him."

"No?" Merlin stepped right into his space, his voice dropping slightly. "What if I seduced the guard? I've seen you try that trick a fair few times."

"Well, I suppose it could work, it's rarely failed me. Why don't you give it a try?" Harry melted easily against Merlin as he pulled him into a kiss, and moved aside with just the slightest nudge.

"Harry!" Eggsy giggled madly as Merlin broke away from Harry and swept him up, trapping his arms at his sides. Harry only watched and smiled as Eggsy struggled weakly and Merlin held him tight, nipping at his neck and making Eggsy cackle more. "I can't believe you're not even helping me."

"My darling, if I thought for a second that you were anything like a damsel in distress, I'd slay dragons for you. As it is, I can't imagine safer hands for you to be in."

Merlin finally let him go, then span him around to kiss him. "Come on, we need to be out of the way, and Bors Manor is expecting an Indian takeaway any minute."

"Did you get the usual?" Merlin nodded. "Keema or peshwari naan?"

"Both."

Eggsy groaned happily, sagging against him. "This is why I love you."

"I should hope it's for more than that." Eggsy rolled his eyes with a fond smile. Of course it was, the list was endless.

They said their goodbyes and all parted in good spirits, but there was still just a threat of a pout on Eggsy's face even when they sat down to eat. "What are you worried about?"

"I'm not _worried_." Merlin watched him patiently. There was definitely a 'but'. "How do I know the same thing that happened with me won't happen with him?"

"Darling, if Harry was interested in him in that way, we'd know."

"But how do you know?"

"Because I know him well enough to tell, and he's never lied about it." Merlin shrugged like it was nothing, and maybe it was to him, Eggsy thought.

"Did you know he had a thing for me?" Merlin nodded. "How? He told you? Because I can't imagine that going down well."

"I could tell, I asked, he told the truth."

"But I don't get how that works with...y'know, your history." Eggsy looked a little awkward mentioning it but Merlin didn't take any offence.

"It was about learning what worked for us. When we were first together, I was sort of quietly jealous of everyone he came across, especially since it was never too difficult to tell when he likes what he sees. But then when I got my head out of my arse enough to acknowledge that he's interested in so much more than looks, I stopped caring who he was looking at. But there was one guy - it must've only been a few months in, less than a year, I'm sure - that he seemed to have a bit of chemistry with, so I asked him flat out if he was attracted to him. He told me he was but he wasn't interested in doing anything about it." Merlin smiled to himself. "I was furious at first, I couldn't understand why he'd say something like that to me. But once I figured it out, that he knew before I did that that was better than trying to tell me that he wasn't, I knew I could trust him. He's never lied to me since, even when he has wanted to do something about it."

"What d'you mean? He's slept with other people?"

"We both have. You'll be the last to join us but you weren't the first." It sounded more insensitive to his own ears than he meant it to, but he hoped it didn't to Eggsy's.

"Oh." He wasn't sure why he imagined he was, but it felt like shit to learn he wasn't. He thought maybe he was special but he guessed he wasn't after all. "Was it as serious with them as with me?"

Merlin felt, in all honesty, a bit out of his depth. "Maybe this is a conversation best had between all three of us."

"So they were. You can't tell me something like that and then not answer my questions."

"No, darling, they weren't. They weren't serious at all."

Eggsy stared at his plate rather than at Merlin. "How many were there before me?"

"Only two. One of them only once." Eggsy spared him a glance then, pausing so that he'd carry on. "Harry liked him, I thought he was alright. It was just about sex and the sex was okay at best so we never invited him back."

Eggsy gestured with his fork. "And the other one?"

"It lasted a few months. He called it off when he met someone else. He ended up marrying them, I think."

"Who was he?" He didn't want to be the jealous boyfriend - he really, really didn't - and it wasn't fair to be giving Merlin the third degree but he had to know. To Merlin's credit, he didn't seem fazed at all, answering all of Eggsy's questions as patiently as Harry had.

"His name was Oscar, he tried it on with Harry in a pub about 15 years ago. We quite liked that he only seemed more interested when Harry introduced me as his fiancé. We left it for that night but he tried it on again with both of us when we happened to be in there on the same night a couple of weeks later. I asked Harry if he was interested, he was, so we asked him back to ours. We saw him every few weeks or so until he ended it."

"Were you disappointed?" Merlin just looked at him in question. "When he ended it?"

Merlin shrugged, shaking his head. "Not particularly. He was nice to mix things up a bit every now and then but it's not like it was better with him than we were alone. He was a nice enough bloke but I didn't really give a shit about him. I suppose it was nice that he found someone but we didn't keep in touch or anything."

"So I guess you weren't disappointed when I called it off either." He was starting to sound more petulant than he meant but he was talking to the person who probably knew him better than anyone else in the world. If anyone would understand, it was him.

"I was. I did give a shit about you, I wished it could've ended on better terms."

That warmed him somehow. Merlin might not have had any real feelings for him then - and he had none for Merlin - but Merlin had always cared and Eggsy had always appreciated it. "What about people that he was interested in that you weren't?"

"There's only been one. About 6 or 7 years ago. He asked, I said no, and that was it."

"You didn't let him just shag him himself?"

Merlin gave a shrug of his mouth. "He didn't want to. It was never about him getting off with other people, it was about both of us occasionally having a bit of fun with someone else."

"Are you still in touch with any of them?" Merlin shook his head and Eggsy nodded thoughtfully - weirdly, that made him feel better. It was dumb, he was sure, it's not like an old flame of theirs was gonna swoop in and steal them back from him. "Were they younger? Like me? Like Harry's new boy?"

"Don't, he's not Harry's boy. But no. The first was about Harry's age, the second was only a couple of years younger than me. It was only the last one that was about the same age you are now."

"Then I was younger and this one's younger than that."

"Age has nothing to do with it. It's just coincidence." Eggsy gave a vague hum and Merlin took his hand. "Eggsy, he's not interested. And even if he was, nothing would happen because I'm not, and I don't think you are either."

"Course I'm not." He played with the fingers intertwined with his own for a minute. "Didn't you mind that he had a thing for me?"

"No, because I knew nothing would happen. He knew I was attracted to you too, if he'd wanted anything to happen, he'd've asked, just like he did in the end. He wouldn't have tried anything while you were still training but he'd already asked by the time you tried it on with me on the plane." Eggsy couldn't help smirking at that. Coming on to Merlin was a ballsy move, even for him. Hinting at a threesome once he found out they were married (and really, how the fuck had he missed that?) was ballsier still. But finding out Harry was even ahead of him? That felt pretty good. "Darling, you asked him outright. Is there anything up to and including what I've just told you that would lead you to believe he'd lie about the answers?"

"Well, no, but..." Merlin raised his eyebrows in question. "Well, he didn't tell you how he really felt about me."

"That was different. You know why he did that, and he didn't tell us but he didn't lie either. And do you want to know something? About how heartbreakingly honest he is?" Eggsy nodded. "After you left the following day, I asked and he told me that he wanted to be with you."

Eggsy looked stunned. "He said that to you?"

"He did. He also told me that he loved me and that he still wanted to be with me, but he told me he wanted to be with you too." Eggsy was completely speechless. "So, going back to your earlier question, that is how I know. That man could devastate me but he wouldn't lie to me. Or you. You have to trust both of us that you have nothing to worry about, ever."

"Okay, yeah." Eggsy nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"You know this is just about sex, right? When I say we were interested in them, I just mean interested in sleeping with them. You're the only one that either of us has ever been interested in pursuing anything more with. You are and always will be the first and only in that respect."

"Am I?" Merlin nodded, a strange smile on his face. Oh. Maybe he was special after all.

Merlin huffed out a little laugh. "Do you think we make a habit of this kind of thing?"

Eggsy grinned, suddenly feeling stupid, all but squealing as he answered. "Well, I don't know, do I?! If you haven't before me, why would I be an exception?"

"Oh, you daft, wonderful, maddening, beautiful man." Merlin set his fork down as he stood, plucked Eggsy's from his and pulled him up out of his chair. "Because, sweetheart, you are exceptional."

"Stop it." Merlin kept looking at him with that dreamy look in his eyes that most people would be killed for ever knowing existed, and Eggsy grumbled into his shoulder at the attention. "Stop looking at me like that."

"Never." Eggsy tutted but didn't resist when Merlin stroked a hand over his hair to get him to look back up. "Don't be jealous, darling. You don't go for okay when you already have perfection."

Thankfully his jealousy wasn't an issue for long, it turns out Harry's the best there is at choosing second place. Ultimately, it was Bedivere's candidate that got the job - who better to choose his replacement than the man himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, lovely people, do let me know what you think!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Theirs is an unconventional family and navigating it can be a minefield but they're doing their best.

With a new Arthur and Bedivere in place, everything settled down and Kingsman apparently having a quiet moment, they all saw the opportunity to take their break and grabbed it with both hands. They decided not to plan anything, including where to go - they'd meant it when they said they could go anywhere, they really just wanted to be together. They could go anywhere in the world, see some of the most amazing sights it has to offer, they had the language skills between them to at least muddle through a short stay in just about any country they chose. But they decided they couldn't really be bothered with any of that. 

Instead they got in the car, and just drove. They got on the M4, taking whichever exits they felt like, completely on a whim, until they found somewhere they wanted to stay for a while. Sometimes they'd only stay for a few hours, if they came across a decent beach or a nice bit of woodland to explore, before they carried on; other times they'd find a hotel or a B&B and stay for a night or two. They had no schedule to stick to, Merlin had left everything in the capable hands of his second in command (it was a small miracle - and a huge relief - that they weren’t all called back, like they half expected to be) and Michelle and Sophie were looking after JB. They had not a single thing to think about and not a care in the world. And it was perfect.

From every meal shared in restaurants and every terrible coffee gulped down at service stations, to every castle and ruin they stopped to explore, every cathedral they stopped to admire (“It’s a shame such beautiful buildings are wasted on such nonsense,” Harry had said.). Every day spent basking in brilliant sunshine, and the day that they decided to go for a hike, it poured down the entire time, Merlin lost his footing and ended up covered in mud, and Eggsy laughed so hard he ended up just the same. Every hour they spent in traffic, and every one spent discovering hidden gems of this glorious - if sometimes shitty - little island; every agonising minute on the motorway needing a wee and still too many miles from the next services, and every one curled up in bed together; every dodgy look from a stranger and every second gloating in the face of it; every smile, every laugh, every sore hip from driving for too long, every kiss, every hug, every tiny squabble forgotten in a millisecond, every cup of tea in a quaint little cafe in the middle of nowhere, every obscenity uttered whenever some prick didn’t know how to drive properly, every grain of sand or speck of mud trodden into the car and destined to stay there for all eternity, every joke and memory to be shared between them and only them forever. Every moment together. All of it, knowing nothing in the world mattered but them, absolute perfection.

Eggsy had taken a few extra days off once they got back to help his mum out and was starting to regret it as Sophie sat on her bed, arms crossed defiantly. "I don't want to."

"Why not?" Sophie had suddenly decided, for no apparent reason, that she hated school and didn't want to go any more. This was the third time he'd had to struggle to get her to go, and it was starting to get tedious.

Sophie shrugged. "Just don't want to. Don't like it."

"You've always liked school, what's different now?" She didn't answer just stayed sulking where she sat. Eggsy grabbed her hand, trying to be gentle but firm at once. "Right, you're being silly now. Come on."

"No!" Sophie tore her hand back, her eyes filling with tears. It was the first time for that. "Please, Eggsy. Don't want to."

Eggsy crouched in front of her, his face and his voice softening as he asked again. "Why don't you wanna go to school, Princess?"

"Rachel's horrible to me."

"Who's Rachel? A girl in your class?" Sophie nodded. "What did she do?"

She fiddled with the covers and refused to look at Eggsy, who just waited patiently for her to speak. "She pulls my hair, and she tripped me up in the playground yesterday and everyone laughed, and she's always saying mean things."

"Why's she mean? What does she say?"

"She says mean things about Daddy not being here, and she said her mum and dad said bad things about Mummy. And Mr Roberts said I'm telling lies about you and Harry and Merlin getting married, so now she keeps saying I'm making things up but I'm not." Her lip trembled as she spoke and Eggsy thought maybe they'd fucked up by telling her that. He'd thought she was too young to understand all he ins-and-outs of it and telling her the simple version was the best thing to do, but maybe not.

Eggsy remembered being the kid without a dad that everyone could make fun of, but it wasn't so bad when half the kids at the school were the kid without a dad. That wasn't the case for Sophie. And what kind of parents talk shit to their kid about another kid's mum? Plus, isn't leaving people's mums out of it sort of an unwritten rule for bullies? Or at least it was when he was young. And how dare her teacher tell her she's lying without knowing a thing about them?

He couldn't help the frown on his face. "Did Mr Roberts say that in front of everyone?"

Sophie nodded. "Yeah, when we went to the science museum and I took my bear for show and tell and I had to say who I went with, so I told everyone about it and he said it's not true."

Eggsy knew that must've been a couple of weeks ago. They had show and tell every month, and she'd got the thing ages ago but with how much she loved it, she'd been too scared to take it the first couple of times in case it got lost or dirty, so she'd only taken it the last time. He wondered if that was what kicked it all off. "How long has this been going on with Rachel? Since then or longer?"

Sophie shrugged. "I think then."

"Did you tell a teacher?"

"I did yesterday but Rachel said it was an accident and they just told her to say sorry. I don't think it was, though."

"What about the other stuff? Did you tell them about that?" She shook her head. "What about Mummy?" Again, no. Eggsy pulled her tight to his chest. "Why didn't you tell us, baby girl?"

"Don't know." She was mumbling into his shoulder. "Everyone else thinks I'm making stuff up, maybe you wouldn't believe me."

"Course I believe you." He pressed a kiss to her head. "You can tell us anything. Any of us - all of us, if you want - and we'll always believe you, okay?"

She nodded against his shoulder. "Do I still have to go to school?"

"Do you want to?" She thought about it for a second, then slowly shook her head. "Alright then, Princess, not today. I'll talk to your teachers and get things sorted out, but you're gonna have to go back tomorrow, yeah?" That was good enough for her. He let her go with one more kiss and went downstairs to the other two still getting ready, or more accurately Merlin waiting for Harry to finish getting ready. "I know you've got work but can you two come down the school later? We need to make a point."

"Of course, darling." It never really mattered to Harry what it was, but if there was a point to be made, he was there.

Merlin was more for details, though. "Hold on, what point?"

"Sophie's teacher told her in front of her class that she was lying about us getting married, and now another girl's picking on her because of it. I wanna teach him to keep his mouth shut when he ain't got a clue what he's talking about."

"Well then, absolutely." Eggsy thanked them but still stood in the doorway looking a bit too much like a puppy that's had its favourite toy taken away.

Harry got to him first, rubbing at his shoulders. "It's alright, darling. It'll get sorted out, she'll be fine."

"It's not just that." He blinked away the tears that were just starting to form - it probably wouldn't do her any good to see him crying about it. "It's been weeks and she didn't tell me 'cause she thought I'd think she was lying."

"Try not to take it personally. You know it's not because of you." Eggsy only half conceded it. "Like many things, it's a process, darling. Deal with this, prove to her that she'll be taken seriously, and she'll be much more likely to come to you or your mother, or even one of us, if she needs to in the future. And we'll be here to help as much as you want us to be."

Eggsy knew it was still a weird kind of grey area for them, knowing whether or not they should be trying to help parent her, and if they should, how much, but they were always right there ready and waiting to help in whatever way they were needed or wanted, and he loved them all the more for it. It would be easier if Sophie was his, Eggsy thought - they'd just be her stepdads and that would be it - but figuring out your role to your future sort-of-sister-in-law who could be your granddaughter is a different matter. Still, they did their best - and as with everything they did, their best was brilliant - and who could ever ask for more than that?

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks, babe. Now go, Merlin's waiting for you." Harry rolled his eyes and Eggsy pulled him in for a quick kiss before he shoved him towards the door. "Love you."

"I love you too, darling."

Merlin made his way to the door as Harry finally finished primping, stopping on his way to kiss Eggsy. "Whatever either of you need. I love you."

"Love you too." Eggsy sent them both off then phoned the school to let them know Sophie wouldn't be in and to arrange a meeting with her teacher after school. The day until then was free to watch Horrible Histories and Disney movies and for Eggsy to spoil her in a way that he probably shouldn't but he didn't really care.

Harry and Merlin were home right on time (because Harry is capable of it when he wants to be, he just usually doesn't want to be) and Eggsy felt like he and Sophie were being escorted by the the world's hottest and most unnecessary bodyguards as they walked into the school flanked by the pair.

Sophie was left to play as they met with her teacher. Eggsy shook the man's hand. "I'm Eggsy, Sophie's brother. These are my partners, Harry and Merlin. I think she might've mentioned us."

"She has, yes. It's nice to put faces to names." He gestured for them to take a seat and they did. "She mentioned that you were getting married, I said she must be mistaken."

"She's not." The man looked a little lost for words. "Obviously not legally, but there's gonna be a ceremony that she's gonna be part of and that was the easiest way to explain it to her. So we'd appreciate it if you'd come to us before you say anything like that to her."

"Of course. I just thought it might be confusing for some of the other children."

"Listen, mate, it's not confusing. Ours is just like any other relationship but there's three of us instead of two. But we're not here to explain our relationship and we shouldn't have to, we're here to talk about the trouble Sophie's been having with this other girl. Because of what you said, in front of everyone. And I wanna know what you’re gonna do about it.“

They didn’t even make it back to the car before Harry pulled Eggsy against him (at which point, Merlin just rolled his eyes and kept walking with Sophie) and planted a kiss on his lips. “I’ve always liked it when you get assertive.”

“No, you haven’t. You thought I was a mouthy prick that first time in the pub.”

“Maybe, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t also indecently attractive.” Eggsy laughed and shook his head, and stole another quick kiss.

They had one of those oh so domestic moments as they all sat on the sofa, cups of tea in hand, and watched Sophie drawing completely in her own little world. It felt so right to Eggsy that he couldn't see why anyone else would have a problem with it, and yet he knew that they did. "D'you think he's right? D'you think it's confusing for her?"

Merlin hummed as he thought. "I doubt it. I don't think she knows to think like that. Kids don't, do they? They don't think things like that are strange unless they're taught to, and it's been normal for her for long enough now."

"That's the problem though, init? She's gonna be taught that, especially if other parents are talking bollocks. And then you've got people like Arthur - well, the old Arthur - that think it's disgusting. Like, is that what people think, that we're perverts?"

"Well, you've been stewing on that for a while. To be perfectly honest, darling, I've no idea. We've spent large portions of our lives having people think we're perverts, and they've been wrong most of the time." Harry's lip quirked into a smirk for a second. "The more important question is whether or not you care what they think."

"I can't say any of the words I'd use to describe him in front of the little lady, but I will say I wouldn't give any weight to his opinions, love." Merlin took a long drink from his cup before he turned back to Eggsy. "Is this still working for you?"

Eggsy frowned. "Course it is."

"And has she ever seemed to have any problem with it? Has she ever not understood or not liked it?" Eggsy shook his head. "Then that's all that matters."

"Perhaps there'll be a time when our relationship isn't so unusual. Until then, I would very much like to stand defiantly side by side with the two of you."

"Yeah, me too." He smiled to himself. "Fuck everyone else." A while later, Sophie pressed the lid triumphantly back onto her pen and looked over her drawing very pleased with herself. "What have you done, baby girl? You gonna show us?"

She hopped up, bringing the paper with her. "At school, we was supposed to draw our house and our family, but our family's not all in one house. So there's my house with me and Mummy and there's your house with you and Merlin and Harry and JB. And we was allowed to take it home so that one's at my house but I wanted one for here as well. Can I put it on my wall?"

"Maybe, we'll see. It's lovely, though. Good job, Princess." In reality, there was every chance Harry was gonna mount it, laminate it and stick it up, or put it in a frame and spend an hour finding the perfect place to hang it, or something else just as over the top because the man was incapable of saying no to those he loved. But they were still Harry and Merlin's walls so Eggsy wasn't gonna go sticking things all over them of his own accord. "Go and put it upstairs then, somewhere safe." She skipped off happily and Eggsy settled back in with the other two. "Yeah, I think she gets it."

They had Michelle round for dinner that night and it would be safe to say she wasn’t best pleased. “You kept her off school without telling me?”

“Did you not hear what I said? She’s being picked on, mum. She was crying, she didn’t wanna go.”

Michelle tutted. “She’s fine, Eggsy. You’re too soft on her.”

“Maybe you’re too hard on her. She’s a kid. She’s _your_ kid. You could probably do something other than turn a blind eye to her problems." Eggsy loved his mum, he really did, and he knew her shortcomings were not always her fault but he’d be lying if he said she’d always been a good mum. He didn’t really wish she’d done something about it when he had trouble with other kids at school - he could handle himself, and even if he couldn’t, there’s probably never been a boy in the world that’s had things made better by his mum sticking up to his bullies for him - but he wished she’d made him think she cared enough that she would if he wanted her to. She might be making the same mistake with Sophie but he wasn’t going to. “Just let me deal with this, yeah?”

Michelle raised her eyebrows at him, a bit put out by the implication. But really, the only reliable judge of your parenting is your kids so if Eggsy thought she had it wrong, she couldn't really argue. 

Things got briefly worse after that and Eggsy had to wonder once again if he'd done wrong by her, but things quickly settled down to the occasional incident. Occasionally was still too often, though.

Sophie and Merlin stood to one side as Eggsy explained with as much patience and as little snark as he could manage, for the fourth time, that it still wasn't good enough and something had to be done. Sophie tugged gently on Merlin's hand, and he looked down at her. "That's Rachel."

She pointed over at a couple of other children, where one girl was clearly the leader of the pack. "Which one? The one with the ponytail?" Sophie nodded. Merlin hummed and watched for a second as most of the group dispersed. "You wait here with Eggsy, okay? Don't leave his side."

Merlin walked over to Rachel, had a quiet word with her and the next thing he knew he was sitting in the headteacher's office with Eggsy and Michelle. Actually, the next thing he knew was Eggsy shouting at him once they got home - because apparently you can't do things like that - and himself trying to explain that he was just trying to help.

So there they were the following afternoon, sitting across from the headteacher. "'Touch Sophie again and you'll have me to answer to.' I believe those were your exact words."

"They were and I stand by them." Eggsy was her world and Harry was the fun one, but through a couple of unfortunate events, Merlin had come to be seen as her protector. He took that very seriously and he wasn't about to give it up or apologise for it now.

"Well, Mister..."

"Hart."

"Mr Hart, that's not appropriate behaviour."

"Well, Mrs Wilson, I will behave appropriately when your staff and your pupils do."

"Regardless of a pupil's behaviour, you must realise that that approach would be intimidating to a young child, especially given your appearance."

Eggsy held his hand up to stop her. "Sorry, what d'you mean by that?"

The woman looked slightly flustered, not really sure which of them to address but decided on Merlin. "I don't mean any offence, but you're very tall, you have quite a severe look, I'm sure you can appreciate how you might come across to a child."

"You can't say things like that. His looks have got nothing to do with this, any grown man - any adult - might be intimidating to a child. I'm not saying he was right to say what he did, but if you've got a problem with it, stick to what he said, don't judge a bloke on his looks. You don't know a thing about him, he's great with kids, and when he's not telling them to stop bullying someone else, they love him. His appearance ain't the problem here."

"I apologise. I didn't mean any harm." Merlin told her it was fine. "Back to the issue at hand, then. We can't have parents and carers approaching other children. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate it if another parent approached Sophie in that way. And your words were clearly meant to have the effect of frightening her. It would not be unreasonable to decide that your presence on school property would be unsuitable in future."

"No, we wouldn’t appreciate it, and we don't appreciate her being bullied with no action taken either. I don’t know what I’ve done since we met to give you the impression that I’m the kind of man who would try to frighten a child, but that was not my intention. I believe that we, as a society, have a responsibility to raise decent human beings. We need to teach them responsibility, that there are consequences to their actions and that they can’t go around treating people however they like because they think they’re better in some way and go completely unchallenged. Since nobody here at the school seems to be insisting on it, I’ll expect her to answer for her actions if she carries on.” While his execution may have left a lot to be desired, any one of them would struggle to argue with some of those sentiments. “And while we’re talking about effects of words, let’s not forget that it was those of one of your teachers that got us into this situation. When we bring and leave our children, our siblings, our loved-ones here, the very least that we expect is that they're safe. Despite alerting members of staff here several times, Sophie feels unsafe enough that she no longer wants to come here. She's a bright and lovely girl and we will not have her or her education affected because another girl can't keep her hands to herself and you people do nothing about it. If you did your jobs properly and put a stop to it, I wouldn't have to."

“Mr Hart, I don’t appreciate your tone.” He wasn’t trying to be confrontational, he was honestly trying to be as eloquent as possible - which usually was not a difficult task - but he was very clearly frustrated. “I’m going to have to ask you to adjust it or I’ll put a stop to this meeting and you will not be welcomed back on site.”

Eggsy’s hand gently resting on his thigh helped. “I apologise. Mrs Wilson, I do sincerely apologise for any alarm I may have caused. While I stand by my meaning, I regret the way in which I’ve conducted myself - both yesterday and during this meeting - and I hope it won’t come to anyone being banned from the site. As I know you’re well aware, Sophie hasn’t had the best start in life and we’d all like to keep her from any further upset. I was - or at least I thought I was - only acting in her best interests.”

She nodded in acceptance of his apology. “I understand your frustration. Now that we're all fully aware of the situation, we will be keeping a close eye on it. Unless Rachel’s parents insist on it - which they haven’t so far - I won’t be taking any further action against you, but any similar conduct will not be tolerated in future, under any circumstances.” She reopened her attention to the three of them. “Should any further issues arise in the future, please bring your concerns directly to me and I'll deal with them personally."

They left her office with a round of thanks and some firm handshakes. Merlin had never been the subject of Michelle’s vexation before but as soon as they set foot outside, the atmosphere was suddenly much frostier than the weather could account for. “Well that was a waste of my time.”

“Mum.” He’d already given Merlin enough of an earful himself, he didn’t need another from Michelle.

“Don’t ‘mum’ me. You told me to let you deal with it. Is that how you deal with it? Get your boyfriend involved and get us all called up the school? Acting like she’s his bloody daughter. He gets to speak for us now, does he? Wading in like a bloody idiot and then playing the concerned carer. And she hasn’t had the best start in life? What’s that supposed to mean? I do my best for her, you know I do.”

“He was talking about Dean! You know, that fucking psycho that is actually her dad. Merlin’s not tryna be that, he’s just trying to look out for her because he gives a shit about her. You’re right, she’s not his daughter, she’s yours. It shouldn’t bother you this much that someone cares about your kids.”

“He can care about her without nearly getting us all up shit creek!”

“He was trying to help! I didn’t see you sticking up for her. If you didn't want Merlin speaking for all of us, you could've opened your mouth any time you wanted but you seemed pretty quiet to me. You didn’t even argue when I said to leave it to me.”

“Michelle.” She turned to Merlin with a challenging look. “I’m sorry. You’re right, I was an idiot, but I wasn’t trying to step on any toes. I’m not trying to be a father to her, I’ll take a step back if you want, but I do care about her. And what I said…I didn’t mean you. I know how much you love your children and that you’ve always done your best for them. I would never try to imply otherwise.”

If Michelle was still annoyed with him, it clearly wasn't enough to stop her leaving Sophie with him for another night because Eggsy still took her home as planned.

"I know you were tryna help but please don't do anything like that again. You could've got us banned from the school, or got her kicked out. You know that would've properly fucked things up. Any other time, when you get all authoritative and you get that whole no-fucking-about thing about you and start putting people in their place, it makes me wanna get on my fucking knees for you, but not when it affects her, alright?"

"I know, I'm sorry. I thought I was helping, I didn't think it through properly. It won't happen again, I promise." Eggsy leant up to kiss him, apparently satisfied with his apology. "Talking of getting on your knees..."

"Nope," Eggsy said with an exaggerated pop. "You know I'm not doing anything with Soph in the house. None of us are subtle or quiet enough for her not to notice and I am not having the birds and the bees talk with a six year old. I'm especially not gonna try and explain what's going if she catches me giving you a blowjob."

"You're a tease, d'you know that?" By the smile on his face, he didn’t seem to mind too much.

Eggsy just grinned as he walked away to put the kettle on. "You talked your way out of it nicely, though, I'll give you that. Can't believe you got grassed up by a little girl. I mean, come on babe, at least don't get caught."

"I usually guarantee people's silence with threats of violence and/or death. I'm not threatening a child."

Eggsy snorted a laugh. ”Yeah, probably for the best.” Eggsy eyed him strangely as he handed a mug over. “It's weird hearing someone call you Mr Hart. You’re just Merlin, like Adele or Prince.”

“With much less eyeliner.”

“We could give you a makeover.” Merlin just shook his head. “D’you think I should change my name? Be like you two? I mean, even if we're not properly married, there's no reason I can't, is there? I can still change it by deed poll."

"Do you want to?"

Eggsy shrugged. ”Kind of. Then we'd all be Harts. It ain't like I'm gonna carry on the Unwin name anyway."

"No, but that doesn't mean you have to give it up, not just to be like us. It's strange, changing your name.” Eggsy grumbled just a little bit. That wasn’t very helpful. “It's your decision, darling. We’d be happy if you did but we're not asking you to take our name - well, Harry's name, really, you can imagine the size of his head if he has two of us taking his name - just like I hope you don't mind that I'm not offering to take yours."

"Course I don't." There was a long pause. "What was your name before you got with Harry?"

Merlin sipped his tea around a smirk. ”You've never wanted to know that before."

"I've never really thought about it before." He'd wondered before they were together but Merlin wouldn't say, and by the time they were, he'd sort of forgotten that his name had ever been anything different. Merlin waited to see how long it would take him to ask, and then sort of forgot that he never had.

“It was years ago, does it matter now?"

"No." Merlin was surprised at the shortness of the answer. "I'm a bit curious but I don't really care if you never tell me. Just wondered if you would or not."

Merlin hummed but didn't offer any more. It was strange to him that Eggsy was so happy to carry on with no idea who he was before he became Merlin. But then, he supposed, Eggsy never knew that man so why would he need to know his name? Eggsy didn’t really give him much of a chance to answer before he carried on about his business, getting things ready for dinner.

"Malcolm Campbell." Eggsy just looked at him, his thoughts apparently already moved on. "That was my name before Harry and I decided we were going to be together forever and live happily ever after, Malcolm Campbell."

"Oh." Eggsy stared at him for a few seconds. "Merlin suits you better." Merlin just gave a small laugh and a quick kiss before he let him get on with it.

Harry was home just before dinner was ready, saying hello to Sophie then sweeping straight into the kitchen. He stopped to kiss Merlin first. “Good evening, my love.” Then strode over to do the same to Eggsy. “Hello, darling. How were your days?”

“Merlin got us in trouble.” Eggsy grinned, clearly making light of the whole thing, and Merlin rolled his eyes. “We had to go in and see the headteacher. He got told off and nearly got into a proper row with her. Never seen him so pissed off with a civvy.”

“With good reason.” Merlin was quick to defend himself. “And I got us back out of trouble, didn’t I?”

“With her, yeah.” Eggsy turned back to Harry with a grin still plastered on his face. “I think he might be upset that he’s not the golden boy any more, though.”

“Oh? Making enemies with the in-laws, are we, dear?”

“No, she had a point. I might’ve gone a bit too far. Sophie is her daughter, if she thinks we’re trying to get too involved in her life, that’s her call to make.”

“She don’t think you’re getting too involved when you’re doing her a favour though, does she? Like tonight. She was out of order talking about you like that.”

“I think some harsh words were said all round.” Merlin gave him a pointed look.

“Maybe,” Eggsy admitted begrudgingly. “I’ll apologise tomorrow. But she better apologise to you as well. And you carry on just as you are, be as involved as you wanna be, and if she’s got a problem, she can come to me about it.” Merlin saluted him, accepting his orders, and Eggsy looped his arms around his neck to kiss him. “Now go and get Soph to the table while I dish up please.”

Harry seemed to be doing everything he could to stop him dishing up as he wrapped his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. “You’ve calmed down since last night. He should have known better but he did only have the best intentions. He can be an idiot, but he’s a lovely one.”

Eggsy smiled. “I know. We’ve got good taste, ain’t we?” Eggsy finally wriggled free enough to plate up before the food got cold but Harry still refused to let go. “Oi, we were talking earlier.” Harry hummed in question. “D’you think Eggsy Hart’s got a ring to it?”

Harry stood up straight again. “You want to take my name?”

“Well, I was thinking about it.” Harry’s eyes widened almost comically and Eggsy let out a small chuckle. “But fucking hell, if you don’t like the idea, I won’t. You don’t have to look so horrified.”

“I’m surprised but it’s not horror, darling. Far from it.”

“So what d’you think, then?”

Harry pulled him in for a slow, sweet kiss. “I think, I adore you and if it’s what you’d like, I’d be honoured to share my name with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the slow updates and I cannot wait to be able to give you all more chapters more often but I'm afraid I can't at the moment. It does make me all the more grateful for you waiting patiently to see what comes next. As ever, thank you for reading and please do let me know what you think.
> 
> Also, this is the 30th chapter and the next will take us over 100k words, and both of those things are crazy to me so thanks for sticking around!


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of fun to celebrate 100k

Months behind schedule but still with (hopefully) enough time before the big day, they finally managed - between Harry and Eggsy's missions, and Merlin's projects - to carve out another couple of days off together. It was another road trip but one with a purpose this time: to find the place to say 'I do'.

The first place was written off almost immediately, due to the fact that it looked nothing like the pictures on its website. It was nice enough but not what they were looking for, and nice enough wouldn't do. The second was one of the two they were torn between. The grounds were stunning, the rooms were gorgeous and the reception room was beautiful. But there was a slight problem in that they didn’t have their date available, and they couldn’t bring themselves to change it.

The third was only really a back up, and a good job too because the bloke showing them around was a total prick. He’d had a sickly sweet smile when he introduced himself, but it quickly went downhill from there. “So, what is the event?”

“It’s our wedding.”

“Oh.” His gaze flicked between Eggsy and Merlin. “And which one of you is the other groom?”

Merlin stood up straighter with an arm around each of them, subtly gearing up for the inevitable disapproval. “Both of us.”

The man actually laughed. “Right, I see. So not a real wedding, then.”

Harry fixed him with a withering look. “Excuse me?”

“Well, if there are three of you, it isn’t a real wedding, is it? More of a party, I’d say.”

“Well then it’s a good job we’re not looking for your say. If it’s not real enough, we’ll gladly take our business elsewhere.”

“Ah, I don’t think that’ll be necessary, sir.” He was clearly trying to turn up the charm, plastering a shit eating grin on his face, but they were having none of it.

“I think it will. You can shove your honeymoon suite up your arse, bruv.” Harry left the man with a smirk as he and Merlin followed Eggsy out.

Their last stop of the day was the one they were most sure would be right, and the one they decided to stay the night at. The woman who greeted them - Angela - was lovely, making them all feel very welcome as she offered them tea and coffee while they sat and talked. "So what's the occasion?"

"We're getting married. The three of us." Eggsy was clearly preparing himself for another shitty response but Angela just squealed in excitement.

"Ooh, I love a good wedding." If there was any falseness to it, she hid it very well. "If you don't mind me asking, what exactly will that involve? I assume, of course, that there won't be the legal aspect between the three of you. Will there be between two of you?"

Harry smiled at the politeness of the question, despite the hint of awkwardness that she didn't hide quite so well. If the man at the last hotel had had half of her tact, their shortlist might not be quite so short. "No, Merlin and I are already married, but it's very important to all of us to mark our commitment to each other. We'll still have our vows, adapted versions of the usual declarations, and of course the reception. We'd like to keep as closely as possible to all of the usual elements, except the signing of the certificate."

"It sounds wonderful. And before I show you around and you fall in love with the place, do you have a date in mind?" Eggsy told her the date, and she seemed as pleased as they did to find that it was free.

She was right about them falling in love with it. The reception room was beautiful, two walls of it made entirely of glass and opening up to infinite rosebush-filled grounds. The room wasn't quite set up as they would have it - they wouldn't choose those colours for a start - but it was easy to see how stunning it would look once it was.

She showed them a smaller room next, the one where the actual ceremony would take place (unless they decided to have it outdoors). It was more modern than the image that immediately came to mind for Eggsy when he thought of people walking down the aisle, but not clinically so. He stood in the spot he thought he would when they said their vows and tried to picture everyone there. He couldn't help grinning, and Angela gave them all a genuine smile as Harry and Merlin joined him looking completely besotted with both him and the venue.

Merlin slipped his arm around Eggsy's shoulders. "What do you think, love? Is this the place?"

"Yeah. This is it. It's perfect." He nodded as he took another look around, just to be sure. "What do you two think?"

"It's beautiful. And once we add our own touches, it will be perfect, I'm sure."

"Yeah, it's great. I like it."

"Try not to sound too excited, babe." Eggsy nudged him playfully.

"I told you, I don't care where I marry you as long as I do. If you two are happy, I'm happy."

"Well then, gentleman, I think you've found your venue." Angela gave another excited little squeal as she clasped her hands together. "If you'd like to follow me, I can reserve it for you." They went with her and booked both rooms, and the whole thing suddenly felt much more official. "Now, I understand you have a room booked for tonight but as it happens, our honeymoon suite is available tonight and I'd like to upgrade you free of charge. Of course, I'll show you one of our standards rooms to see where your guests will be staying."

"That's very kind of you, thank you, but there's no need."

"Oh please, I insist. It really is a lovely room and it would be a shame to leave it empty." She wouldn't take no for an answer and so they graciously accepted the upgrade. She showed them one of the standard rooms - which would by no means be disappointing to spend your wedding night in, never mind any other - before showing them to and handing over the key cards to their room for the night. Eggsy almost choked holding back a gasp. He stayed in fancy places all the time for work but it was different when it was personal. The bed was as big as his old flat and the view from the balcony was breathtaking. If he wasn't already sure that this place was The One, he certainly would have been then. "I'll leave you to it, gentleman. If you'd like to enjoy a complimentary drink in the bar, please be my guests, and please do let me or my colleagues know if you need anything at all. Have a wonderful night."

They let her go with some genuine 'thank you's and each made a mental note to thank her properly.

"Can you see us spending our wedding night in here? Imagine waking up to that the next morning." Eggsy gestured towards the balcony doors. Harry hummed happily and Merlin just smiled at him. He cosied up to Merlin, sliding his hands into his back pockets. "Are you not excited?"

"You know I don't really do excited, but I can't wait, love." Eggsy smiled and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips before he turned to Harry and gave him one too.

"It is a gorgeous view, darling, but I wake up to an even more stunning one every morning." Harry looked so lovingly between them that Eggsy could happily have melted. "I can certainly see us spending our wedding night here, but what do you say we give it a trial run? Just to be sure it's suitable."

Merlin nodded, looking far too serious to not be funny. "Better safe than sorry, I think."

Eggsy couldn't help but laugh. "Idiots, the pair of you. Should we maybe get some food first? Free drinks at the bar? Or would you rather just carry on like a couple of horny animals?"

"You make that sound terrible."

"Darling, I'm sure the entire reason room service exists is to stop lovers from having to behave like civilised people," Harry settled his hands low on Eggsy's back and kissed down his neck. "When they could instead be very uncivilised indeed."

Eggsy hummed dreamily as he bared his neck more for Harry's teasing little nips. "That is a good point."

Harry finally brought his lips back up to meet Eggsy's, and suddenly Eggsy was all too happy to take the lead. He walked Harry slowly backwards and onto the bed, climbing up over him and barely breaking the kiss in the process. Usually Eggsy liked to be taken care of, and Harry and Merlin were more than happy to take care of him, but Eggsy taking control was a rare treat that Harry was always glad to receive.

Harry moaned into his mouth as he ground their hips together and chased after him as he pulled away with a smirk. He threw a grin over his shoulder at Merlin. "You just gonna stand there and watch, or are you gonna get involved?"

Merlin sauntered over, rested his hands on Eggsy's hips and nuzzled into the side of his neck. "Where would you like me instead, darling?"

"Mm, that's nice." Eggsy turned his head to meet Merlin's lips with his. It was an awkward angle but he'd become the world's greatest contortionist if it got him one more kiss from either one of them, quite frankly. "But how about you do that to Harry instead? I've got plans to see you both a bit wrecked."

Eggsy touched the spot at the side of Harry's neck where just a brush of fingertips made him shiver, and they all knew that was nothing compared to what Merlin could do with his tongue. Harry groaned. "And I've no doubt you'll see those plans through."

Eggsy just flashed him a wink as he started to pull his own shirt off. "A lot let clothes would be nice as well, both of you."

And never let it be said that Harry Hart doesn't follow orders. Actually, it could quite often be said that Harry Hart doesn't follow orders, but when those orders mean being taken apart by his gorgeous young boyfriend and his sinfully handsome husband, he could follow them to the letter.

With Harry in a much more suitable state of undress, Eggsy took him in hand. Harry moaned as Eggsy stroked his cock, and let out a low groan as Eggsy slid his own against it. He gave a few slow thrusts just to feel the friction, but let their precome and his spit ease the way before it had a chance to be too much.

All the while, Merlin drew soft little hums from him as he mouthed at his neck and his fingers raked through his hair or skimmed across his chest. He'd had a lot of time to figure out exactly where and how Harry liked to be touched and it would be silly not to make use of that, wouldn't it?

One of the things that had surprised Eggsy about Harry was how much he liked to be kissed. Nothing made him feel quite like a kiss from his partners did. He didn't really mind the honeypots. He didn't really mind sleeping with other people when the end justified the means. What he hated was the whole seduction, the fake intimacy of it all. Specifically, he hated having to kiss people that didn't deserve it. Things like that were not meant for people like them, they were meant for Merlin and Eggsy. With anyone else, it served a purpose and it was tolerable, but with those two, he melted.

Eggsy delighted in every strangled little moan that got stuck where their lips joined as he stroked both of them together. Eventually, Harry wrapped his own larger hand around Eggsy’s smaller one to tighten his grip and speed up his strokes. Eggsy took the hint and did just as Harry wanted, and in minutes Harry came over both of their hands and his own stomach, his back arching just slightly. He bit down on Eggsy’s lip for a second before he pulled away, his breath coming out in harsh little puffs against Eggsy’s lips. Then he wasted no time at all as he replaced Eggsy’s hand with his own, stroking him with the firmness and the skilful twists and flicks of his wrist that he’d learnt early on could drive Eggsy mad with pleasure. Never one to be outdone, and with his debauched appearance and Merlin’s clever touches helping him out, he brought Eggsy over the edge with a high-pitched whine in record time.

When Eggsy’s muscles relaxed enough to let him, he slumped back over Harry, kissing him lazily again. “You're so fucking hot like this."

"Only like this?"

"You wouldn't have to ask that if you could live inside my head for a day." Eggsy nibbled at his jaw for a second. "See how fucking distracted I am." He licked into the hollow at the bottom of Harry's throat. "All the fucking time." He grazed over his collarbone with his teeth. "I can never decide if you look better in your birthday suit or a Kingsman one."

Harry flinched as Eggsy latched onto his chest, just above his right nipple, sinking his teeth in a little and sucking a mark there. He let out a small chuckle as Eggsy swept his tongue across it and smiled at him. "What was that for, exactly?"

He lay at Harry’s side, their legs still entwined, and looked up at him. “A reminder. That you're mine. And Merlin's obviously, but that's a given."

Harry brushed his fingers lightly up and down Eggsy’s back. “A reminder for who? I'm perfectly aware of who has my heart, darling."

"For me." He stroked gently over the bruise he'd left. "Still can't believe I'm this lucky, that you two wanna be mine forever. Don't think I'm gonna believe it til I've got that ring on my finger."

Harry took Eggsy's hand in his, twisting the engagement ring on his finger. "What reason do you have to doubt it? Is this ring not enough?"

"Course it is. I'm just still not sure I'm not dreaming all of it. I wish it could be official." Harry and Merlin both hummed in a kind of sad agreement. Eggsy clambered over Harry with a mischievous grin on his face to mouth at Merlin's neck instead. "Talking of the rings..."

"Nice try." Merlin flipped them over, carefully balancing his weight as he pressed his front to Eggsy's and kissed him. "That is my little secret."

Eggsy grumbled but let it go. Instead he slid a hand down Merlin’s front. "Seems like you've got a not-so-little secret too."

"Mm, it would appear that way, wouldn't it?" He dragged his hips against Eggsy's. "Are you up for another round?"

"That depends what you're after." Eggsy tried to keep the smile off his face as he shrugged, as if whatever it was, he'd be doing Merlin a favour.

"How about..." Merlin kissed him again, then let his lips brush down Eggsy's neck and across his chest. Eggsy had no idea why he felt the need to try and be sexy - he already was without trying - and seduce him every time but it was a game they fell into quite often; Eggsy would feign indifference, Merlin would be thoroughly convincing and Eggsy would get what he wanted the whole time anyway. "How about we do things Oxford style?"

"What the fuck's 'Oxford style'?"

Harry barked out a laugh at the bluntness of it, Merlin smiled, and Eggsy might've been offended if he thought for a second that they were actually laughing at him. "It seems we have a teaching moment. Perhaps a demonstration would be best."

Eggsy tipped his head for him to go to Harry instead. "You're letting him steal me away that easily?"

"You're his to steal."

"And yours to give."

Eggsy grinned at him, pulling him down for another kiss. "If it means I get to watch you two at it, he can have you to himself for a while."

Merlin slithered over to Harry instead, greeting his husband with a kiss, and a few more for good measure. Harry slid a hand between them to stroke Merlin's cock. "Which way do you want me, dear?"

Merlin gave him one more kiss. "On your front. Just because I'm not using your arse doesn't mean I don't want to look at it."

Harry rolled his eyes and turned over, his head pillowed on his arms and facing Eggsy. "He was never like this before you, you know."

"That's bollocks, I don't believe you. He's been too comfy with it the whole time I've known you for that to be true."

“Don’t listen to him, love, he’s winding you up.” Harry just gave him a crooked smile, and Merlin bent forward to nip at Harry’s neck. “Ready?”

“Always, my love.” Merlin pushed between Harry’s thighs, holding them tightly together as he did and letting out a groan. He thrust slowly, savouring the feeling, his eyes closed in pleasure and soft little sighs escaping his lips.

Harry must’ve done something spectacular then, because Merlin slumped forward with a short cry, biting down on Harry’s shoulder. “Fuck, Harry. Do that again.”

Harry clenched around him in a perfect rhythm with his thrusting, even keeping up when Merlin sped up his movements. He pressed close to Harry as he came with a broken cry, his chest heaving with his laboured breathing. He bent over Harry’s shoulder to kiss him again before he flopped down between the two of them and turned to Eggsy with a satisfied grin. “That is Oxford style.”

“I think I might need a repeat demonstration at some point.” Harry and Merlin both laughed, and Eggsy couldn’t help kissing the latter. ”I love seeing you lose it a little bit. I bet fucking you would be amazing."

Merlin hummed. ”I’m sure you do. It's a shame you'll never know."

Eggsy grabbed Merlin's arm as he pushed himself up out of bed. "You ain't gotta run off like I'm gonna pounce on you. I didn't mean nothing by it, I was just saying."

"I know." Merlin lay back down to kiss him. "I'm not running off. Someone's got to clean us up and you two certainly aren't going anywhere any time soon. Neither am I if I stay here much longer."

Eggsy let him go easier that time and turned to Harry as soon as he was sure he was out of earshot. "Have you ever..." Harry shook his head before Eggsy could even finish the question. "Why not?"

Harry gave a small shrug. "He's never been interested, and I've always been more than happy with how things are."

"What about before?"

“Well, I’ve never asked - it's never mattered enough to bother - but I suspect 'before' is why we never have."

They quickly tried to pretend nothing was happening as Merlin came back. "I know you were talking about me, I'm not an idiot."

"Yeah? What were we saying then, smartypants?"

"You want to know if Harry ever got the chance, or if it's just you that I'm saying no to. Which might matter if you were in some sort of competition, but you're not."

"What, is it the taking part that counts?" Eggsy flinched at the cool flannel landing on his stomach but laughed even as he shot merlin a playful glare. "Ain't that normally what they say to the loser?"

"There is no loser. But I'll answer your questions if it makes you happy." He sprawled out alongside Eggsy and pressed a kiss to his lips. "No, Harry's never had the chance." Another kiss. "No, neither of you ever will, until _maybe_ the day that I can't satisfy you any other way." And another. "And no, it's not some deep-rooted issue. I've just never liked it."

Eggsy stroked Merlin's cheek and pressed a kiss to the other. "Thanks." Merlin gave him a curious look. "You didn't have to tell me that. You could've told me to mind my own business."

"I'd like to think I am your business." As cheesy as it sounded, he meant it.

Eggsy passed the flannel on to Harry to clean himself up and sat up with a smile, facing both of them, and the two of them scooted closer together, Merlin's arm around Harry's shoulders. "This sounds stupid but I like knowing stuff like that. Not just about sex, I mean, stuff about you. Like, I know no one ever really knows everything about anyone, but I want to. Plus I sort of missed out on the first few decades, got a bit of catching up to do."

"Ask anything you like, darling. The answers are all yours."

"Alright then." Eggsy bit his lip, thinking for a moment. "Alright, what was it like when you met? Was it love at first sight?"

Harry scoffed a laugh. "God, no. We couldn't stand each other."

Eggsy frowned. He sort of had this image in his head that their eyes had met across a crowded room and they’d been inseparable ever since. "What? Why?"

"Merlin thought I was a stuck up arse."

Not to be the only one in the wrong, Merlin piped up too. "Harry thought I was a cold bore."

"So you were both idiots. What changed your minds?"

"He made me laugh. You'll have noticed handlers don't usually do sarcasm - so deathly afraid of some kind of fatal miscommunication - but Merlin is the exception. I liked it, I realised he has a very dry sense of humour and I thought perhaps I'd misjudged him. And he was more caring than I could've believed, even before I'd have said we were friends - after my first mission that went wrong, the first time I lost someone, he offered an ear and a drinking partner. I thought it was his way of making sure I was okay. I think even though he didn't like me, he knew I was a decent person. You could never stand to see them suffer, could you, my love?" Merlin tried hard not to blush but he couldn't keep the almost shy, half-embarrassed look off of his face. Even after all those years, Harry's love still felt like the most precious thing in the world - just as much as it did when it was new - and he'd never heard it spoken about so openly to anyone else before. "The more we spoke, the more I realised how wrong I was and grew to like him, then to love him."

Harry smiled up at Merlin, and neither he nor Eggsy could keep the grins from their own faces. “What about you? How'd you realise Harry weren't just some posh prick?"

"It was only a couple of small, silly things but they said a lot about him. For a start, he doted on that silly puppy of his, and all the other dogs flocked to him as if he had a constant supply of sausages in his pockets. They're usually pretty good judges of character. And he was nice to waiters, bartenders, all those kinds of people. A lot of agents - especially the newer, younger ones - think they're above people like that, or at least act like it. But not Harry. And he always used to - and still does, actually - thank his handlers. I realised he was obviously kinder and more down-to-earth than I gave him credit for. Once I did, he was easy to fall for."

"Then what? You kicked off a little office romance?"

Harry made an uncertain sound. “Not exactly. You have to remember that it was a long time ago and things were very different back then. We couldn't be so frank about our feelings or our desires. Even before either of us could admit anything, though, we were always good for each other. I found I wanted to impress him."

"And he did."

Harry smiled at him again. "And it made me a better agent. His wanting to look out for me made him a better handler. That didn't make our predicament any easier - it's wonderful to have somebody build you up like that, to be around someone who makes you better - but neither of us felt we could risk our jobs and god knows what else by confessing our attraction to the other."

"So how did you get round it?"

Merlin sighed softly. “You need to understand how...difficult things were then. I'd already experienced first-hand the way that something like that coming out could affect you, and it's not as if Harry wasn't well aware of the attitudes of the time. But even so...I mean, when I say I fell for him...I had to see if there could be something there. I'm not particularly proud of my solution to that but it worked." Eggsy frowned at him, suddenly not quite so sure he wanted to know. "See, in my position - especially as Merlin but even then, as a handler - you get to learn a lot about the agents that you watch and the people that you work with. If you learn enough, you'll find something that they don't want other people to know."

"You blackmailed people into leaving you alone?"

"No, I didn't have to. And I wouldn't have wanted to but, like everyone does at some point, I did what I had to do to protect myself. I found out enough information about enough people to make sure we'd be okay if anyone else found out about it. I would never have actually spilled all of their secrets, I was always just hoping that - if it came to it - the threat would be enough, but they didn't need to know that."

"What about Harry? He could've blabbed if he weren't interested in you."

Merlin just glanced at Harry. "He knew something about me, too. In case I reacted terribly, he still needed to protect himself."

"I said I'm not proud of it. But to be fair, I didn't know I'd end up marrying him." Merlin wasn't really sure what the look on Eggsy's face was but he didn't like it. "It's not like I was spying on my partner, I was just keeping in mind information that I came by perfectly legitimately about someone who had the potential to do me a lot of harm. It wasn't malicious, I was just covering my back."

"Yeah, no, I get that. Seems like the smart thing to do, I guess. So what happened? If you didn't have to use any of it, does that mean everyone was fine with it?"

"Depends what you mean by 'fine'. We kept it quiet around work for a long time anyway, for a few years, but we couldn't keep it to ourselves forever - especially when I took over as Harry's handler - but by then it was the nineties, just about. Things weren't ideal - they're still not - but better than they were. Some of them - mostly the ones that are still around now - didn't really bat an eyelid once they found out. Some of them definitely wouldn't have liked it if they'd known but it's hard to say whether or not they'd actually have done anything about it. There were still a couple that clearly had problems with us personally, and showed it, but it was a bit more acceptable by then and they didn't kick up too much of a fuss."

"Wait, you kept it a secret? I thought you were all out and proud?"

"In our private lives, we were.” Merlin gave a bittersweet kind of laugh. “We were usually far too proud for our own good, but if a few strangers took a disliking to it, we could usually handle it. We might've taken the odd beating but we were always fine. We couldn't afford to be like that at work, though. For a start, the people that might've taken a disliking to us there were far more deadly than your average man on the street."

“So you’ve been dealing with this shit for all this time? Ain't you sick of it?"

Harry shrugged. “Of course we are, darling, but there are three things which are very much a part of human nature: to fear what we don't understand, to attack what we fear, and to defend ourselves against that which would do us harm. For as long as people attack us, we must defend ourselves and fight against it, even if we do that simply by living our lives."

Eggsy raised an eyebrow. ”Or by playing dirty?"

"Don't judge us too harshly, love. We've all done questionable things for a chance at love."

"I'm not judging you. I think you're amazing. People like that deserve to be fucked with." That unsettling look was finally gone from his face and Merlin smiled at him. "I didn't know it was like that. I mean I knew it was different, that it was worse back then but I didn't know you could've lost your jobs and your whole lives could've been fucked because of it. Did you ever think it wasn't worth it? Like, did you think it'd just be easier to be alone than have to deal with that or watch your back all the time?"

"No, never." Harry looked at Merlin, who just shook his head. "You're with us now, you know what we see in each other, and you get the same disapproval, the same judgemental looks and the same ignorant comments that we do, whether it’s because of the age difference, or because there are three of us, or because we're all men. Do you ever think you'd be better off alone?"

"No." He stretched out beside Harry, clinging to him tightly. "I'm glad you didn't either. So you've never broken up? You've been together for 30 years, non-stop?"

"Mhm. And we'd like to be together for another 30. And 30 more after that if we can manage it.” Harry smirked at Eggsy but nodded towards Merlin. “Well, I would. He might be bored of me before then."

"No chance. You're many things, but 'boring' has never made the list."

"You looking forward to doing the whole wedding thing with each other again?"

Merlin pressed a kiss to Harry's head. "I can't wait."

And rested against Harry with Harry rested against Merlin, all Eggsy could think was how much he loved how much they loved each other. He leant up on one elbow, looking between the two of them and settling on Merlin. “What did you know about Harry?”

“That’s not for me to tell you.”

He looked at Harry instead, wondering if he’d tell him or if it was that much of a secret. “What did he know?”

Harry cleared his throat, hesitating for just a second. “He found out that I took someone else’s exam for them while I was at university.”

“So? It’s not like it was the other way round.”

“No, but helping someone else cheat was considered as bad as cheating. If we’d been caught, neither of us would have been allowed to graduate, and we’d have been stripped of our degrees if they’d found out afterwards. I’d never have become an agent without one in those days.”

“Why did you do it then, if it was that risky?”

“He was a friend, borderline genius, just couldn’t for the life of him get his head around that one exam. He’d already failed it once, he couldn’t graduate without it, and he couldn’t have done what he wanted to do without a degree either. I happened to do very well at it the first time around and it didn’t seem fair for three years of hard work to go to waste because of one exam, so I agreed to help him.”

“That’s nice. Stupid, maybe, but nice.” He narrowed his eyes at Merlin a little. “If his uni didn’t figure it out, how did you, you sneaky bastard? ‘Perfectly legitimate’, my arse.”

Merlin snorted a laugh. “It was, I swear. I was looking at his educational background to see if he was a good fit for a mission, and I stumbled across somebody else’s paper with suspiciously similar - by that, I mean ‘identical’ - handwriting. Apparently I’m more observant than whoever should’ve picked up on it. There was no reason that I should've seen it, I just got very lucky. It was a nice thing to find out, too. Especially compared to what I had on other people."

"Yeah? Like what?" Merlin just shook his head. He'd tell Eggsy anything that he wanted to know about him - anything at all - but never anything that wasn't his to tell. Knowing something didn't give him the right to talk about it, and Eggsy knew it. He was really just trying his luck for a bit of gossip but he'd have to admit he'd be disappointed if Merlin did actually tell him. "What about me?"

He leant over Harry to kiss Eggsy. "Nothing that you don't already know about. And I wouldn't want it any other way, with either of you." He sat back, looking at both of them. "Games like that are dangerous. I love you both too much to play them."

"Good, 'cause I love you too." He reached over to stroke a hand across Merlin's chest, then turned to press a kiss to Harry's cheek. "And you."

"And I love you both, my darlings." He pressed a kiss to each of their heads before they decided to make use of room service.

They had one more stop the next day, just in case they couldn't find anywhere suitable on the first one, but if they were being honest, they all went in looking to find something wrong with it. Actually, they couldn't say a bad thing about it, but it still didn't compare to the place they'd already found so they left as soon as was polite.

They got home that afternoon feeling fairly exhausted but very accomplished and none of them could've kept the smiles off their faces if they'd wanted to.

Roxy had popped in to look after JB while they were away, but he was quick to tug on their heartstrings as soon as they walked through the door as if he'd been neglected the whole time. Merlin was the first to give him a scratch behind the ears and let him outside.

The second they were left alone, Harry and Eggsy were wrapped in each other's arms. Eggsy gave a startled little yelp as Harry lifted him, before he wrapped his legs around his waist. He dipped his head to kiss him, the slow, deep kind that felt so much like home, but Harry didn't waste too much time in turning it into something filthier. "Oh, it's that kind of afternoon, is it?"

"I think it could be, darling."

"My god, we've not even been in the house five minutes. You two really can't keep your hands off each other, can you?"

Eggsy flashed him a cheeky wink. "Don't be jealous. No one said you can't join in."

"Oh, well in that case, I'll stop complaining." Merlin and Harry gave him matching smirks that promised a very good afternoon indeed, and if this was what life had in store for him - whether it be for the rest of the day, the decade or the century - he looked forward to all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be essentially just celebration smut but I was inspired and it turned into a little more than that.
> 
>  
> 
> We're over 100k words! That's incredible to me, and I can't thank you enough for sticking with me to this point. To anyone who is still reading, please do leave me comments because they mean an awful lot to me. Even if it's just one word or a smiley face (or an angry one if that's how you feel about it), please don't underestimate the power of your comments or the knowledge that you are in fact still with me.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas time is always a bit difficult for Eggsy. It's twenty years since Lee Unwin's death and maybe the hardest one yet. Harry might not be able to fix everything but he'd rather die than let him struggle alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was quite hastily written and a little bit shit as a result, but I really wanted to get it posted today to mark the date, so please try to enjoy it anyway

Eggsy gave Harry just a quick peck on the cheek and a 'hi' in greeting before making a beeline for the whisky and only barely bothering to pour it into a glass before gulping it down. Harry frowned at him from out of view. "How did it go?"

"Well," Eggsy poured another drink but at least he only took a sip that time. "I'm alive and in one piece. Not everyone else is."

"Oh. I'm sorry, darling." Harry pulled Eggsy down beside him, tucking him against his side. Eggsy loosened up a little with each sip, and by the time his glass was empty, his kisses came easier. "Do you need to blow off some steam?"

"I fucked up and people are dead, Harry. I'm not in the mood." Generally speaking, Eggsy was up for a distraction as long as everyone survived his fuckups, but there were the odd times when things went so catastrophically badly that he needed to forget for a while that he'd got people killed, too. So he couldn't really blame Harry for asking, but it was the furthest thing from his mind. He pushed out of his seat to drop his glass off in the kitchen, only calling behind him as he went, "I'm going to bed."

Merlin was back not long after, and wasn't at all surprised to find Eggsy had already turned in for the night.

"Was it his fault?" It wasn't a question asked to judge. Every agent in history had lost people because of something unavoidable, but they'd also all had missions fail or go wrong and lost people because of mistakes or poor judgement, and they were always harder to get over.

"No. He had to make a choice and people died because of it, but they would have either way." Of course they couldn't be sure, but he'd probably actually made the choice that meant the most people died. The fact that most of them would have whatever he'd chosen was no consolation to him.

*

Harry and Merlin's anniversary fell late in November. They were both up before Eggsy woke, already dressed and making their plans for the day by the time he got up, and in all honesty, he didn't mind being forgotten about for the day. He was showered, dressed and ready to go out before they were, earning himself a couple of raised eyebrows. "I'm going Christmas shopping, I wanna get started before it gets packed everywhere. Then I'm gonna pick Soph up. Mum's out tonight so I'll probably just stay at hers."

"You don't have to, love. No one's sending you away."

"I know but still." Eggsy shrugged. "You can have the place to yourselves and that."

"Alright then. Well have a nice day, sweetheart." Merlin got up to give him a kiss to leave with.

"Cheers. You too." He kissed Harry goodbye too, then left them both with a smile. "Happy anniversary, you two lovebirds!"

*

December took Harry away for a week and he was very sorely missed. Eggsy was all over him as soon as he walked through the door, drawing him into hungry kisses. Harry broke it first. "Maybe not tonight, darling."

"What if I do all the work?" Eggsy gave him a flirtatious grin and slowly sank to his knees. Harry closed his hand over Eggsy's as he went for his belt, though.

"Really, Eggsy, wait." Eggsy sat back on his heels as Harry reached into his pocket and pulled out a little foil packet. "You might at least let me put this on first."

"What? Wh- Oh." There was only one reason for them to need a condom, and that was Harry going on a honeypot. Kingsman had their own advanced tests which were repeated in the first few days but it was always better to be safe than sorry for the first week or so. "Alright, not tonight then."

The way Eggsy's face fell always broke his heart a little bit. Harry helped him back to his feet and pressed another kiss to his lips. "I'm sorry, darling. You know it's just the job."

"I know. It's fine, just knowing we've gotta be different because you've shagged a stranger ain't really a turn-on. No offence, babe."

"None taken." Eggsy tended not to mince his words but he didn't usually mean any harm either. If he'd really been upset about it, he'd've made it known in much clearer terms than that.

*

"Oh, we have that god-awful budget meeting in the morning." Harry groaned, already bored with it.

Eggsy hummed around his mouthful of tea. "Yeah, have fun with that."

"What do you mean? You'll be there."

"No, I won't." Harry just stared at him, eyebrows raised expectantly. "I've got things to do. I told you I'm not going."

"What things? You don't have a mission coming up."

"It's not for a mission." Eggsy stood with his plate and his mug, running away from the conversation as calmly as he could.

"Well then can't it wait? It may be boring but it's important. You're not getting out of it for a bit of Christmas shopping. Does Merlin know about this?"

"Is Merlin my keeper? No, it can't wait. I cleared it with Arthur. We get the highlights sent to us anyway." And with that, Eggsy was gone, a clear end of discussion.

The following afternoon, Harry was sitting finishing off some paperwork with Merlin. When it came to signing and dating it, he had to ask and Merlin told him it was the nineteenth. “Shit. That’s why Eggsy’s not here, because of Lee.”

“Yeah, I thought you knew.”

“I didn’t realise.” He hadn’t forgotten - he had the date etched into his memory as much as his own birthday - but he hadn’t realised it was that day. "Has he spoken to you about it?"

"No. I didn't really want to bring it up, either." Harry just hummed. They knew Eggsy didn't blame them - the angry words said to Harry were a million moons ago - but that didn't stop either of them from feeling guilty. And what he definitely didn't need on top of dealing with the anniversary of his dad's death and comforting his mum through the anniversary of her husband's, was to deal with their guilt too.

Michelle never got to bury Lee but they still had a memorial plot for him, somewhere that they could go and visit and pretend that he was there. This year, Eggsy had got a bench in his memory, too, in the park his dad used to take him to when he was a kid and the same one he and his mum often took Sophie to now. He'd been angry for a long time that Lee's body had never been returned to them, but of course once he knew what really happened, he could understand why it wasn't. It helped that he knew where he was, as well; as morbid as it may seem to some, they had an urn garden on the grounds of the Kingsman estate, and while he hadn't brought himself to visit him yet - maybe one day he would - it made him feel a bit better to know that he was there. The last flames of fury flickering inside him had been doused with the first memorial service he attended (there'd been a few in the wake of V-day), when he'd seen that every person lost was treated with nothing but the utmost respect by every one of their colleagues and Harry assured him his father had been no exception. Eggsy might not have been there to see it, but at least he knew his dad had a good send off.

He got back late in the evening, no doubt having put Sophie to bed and made sure his mum was okay, if not put her to bed too. He looked so completely exhausted, his eyes rimmed red from where he'd have been crying, and he didn't even bother to cross the threshold of the living room.

Merlin was the first to greet him. "Alright, love?" Eggsy nodded but clearly wasn't going to give them any more than that. "How's your mum?"

"About as good as you'd expect. Don't think it's ever really got easier for her. At least I know about it now, she's never gonna have that, is she?"

Merlin dipped his head just slightly. "No, love. I'm afraid not."

"I'm sorry, darling. Last night, I didn't realise it was today."

"It's alright." Eggsy gave him just the tiniest smile before it was gone again. "It's 20 years today."

"I know, darling." It didn't seem that long, though. It didn't seem like 20 times that he and Merlin had been to pay their respects, just as they had that afternoon - not just as a friend and a colleague but, for the first time, as their would-be father-in-law, one that they could only hope would approve. He pulled Eggsy tight against him and pressed a kiss to his head. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't, Harry. Please, just don't." Eggsy stepped back away from him but kept a hand to his cheek, stroking his thumb across it. "Twenty years, babe. His son's marrying you, his wife's having you over for Christmas dinner, surely you can't feel guilty forever."

Harry nodded silently (at the very least, it was a conversation for another day) and Eggsy let his hand fall away. Merlin brushed his fingers through Eggsy's hair. "Have you eaten? Do you want anything? Tea? I could run you a bath?"

"Nah, you're alright. I'm just gonna go straight up. You two alright?" After telling him they were fine and that he'd not missed anything interesting, they said their goodnights. Still, they both made half a move to follow, even though it was clear neither of them were planning on it before. Eggsy held up a hand as he went. "Don't. It's fine. I'm fine."

*

He stayed quiet and more than a little bit down - more so than the last couple of years - in the days that followed so Harry approached him again a couple of nights later. "Would you like to go out for dinner tomorrow night?"

"If you want. What's Merlin saying?"

"I haven't asked him. I thought it would be nice to spend some time together, just the two of us."

Eggsy stood from where he was unloading and reloading the washing machine, assessing him almost cautiously. "Yeah, it would. Why, though? It's a bit hectic this time of year, init? Probably not the best time for it."

Harry shrugged. "Do I need a reason?"

Eggsy just stared at him for a minute. That boy could read him like a book. "Because you feel bad? I told you, don't."

"Because I love you. Because I think you're stressed and you're not talking to us, and I'm worried about you. And even if you don't want to talk, it might at least take your mind off things for a few hours."

“I’m fine, you don’t need to worry about me.” He quickly turned back to the task at hand, and Harry stepped closer, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“That’s exactly what I mean. I thought it was because of the anniversary coming up but you've been no different the last couple of days so I think there might be more to it. You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to, but please don't tell me you're fine when you're not. I do worry, darling, whether you like it or not."

"Tomorrow night, then." It was as much of an answer as he was going to get so Harry just nodded and walked away.

*

Sat in the restaurant having ordered and satisfied that they wouldn't be interrupted for a while, Harry sat forward in his seat. "So, would you like to tell me what's on your mind?"

"Can we not? Can we just have a nice night and forget about everything else for a while?"

"If that's what you want, my darling, of course." Harry took a sip from his glass. "Tell me instead, then, what Santa might be bringing us all for Christmas." Eggsy just laughed and shook his head - Harry never really wanted to know what he was getting but he always fished for clues - before he launched off into the extent of his haul for everyone else. Harry just sat back and smiled at him, glad to see him happier and more relaxed than he had in weeks.

They took a walk along the Thames after dinner, the pair of them wrapped up in coats and scarves. Eggsy took a seat on a bench along the way and Harry sat beside him, but Eggsy kept his hands firmly in his pockets so rather than put his arm around him, Harry did the same. "Thanks for tonight. I really needed it."

"There's no need to thank me. Darling, if you need some time away from things, take it."

"Everyone's stressed, everyone needs a break, but they just get on with it, don't they? The world don't stop 'cause I'm a bit frazzled."

"It doesn't matter about anyone else. And usually you just get on with it too, or I wouldn't be so worried that you seem to be struggling. The world doesn't stop but the rest of us will gladly take some of the weight from your shoulders for a while."

"Why should you have to?" Harry didn't think he really wanted an answer to that, and he just stayed staring across the water, not looking like he expected one. "It just feels like we've got all the shit at once, you know? Like, all the stuff with Soph's school, and then sorting out the wedding - which is great, don't get me wrong, but still stressful - and then I fucked that mission big time, and then dad, and I dunno if it's because it's a milestone or whatever but mum's taking it worse than normal, and we're going there for Christmas, which is already stressful enough as it is even though it's good, and I know she likes you and she's happy for us and everything but let's face it, you're still the bearer of bad news and I dunno how she's gonna be on Christmas Day and I just want it to be nice for all of us."

Harry settled a hand on Eggsy's thigh. "Eggsy, breathe." 

Eggsy took a deep breath and huffed it back out again. "Sorry. I know none of it's big but it feels like a lot of stuff all at once. And...well there's a couple of other things as well but I don't really need to go into that as well, you get the point."

Harry stroked his thumb across Eggsy's leg, looking at him a little warily out of the corner of his eye. "Like my honeypot? Like the fact that we've hardly been intimate at all since we went away? Like mine and Merlin's anniversary?"

"Not your anniversary. I'd never have a problem with that." He slipped his hand out of his pocket to take Harry's. Of all the things that were on his mind, that didn't make the list. He'd be lying, though, if he said that he wasn't bothered by the fact that Harry had had sex with a mark more recently than him.

"But yes to the mission." Eggsy shrugged. "I know we've had this conversation before but would you prefer it if I didn't do them?"

"Course I would but I don't mind that you do. It weren't just that anyway, it was you being away. Always makes me a little bit tense."

"Are you sure? Because all either of you has to do is ask and I won't do them. You know I don't enjoy them, they just make the job easier sometimes." That was the truth and Eggsy knew it. He or Merlin could ask for anything in the world and consider it done, but he didn't really want to ask that of him. He'd hated doing them himself but he could handle Harry doing them, and he wasn't about to ask him to make his job harder.

"I'm sure. It's fine normally, it's just bad timing. Any of it would be fine normally but I feel like I haven't relaxed in months."

Harry hummed. He'd noticed. "Can I help?"

"I don't think so. I reckon if we can just get through Christmas without any dramas, it'll be fine."

"I'm sure we can manage that. If your mother doesn't want me there or if things don't go as we'd hope, I don't have to be there. We can do what we did last year." The year before, Eggsy had spent the morning with and opened presents with them, then left them to go to his mum's and stayed there so that he could have a few drinks. This year, they decided they didn't want to spend it apart.

"I want you there. So does she, I'm sure. Sophie definitely will. I know everything will probably be fine but there's just that little chance. Tongues might get a bit loose after a couple of glasses of wine."

"Then one of us can not drink and if that happens, we'll leave whenever we need to, but I have every confidence it will all be okay."

Eggsy smiled at him. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"I usually am." Eggsy rolled his eyes even as they smirked at each other. "I thought everything was straightened out with Sophie."

"It is, that's just what started me off." Eggsy looked away again and Harry joined him in watching the light flicker on the water. "They're my responsibility. It feels like I'm letting them down when shit happens to them, you get me?"

"You can't stop anything from ever happening to them, and when it does, we can help. You've never let them down, darling. They're doing well, all of the big decisions about the wedding have been made, Christmas will be fine, and everything else is in the past. We should be off until the new year, take some time to relax. And if you need anything from us, just ask. You are many things to me, including my partner, and I would do anything for any one of them." Not looking at Eggsy, he'd missed his eyes on him the entire time, but he couldn't ignore the hand on the back of his neck and the slow kiss he was pulled into.

"Thank you." It might've been the most heartfelt thing Harry had ever heard, until he opened his mouth again to say, "I love you."

"I love you too, darling."

"Shall we go home?"

"Actually, if you don't mind, I think I'd like to stay here a while longer." Eggsy nodded and tucked himself into Harry's side, glad to feel his arm around him. He didn't mind at all. He'd stay there forever if that was what Harry wanted. When Harry said they'd not been intimate, he wasn't just putting it politely, he meant it in more than just the carnal sense. Moments like this - times that they could spend together without one of them having to rush off, and without having fifty other things to think about - had been few and fleeting. It was a cause, a symptom and a consequence of Eggsy's mood and he was grateful for Harry breaking that cycle.

They found their way home eventually and Eggsy had Harry pressed to the door almost immediately. Harry managed to take just a little of the heat out of it. "Slow down, darling. Tonight is ours, there's no need to rush." It made him patient enough to allow the slow slide of Harry's lips against his. "How is if possible that I have seen you almost every day, and yet I've missed you so very much?"

"Same here, babe." He hadn't realised quite how much until he had Harry back like this, the way that they were supposed to be. It was rare that any two of them discounted the third, but maintaining a relationship between the three of them meant maintaining the three nested within it, and this night was exactly what they'd needed, even without either of them fully realising it. They needed to feel close and right then, they felt inseparable.

With their quiet desperation for one another reignited, they never made it past the hallway. Their clothes decorated the floor and they created a particular patch of the wall where Harry pinned Eggsy that neither of them would ever be able to pass again without a bit of extra warmth in their hearts and heat in their cheeks.

They shared a quick shower, and even as they tried not to, they woke Merlin as they went to bed. With a sleepy smile on his face, he only opened one eye to look at them. "I thought I heard you come in. Did you have a good night?"

"Yeah, it was great," Eggsy whispered back, trying not to let him wake too much for him to get back to sleep.

"Mm, good. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's good, love." Harry's little hum of agreement was convincing too. Eggsy only realised as he slid into bed how much he'd been missing Merlin as well. He tipped Merlin's head towards him to kiss him, not giving a shit about the slightly rank taste in his mouth (he never really did, if he was honest, it was always worth it). He whispered again, against Merlin's lips, "I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart." Merlin stretched out an arm. "Come here." Eggsy tucked himself against Merlin's front, feeling as comfortable as ever in his tight grip. Harry climbed in too, sandwiching him between them and holding his hand as they fell asleep.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Christmas!

"Merry Christmas!" It was eternal early-riser Merlin bouncing back into bed that woke the other two, and - in what must have been a Christmas miracle - Harry didn’t even grumble.

“Happy Christmas.” Eggsy beamed at them both.

“Merry Christmas, my loves.”

Merlin gave them both a quick kiss. “The kettle’s on, there are posh chocolate biscuits to be eaten, and we have two lovely ladies waiting for us. Now shift your arses.”

Eggsy curled into Harry's side as Merlin skipped back off downstairs. "Is it too late to cancel?"

"Much. And there's no need. We're going to go and have a lovely day. And even if it's shit, we'll come back here and have a wonderful evening." Harry pressed a kiss to his head. "Okay, darling?"

"Yeah, alright." He pressed a kiss to Harry's lips before he threw the covers back and climbed out of bed. "Come on, then."

Merlin was already half way through the first layer of biscuits by the time the other two joined him, looking at him accusingly. He just shrugged. "What? I told you to shift your arses."

Eggsy raised an eyebrow at him. "So you were just gonna eat your way through the whole tin if we took long enough, were you?"

"No," Merlin handed the tin over. "I saved your favourites."

While Harry took the dark chocolate ones, Eggsy shoved an orange biscuit into his mouth and picked up the reindeer mug of tea that Merlin had left for him, flashing him a wink. "Thanks, babe."

Harry only took a sip from his own mug before he excused himself for a moment and came back with a little wrapped parcel, which he handed straight to Eggsy. "A little gift for you, darling."

Eggsy took it tentatively. "We're not doing presents. We're taking them to my mum's, remember?"

"Perhaps it's best we don't take this one." Interest sufficiently piqued, Eggsy ripped off the paper and cackled as it revealed a pair of Santa-style boxers, complete with black belt waistband and white trim. He got up to rummage at the back of the Christmas tree to find something he'd wrapped for both of them, then watched gleefully as Harry unwrapped two identical pairs. While Merlin shook his head equally fond and exasperated, Harry laughed. "Oh darling, they're perfect."

Eggsy grinned. "Great minds think alike."

"Fools seldom differ." Merlin got himself a pair of Santa pants straight to the face for that, and couldn't help smiling as he held them up. "You know I'm not wearing these, don't you? They're ridiculous."

"You have to!" Merlin did his best to look unimpressed. "For me? Go on, make it a Christmas present for me."

"And you think the man who'll start wearing suits to bed the day they make one comfortable enough is wearing these?"

"Of course I am. It's Christmas, dear. The whole thing is ridiculous, what harm can it do to add a little more?" Harry pressed a kiss to his cheek, the smile on his lips still evident. "You love Christmas, you can't possibly hate them that much."

"I do love Christmas. And you're lucky I love you two, too, you daft twats.”

They loaded up the car with presents, wine and the Christmas cake Eggsy had been feeding since October, took JB and headed over to his mum’s. Sophie practically dragged them through the door, apparently eager to get the festivities fully underway. Merlin carried the food through to the kitchen while the others took the presents through to the living room.

Eggsy pulled Sophie into his lap as he sat on the sofa, Harry beside him. “Did Santa bring you presents, Princess?”

“Yeah, he brought me lots of stuff!” She hopped down and came back with arms full of stuff as Merlin and Michelle joined them, Merlin sitting at Harry’s other side and Michelle sitting in the armchair across from them. Sophie showed off the pirate hat and toy parrot that had been left in her stocking, a little stuffed polar bear, a wand with fairy dust (really just a pot of glitter, which Michelle was sure Sophie would love, but wasn’t sure she’d love enough to make cleaning it all up worth it), and enough chocolate to last until Easter.

"You must've been top of the nice list, I reckon." Sophie giggled. "D'you know something sad, though? I think JB must've been on the naughty list 'cause Santa didn't bring him anything."

"He did! He left it here for him." She went back for a smaller stocking with JB's name on it. "How did Santa know he was gonna be here?"

"I dunno, babe. He's magic, I think he just knows." Sophie looked sceptical and Eggsy wondered exactly how kids' minds work, that that's the bit she questioned. "D'you wanna help him open them?"

"No, that's okay. You can do it, I already opened lots of stuff. He's got three things, maybe you can open one each." They did just that. Eggsy had wrapped up some treats, a squeaky present and a rope toy. The idea was really just to keep the two little ones out of the way while they were finishing dinner and setting the table.

They moved onto their real presents next. Michelle had bought them all hideous but hilarious Christmas jumpers, which Eggsy insisted they wear and take selfies in, and some theatre tickets for Boxing Day, as well as some trainers for Eggsy. Eggsy had bought Michelle a beautiful jewellery set, and the three of them had booked her a spa weekend with the promise to look after Sophie. They’d also thought along similar lines and bought both her and Sophie Christmas jumpers, but they’d at least found some tasteful ones.

The main event was Sophie’s gifts from all of them, and her eyes lit up at the huge box Eggsy put in front of her. Sophie gasped loudly and clasped her hands over her mouth once she'd ripped the paper off the box to find the Disney castle Lego set inside. Merlin had seen it and suggested it, Eggsy had argued that it was too much to spend on one present for a six-year-old, but Harry had countered that she'd love it, none of them could deny it, and that was that. She ran over to them, giving them all hugs as tight as her little arms would allow, and thanked them over and over again. She sat back in front of the box, grinning at the picture on it and all the little characters that came with it, before she turned back towards them. "Hey Merlin, you make stuff, yeah? Could you help with this?"

As far as Michelle was concerned - and Sophie, to whatever extent she understood or cared - Merlin designed and made the accessories to go with the suits (which Harry made, while Eggsy mostly took measurements and the like, and worked towards becoming the next Harry) so maybe it was only natural to ask Merlin. But Merlin knew Eggsy so he knew he'd've been looking forward to building it with her. He hadn't said anything but he didn't need to, and his disappointed look confirmed Merlin's suspicions. It was only fleeting but Merlin wouldn't be very good at his job if he'd missed it. "Maybe we could all do it together, darling. Or maybe Eggsy could help? He's much better at following instructions than I am."

"Please Eggsy? Will you help me?" She didn't seem any less excited at the prospect of having her brother help her instead.

"Yeah, Princess, I'll help you build your very own castle. We’ll do it after dinner, yeah?” Sophie grinned and Eggsy matched it, only brightening further when Merlin reached an arm past Harry to rest on his shoulder, his thumb gently brushing down the back of his neck, and he turned to look at him instead. It may not have been out loud but his face said ‘thank you’ and Merlin gave him a quick wink in answer. “Soph, I heard mum’s saved your best present til last. Shall we see what it is?”

Sophie turned to Michelle wondering what could possibly be better. The present she handed over was only small, and Sophie opened it as carefully as she could. Inside was a little laminated certificate to say they were going to Disneyland Paris and she squealed high enough to make JB whine. “Baby, we’re gonna see the real life Disney castle. What d’you think?”

“I can’t wait! Thanks, mummy!” She jumped into Michelle’s arms. “When are we going?”

“The day after tomorrow, and we’re coming back on New Year’s Eve. Five whole days.”

“Is it just us two going?”

“No, Eggsy’s coming for a couple of days too, and Harry and Merlin.” Michelle had booked for her and Sophie and invited Eggsy along. He’d said no at first, insisting he needed a bit of time to relax at home, but she talked him into going for the first few days and inviting the other two along as well. Even then, he’d not asked them, thinking she was just being polite, but when - at 26 years old - he got himself told off for by his mum for not doing as he was told, it turned into a family trip.

“And JB?”

JB barked at hearing his name and Eggsy shushed him, laughing. “No, JB’s gotta stay here. But we’ll have fun without him, won’t we?”

Merlin took charge of tidying up all the wrapping paper and setting the table, while Harry kept Sophie and JB busy and Eggsy helped his mum finish dinner. “I’m glad she’s excited. She’ll be gutted when you lot come home.”

“Nah, she’ll be too busy making friends with Mickey Mouse to even notice we’re gone.”

“Don’t be silly.” She pulled Eggsy into a hug and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “This is all a bit different to our Christmas when you were her age, ain’t it?”

“Mum…let’s not, eh?” That whole Christmas period was mostly spent watching Michelle crying, sleeping or shouting at someone on the phone, a bottle in her hand almost the entire time. There were no presents, the tree was torn down almost as soon as Harry left, and Christmas dinner was whatever snacks Eggsy could find and reach. It was shit but he never blamed her for it.

“I’m not. I’m not gonna kick off or anything.” Eggsy sagged a little in relief and Michelle cupped his cheek in her hand, giving him a watery smile. “It’s just that it still feels like the other day, but look at you. You’re all grown up and I’m so proud of you, love. Your dad would be, too.”

“Thanks, mum.” Eggsy pulled her back into a hug and coughed away the lump in his throat. “We'd better crack on. Don't want the potatoes burning, do we?"

Dinner went smoothly, with mountains on all of their plates and never a dry glass in the house. Michelle even looked a little impressed when Harry turned down even a single glass of wine on account of driving them home. It was fine though, Sophie insisted, Harry could have some of her special wine that wasn't just for grown-ups instead (it was only grape juice but Harry was happy to play along).

Almost as soon as the table was cleared, Sophie dragged Eggsy off to start building with Merlin as supervisor. Harry offered to help clear up and wouldn't take no for an answer, but realised it might've been a mistake when it meant being alone with Michelle. They’d grown to get along and he hadn’t expected today to be any different until Eggsy started getting nervous about it, but he’d also never seen her around this time of year. They made it through quite uneventfully, though, and he thought perhaps Eggsy was right about moving on.

Even with everyone chipping in here and there, the castle took all afternoon to build. Then it was board games, chocolate and drinks until late into the evening when they all finally decided to call it a night.

Harry wrapped his arms around Eggsy’s waist and pressed a kiss to his shoulder as he was brushing his teeth. “You see, I told you everything would be fine. It was a good day, I thought.”

Eggsy hummed, rinsed out his mouth and turned in Harry’s arms. “Yeah, it was. You do say some sensible stuff occasionally.” Just then, Merlin appeared in the doorway. “Fuck me.”

He was dressed in only his Santa boxers and the Santa hat that Michelle had bought Eggsy the year before (fuck knows where he’d found it). The thing about Merlin is that no one expects it like they do with Harry. Harry, with his chest barely contained by his shirt and a waist to make supermodels jealous, it was easy to guess what lie beneath. But Merlin, with his cozy jumpers and his desk job, no one expects him to look like he was carved from fucking stone with abs that you could grate cheese on. But Eggsy knew, and so did Harry, and wasn’t that a lovely little secret to keep from the world?

Harry smirked as he turned to look at him and Eggsy couldn’t help laughing a little bit. As ridiculously hot as he looked, he did also just looked a little bit ridiculous. “‘I’m not wearing them’, he says. First one to put them on. You’re full of shit, you are.”

“Oh, so you don’t like them then? Shall I take them off?”

“I’d love to see you take them off, but that don’t mean I don’t like them.” He unwound himself from Harry and draped himself over Merlin instead. “You make a very sexy Santa. Are you gonna show me what a good boy I’ve been this year?”

“No, we’re not doing that.”

“What? You come in here looking like that and we’re not having sex?”

“Oh we are, as long and as often as you’ll let me. We’re just not doing the whole Santa thing.” He held Eggsy’s chin gently as he kissed him. “I plan to make it a very happy Christmas and I’m not letting an old man take credit for my hard work.”

“Who, Harry?”

“Cheeky little tart.” Harry pressed himself against Eggsy’s back again. “I suppose I’ll be put out to pasture, then. You won’t want me joining in, will you?”

“As if we could ever get rid of you. I always want you joining in, but Merlin’s promising big things. I reckon we could do with an observer, make sure he delivers.”

“I’d be glad to be of service.” Harry pressed another kiss to Eggsy’s neck before stepping around them and stealing Merlin’s hat with a kiss to his as well. He took his seat in the bedroom, the picture of patience and composure as he waited for the others to join him.

Merlin settled his hands on Eggsy’s hips as he kissed him, walking them together towards the bed, before he turned and - catching Eggsy off guard - tossed him onto it. He crawled up over Eggsy, and the younger man smiled up at him. He loved that smile, the one reserved only for behind closed doors. He kissed him again, then let his lips and his hands roam over Eggsy’s body, satisfied with the little shiver it drew from Eggsy as he closed his eyes in pleasure. He kissed a path down to Eggsy’s waistband and kept going as he stripped him off, and Eggsy looked both excited to see him take his own boxers off and disappointed to see the stupid things go.

It was a shame, but he had to let him go for just a moment to find some lube. He was in no rush as he warmed it on his fingers and pushed one into Eggsy torturously slowly. “Fucking hell, you’re really gonna take your time, ain’t you?”

“Why not? Are we in a rush?” Eggsy shook his head with a little laugh. “I haven’t taken my time like this in ages. I don’t think you’ve been getting the attention you deserve, darling.” Merlin kissed him again and gave him a curious smile. “Do you know how much I fancy you?”

“I think you’re gonna show me.”

“Mhm, you think right.” Merlin slowly worked his way up to two fingers and then three, his lips never leaving Eggsy, just brushing from one spot to another and leaving kisses as he went. Eggsy rested his hand on the back of Merlin’s neck with no real purpose besides being at a loss for what to do with them otherwise.

“You know, I’m starting to think you don’t even wanna fuck me.” It was a really simple tactic but it worked. Merlin nipped at his lip as he kissed him again and Eggsy pulled him closer, wrapping his legs around him. He groaned as Merlin finally pushed into him.

“Is our audience still interested?” He spoke low in Eggsy’s ear, that filthy, cocky tone of his that meant Eggsy kind of didn’t give a shit if Harry was bored half to death because he knew he was in for a good time.

He looked over anyway. Harry’s eyes were blown wide, his cheeks flushed, and his fingers laced together to keep them off of himself. Eggsy couldn’t help the smirk on his face. “Yeah, I think he might be.”

Merlin looked over his shoulder with a low chuckle. “Then let’s not disappoint.” Eggsy let out a delirious giggle and let his legs drop as Merlin started thrusting into him. If was always fun to tease a little (or a lot) in the build up but now it was all about getting Eggsy off and Merlin knew just how to do it. He wormed an arm beneath Eggsy and pulled him up with him and into his lap as he sat back on his heels. “You are gorgeous, d’you know that?”

“I’ve been told, but it don’t hurt to hear it again, does it?” He cupped Merlin’s face in both his hands and kissed him slowly. “It’s a good job as well, means I fit right in with you two.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, love.” Merlin kissed down his neck and sucked a mark at the base of it as he pushed up into him. He felt that telltale twitch that Eggsy was about to come and lay him back down. He pulled his cock out just as the first pulse of cum was release and replaced it with two fingers, rubbing firmly at Eggsy’s prostate.

Eggsy arched up with a strained whine as he kept coming and coming. “What are you…fucking hell, that’s amazing.” Merlin grinned at him as he kept up his efforts, and Eggsy let him for a minute or two before he sagged back down. “Alright, I give in. That’s enough.”

Merlin gently withdrew his fingers and gave Eggsy an exaggerated kiss on the cheek as he lay there all sweaty and panting. Harry caught their attention as he cleared his throat, even more so when his voice came out strained and breathless. “Merlin, are you close?”

“Not yet.”

“Good.” He stood and stripped quickly as he stalked over and onto the bed, pushing Merlin back on it and claiming his mouth. “You should really consider watching yourself one time, dear. It is quite incredible.”

“No one really wants to watch themselves having sex, do they?” Merlin flipped them over to press Harry into the mattress. “There are plenty of things I’d rather be doing.”

Eggsy grabbed the lube as Merlin reached for it. “Let me. Please. I mean you’re not gonna get anything else out of me tonight but if I’m gonna help get you all riled up, I can at least help you out, can’t I?”

“Be my guest, darling.” Merlin moved over and Eggsy took his place and dragged a slow kiss from him. “You’re really very attractive when you’ve been taken apart like that.”

“Yeah? Well you’re hot when you’re desperate.”

“I’m not desperate. I don’t do desperate.”

Eggsy gave him a devious grin. “Oh, so I can take my time then?”

“Don’t you dare.” Eggsy laughed and pressed another kiss to his lips, which Harry was happy to allow for a moment before his impatience got the better of him. “I thought you wanted to help.”

“Bossy.” Eggsy got on with it regardless, leaving kisses and tiny marks across Harry’s chest as he opened him up on his fingers. Harry groaned as Eggsy stroked over his prostate and Eggsy couldn’t help grinning again. “Shall I let him get on with it then?”

“I’m hardly going to say no.” Eggsy flopped back down beside him and Merlin was back on him almost immediately. He sighed in relieved pleasure as Merlin finally pushed into him. Between the smooth rolls of Merlin's hips and his clever hands, it didn't take long at all for Harry to come. Merlin wasn't far behind and Harry could tell. He barely got a handful of strokes in before Harry was pleading with him breathlessly. "Merlin...come on me, please."

Merlin pulled out and stroked his cock, quickly spilling over Harry's stomach and softening cock with a moan. He went easily as Harry pulled him down into another kiss and murmured a single word against his lips. "Beautiful."

"As are you.” He kissed Merlin once more before he drew Eggsy against his side and kissed him too. “Merry Christmas, my loves.”

“Merry Christmas, babe. Best one I’ve ever had.”

Merlin settled at Harry’s other side smiling softly at the two of them. “One of mine too. It’s gonna be the worst Boxing Day if we fall asleep in our own filth like this though.”

With no arguments from the others, they all dragged themselves out of bed to get cleaned up and fell back into fresh sheets half an hour later - a lovely end to a lovely day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone!  
> I hoped to get this up sooner but I've been having a bit of a shitty time and it's been a struggle to get it done. But here it is - a late Christmas present for my lovely readers. If you feel like giving one back, I'd be over the moon to see any comments you might have.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An end to the festivities and back to work

They made a night of their theatre trip, with dinner and a few drinks beforehand, and the show itself was great. The other two waited outside while Eggsy went to the loo before they left, and when he came out, he managed to snap a picture of them looking like they'd come straight off the front of a Christmas card. The two of them sharing a chaste kiss surrounded by Christmas lights as snow fell from the night sky made Eggsy's heart swell. They really did make a beautiful picture.

Disneyland was incredible and Eggsy had great fun with the fact that neither Harry or Merlin ever seemed capable of saying no to Sophie; it resulted in pictures of Merlin with Mickey Mouse ears and Harry on the Slinky Dog ride that Eggsy would cherish forever.

At one point, Eggsy spotted Buzz Lightyear a little way away and quickly beckoned Sophie over to him and hoisted her up onto his hip. “Quick, d’you wanna see a trick?” Sophie nodded eagerly and Eggsy cupped one hand around his mouth and called out, “Andy’s coming!” Both of them laughed as Buzz stopped perfectly still, looking straight at them for a minute.

The three of them only stayed for the first two days but even in that time, they managed to eat a frankly ridiculous amount of sugar, get onto an impressive number of rides and buy probably more souvenirs than they should, and they had no doubt the few days after they left would be more of the same for Michelle and Sophie.

They themselves spent most of the time up until new year watching Christmas movies and TV specials, eating their own weight in chocolate and only leaving the house to take JB for walks. With an excuse to really let their hair down, they headed out to Roxy's New Year's Eve party, and as the clock struck midnight, they rang in the new year with a slightly awkwardly coordinated, quite drunk, very perfect kiss between the three of them.

Well-rested and refreshed, they were all quite happy to be back to work when the new year rolled around. They were still pleased for a relatively quiet first month and a half, though, like the world was letting them ease back in after a stressful few months. Or maybe it was just the calm before the storm, because then they were thrown abruptly into the deep end.

"Bors? What just happened?" Merlin played around with the comms, trying to get through to him. "Bors, can you hear me?" Still no answer. "Shit. Percival?"

"I hear you, Merlin."

"Thank Christ. What the fuck just happened?"

"A stray bullet and a gas bottle, I believe. Man down. I'm sorry." The two of them had been sent in to disarm and dismantle a bomb created by the latest power hungry lunatic and more than capable of destroying an area the size of London. They succeeded but got caught up in the inevitable gunfight on the way out. It was a warehouse in the middle of nowhere, an ideal spot for a bomb-making facility, if you had to pick one. What probably wasn't ideal, though, was building explosives in a place run on gas generators, but then these evil genius wannabes often lack common sense. And that was exactly how Eggsy ended up getting caught in the blast, the force of it sending him flying and leaving him unconscious. Fortunately Percy had been lucky enough to be out of its reach.

"Fuck!" Merlin stood and hurled his mug into the empty corner of the room. The entire room was still and silent, half of the people's eyes on Merlin and the other half's anywhere but, but none of them even daring to breathe. He scrubbed his hands harshly over his face before he sat back down. It wouldn't do to get too caught up in his emotions - he still had to get Percy home safe and Eggsy home alive, at least. "Percival, are you alright?" Percy did a quick check of himself before he told Merlin he was fine, counting himself lucky as he did. "Good. Can you see Bors?" Affirmative again. "Can you get to him safely? See if he responds to you and get him somewhere safer if you can."

Percival approached him, giving Merlin a clear shot of Eggsy's contorted body. By the look of him, he'd have been in agony if he'd been awake to feel it so the fact that he wasn't making a sound was a bad sign for both of them. He knelt down next to Eggsy, keeping one eye on their surroundings. "He's breathing but barely. I don't think I should move him, Merlin. We took care of everyone outside before we went in and I'd be surprised if anyone makes it out of there."

He looked up, giving Merlin a good look at the building now engulfed in flames, an entire wall missing. "I make you right. Okay, your med team's on the way but you'll need to cover both of you until they get there. They say they're four minutes out." They waited in silence until the medical team arrived - Percy had his orders, they didn't need to talk, and Merlin was in no mood to hold a conversation. It was only the few minutes that they said but it felt like a lifetime before they turned up. "Okay, let them take it from here. Get back to the car and get yourself back here. Great work, Percival. Thank you."

The second he knew that Eggsy was in safe hands and Percy was on his way back, Merlin was straight up out of his seat and barking orders on his way to the door. "Alfie, I want you and your team tracking every second of Percival's trip. Kate, you and yours do the same for Bors. I'll be keeping one eye on things but you let me know if there's _anything_ out of the ordinary. If there is and I don't hear about it, you'll all be looking for new jobs in the morning. Am I making myself clear?" There was a chorus of 'yes, sir' and then Merlin was gone, straight on every device he could think of trying to get hold of Harry. No luck.

Percival was back first so Merlin checked in with him, making sure that he was okay and that there was nothing else he needed to know about. They brought Eggsy in shortly afterwards, rushing him straight into medical. It was an agonising wait as they worked on Eggsy, all too busy to stop and talk to Merlin. It was over an hour - still with no response from Harry - before someone was finally free to speak to him.

"What's happening? Is he going to be okay?" Merlin wondered in the back of his mind exactly how he looked and sounded to the usually calm doctor to spark such a look of nervousness.

"I'm afraid his condition is still deteriorating, but much slower than when we first picked him up. We're doing everything we can to stabilise him but he was in a bad way, sir."

"Let me see him."

"That's not how things work." She looked almost amused.

"I don't care. I'm not asking. Let me see him." Merlin sounded desperate and harsh, even to himself.

"I can't let you in there, sir. But you can watch from next door." It was half a question, but Merlin took it. He just needed to see Eggsy. He thanked the doctor as she let him in but she quietly left him as a flood of devastation and rage took over him at the sight of Eggsy's fragile form.

He tried again to get hold of Harry, relieved to finally get an answer. "At fucking last. Where are you? Where have you been?"

"I've been food shopping, I just finished putting everything away. Why?" Harry sounded completely confused, Merlin didn't usually bother to ask those kinds of questions and the alarm in his voice was unnerving.

"You need to come in to medical. Now."

"What? Why?"

"It's Eggsy, he's hurt. I'm sorry, Harry. Please, just get here now."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sets us up for the next few chapters and, I'm very sad to say, is how we start to wrap his whole thing up so please stick around for just a little while longer.


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wait begins.

Merlin was staring through the window when Harry got there, one arm wrapped across his front and the other hand curled over his mouth, not wanting to watch what was going on but completely unable to look away, even as Harry entered the room. "What's happened? What's wrong with him?" Harry strode right up to his side, his heart sinking as he laid eyes on Eggsy and the hoards of medical personnel and equipment surrounding him. "Is he going to be alright?"

"I don't know. There was an explosion. He's, um..." Merlin scrubbed a hand over his face. "He's got a collapsed lung, and they suspect a burst eardrum. Some swelling in his brain, I think, like a concussion or something. There's some internal bleeding, they're still trying to stop it. He's got some broken ribs, a broken leg, a broken wrist, a dislocated shoulder and they're not sure if he has a spinal injury. He's fucking covered in cuts and bruises and his suit took most of the heat but he's got some burns on his back, it must have been blown out of the way. They think that'll heal okay, so that's something, assuming he makes it. But yeah...in short, he's a mess."

"Shit. But he is going to make it? Tell me he's going to be okay."

"I can't, I'm sorry. I don't know, Harry. The last time I spoke to them he was still getting worse, but they'd slowed it down." Harry steadied himself with a hand on the wall beside the window and clenched his jaw, his face set like stone. "But they're the best at what they do. If anyone can save him, they will."

"I bloody hope so." They stayed silent for a long few minutes, just watching. "Are you okay?"

"Er...not in the slightest, no. You?" Harry shook his head, his eyes downcast. He finally put an arm around Merlin's waist, finding an arm around his shoulders in return. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I couldn't keep him safe. You know how these things happen, it was all so quick, it just came out of nowhere and he was too close, none of us had time to react."

"This isn't your fault. I know that you would never put him in danger." That didn't comfort Merlin. He put them in danger every time he sent them out and it was his job to get them back out of it. He'd failed this time. "What happened? Was anyone with him?"

"Percy was with him but he's fine. Barely a scratch on him, thankfully. There was a firefight on their way out, a bullet hit a gas bottle and the whole place went up. He got caught in the blast. He was so close to being home and dry." Merlin shook his head slowly, mentally replaying the whole thing. "We all saw the bottles there, it was an accident waiting to happen. I should've warned him."

"Stop it. Unless you're going to blame him as well, or Percival, stop it." Merlin sighed, like he was about to argue. "You all saw them there, none of you could have known this would happen, and it is not your job to warn us of every single little risk that you see. This is not your fault."

Their attention was drawn back by the sound of an alarm and a dull tone, and as they realised Eggsy's heart had stopped, so did both of theirs. They found themselves pressed against the glass, barely able to breathe, and even with everyone working around Eggsy with their ever-impressive efficiency, the world fell into slow motion. Every single second dragged on, knowing that there were only a handful left in which to save him. Like a timer hanging over his head with sand slowly but surely flowing through and all either of them could do was watch.

It was hardly any time at all, really, but it felt like a lifetime and there'd never be anything in the world like their shared relief as the steady beep of his heartbeat started up again.

"Thank god." Harry pressed a hand to where he was sure his heart was trying to beat through his chest and managed to take a small step back, while Merlin rested his head against the window, his eyes shut tight and his shuddering breaths fogging up the glass. He gave himself a couple of moments before he straightened up again and took Harry's hand. Harry squeezed his tight and they watched as the doctors kept working. The tension in the room had eased up just slightly but there was clearly still a way to go before any of them could relax.

It was another agonising wait, in which Merlin became convinced he'd need to get them to X-ray his hand once it was released from Harry's vice-like grip, until they were finally - at long last - ready to stitch Eggsy up. They were only ever two steps behind as they moved Eggsy to a bed, then they managed to get hold of a doctor, Sian. She'd worked for Kingsman for years, she was probably the best they had, and she'd treated Harry more times than any of them could be bothered to count. There was no one Merlin trusted more to take care of the people he loved. "How's he doing?"

"He's fairly stable but his condition is still very serious, he's not out of the woods yet. As you saw, we've stopped the bleeding, but he did lose a lot of blood. We gave him what he needed during surgery but it could still take a few hours to replace the rest. We've also relieved the pressure in his chest, and we may need to put a drain in and put him on oxygen to get the rest of the air out of the chest cavity, but the lung should reinflate and heal in a few days. His ear should also be fine soon. His shoulder's back in position, and you know how broken ribs are, but we need to set his wrist and his leg and of course we'll tend to any less serious injuries as we need to. We'll need to assess whether or not there's any damage to his spine. At first glance we don't believe there is but we are handling him very carefully just to be on the safe side. At this point, our biggest concern is his head injury. The swelling in his brain is the most likely thing to cause him a problem now, and obviously we want to stop it getting any worse to minimise the risk of the organ being starved of oxygen and the possibility of any lasting effects. With that in mind, I believe our best option is to place him in a medically induced coma. It could be for a few days, or a few weeks. It's hard to say at this point, without running more tests."

He'd been through this process countless times but it was always more difficult when it was Harry or Eggsy, and it took Merlin a second to realise she was waiting for his approval. "Yeah, whatever you need to do to make sure he's okay, do it." She gave him a weak smile. "He's going to be okay, isn't he?"

"As I say, it's too early to say anything for sure. And as you well know, it is my duty to provide accurate updates on the condition of our agents."

"Sian. How many times have you and I stood and had conversations just like this? And you know what Eggsy is to us." She nodded solemnly, giving them both sympathetic looks. "Please, put professionalism aside for just two seconds and tell us he'll be okay."

"We're doing our best." Merlin frowned, his expression just tinged with desperation. "I would like to say that he will but I wouldn't want to get your hopes up. And you should be prepared for the possibility that even if he makes it through this, his injuries could be life changing. I'm sorry, really, I wish I could give you better news."

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed at his eyes for a second before giving her a tight smile. It wasn't her fault, after all - there were people around the place that needed a kick up the arse every now and again but she never did less than her best. "It's okay, we understand. Thank you."

Merlin's eyes on him threw Harry's brain back into action. "So, sorry, what happens now?"

"Now we put him into a drug-induced coma and put a drain in. Once I'm satisfied that the more serious issues are taken care of, we'll cast his fractures and tend to any minor wounds. Then, over the next few days we'll be monitoring him closely and running tests to determine the full extent of his injuries." Harry nodded in acceptance. "So, gentlemen, if you wouldn't mind leaving the room for a while."

Harry was quick to jump in. "We're not going anywhere."

"He's as stable now as he's going to be for the next two to three days. I understand you not wanting to leave him, but there's no more risk in doing so now that there will be in the next couple of days. And with the greatest of respect to both of you, our job is much easier when we don't have extra people to work around."

Merlin took Harry's hand as he was about to argue. "That's fine, we'll get out of your way. You'll call us the moment you've done what you need to do?"

"Of course, sir."

"Thank you." Merlin gave her a firm handshake, hoping she understood the gratitude behind it. They left together and as soon as they were out of the way, Merlin pulled Harry closer to him and pressed a kiss to his temple. "Trust them, love. They'll take good care of him. They've never let us down yet."

"I know." Harry nodded, as if trying to convince them both that he was okay leaving Eggsy. "If we're not going to be allowed back in for a while, I should go and get JB, bring him back to the kennels."

"You don't have to do that, I can go."

"It's fine. It'll give me something to do, rather than just sitting around and waiting." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Stupid of me, I should've brought him in the first place. I didn't think about it."

"I don't blame you. I could come with you, if you want some company."

"No. No, one of us should be here in case something happens. I can go by myself, I'll be fine. Will you be alright?" Merlin just nodded and off Harry went. He was back about an hour later, finding Merlin in his office. "Is that really the best thing that you could be doing?"

Merlin didn't look up from the glass dangling from his fingers and the half empty bottle in front of him. He'd spent the last hour going out of his mind waiting. All he wanted was to know that everything would be fine, and if he couldn't have that, the very least that everyone might allow him was a drink or five. "What would you rather I do, hm? There's nothing I _can_ do. When I was doing something, when I was supposed to be stopping something like this from happening, he ended up in a fucking hospital bed. If I couldn't help him then, what good am I to him now?" Harry put the lid on the bottle but Merlin gripped the glass tighter before it could be plucked from his hand. "I saw him lying there, Harry. I thought I was staring at his corpse - for all we know right now, I may as well have been - and I can't get it out of my head. If drinking myself into oblivion is what it takes to make that image disappear for even a minute, then that's what I'll do."

"No, it isn't." Harry was firm in his voice and his stance.

Merlin sighed, completely defeated. "I don't know what you want from me, Harry."

"I want you to remember that he is not your only partner, that you don't have to deal with this alone any more, and that I've never been through this before." Merlin looked up at him, only then seeing that Harry looked as distressed as he felt. "We need each other, dear. Or perhaps we don't but I need you."

"We do. Of course I need you, always." He finally set down his glass, standing to meet Harry halfway. He rested his forehead against Harry's and his hand on the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. You're right, of course you're right, I'm just being selfish. I'm so sorry, love."

Merlin tipped Harry's chin up as tears tracked down his cheek, brushing them away with his thumb. "How have you coped with this for all of these years?"

'With great difficulty' was the answer but not one that Harry needed to hear so Merlin just pulled his head onto his shoulder and held him while his tears continued to fall, ignoring the growing damp patch on his jumper.

It was a while more before they were called back and it was still just as shocking and heartbreaking to see how pale and fragile he looked, with half his body in casts and bandages, and tubes seemingly attached to any other space they could find. It must have shown on their faces, too, because Sian seemed to approach them as if they were both as broken as Eggsy. "He'll look better once the transfusion's complete. He's remained stable and we'll continue to monitor him closely but I'm afraid there's nothing else we can do for him at the moment. It's really just a waiting game for all of us now."

"Thanks, Sian."

"Thank you. You will keep us up to date, won't you?"

"Of course. You'll know everything as soon as I do, sir." With that, she left them in peace (or maybe quite the opposite). They took their seats either side of Eggsy's bed and the waiting game began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do hate to nag you lovely people who take the time out of your day to read my writing, but please let me know what you think!


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An update on Eggsy's condition, and how his partners are dealing with it all

Neither of them could take their eyes off Eggsy, save for the few glances Harry spared in Merlin's direction. He couldn't help feeling bad for all the times Merlin had had to sit by his bedside alone. He'd never told him it was like this. Of course he was always happy and relieved to see Harry make it through his scrapes, but he'd never once talked about the terror of seeing someone you love in that state, about the pain of being absolutely certain that you could lose someone you love any moment, or the arguably worse version that comes with the uncertainty. And while he wouldn't wish those feelings on anyone - least of all his own husband - a sick little part of him hoped that the reason Merlin had never told him wasn't that he'd never felt it. "I'm sorry."

Merlin looked at him in surprise. "What could you have to be sorry for?"

"That this is what you go through every time. I'm not quite sure what I imagined it would be like, but it was nothing like this. You should have told me."

Merlin shook his head. "I really shouldn't. Why would I ever put that on you? You don't need that in the back of your mind every time you do your job, and I know you. I know that it would be."

"You wanted to protect me?"

"From as much and for as long as I can. I never wanted you to know how this feels. But now you do, and there might be some advantage to me having been through it before. I'm sorry about earlier - old habits - but whatever happens, I'm here, you know."

"I know." It was so devastatingly sincere that Harry wondered what he'd ever done to deserve such a wonderful man as his husband. He gave Merlin an appreciative little smile before both their eyes fell back to Eggsy.

A nurse came and went on her next round of checks but there was no news. Not that they expected any really - they weren't medical professionals but they weren't clueless either, and nothing had changed as far as they could tell - but it would've been nice. They could hope.

"He won't be able to keep this from his family, or his friends." And trust Harry to be trying to get the practical things straightened out.

"No. What do we tell his mum? If she even suspects that we’re not the nice, quiet tailors that we say we are, she won’t let either of us have anything to do with any of them.“

“Eggsy’s an adult, she can hardly stop us from seeing him.” Harry seemed mortally offended at even the suggestion of it.

“She could if she kills us, and I think she might. And you’re assuming he’ll want to see us. Well, me.”

“Of course he will. As for Michelle, we should stick as close to the truth as possible. She already thinks he’s away for work, he said it might be a long trip. We’ll let her think that until he’s well enough to come home, then tell her there was a gas explosion in the town where he was staying, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, he didn’t have ID on him so they didn’t know who he was until he was awake to tell them. He didn’t want to worry her so he called us, told us not to tell her, and we went and got him.” They had a system in place - Eggsy would tell her he was going away, to give him enough time to do his job and recover afterwards. If it was an easy one, he was only away for a day or two, if he mentioned it at all; if it was long or risky, he'd tell her it might be a couple of months. That way if things went better than expected, he could just say it was cut short, and if they went worse, he could say he had to stay longer. He spoke to her when he could, she asked Harry and Merlin how he was doing in between, and - as a last resort if Eggsy couldn't speak to her himself - they had messages composed by Eggsy and waiting to be sent (as they did for all the agents that might need it) to stop her worrying. They'd never had to use them before and none of them liked the idea of it, but they all accepted that it might have to be done at some point.

“You don’t think she’ll question why we weren’t worried not to hear from him? Or why his client didn’t contact us when he didn’t show up for work?”

“Fine, the explosion was at the client’s house so they were involved too. And you know the character he’s created, it’s not particularly unusual - as far as Michelle’s concerned - not to hear from him for a while.” Harry taught him it was best to have a go-to excuse so Eggsy had created an eccentric, secretive millionaire figure with a paranoia surrounding communications soon after he became an agent, to explain away his absences and the occasional lack of communication. Naturally, Michelle had been worried about her little boy going off with no contact with home but he’d assured her he’d been a client of theirs for years and they trusted him, and the other two had played up to it for as long as she'd known them so she always accepted it easily enough.

“Okay, that’ll work. But...well, what if he doesn’t come home?”

“He will. We already took her husband and ruined her life and her son's childhood, we are not going to take him as well and ruin her daughter's. I will not let that happen."

"Harry..." He closed his eyes as Merlin reached across the bed to take his hand. "I'm not saying we shouldn't be hoping for the best but you heard her. We need to be prepared for whatever happens. So what if he doesn't?"

"Then she deserves to know the truth. And we will deserve the consequences." Merlin let go of his hand, tears in his eyes and a lump in his throat. So Harry did blame him. What a way to kick a man while he's down. "I don't mean it like that. I mean we both knew he was Lee's son and that him going the same way as his father was a possibility but it didn't stop either of us from training him. If it claims the lives of two of the most important men in hers, I wouldn't think it wrong of her to bring the entire agency to its knees. But I will not let that happen. He's here because of me, because I chose him to be, but even if they have to bleed me dry to save him, he will not die because of me."

"Don't say that. It's not your fault. However this plays out, it won't be your fault."

"Of course it is. I was supposed to give him a better life but look at him."

“You offered him a chance, it was his choice to take it. He could’ve said no, he could’ve walked away when Roxy got the job, or after Valentine, or any time since. It’s not your fault he didn’t. And you did give him a better life. If you hadn’t given him that chance, he’d be in prison or dead by now.”

“What difference does it make if he dies anyway?”

“Don’t you think he’d rather die doing something he loves and that matters than at the hands of his stepdad? If that’s how this goes, you got him away from Dean, you allowed him to change his family’s lives like he’s always wanted, and I think - I hope - we made him happy the last couple of years. That is a better life. I'd love to keep doing it for the next fifty years, but if that’s what you set out to do, you’ve already done it.”

“That doesn’t make it right. None of this is right!”

“I know.” Merlin stood and extended an arm to Harry. “Come here, love.” He pulled Harry against him and into a tight hug as tears of anguish and frustration bubbled up out of his eyes.

"How can he still need that?" He pointed accusingly at the blood still replenishing Eggsy supply. "It's been hours!"

“It can take hours.” Merlin scratched at the hair on the back of Harry’s neck. “If it makes you feel any better, from experience, it could be a good sign.”

Harry mumbled into Merlin’s shoulder, “how can having lost that much blood possibly be a good sign?”

“Blood’s valuable. They wouldn’t be using all of that up on him if they thought he wasn’t going to make it.”

Harry pulled back to look Merlin in the eye. “Is that just for my benefit or do you really believe that?”

Merlin shrugged slightly. “Might be wishful thinking on my part but I do believe it.” He pressed a kiss to Harry’s head. “It’ll be okay.”

Harry nodded and reached for Eggsy’s hands. He stroked his thumb across his fingers. “Where’s his ring? In his locker?”

“No, he doesn’t trust it, in case it gets lost or something. He always leaves it with me, it’s in the safe in my office.”

“That’s sweet. I’m not sure how he thinks anything’s going to happen to it in this place but it’s nice that he’s so protective of it.” He slipped back into his seat, holding Eggsy’s hand properly. “We’re supposed to be getting married next month.”

“Yeah.” Merlin sat back down too. “I think we might have to postpone it a bit.” Harry hummed, begrudgingly agreeing. Neither of them wanted to think about the fact that they might have to cancel it altogether, or what they were going to do and how they were going to explain his absence if he didn't wake up in time for it. A little while passed but the whole time, Harry kept up the light brush of his thumb across Eggsy's ring finger. "Do you want me to go and get it?"

"Hm?" Harry looked up at him, apparently having been lost in his own thoughts. "Get what?"

"The ring." Merlin nodded towards their joined hands. "You haven't left it alone."

“Oh. Sorry. No, there's no need." But of course Merlin knew when Harry was just being polite - didn’t want to put him to any trouble, he supposed.

"It's okay. I don't like it either, seems like there's something missing." He placed a kiss to Harry's head as he passed him on the way to the door. "I'll only be a minute."

Harry let out a heavy sigh as he was left alone with just Eggsy and the sound of the machines. "It feels like so long ago that our positions were reversed, that you were having to sit by my bedside, when you were still in training. Merlin had a soft spot for you even then, you were always his favourite." He let out a small, choked up laugh. "And it was only a little bit because he wanted to get you into bed. You have no idea how long it took to get him to admit that, though. But we're both so glad that he did because, in a roundabout way, it got us the lives that we have now and we wouldn't change them for the world. I hope we make yours as wonderful as you make ours. That was only a few years ago but you've come so far since then and I'm so proud of you. I'd give anything to be able to tell you that again. I should say it more. Why don't I? When you wake up - and you will, you have to - I promise I'll tell you every single day, and I'll mean it every time. I love you so, so much, more than I will ever be able to tell you. Please, if any of this gets through to you, come back to us, darling."

He wanted and hoped for and even half expected some miraculous sign that Eggsy had heard him and he was going to be okay, but there was none. He sighed, mentally mocked himself for being such a fantasist and gripped Eggsy’s hand tighter. Merlin was back soon, handed the ring over, and Harry slid it onto his finger and sealed it there with a kiss.

Neither of them slept or moved from the room all night. They waited for nothing in particular and got out of the way whenever a nurse came to check on him, but otherwise just sat and stared at him, each with their own possibilities - fears and hopes - racing through their minds, flitting between wanting something - anything at all - to break the monotonous but agonising uncertainty, and finding themselves clutching to the comfort that - as they say - no news was good news.

After what seemed like the thousandth round of checks, they went looking for Sian again. "Is there any change?"

"I'm afraid not." It would be safe to say they were both disappointed. "I know you'd like to see some improvement - we all would - but to be perfectly honest, were just pleased that he's not getting any worse."

Merlin nodded. "Right. So...that could still happen?"

"Well, we're not assuming that it will but it's possible. It really hasn't been very long, we need more time to be sure of anything." If she was getting fed up with their constant questioning, she didn’t show it. They did nowhere near as good a job of hiding their frustration, but thanked her once again nonetheless.

Merlin was instantly on edge as Matthew, his second in command, knocked on the door. The last thing he needed was for something else to have gone wrong. “Sorry to disturb you, sir. Gawain’s just landed in New Zealand.”

“And? Is something wrong?”

“No, it’s just that you said you wanted to oversee the start of his mission.”

“Can’t you see I’ve got other things to deal with?” Matthew looked more than a little sheepish. “You lot can’t manage without me for 24 hours? Tell me, if you can’t even handle the start of the simplest mission of the year, what the fuck did I train you all for? Do I have to start looking for your replacements? Because that’s the last thing I need. Do your fucking job.”

“We can handle it, sir.” Matthew ducked back out of the room and Harry raised his eyebrows at Merlin in an expression that he knew all too well.

“Yeah, I know.” Merlin pushed out of his chair and called Matthew back down the corridor. “Sorry, that wasn’t fair.” Matthew was quick to tell him it was fine. “Do me a favour? Bring me my clipboard and I’ll support you from here. Anything that requires me to leave this room, though, you’ll have to handle it.”

“Will do, sir.” Matthew was back a few minutes later with the clipboard as requested, and Merlin thanked him and sent him back to work.

“You can leave them to it, you know. He can handle it. If he’s going to be Merlin when you retire, he’ll have to learn not to rely on your support.”

“Who says I’m retiring?” Merlin tapped away distractedly.

“You’ll have to one day.”

“I’ll retire when you two do. I’ll work to my dying breath if you don’t.” He looked up at Harry then, looking somehow more stressed and more relaxed at having more work to do. Maybe if he could see Gawain through his mission, it would be a redemption of sorts. “And ordinarily, yes, I could leave him to it. But right now I can’t.”

Harry nodded in understanding. He could appreciate the need for a distraction. ”I don't mean to be insensitive but you're not handling this the way that I expected. I thought you’d be calmer. How many times have you seen me in a hospital bed? I thought you'd be sort of used to it by now."

Having checked that Gawain had landed okay and that they had a bit of time before he headed out, Merlin set his clipboard down. “This is different."

"How?" Merlin shook his head, regretting saying anything. “How is it different?”

“It just is.”

“Why? Because it’s Eggsy?”

“What? No. It’s just…they never told me that they didn't know if you'd be okay. If they weren't certain, they were usually confident. At the worst, they were hopeful, but they never told me they didn't know." Harry’s eyes locked back on Eggsy’s face, looking stricken as he swallowed visibly. “Love, I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything. But the wait to find out what’s happening is always the hard part.”

They napped where they sat, washed in the adjoining bathroom and only ate if someone was kind enough to bring them something. They only grew more and more tense, the pair of them speaking less and less, so when Sian came back the next night looking slightly more at ease than she had for those first two, it was easy to get their hopes up.

“I have good news, gentleman. Eggsy’s showing signs of improvement. It’s only slight, it’s slow progress, but it is consistent. It’s still - I believe - our best bet to keep him as he is for a little longer, and it could take a while but I have every reason to believe that he’ll be okay.”

A smile took over Merlin’s face. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that.”

Harry huffed out a sigh of relief. “You must have treated me dozens of times and that is the best news you’ve ever given me.”

“I know. He had us worried there for a while too. Now, he’s not the only person we’re responsible for taking care of. This would be a good time to go home, have a proper meal and get some rest.” They were both just a tiny bit hesitant. “We’ll take the very best care of him, and I’ll call you if anything happens. It won’t do him any good to have you both stressed and burnt out.”

“Okay, fine, we’ll go.” Merlin shook Sian’s hand, holding hers between both of his. “Really, we can’t thank you enough.”

Sian easily brushed off his thanks, but Harry offered his own too. Then they both promised Eggsy they’d be back first thing in the morning, picked JB up to give him a bit of attention and a night in his own bed, and left for the night.

Dinner was only a quick affair, then Harry took care of the washing up but Merlin was right there with his arms around him as soon as he was finished and drying his hands. "Are you okay?"

"I will be, I'm sure." He tipped his head back onto Merlin's shoulder. "I just want him to be okay. I want him home."

"He will be." Merlin pressed a kiss to Harry's neck. "He'll be back before we know it."

Harry turned in his arms. “How are you?”

“I’m fine, love. You imagine the worst, don’t you? But now that I know…yeah, I’m fine.” He pressed a kiss to Harry’s lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too, dear.” As Merlin kissed him again, Harry sighed into it, gripping the front of Merlin’s jumper to keep him close. Merlin only pulled him tighter, licking into his mouth, and Harry was happy to respond in kind for a few minutes, before pulling away. “Wait. Should we...you know, while Eggsy's..."

"We both just almost lost one of the people that we love. Is it such a crime to want to be close to the other?" Harry didn't answer so Merlin put some space between them. "We can just go to bed if you like."

"No." Harry pulled Merlin back, pressing his lips to his husband's. "I need you."

Harry’s slightly watery eyes told Merlin just how much he meant that. “You’ve got me, darling, always.” Merlin cupped his cheek in his hand, hoping his smile might rub off on Harry. “We said forever, didn’t we? Forever’s not over yet. Come on.”

Merlin took Harry’s hand and led him up to the bedroom and into bed. He wasted no time getting them both undressed and getting Harry ready, and then he was slowly pushing into him. He did take his time, then, both of them savouring the closeness, their lips barely parting. When they came, it was with quiet, shared breaths. Merlin pressed one more kiss to Harry’s lips. “Are we showering?”

Harry gazed up into Merlin's eyes. “Can’t we stay?”

“We can, but not like this. One sec.” He got up to grab a flannel, quickly cleaned them up and threw it in the direction of the washing basket, before sliding under the covers with Harry tucked into his side. “That’s better.” Harry hummed a little distractedly. “Everything’s gonna be okay, you know.”

“I know. Well, I hope. It’s just hard not to worry about him. I don’t suppose I’d be of much use to him if I were there but I feel like I should be anyway.”

“I know the feeling. But it’s okay, we’ll be back there in the morning. You know everyone loves him - he’s the only one that’ll listen to Nick going on about whether or not he’s ready to commit to his girlfriend for a start - so they’ll keep him company if they’ve got a spare minute or two. Who knows if he’ll even know the difference? You can’t feel bad for being away from him for a few hours, we have to look out for ourselves too, but we’ll be there with him as much as we can.” He felt Harry nod against his shoulder. It wasn’t overly convincing but the lack of an argument was good enough.

“I really thought we were going to lose him.” He felt a tear fall from Harry’s eye to his chest and he’d’ve done anything to stop it. This may have been a closer call than most but they’d been close enough often enough for him to know how Harry was feeling, and if there was any way to stop him feeling it, he’d do it without question, but there wasn’t.

“Yeah. So did I. But thank fuck he’ll be alright, I don’t know what I’d do if I lost either of you.” He raked his hands through Harry’s hair. “I’d be lost without you, love.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’d be fine without me. After a respectable amount of time, of course.” There was humour in Harry’s voice but Merlin refused to meet it.

“I really wouldn’t. The world would be infinitely worse for not having you in it. It’s not one that I want to live in.” He ducked his head to draw Harry into one last kiss before they turned in for the night. "I love you so much.”

“I feel the same about you, my love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now listen, I don't think I need to tell you I'm not a doctor. But for these few chapters I'm doing a fuckload of research and trying really hard to get things right, so please tell me if that's been worth it or correct me if I'm getting things wrong. And as always, thanks for reading!


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is, before anything else, a love story. There are two others in this relationship besides Eggsy, they have each other and they have their own relationship to maintain. They mustn't forget that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting so long but things have been shit for a while and it's been hard to find the time and motivation to write. I'm back, though, and with a long chapter to make up for it.
> 
> Please be aware of mentions of past homophobia and homophobic language towards the end. It's only one paragraph but worth mentioning, I think.

Sian was just finishing her shift when they got back there in the morning. Harry handed her a huge bunch of flowers. “These are for you.”

“And these are for all of you.” Merlin handed over the biggest box of chocolates they could find. “To say thank you.”

“That’s very kind, thank you, but we’re just doing our jobs.” She accepted both with a big smile anyway.

"Yes, and doing it incredibly well." Harry gave her a genuine, grateful smile.

“And your jobs are a lot easier when you don’t have us hovering over you or constantly asking questions.” They wished her a nice day and well-deserved rest as she left, and took up their usual seats.

It was easy to relax a little bit and be in better spirits when they knew that he was getting better, however slowly. They barely took any notice of the people coming in to check on him over the next couple of days.

That is until one of the nurses came in, did the usual checks, checked Eggsy's notes, repeated some of those same checks, then headed towards the door with a frown. They both sat up straighter, tense as the doctor came in instead and did just the same. When he didn't seem to offer anything, Merlin spoke up. "Is something wrong?"

"His pupils are dilated, they're not responding to light. It could be a sign that the swelling in his brain has worsened. We'll need to do another scan to be sure."

Merlin nodded. "And if that is the case?"

"Then there are things that we can do to try and help that. But I won't lie to you, it would be a bad sign. There is a greater risk of severe lasting effects or even death when this happens, but the faster we can act, the better." Of course neither of them were going to keep him any longer and it was another torturous wait to find out the results of the scan but soon enough, he was back. "It's as we thought. The swelling has increased and there's fluid trapped there because of it. The blood supply is likely limited so we need to do something about it before it suffocates his brain."

Harry swallowed around a lump in his throat. "What can you do for him?"

"Normally, a first option might be to put him on oxygen to make sure that even with a limited blood supply, the brain still gets enough oxygen and has more time to heal on its own. However, given that he's already on oxygen for his lung and it's still gotten so much worse, more drastic action will be needed - namely, surgery. We would drill a small hole in his skull to drain the fluid and relieve the pressure. If that doesn't work, there are other surgical options but we try to avoid them as much as possible."

As much as they didn’t want to hold things up any longer than necessary, it only takes a little bit of common sense to know that a drill near someone’s brain is definitely not ideal. They asked for, and were given, a moment alone with him. Merlin placed his hand over Eggsy’s. “Everything’s gonna be okay, love. And do us a favour? Roxy doesn’t know about any of this but she’s back tomorrow and she’ll be furious if you don’t hang on for her to see you and wake up to hear all about her mission. She’s a little bit terrifying when she’s angry, don’t leave us to deal with her alone, alright? I love you.”

“I love you, darling. You’ll be back and on the mend in no time, and we’ll be here.” With that, they let him go, resigned to doing nothing but wait for him to come back. “Do you talk to me like that? When I’m, you know, out of action.”

“Mhm,” Merlin nodded. “You don’t tend to talk back either. They always told me it might comfort you. Even if you didn’t really understand or take in what I was saying, having a familiar voice nearby might help. I know you’re not sure it did for you but it might for him. It’s worth a try.”

He couldn’t really place why but the comparison didn’t sit well with Harry. He gave a small hum in response. While Eggsy was gone, someone came and took the chance to change his sheets. Merlin went to get them some tea, mostly just to get out of the way.

Clearly taking Harry’s thoughtfulness for nervousness, she gave him a kind smile. “He’ll be back soon. It’s a fairly quick procedure. And they know what they’re doing, he’ll be fine.”

He felt like an arse as he did, but Harry knew an opportunity when he saw one. “I’m not sure what to say to him. Merlin chatters away to him all day long. I wonder if he knows, I can’t say I remember anything like that from when I’ve been out.”

“Yeah, he’s usually talkative. I think he normally says more to you in an hour than he does to anyone else in a year. I wouldn’t worry about it, just say whatever comes to mind.” She glanced up, then, nodding towards the door. “Speak of the devil.”

Merlin just gave her a small smile and handed Harry his tea as he passed him to sit back in his own seat, then waited for her to leave. “What was that? Checking up on me?”

“Eavesdropping?” Harry answered quickly, defensively.

“No, the door was open, you weren’t exactly whispering, I overheard.” Merlin raised his eyebrows, as if to say ‘what’s your excuse?’.

“I wasn’t checking up on you.”

“Oh, you just grew a sudden liking for small talk?”

Harry dipped his gaze, suddenly feeling a little ashamed. “I’m just worried.”

“I know you are, so am I, but I don’t really understand your reasoning here." Merlin paused but Harry didn't begin to offer any explanation. "Your boyfriend’s fighting for his life so you’d better make sure your husband’s not lying about how he treats you when you’re in a coma? There must be better distractions than that.”

Harry brought a hand up, rubbing at his forehead. “This is all driving me a little bit mad. I’m trying to figure out what happens if he doesn’t make it through this.”

Merlin shrugged. “You know how the process works, you’ve been to enough funerals. We already talked about his mum-“

“I mean what happens to us. I’m worried about us.” Harry started to raise his voice but quickly caught himself and almost growled the last bit out through gritted teeth.

Merlin eyed Harry for a second, taking in - and very confused by - his sudden and unexplained frustration. “Right. I have to admit, I’m a little bit lost but I don’t think that’s a conversation for here or now.”

“Fine. Later, then.” Harry huffed a sigh and a long silence stretched between the them. It was a relief for plenty of reasons when Eggsy was finally brought back. “How is he doing?”

“We’ve done what we needed to do. The benefits may not be immediately obvious, it may take a couple of days for him to show any real signs of improvement. But if it hasn’t worked, we’ll know much sooner so we’ll continue to monitor him closely.”

“You mentioned lasting effects. What kind of effects?”

“We were able to act quickly so we hope there won’t be any, but things like this can impact on speech and movement - especially given his other injuries. However, since he’s doing neither of those, we won’t know until he wakes up.”

“Right. Thank you.” Merlin also nodded his thanks and the three of them were left alone again. Merlin kept up his chatting to Eggsy for the rest of the day, with Harry chipping in every now and then (he still wasn’t sure what to say but he supposed it didn’t really matter so he followed Merlin’s lead, nattering about whatever popped into his head) but neither of them could quite ignore the elephant in the room. With the staff handing over to the night team and the assurance once again that he wasn’t getting any worse, at least, it became unavoidable. With everyone else cleared out and ‘later’ quickly becoming ‘never’, Harry couldn’t leave it any longer. “We need to talk.”

Merlin nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay. Your room? It’s closer than mine.” Merlin tried not to use his room at the estate often and Harry never used his, but they were there and they were theirs so it was guaranteed that no one else would be either.

Harry led the way, pressing his fingertips to the scanner to let them both in, then pulled a chair out from the table for Merlin and took the one opposite for himself.

Merlin sat, eyeing Harry warily. “Am I missing something here? I don’t understand what’s going on.”

Harry hesitated for a moment before he spoke. “I’d never imagined it could be just us two again, at least not any time soon. If I knew there was a chance it was going to be just two of us again, I’d put money on it being you and Eggsy.”

Merlin hummed, wondering where exactly this was going. “Why, because you assume you’re going to die first or because you’re planning on going somewhere?”

“Neither, necessarily.” Harry looked down at his hands folded on the table, and Merlin just stared at him dumb. "We were happy, weren't we? Before Eggsy. It wasn't just me, was it?"

“You’re barmier than I thought.” He reached across to take Harry’s hand. “Yes, we were happy. I've always been happy being with you, I always will be." Harry gave him a smile that was only half convincing. "Harry, where on Earth is this coming from?”

"I thought we were, but then things happened the way that they did with him and I don't know how if we were as happy as I thought we were. And you are so in love with him. I don't remember the last time I made you as happy as he does."

"Every single day since our first together." It was an honest answer. Even in those times when they were at loggerheads, he loved Harry more than anything, and the knowledge that he loved him back still filled Merlin with glee. That didn’t mean Harry was convinced, though. ”Harry, I know that you falling in love with him doesn't mean you weren't happy with me, and me sleeping with him doesn't mean I wasn't happy with you. It was stupid and I shouldn't have done it and even with your forgiveness, I will always be sorry for it, but it had nothing to do with me being unhappy with our relationship. I was upset because I thought I'd lost you." Harry frowned, refusing to look at Merlin again, and Merlin quietly sighed to himself. "This doesn't seem like exactly the right time to say it, but I was never looking for anything but what we had. You know I love what the three of us have now but I would’ve been happy without it. Why didn't you tell me that you felt like this?"

“I didn't think it mattered. We're all happy now, why upset things?" Merlin frowned at him, the worried kind that he got sometimes. "I don’t fully understand it but I think you have a connection with him that no one else will ever come close to.”

“I do, but so do you. And you and I have one too. It would be more of a problem if we didn’t, I think. They don’t separate us, they make us stronger. We have decades of history, Harry, he’s never going to catch up with that.”

And apparently that was exactly the wrong thing to say. “Is that all that’s keeping us together? History and the love that we share for Eggsy?”

“I’m definitely missing something. No, of course it’s not.” Harry waited for him to continue. “From where I’m sitting, what’s keeping us together is that we love each other, that we can count on each other, we make each other laugh, that we actually fucking like each other - how many people do either of us really like? That we understand each other better than anyone else in the world. That all of that makes us both too stubborn to be torn apart and that we wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Harry managed to keep his face neutral, refusing to cut the conversation short just because Merlin was figuring out the right things to say. "Answer one thing for me, then, and think very carefully before you do. If we were in a position where it was just the two of us again, could we do it? Would we be okay?"

"If it were up to me, yes. Absolutely." He looked Harry in the eye, hoping that he'd see the sincerity there. "You have to know that I’d be devastated if we lost him in any way, just like you would be, but if we did, there’s no one else I’d rather have by my side.”

Harry nodded. "So you’re not still with me just because we’re all together? You want to be with me, specifically?”

Merlin blinked at him in disbelief. “Why do you even need to ask that?”

“Because I’ve come far too close to losing you before and I can’t have that happen again." He was raising his voice again and that definitely wasn't going to help. He took a deep breath. "I need to know that I’m not going to lose you.”

“What makes you think you will? I don’t understand where any of this is coming from. You know I love you.”

“Do I?”

Merlin mouth fell open slightly as he stared at Harry. He forced himself to swallow. “Don’t you?”

Harry's tone turned colder as he spoke again. “When was the last time we spent any time together just because we could? Not because it was our anniversary, or Christmas, or bonding over our shared grief like the other night, or because Eggsy was away and spending time with me was better than spending it alone.”

“I’ve never thought that.”

“That’s not the point. The point is that I can’t remember the last time, and I don’t think you can either. I know you can’t see it but the way you look at Eggsy now is how you used to look at me, and I don’t know when you stopped but I know that you did. The way that you are with him, it’s how we used to be.”

Merlin paused. “So…what, you resent him? Because now’s not the time to be talking like that.”

Harry shook his head. “No, I don’t resent him, I'm as glad as I've always been that you found and fell in love with each other. I just miss the time when I knew that you loved me as much as I love you. You don’t even seem to notice, let alone understand, how it pains me to see the man that I’m still - after all these years - so hopelessly in love with, love someone else so much more.”

“How can you say that with a straight face? Even if that were true - which it's not - how can you think that I wouldn’t understand how that feels? You do remember how this all started, don’t you?”

“I saw you the night they brought him in. I have never seen you as devastated as when you thought you might have lost him. Not after any of the times I almost died, not when our marriage might have been over, not even the day you found out your parents had died.”

“How fucking…dare you." Merlin gave an exasperated almost-laugh. "How dare you bring that up? And how dare you try to act like I don't care about you? Okay, you want to talk about the times I almost lost you? How about the time that I apparently treated a man so badly for fucking up your mission that he held a grudge for a quarter of a century? Or you might remember me having to prove myself to both of you and the thought of you leaving me making me physically sick."

Harry raised his voice to match Merlin's. "You never had a problem with how you treated him until it ruined our first anniversary with Eggsy. And that wasn't about me leaving you, was it? That was about me and Eggsy. He's the one that left, he's the one you wanted to win back."

"You think that was all for him? I don't believe this." Merlin stormed out of the room and Harry thought for a moment about following him but thought better of it. He came back a little while later with a box in his hands and set it down in the middle of the table. Harry went to speak again but Merlin held his hand up. He was calmer than when he'd left but still determined to be heard. “Don’t. Don’t say anything, I think you’ve said enough and I think we're getting dangerously close to saying something we regret. Just listen to me.”

It took all of Harry’s strength to keep his mouth shut, a thousand apologies desperate to make themselves heard. While he meant that he’d never seen Merlin so visibly distraught, he knew that all of those things had affected him deeply and that is was beyond unfair to mention them in that context. But Merlin didn’t want him to speak so he didn’t, he just nodded.

Merlin pulled out a dried sprig of white heather first. “This is from the first mission that you went on with me as your handler after we got together, and I’ve had some of it on my desk every time since." He pulled out a rabbit's foot next. "I carry this in my pocket every time you're away, and it stays there until you're home."

“Why? You're not superstitious. You don't believe in lucky charms."

"No, I don't. I really don't. But if there is any chance that having this ridiculous shite sitting around might help bring you home safe, I'll do it, I don't mind looking or feeling like a twat. You and this job have been the only things that matter to me for most of my life, and the job isn't even a close second." He pulled out a handful of envelopes next, some clearly old but well kept and others obviously newer. "These are all letters and notes that I wrote to you." He hunted back in the box for a second and pulled out a small bunch with a rubber band around them. "When you went on your first few missions after we got together, I wrote down what I wanted to say to you before you left, just in case you didn't come back. I thought it would help me get my words out better but I was always too scared to tell you so I just kept them to myself." He reached back in to pull out another little bunch and one single envelope. "These are all the ones from this year, and this one is from your last mission. There's one for every single mission. I never planned to give you most of them - I thought you knew how I felt, I didn't think there was any need to tell you - but it was my own sort of tradition to do it so I never stopped."

For one in probably only a handful of times in his life, Harry was honestly speechless. He silently and slowly took the two bunches that Merlin held out to him.

"Read them, please. Read as many as you like." Merlin sighed and closed his eyes, before opening them again with a sad look. "I'm sorry that I've been neglecting you and our marriage for the sake of our new relationship, and that I might've been focused more on Eggsy and less on you than I should have been but I do love you and it's breaking my heart that you're doubting that. Just read them and you'll see that I never loved you any less. If this is really how you feel, then I have a lot of making up to do, but I hope these are a start."

Harry expected him to be angry. He expected him to shout at him, maybe throw a thing or two at a wall, slam a couple of doors, if he came back at all that night. He didn’t expect an apology. He certainly didn’t expect him to come back with years and years’ worth of evidence of his feelings for him. Again, he just nodded, completely unsure what to say otherwise, and Merlin left him to it.

"Do you remember when we got together?" Merlin sat with his feet propped up on Eggsy's bed, his head back, his eyes closed and Eggsy's hand in his. "I'll never forget that night. God, you were so happy. We all were." He let out the smallest laugh. "You said you had feelings for Harry and I thought, 'that's a fucking understatement'. I knew how much you loved him, I could see it, long before you said it. And I knew how much he loved you. I've never seen him as nervous as he was before our first date, he was so worried that things wouldn't work out. Scared. So was I, but for different reasons, I think. I always wondered if you were, too, but I never asked. I don't know why, maybe it doesn’t matter. And I know I took my time figuring it out and we made a mess of it to start with and plenty of times since but it was worth it to end up with you." He opened his eyes and sat up a bit to look at Eggsy. "It's two years in a few weeks. That's not long enough. I hope you know how much I love you, because I don’t think Harry does any more, but if you don't I’ll make it up to both of you, I promise. But for me to do that, you have to keep fighting, okay love? For me, and for Harry. He adores you, you know, and I couldn’t stand to see him have you taken away so soon any more than I could stand to lose you myself. We went through so much to get here, Eggsy, you can't leave us now."

"He won't. Not if he can help it."

Merlin quickly wiped the dampness from his eyes and cleared his throat. “How long have you been there?"

"Only a second." Long enough to hear in Merlin’s voice that he really was loved. He hated to interrupt but he thought he'd better speak up rather than eavesdrop on Merlin's private thoughts. Maybe they were meant for Eggsy's ears only. "Come back? I don't think we were finished." Merlin nodded, kissed Eggsy's hand and followed Harry back to his room. “Why didn’t you tell me about these?”

“I told you, I was too scared to at first. Then it seemed stupid.”

“They’re beautiful.” Merlin huffed a little laugh. He never thought they were, they were never supposed to be, they were just how he felt. "You said I had to come home because we still had the rest of our lives to spend together and you weren't planning on going anywhere any time soon. Three months after we got together."

Merlin ducked his head, a little embarrassed at having his words spoken aloud. "I did. And I meant it. I wouldn't have taken the chance on telling you how I felt if I didn't mean it."

"You said that you'd marry me every day if you could and that you hoped a day would never come that I wouldn't agree to it. That was the day after our anniversary, four anniversaries ago." Merlin just nodded. "You said I'd better make it back to the plane or you'd come and get me yourself and there's nothing you wouldn't do to get to me."

Harry didn't need to tell him when that one was - it was only the week before, he remembered. "And I meant it. Not a thing. Any day of any week of any month of any year, if you need me, I'll be there. No matter what. I love you. That's never going to change, not for Eggsy, not for anyone or anything else." He stepped closer to Harry, settling his hands on his hips. "I know you've never seen me like that about you - just like Eggsy didn't see either of us like that for him - but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. You didn't see what I was like when I was alone after I thought we could’ve been over. And do you know what? Maybe it makes me a terrible person but yeah, the thought of Eggsy dying is worse than the reality of my parents was, but the same is true for you."

Harry looked at him in surprise. "You can't mean that, surely."

"Why not?" It's not that he didn't care, of course he did. It's just that he already knew he'd probably never see or hear from them again. "You know it fucked me up for a long time, but my life was no different for them dying, not really. If you did, it would change everything."

Harry rubbed his hands over Merlin's arms. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I know they were horrible things to bring up, but I really did just mean that I’ve never seen you affected like that. I wasn’t trying to be cruel.”

“I know.” He brought a hand up to rest of the back of Harry’s neck and brushed his fingers through his hair. “This isn’t like you, all of this.”

“No. It’s not who I thought I was either. But I feel…a bit like I’ve been replaced, even though I’m still there. I don’t want to find that you don’t need me any more when you’ve got him. Or worse still, I don’t want to find that I’m not worth going back to when you haven’t.”

“How long have you felt like this?”

“There have been moments. The first might’ve been the lead up to the trafficking operation. It was the first time he knew better than I did how to deal with you. It was after that that I thought for a minute that you could do without me. Through the Bedivere trials. There have been other little moments that have niggled at me.”

“Jesus, Harry, that was almost a year ago. That’s almost half the time we’ve been with him. Have you been this unhappy that whole time?”

“No, dear. No, of course not. They were just moments, then I realised I was being stupid. I suppose it’s only now, when there’s a chance you might be stuck with me again, and that you might decide you don’t want to be.”

“I won’t be stuck. I’ll be with you because I want to be, you’re not losing me. You might give me up but you won’t lose me.” Harry tutted at him but couldn’t hide the little smile that came with it. Merlin smiled back, resting his head against Harry’s. “You know when we made it official, you know I felt like this before that, but remember you said to me that everything with Eggsy was as well, not instead. It goes both ways, love. He doesn’t replace you, I love you, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure you always know that.” Harry pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I thought this was more my area, worrying about this kind of stuff. I preferred it that way, I hate that you're feeling like this."

"It used to be, before Eggsy. He's done in two years what I couldn't in thirty."

"Harry..." Merlin lifted his head and brought his hand up to Harry's cheek, brushing his thumb across it.

"It's not a bad thing. I'm glad, it's what you've always deserved."

Had Eggsy done that though? He hadn't really noticed that he'd stopped thinking like that - he always noticed its presence, rarely its absence - but apparently Harry had. Now that he mentioned it, though, he supposed he was right. He wasn't sure it was Eggsy, he couldn't say why, but not having thought about it, he couldn't say it wasn't either. In lieu of a response, he pulled Harry into a hug and pressed a kiss to his shoulder through his shirt.

They spent most of the night by Eggsy’s side. While they had some things that they were both eager to address, they also had a partner still fighting for his life. Although Harry craved a little more equality - or more accurately the feeling of it if Merlin meant what he said (and Harry thought he did) - he was happy to take second place here. Eggsy had to come first. Merlin was quieter than usual and Harry supposed he’d just run out of things to say but in reality, his head was busier than it had been all week.

Through the following morning, with the assurance that there was no real change and that Eggsy was doing as well as he could be, Merlin formulated a plan. Roxy was back in the afternoon without issue, and thank fuck because they couldn't handle being another agent down either emotionally or operationally - Eggsy was out indefinitely and they were making do without Harry in the field or Merlin behind the scenes. Having a fourth key player out of the game would cause a strain as much as having a friend and colleague in trouble.

Merlin double checked that she was coming in on time, then pushed out of his seat. "I'm gonna go and meet her from the plane. I'll let her know what's happened and tell her she can come and see him after her debrief if she wants. Give me an hour and then meet me at home?" Harry agreed, instantly curious as to what his husband was up to but Merlin just smiled, giving nothing away. He grasped Eggsy's hand, pressing a kiss to it and giving it a gentle squeeze before he let it go. "I'll see you later, darling."

Roxy must have sped through her debrief because she turned up half an hour later. She offered to turn right back round and come back later but Harry insisted she stay. It meant he still had a bit of time to kill but that was nothing a little walk with JB wouldn't solve.

When he got home, the house was mostly dark. He hung up his jacket, kicked off his shoes, dropped his keys on the side and walked slowly down the hallway. He came to a stop at the dining room, where the table was adorned with candles and red roses, wine was poured ready, classical musical was playing softly in the background and most importantly, Merlin was standing with a small, hopeful smile. Harry was so stunned by the scene that it took him a moment to form a proper sentence. "Well this is a lovely surprise."

Merlin stepped closer to him, drawing him into a gentle kiss. "It's good to know I can still surprise you." They stood for a minute just looking at each other, each happy just to be held by the other. "Let's make a deal. Just for tonight, let's not think about Eggsy. Let's pretend he's okay and that we don't have to worry about him. Let's just be us, just for tonight."

"Deal." Harry pressed one more kiss to lips before he glanced around him at the table. "What are we having?"

"Your favourite, obviously. Sit down, love." Harry chose his spot and Merlin went to dish up two plates of food. There were plenty of leftovers if either of them wanted any - for all his many talents, measuring out the right amount of spaghetti had never been one of them. Harry smiled as he reappeared. He liked food, he loved Merlin, Merlin with food was a definite winner. Especially this kind: spaghetti, meatballs, plenty of cheese, garlic bread - perfection. Merlin set his down in front of him. "Buon appetito, amore mio."

"Grazie, mio caro." They fell easily into conversation as they ate, just as they always did. They talked about the past, they talked about the one place they’d never visited but wanted to, they talked about their retirement plans (assuming they’d be around to see them through). They argued for a minute over who was going to wash up, because Harry insisted Merlin needn’t do all of the work, until Merlin told him that there’d be trouble if he moved from that chair, then cleared the plates and came back with raspberry cheesecake for dessert. It wasn’t homemade or anything, there hadn’t been time for that, but it was another Harry favourite so Merlin grabbed one on his way home. From there they fell back into debating silly things, like which of them could eat the entire cheesecake quickest, and if they’d rather be crushed by a giant cookie or drown in a giant creme egg. They talked about Merlin’s latest side project, and the last book that Harry read, which Merlin had no interest in picking up himself but Harry enjoyed it so it was nice to hear him talk about it. They sat there long after they’d both cleared their plates, chatting about anything and everything, from the deep to the mundane to the frankly ridiculous, just because they had the time. Just because they could. And that was all Harry had wanted.

When Merlin got up, Harry stood with him, gathering up their dishes and glasses but Merlin took them from his hands and set them back down. “Leave them.” He took Harry’s hand in one of his and led him to the living room, fiddling with his phone with the other until the speakers came to life and Shania Twain started playing. "Dance with me."

"Oh god, we haven't danced in years."

"Then I think it's overdue." Merlin tugged gently on his hand, trying to pull him closer, and Harry happily complied. He rested his hands low on Harry's back as Harry's found their way to the back of his neck, the two of them pressed close together as they started swaying slowly with the music. Merlin started to sing along softly as the chorus kicked in, his lips barely an inch from Harry’s ear. “You’re still the one I run to, the one that I belong to. You’re still the one I want for life.”

Harry turned his head, then, drawing Merlin into a slow kiss. He gave him a teasing smile as they parted. “Very cheesy song choice.”

“It was supposed to make you smile. I think it did its job.” Merlin hummed along for a minute before he turned up the drama, swaying along with his eyes closed and singing a little louder. “You’re still the one that I love, the only one I dream of. You’re still the one I kiss goodnight.”

Harry laughed, completely enamoured. Merlin never thought himself much of a singer but he’d always do it for his own amusement and that of his loved ones, most often Harry. Harry stroked a thumb over his cheek to get him to look at him again and picked up the last line himself. “I’m so glad we made it. Look how far we’ve come, my baby.”

Merlin grinned like it was the most precious thing he’d ever seen in the world and planted another kiss on Harry’s lips. “It’s cheesy but apt, I think. No one wanted to see us together - not even your parents, and they loved me once they gave me a chance - but here we are. After all this time, I get to stand here with you as my husband. There was such a long time that I thought that would never happen, and you’re mad if you think I’d give it up for anything.”

“I love you.” Merlin returned the sentiment, would do until the day he died, he was sure. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do all of this.”

“I wanted to. You were right, it’s been too long.” Merlin turned off the music still playing, but kept Harry close. “If I don't look at you like I used to, or if I'm different with you, I can't explain that, but I can promise you it's not because I feel any differently. What you said last night…It’s not that I’m not still scared of losing you - I am, I can’t imagine anything worse - but I’m not convinced that I’m going to any more. Eggsy didn’t do that, that was you.”

“You don’t have to say that, not just to make me feel better.” Harry smiled at him, trying to let him know he meant it. “I told you, I’m glad.”

“I’m not. I’m saying it because it’s true. I’ve been thinking about it, and you had every chance to leave if that’s what you wanted to do. You could’ve had Eggsy, you’d’ve been happy with each other, and Christ knows I’d’ve lost him ages ago if you weren’t here to balance out all of our fucking neuroses. Let’s not pretend your life wouldn’t be so much simpler if you’d chosen him instead but you didn’t. You chose us both, you’re still here, with me. And I know that makes it sound like it’s just about him, this isn’t coming out how I wanted it to, but it’s not. It’s about you. I know you’re not going anywhere because you had the chance to and you didn’t. I know it shouldn’t have taken this for me to realise and I wish I’d done it sooner, but I know now that I don’t need to worry about it.”

Harry stroked his thumbs over Merlin's jaw. “You never had to worry about it.”

“I know, and I’m sorry. I know that none of this was ever your fault, and I’m sorry that you’ve had to spend all of our lives together cleaning up someone else’s mess, but you don’t know how grateful I am.” Merlin took both of Harry’s hands in his, trying hard to keep tears at bay. “I love you and I’m sorry that I let you believe that I didn’t, and I promise you from now and for the rest of our lives I’ll be the husband that you deserve.”

“Oh, Merlin. You already are, my love, and more.”

“Now, I know that through all of this we’ve been so focused on Eggsy, but there’s one important thing that we never really talked about.” Merlin got down on one knee, always one to keep up traditions. “We may not be the only ones for each other any more but I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. Harry, will you marry me again?”

“Yes, of course I will.” Merlin grinned and Harry pulled him back up and into a kiss, fighting back his own tears at a proposal and the sight of his very emotional husband. “You wonderful, ridiculous man, I could never say no to that. I love you.” Harry brushed his fingers behind Merlin’s ear and down his neck. “I think there’s only one thing that could make this night more perfect.”

Merlin hummed, baring his neck slightly for more of that touch. “Yeah? What’s that?”

Harry smirked at him, then leant forward to whisper in Merlin’s ear, as if there was anyone else to hear them. “Take me to bed, husband.”

"With pleasure, darling." Merlin led him upstairs and opened their bedroom door to reveal more candles waiting to be lit and rose petals scattered across the bed and in a path to the door. It was all very cliche but Harry would be lying if he said he didn’t love it all a little bit, both for the thought behind it and the playfulness that he knew must’ve fuelled it. Merlin wasn’t oblivious to the cheddar value of the whole thing and it was tongue in cheek but really only a little bit because he knew Harry secretly liked it. He left Harry at the door for a second to light the candles then pulled him into the room.

Harry melted into Merlin’s hold, smiling as their lips met again. “You really pulled out all the stops, didn’t you?”

“Only the best for you.” He walked Harry towards the bed and gently pushed him back onto it, following and hovering over him, just looking at him for a minute. He kissed Harry, licked gently into his mouth, before parting and pressing kisses down his neck as Harry tilted his head for more. He started working on the buttons of his shirt, leaving a kiss for each one, then ran his hands down Harry's body as he straddled his legs. "How many people my age do you think are lucky enough to have a husband as gorgeous as you?"

"It's not going to last forever. If you're only interested in me for my body, you'll end up disappointed." It might've been a sore subject the day before but Harry was so clearly teasing.

"I'm interested in much more than that." Merlin shrugged, a smirk on his face. "I might've just been after you for your looks at first but not now."

"You weren't." He meant to say it with much more conviction but it came out unmistakably as a question, a hint of outrage on his face.

Merlin just gave a little laugh. "No, I wasn't. They've always just been a nice little bonus."

While there were many things far more important to both of them than appearances, it was still nice to hear that Merlin fancied him, the very crude part of him pleased that his husband was still turned on by him. Merlin carried on, unfastening Harry’s trousers and peeling them away, kissing down his legs as he went. As confident as he was, it was always strange to have that kind of attention on him, but Merlin’s soft lips against his skin made it impossible to feel any hint of shame about it. Merlin pulled his socks off next. “If your lips go anywhere near my feet, it will be the last part of me that they touch.”

Merlin let out a low chuckle and came back up to press a long kiss to Harry’s lips, smiling at him as they parted again. “How’s that instead?”

“Much more acceptable, I’d say.”

Merlin hummed. "And how about this?" He slithered back down, started at one of Harry’s knees and kissed up the inside of his thigh before switching to the other leg and doing the same. He cupped Harry through his pants, making him groan at the touch, then slowly pulled them off. He grazed his teeth over his hip bones, sending a little shiver up Harry's spine and drawing a gasp from him.

Only then did he actually touch Harry's cock, giving it a few gentle strokes as he swept his tongue around the head. Harry watched as he slowly - so, _so_ slowly - swallowed him all the way down, then let his head fall back with a moan as his lips reached the base and his tongue flicked against him.

There'd been plenty of times where people had tried to make him feel ashamed of this and it had almost worked a few of them. Because that's what people always wanted to know, for some reason that mattered - who was giving and who was taking? If you let a bloke suck you off you were queer but still a man - any warm mouth would do - but if you got on your knees for another man you were a faggot. The same was true for Harry in that fucking a man made you a wrongun but, to some, was relatively acceptable (a hole was a hole, after all). If you took it up the arse, though, you deserved to hang. They'd been beaten and spat on and called all the names under the sun. They'd had all sorts of taunts and insults hurled at them and endured endless needling to see which one of them **really** deserved a good kicking. Everything was always so black and white and it gave them both a little bit of pleasure that neither of them could be neatly squared away into either box. Harry had always been less phased by it, determined to just live his life as he wished and leave others to react as they would. Merlin had taken a little longer but at some point he decided he didn't give a shit. He didn’t care if it made him as sick as everyone liked to tell him he was, he loved how he could make Harry feel and if going down on him made him feel like that, he'd gladly get on his fucking knees. He was thankful that things had changed since then but even if they hadn’t, with the way Harry was arching his back, it wouldn’t have stopped him right then.

“Oh, god, Merlin.” If he’d looked down then, Harry would’ve seen Merlin’s faux-innocent look, as if he couldn’t possibly imagine what all the fuss was about. Instead he let his eyes close and his hand drift to the back of Merlin’s head. Merlin kept his slow pace as he pulled off and sank back down again a few times, then gradually built up speed, hollowed his cheeks every now and then, the lightest scrapes of his teeth at just the right times, drawing the most gorgeous moans from Harry’s lips. “Merlin…Oh, god, you have to stop.” Merlin pulled off completely, flicking his tongue across the tip of his cock as he did. “You are incredible, but I was hoping for more than that and it’s not going to happen if you carry on.”

“And I have bigger plans too, and all the time in the world to wait for you to be ready to go again.” He ran his hands up Harry’s thighs, stopping just shy of his cock, puffed a breath against him and looked up at him with a smirk. “Now, do you really want me to stop?”

Harry huffed a laugh. “No. No, I really don’t.” Merlin grinned before swallowing him down again, only spurred on by Harry’s hand on his shoulder and the soft gasps he could hear. He cupped Harry’s balls with one hand, rolling them skilfully between his fingers, and Harry’s back bowed up just slightly. In just a few minutes, he was completely undone. He tapped Merlin’s shoulder as a warning, knowing full well he wouldn’t stop. Harry came straight down Merlin’s throat with a moan and one arm flung across his eyes.

Merlin swallowed every drop, then gently eased off. He pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek and pulled the sheets up to his waist. When he spoke, his voice was huskier than usual, and it sent another tiny shiver down Harry’s spine. “I’m going to get some water.”

It was only as he walked away that Harry realised he was still fully dressed. He shook his head with a smile - this man was completely impossible, he’d managed to take Harry apart and he hadn’t even taken his bloody tie off. “Bring me some. And take your clothes off before you get back into bed. You’re not nearly naked enough.”

Merlin threw a smile over his shoulder as he headed out of the door. He came back a minute later with two bottles of water, tossed one to Harry, drank from the other, and then started to strip. He peeled his layers off, enjoying Harry’s appreciative gaze. He raised his eyebrows as he hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, then - at Harry’s nod - dropped them and kicked them off. Harry whistled as Merlin was finally completely nude. Merlin flopped onto the bed, kissing Harry to stifle the laugh that followed. “Shut it.”

“What? I was just enjoying the view.” Merlin hummed, and Harry kissed him again. “I love you."

"Is that you speaking or your dick? I should think it'll be very grateful after a performance like that, and I do mean the blowjob and the stripping. I'm very talented."

"And very modest."

"Why be modest when I can be honest?"

"Your unfaltering confidence in your abilities is one of the many, many things that I love about you."

"Is it? What are some of the others?"

There were the important things, of course, like being kind and decent and loyal and trustworthy, but Harry also had an endless list of far more trivial things. "I love that chuckle when you laugh at something you shouldn't. I love how you can terrify recruits but then you come home and you're an absolute teddy bear. I love those little moles on your back that look like a smiley face. And I love your excellent taste. In men, in particular."

"I do pick them well, don't I? Well, most of the time." He pressed a kiss to Harry's lip, arching up over him a little. "I love the way you can own any room the second you walk into it. I love that little twitch of your lip when you roll your eyes and try really hard not to be amused by something you should be annoyed about. I love it when you play up the posh arsehole thing to put real arseholes down. And I love when you have a really good sleep and you wake up with dribble down your cheek and your hair in a mess and it takes you a good five minutes to get both eyes open. That's not English gentleman Harry Hart or secret agent Galahad, that's my Harry."

Harry smiled. "I was absolutely mortified the first time you saw me like that."

"I know. I didn't mind, I thought it was adorable. And funny. And maybe I was reading too much into it but I thought maybe that meant you felt comfortable with me, like you could let your guard down. I liked that. It made me fall just a little bit more. I loved you then and I love you now."

"You weren't, and I did. I just thought it wasn't my most attractive look. It might've put you off and I rather wanted to keep you."

“As if I could ever be put off you.” He held Harry’s cheek as he kissed him again.

Harry pushed up into him, licking into his mouth, and Merlin pushed his thigh between Harry’s legs. Harry sighed into the kiss before slowly pulling away. “I believe there was some mention of a round two.”

“There was indeed.” As Merlin kissed down his neck, Harry reached into the bedside table for some lube and pushed it in Merlin’s hand. Merlin took the hint and the bottle, coating his fingers and reaching between Harry’s legs. He circled Harry’s hole before carefully pushing one finger in, his lips glued once again to Harry’s. He added a second and Harry groaned into the kiss. His hips hitched as Merlin rubbed over his prostate. With more lube to ease the way, Merlin pushed a third finger in, and Harry threw his head back with a moan as he spread them.

When he was finally ready, Harry pushed Merlin back and threw a leg over Merlin’s to straddle his hips. Merlin slicked up his own cock as Harry lined himself up. He slowly sank down, letting his eyes close as Merlin filled him. He took a second to adjust and then a minute just to move and focus on his own pleasure, before he bent forward to mouth at Merlin’s neck and kiss along his jaw. He set up a steady pace, clenching around Merlin every so often to draw a moan or a sigh of pleasure and kissing any patch of him he could reach.

Merlin knew Harry was getting close when he felt his knees squeeze at his waist. He gently rolled them so that Harry was on his back, always keeping himself inside him. When they were settled, he started rolling his hips, nudging at just the right spot with each push. He brought a hand to Harry’s cock, Harry’s moans getting breathier as he stroked him. Harry dragged Merlin into a kiss, groaning loudly into his mouth as he came over Merlin’s hand and his own stomach. Merlin only got in a couple more thrusts himself before he came too, panting against Harry’s lips. Grins spread across both of their faces as they rested their foreheads together, both trying to get their breath back.

Merlin slid out of him and lay back beside him. Harry turned onto his side and Merlin turned to meet him, pressing another slow kiss to his lips before settling his head on Harry's pillow, their faces only inches apart. He brushed his fingers along Harry’s side a few times before letting his hand rest on his waist, and Harry tangled their legs together.

They lay there for a while, smiles on both their faces. “Thank you. I’ve had a wonderful night. It feels like when we were very first together.”

Merlin snorted a laugh. “Oh god, I hope not. Do you remember how awkward our first time was?”

Harry laughed softly. “I do. Maybe it's more like a few months in, then. Either way, this is lovely. And you're a wonderful man for all the thought and effort that went into it."

"It's not nearly what you deserve but I didn't have much time to work with. This is how I want you to feel every day. I want you to know, always, that I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. And I do know that, it was stupid of me to doubt you.”

“It wasn’t, I understand." Merlin took one of Harry's hands, threading their fingers together. "Just promise me that if you ever feel like that again, you’ll talk to me. I don’t want us to turn into one of those bitter, old couples that can’t stand each other because they didn't just talk.”

Harry nodded, then pressed a kiss to the tip of Merlin’s nose. “I promise.”

It was nice, this little pocket in time that they'd found. It wasn’t about Eggsy, or about guilt or proving a point. It was just about them. It was about love. Because sometimes it's helpful to take a little bit of time and say fuck everything else and remember why you fell in love in the first place. Time had somehow managed to make them careless and insecure (in every sense of the word) but there was no doubt now how either of them felt.

But they couldn't stay in that little bubble forever, nor did either of them truly want to. And of course what happened to Eggsy - what was still happening - was horrific and terrifying and among the worst things either of them could imagine, but maybe it didn't all have to be bad. Maybe it could be an opportunity, to bring them closer together, to make them stronger. If there was light to be found, they would find it, and they were determined to find it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buon appetito, amore mio = Enjoy your meal, my love  
> Grazie, mio caro = Thank you, my dear
> 
> The song that they dance to is You're Still The One by Shania Twain.
> 
> All of them talking to each other in different languages around the house and Merlin being a fan of Shania Twain are two things that I'm 100% behind.
> 
> And finally, thank you for reading and/or coming back for more. Your comments would mean an awful lot to me so please do leave some!


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wait comes to an end.

Roxy was curled up asleep in a chair beside Eggsy’s bed when they got back there. She could and probably should have gone home to rest but she couldn’t leave Eggsy alone. She was welcome to stay once the other two arrived but her bed was calling her and she left the three of them alone once again.

The next couple of days saw Eggsy’s chest drain removed, his eardrum heal and some of his more superficial wounds vanish but never the all-important news that they were waiting for. The time was littered with doubts and regrets and more talk of the future as they flitted between despair and hope.

"When you said I'm his first love, was that knowledge or assumption?" Merlin had asked in a quiet period while thinking over things he hadn't said that he hoped he'd have a chance to and the things they could've done differently.

"Knowledge. He told me that he'd never loved anyone before us, and we know he loved you before me, so I'm fairly sure that makes you his first."

"He never told me that. I mean I suspected it but I never knew for sure. Why wouldn't he tell me that?"

Harry shrugged. "It's a big deal being someone's first love, especially when you care about them too. I suppose he didn't want to put that pressure on you." Merlin just hummed, not quite convinced but not sure what the reason was otherwise or why it even mattered to him.

His thoughts took a darker turn the following day and after a little bit of badgering from Harry, he decided to open up. “This sounds awful and I can't believe I'm saying it but if he dies, maybe everything we've been through has been for nothing. We were already so happy and I'm sure we would have continued to be, just like I hope we would be after this. But all the pain and the arguments and the almost-breakups, it will all be for nothing. For all of us. This relationship has put him through so much, as if life hadn't done that enough already. And I hate that I'm thinking this because we’ve made each other so happy too, but maybe all of that will only be worth it if we end up with him. I know in the natural order of things, he'll have to lose us both, and I can't stand the thought of him going through that but it's not right that we should have to either. He's so young.” Harry stayed quiet while he carried on working through his thoughts. “Do you know what I thought this morning? And I _hated_ myself the second I thought it. He was only supposed to be a shag. He was supposed to be a conveniently fuckable friend, and I love him and I'm so glad he turned into more than that, but this would be so much easier if that's all he was. That's what I was thinking while one of the men that I love is fighting for his life and the other is struggling to cope with it. You can't imagine how much I despise myself for that."

“I’m not the only one struggling and I understand. So would Eggsy.” Merlin just grumbled a little bit. “It doesn’t make you a bad person, you know. For the way your mind finds to cope with things.”

Merlin snorted. "Doesn't it? At the least, it makes me a horrible partner."

"It doesn't. I don't think anyone could ever question that you love him. The fact that you feel bad about thinking it says more than the fact that you thought it."

Merlin hummed in some vague kind of acknowledgment before he let a silence linger. "I'm not saying I regret it, you know."

"I know."

"I just want more time with him. It's not fair for us all to be given that little bit of time and have it all cut short. We're no saints but surely we don't deserve that. I know he doesn't deserve this."

"I understand." He took Merlin's hand, giving it a comforting little squeeze. "We all want the same thing, my love. We just have to keep hoping we'll get it."

Harry's thoughts had been no less busy but maybe a little more practical. "I've been meaning to ask you something. I don't want you to think that I value things any less, because I don't. You know how important it is to me."

"I would if I knew what you were talking about." Harry looked uneasy still. "It's okay, go on. What is it?"

"The ceremony, the wedding. Whatever happens, he probably won't be better by then. What would you think about moving it to our anniversary?” Merlin thought about it. "I know the date means a lot but I don't want to wait another year. And it would seem strange to have two anniversaries - one with him and one just for us. Our anniversary is the highlight of my year, and you know how important it is and has always been to me, but I don't want it to seem as if we put our marriage above what we have with him. You don't have to agree, of course."

Merlin mulled that over for a second, clearly not just agreeing for the sake of it, then slowly nodded. "No, I think it's a great idea. Our anniversary's to celebrate our marriage. It's not just the two of us any more, so why should only the two of us celebrate it? No, I agree."

"You don't think it...I don't know, devalues us? Our relationship?"

"No. We know what we mean to each other and what it all means to both of us." Harry didn't care about his birthday, Christmas and Easter were good for the food and how happy they made other people but he could take them or leave them himself, he hated New Year and he'd be happy if there was never another Valentine's Day, but he always celebrated their anniversary. Barring a global emergency, he flat out refused to work and made sure Merlin didn't either, and weeks, maybe months, of planning went into surprising each other every year. There was never any doubt over how important it was to either of them. Harry smiled, a long pause following. "I've been thinking as well." Harry raised an eyebrow in question. "I'm changing my will, as soon as possible. Not so much if anything happened to me, because I know you'd look after each other, but in case something happened to both of us, I want to know that he'll be provided for. I know generally he can provide for himself but that house is his home now and right now there's nothing to say that it still would be if the two of us dropped dead tomorrow. If it comes to it, I don't want him to have to fight for what's already his. I want it down in writing that he's entitled to it."

Harry groaned as he rubbed his hands over his face. ”God, I hadn't even thought about that. I forget sometimes, that it won't all be official. You're right, that's a good idea."

"There's one other thing I need to ask you. It's selfish but whatever happens, I need you to take some time off after this. Please."

"Time off? Why?"

"Because I need some time away after this and I can't do that if you're still working. I know how much you love your job and it's not fair for me to ask you to give it up for any length of time but I'm asking anyway." Even though he'd taken a huge step back and everyone completely understood why, he was still keeping an eye on things and he was still on hand if his team needed him. He needed to give that up and be free of that responsibility for a while.

"Okay." Merlin gave him a curious look. He'd expected a bit more of a fight than that, maybe for Harry to tell him he'd be fine under someone else's eye for a few assignments but there was no argument. For Harry, the toll that it was taking on Merlin was obvious. Not just dealing with Eggsy but dealing with Harry as well - through all of this he'd been propping Harry up far more than the other way around - and although he couldn't help that, he still felt guilty. So maybe some time off was a good idea anyway but especially if it would take some of the weight off of Merlin's shoulders. "Whatever you need. I'm sure a bit of distance from all of this wouldn't do me any harm either."

They kept watching as endless checks were done and tests carried out before Sian finally came back to them. ”I have good news, gentleman. He's shown significant improvement, the swelling in his brain is all but gone. We should be fine to take him off the drugs and start to wake him up in the morning."

Having come to expect bad news every time they were updated, Harry was visibly surprised. "Really? You mean he's okay?"

Sian nodded. ”I'm sure there'll be work to do when he wakes up - physio, maybe speech therapy depending on the impact of his brain injury, psychotherapy - but we expect him to make a full recovery eventually.”

Merlin gave a huge smile, filled with relief. “That’s wonderful news, thank you.”

“Lancelot and Percival will want to know, I should tell them.” Harry made a quick exit and Merlin followed closely behind him, seeing him quickly duck into the bathroom. When he went in after him, he found him with his hands braced against the sink, his eyes closed, and sucking in deep breaths.

“Hey.” Merlin slowly wound his arms around Harry’s waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. Harry opened his eyes and gave a small smile but Merlin could still see the tears shining in his eyes. “What’s the matter? He’s going to be okay.”

“They told us that before. And then they ended up having to drill a hole in his skull.”

“They’re waking him up, love. They wouldn’t do that if they weren’t sure.”

"I know. I'm just nervous."

"That makes two of us but we have to trust them. They've fixed you up enough times."

Harry nodded, deciding to trust them, or at the very least trust Merlin when he said everything would be okay. "I really should let the others know. I shouldn't be long."

"Alright, I'll see you when you get back. I love you."

"I love you, too." Harry left him with a quick kiss as he went off to be the messenger. They met back in Eggsy's room a little while later, both settling in and neither of them planning or expecting to get any sleep.

When morning rolled round, they got the standard speech - that Eggsy might be disorientated and agitated when he came round, that the effects of his injury may or may not be immediately obvious, and that they might be shocking or upsetting if they are - but Merlin's attention was more on Harry than on Sian, he'd already heard it a hundred times before. After silently checking in with each other, they told her they were good to go and they started to take him off the drugs.

He came around slowly at first, both of them completely transfixed by the subtle signs that he was waking up. Then it was like a switch as he opened his eyes. His gaze darted around the room and he mumbled a quick 'what the fuck' but he didn't sound like him. The words were slurred and the ‘k’ sound wasn't properly formed and she'd been right to tell them it might be upsetting. Merlin had seen countless agents come out of comas and had learnt to have very few expectations but even after everything, part of Harry still expected him to hop up like nothing had happened. To see that that wasn't going to happen and how alarmed Eggsy was put a lump in his throat.

Eggsy quickly pushed himself up onto one arm and it was hard to tell exactly which part of his body it angered most - even for Eggsy, the pain seemed to radiate through every cell - but the scream he let out was chilling. Right away, Sian snapped into action and Eggsy started to panic. "Merlin, Galahad, out! Eggsy, you need to lie back and take some deep breaths."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I'm so sorry it's been so long but I can only thank you for your patience.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy's awake but things don't just get better overnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, sorry for the wait but thanks for still being around and I hope you enjoy this. Please let me know what you think!

“Hello, darling.” Harry placed a kiss on Eggsy’s cheek as he ran a hand through his hair. It was nice to feel the way he turned into it slightly after a fortnight of responselessness.

“Hi, babe.”

“Hi, sweetheart.” Merlin did the same to the other cheek. What they really wanted to do was hug him tight but that would surely do more harm than good.

“Hey.”

Merlin smiled at being able to hear his voice again, and so much calmer than when he'd woken up (understandably, of course). “It’s good to have you back.”

“I’d say it’s good to be back but I didn’t really know I was away.” At least that’s what he tried to say, but he wasn’t sure how well it came across. The more he spoke, the more he found he struggled, and the more frustrated he felt. He hoped that it might just go away, or at least that he'd get used to it. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” Merlin had seen it all, and honestly, it would be a bit of a relief if he didn’t remember all of it - or any of it.

Eggsy shook his head. “Only remember leaving here.”

Merlin nodded, wondering how much to tell him. "There was an explosion. The whole place went up as you were getting out. There was nothing any of us could do, I'm sorry darling."

Eggsy frowned. An explosion was what they were there to avoid, he'd never flat out failed before. "Is Percy alright? Did we get the job done?"

"Percy's fine. He's just glad to hear you are too." Harry had never seen him so relieved, actually.

"And yes, you got the job done." Again, he didn't want to go into detail just yet but he clearly needed to know that he'd done okay and he had, more than.

Eggsy nodded before he looked away from them, staring at his sheets. "Did I fuck up?"

"No, love, of course not." Merlin took his hand. "You did a great job, both of you."

"What about you?" Eggsy looked up at Merlin again as he sat in a half-stunned silence. "Did you fuck up?"

Merlin let him go again, maybe a little more hurt than he should have been - he was only asking, it was a fair enough question. "No, I didn't. It was an accident."

Eggsy nodded slowly again. "Okay. What did you tell my mum?"

"Nothing, she thinks you're still away for work. We wanted to wait until we knew what was going to happen.” Harry explained their plan and all the eventualities that they’d accounted for and Eggsy just listened quietly. It was a little bit surreal to be having that conversation. They'd spoken hypothetically before but this was very much real.

“They said it was a close call. How close?”

Harry and Merlin looked at each other, silently deciding once again what to tell him. Harry broke first. “I think that’s a question for the doctors, darling.”

“I’m not asking them, I’m asking you two.” 

Harry looked to Merlin that time. “It was bad, love.”

“How bad?”

Merlin cleared his throat, buying himself a couple of seconds in which he hoped Eggsy might decide he didn't actually want to know that, but he didn't. He just stared at him, waiting. “We lost you for about six and a half minutes.”

“What?" And that panicked look was exactly what they'd been hoping to avoid by not telling him. "I died?” He’d always known it was a possibility, especially with what happened to his dad, but he’d naively thought that if he could make it through V-day, he could make it through anything. But he was wrong. Even if it was temporary, for a while, that had been it. Game over. And maybe next time it would be permanent. His tears started to fall but with one wrist in a cast and the other shoulder still stiff he could barely even wipe them away, and that only made things worse.

Harry sat up on the bed beside him and gently pulled his head against his shoulder while Merlin held his hand, rubbing his thumb back and forth across his knuckles. Harry knew how difficult it was to come to terms with it that first time, and he also knew there was nothing he could do about it but try to console him. Merlin, on the other hand, had never had a real near-death experience. He'd been in danger plenty of times, he'd been hurt a lot, at a lot of different times and in a lot of different ways, but he'd never literally almost died. He could sympathise and offer comfort and he could try to understand how it felt but he didn't actually know, not like Harry - and now Eggsy - did. They were all feeling quite helpless right around then. A couple of muttered ‘I’m sorry, darling’s and declarations of love were all there really was to say.

Everyone let them have their privacy that first day but Roxy came by the next. "I'd've killed you if you'd died, you know. We had a deal, neither of us is allowed to leave the other.”

“I’m still here. Haven’t left you yet.”

She gave him as much of a hug as she could. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks. I'm getting there."

"What did they say in terms of recovery?"

"Dunno, depends how I get on with all the therapies and that. Probably months, that's all they can say."

"Well then, if we're going to stop you from going out of your mind with boredom, I'm sure you'll be relying on me to bring you all the office gossip." Eggsy laughed at that. She always knew how to cheer him up. "Speaking of which, I've got a lot to catch you up on."

Percival was around the following day, looking incredibly (and as far as Eggsy was concerned, needlessly) guilty. "I've kept thinking, if I'd let you go first, maybe I'd be there instead of you. Or if I'd moved faster, maybe we'd both be okay. I don't know if there's anything that I could've differently to stop you being in this position but if there is, I'm truly sorry."

"Thanks, mate. But it ain't your fault. Rather me than you anyway. And we both know, different mission, different day, I could walk out first and get shot by a sniper. You don't need to feel bad about it."

"Even so, if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. If you want books or chocolate or just some company while you're in here, or someone to train with once you're back on your feet. You name it."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." Eggsy smiled at him and got one in return. They were all good, no hard feelings there.

So yeah, he managed to keep it together at first. Or maybe he just managed to put on a brave face, because it didn't take long for him to get frustrated with it all. Every time he opened his mouth and things didn't come out quite right. Every time he tried and failed to do the simplest thing, having forgotten how bruised and battered his body was. The repeated poking and prodding from doctors. Just the fact that he was stuck there, not even able to lie on his side, and no one could tell him how long for. He felt trapped - in that bed, in sick bay, in his own fucking body.

And he could see it, everyone having to concentrate to understand him, the way they all looked at him. _Poor Eggsy. What if he's stuck like this forever? Half-crippled and barely able to string a sentence together._ He hated being pitied. And he knew they meant well so he felt bad for thinking it, but he was getting really fucking sick of hearing how sorry everyone was. Every person that came to visit him said it. So did everyone that had to move him around or carry out tests. Even when he had to ask Harry for water or get Merlin to move his pillows and they apologised every time, like some psychic abilities should’ve already told them what he needed.

From then on, everything was getting to him. It seemed pretty shitty to be pissed off with the people that he knew had spent every day by his side, but even the way they kept looking at him was annoying him. “Can you stop staring at me like I'm a fucking ghost or something?"

That caught them both off guard. ”Sorry. It's just...good to see you awake.”

“I get that but can you just…not.”

Harry half-shrugged, half-nodded. “Okay, we’ll try not to.”

Sensing the need for a distraction, Merlin piped up. “We wanted to talk to you about the wedding. Harry and I were talking and, since you won’t be better by our anniversary, we thought maybe we could move it to mine and Harry’s. What do you think?”

Eggsy quickly shook his head. “We’re not moving it to your anniversary. We’ll just wait until next year.”

“Neither of us really wants to wait another year, love. Do you?”

“No, but we’ll pick another date then. We’re not getting married on your anniversary.”

“Darling, we thought it might be nice to celebrate everything on one day. We don’t see the need to separate the two.”

“I do. Are you asking me what I think or telling me that’s what you wanna do?”

“We’re asking, of course.”

Merlin sighed internally. He thought talking about the wedding might cheer Eggsy up, he'd been excited about it for ages, but he was just as snappy about that as he was about everything else. “I don’t understand, why are you so against it?”

“I know you don’t want your relationship to seem more important that ours or whatever, but that don’t mean we have to pretend they ain’t separate things. We wouldn’t have what we have if you didn’t have a solid marriage to start with. I don’t want you giving up your anniversary for our wedding.”

And actually that was kind of sweet. They were still happy to combine the two but if he didn't want to, they wouldn't. Either way, it seemed to Harry like something they could deal with another day. "Okay. Well, why don’t we talk about it later then? Once we know when you’ll be better, we can find a date.”

It started to get to all of them after a while. They found themselves messing around with pillows that could quite happily be left and tidying around the already spotless room. So yeah, when Merlin asked for at least the hundredth time that day if anyone wanted tea, it was a bit annoying. “Coffee? Hot chocolate?”

Eggsy shook his head. "Nah, I’m fine.”

“Something to eat, then?”

“No thanks.”

Merlin still hovered in the doorway. “Are you sure? I’m sure I could find one of those lemon tarts somewhere.”

“I said I’m fine!”

Merlin just raised an eyebrow and Harry, eager to keep things calm (knowing how difficult things were from both sides now), stepped in to diffuse the situation. “I wouldn’t mind some tea if you’re going. And a couple of biscuits never hurt anyone, did they?”

The walk might’ve done Merlin some good for a little while but he was back to restlessness all too soon. Both he and Harry were back to straightening sheets that didn’t really need straightening, even with Eggsy telling them if was fine.

“Just stop. You're doing my fucking head in." They both sat back, stopping their fussing with mumbled apologies. "Stop apologising as well, you don't need to apologise for every little thing." Merlin almost apologised again but quickly stopped himself. They left a little bit earlier that night than they had any of the others. It was a tough day for everyone. With no rhyme or reason to it, some days were like that.

All of this seemed to be taking forever. Eggsy knew he still had months of recovery but he'd been awake for a week and they hadn't even started. They'd been happy to list off all the things he'd have to go though to get better, but fuck knows when any of that was actually gonna start. All he'd got from Merlin when he voiced his frustration was, "You just need to stay positive and be patient."

"Please don't tell me what I need to do.”

Merlin held his hands up. "Fine. But I’m just saying, being pessimistic isn’t going to help."

"Really? And what is gonna help? 'Cause you fucking patronising me isn't."

"Neither is biting my head off every time I try to help but you don't seem to mind that." And that tone wasn't going to make anything any better.

"Merlin." The warning in Harry's voice was clear.

"Nah, it's fine. Maybe you should just go so I don't have the chance to bite your head off."

"Eggsy, no one’s going anywhere." Ever the mediator, Harry tried to de-escalate the situation once again. 

Merlin seemed to take to it, because his voice was softer when he spoke again. ”I’m sorry, I don't mean to have a go at you."

"I said it's fine. Can you go now, please? I’d rather just be by myself for a bit.“ Neither of them moved so Eggsy pressed the button to call for the nurse. She was there in seconds, asking if he was okay. "I'm fine. Can you just get these two out of here please?"

"Er, of course. Merlin, Agent Galahad, I'll have to ask you to leave." Still, neither of them looked set to leave. "Gentleman, if you don't leave when asked, I'll have to stop you from visiting."

Merlin looked at him as if to say 'are you really doing this?' and Eggsy didn't even flinch. Merlin sighed. "Fine. We're going."

Harry stalked off as soon as they were out of the room. “Nicely done, dear.”

“I was trying to help," Merlin called after him. Not that it helped.

Feeling like complete shit, Eggsy texted them not long after to apologise and tell them he’d see them in the morning. To be honest, he’d’ve quite like for them to come back then, but they could probably do with some time away from him. And it definitely wasn’t fair to push them away and pull them back whenever he felt like it. They didn’t mention it when they turned up in the morning, though, so Eggsy thought he had to. “Sorry. I shouldn't have sent you away like that."

"It's fine. We understand, love, it's okay. I know you're having a hard time."

So they were straight back into babying him. It was a wonder they could stay upright with all the fucking eggshells they were walking on. “Fucking hell, you're doing it again. Why did I even ask you to come back? This is exactly why I told you to go.“

Merlin stared at him for a second, confused. ”We’ve literally just got here, how can I have done something wrong already?"

"You come in all 'yes love, no love, three bags full love' and it's irritating as fuck. If I'm being a prick, tell me, stop fucking coddling me."

Merlin threw his arms up with a sigh. “Fine, you're being a prick. I can't win with you."

"Stop trying, then." Eggsy’s gaze was heated and honestly, for the life of him, neither of them couldn’t understand it. They understood that he was frustrated, that he was angry about what had happened, but they couldn’t understand why he was angry at them or why he assumed they were just about to give up.

"Eggsy, he's not going to stop trying. Neither of us are."

"Why not? Why are you both here? Don't you have jobs to do?"

“Yes, we do, but forgive us for thinking that being here might be more important.” Eggsy rolled his eyes, more at himself than anything but they obviously didn’t know that. He wasn’t but he knew he seemed ungrateful, and he knew he was taking it out on all the wrong people. What he didn’t know was how to change it, because he really was trying, but every time, either his frustration got the better of him or things just came out wrong. He was doing his own head in more than anything else was. “Even so, maybe it would help you to see some different faces today. It’s bad enough staring at the same four walls all day. I don’t suppose having us as permanent fixtures makes it any better.”

Things really hit their boiling point a couple of days later. One misplaced elbow and Merlin nudged a cup off of the side, and Eggsy jumped out of his skin as it crashed to the floor. "Fucking hell, Merlin!"

"Sorry." Eggsy just glared at him. "It was an accident, love."

"Yeah, there seem to be a lot of them." It was only a mumble but still clear enough.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

“What do you think it means?”

Merlin scoffed. ”I don't understand why you're so angry with me."

"Because I trusted you to bring me home safe!" A fresh anger flared in Eggsy that he hadn't let out so far, and he wasn't sure if it was with Merlin or himself but Merlin bore the brunt of it. "The whole point of you handling us is that you're supposed to keep us safe, but look at the state of me. I trusted you."

"Eggsy, that's enough." Harry's voice was quiet but still sharp. Merlin was completely speechless and even if he wasn't, he wouldn't argue for himself and Harry knew it. "It is not Merlin's fault you're here."

"Then whose is it? Who do I blame for this?"

"Not him." His rigid pronunciation gave away just how livid he was at the suggestion. "I know it’s frustrating being stuck in here but you are not the only one that this happened to. You are not the only one that this is difficult for."

“I’m the only one in a fucking hospital bed though, ain’t I?”

“You’re right, Eggsy, you are. And if I could change places with you, I would do it in a heartbeat, but I can’t and I’m sorry. I’m sorry this happened, I’m sorry I couldn’t keep you safe, and I’m sorry I can’t make things better. I would if I could, alright?” Merlin pushed himself out of his seat as he finished speaking and went to stride out of the room.

“Merlin…”

He wanted to keep walking, but how could he possibly ignore Eggsy, given everything that had happened? “Just give me a minute, yeah?”

Eggsy nodded, tearing up as Merlin left. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have. You know that he would do anything to keep us safe. This was an accident, that is all. And if you think for a second that he hasn’t already blamed himself enough, then you have no idea what these past few weeks have been like.”

Eggsy nodded, feeling very guilty and thoroughly chastised. “Tell him I’m sorry.”

Harry found Merlin in his office. “I'm sure he'll tell you himself when you go back in there but he is sorry.”

Harry came round behind him, placed his hands on his chest and a kiss on his head, and Merlin tipped his head back against Harry’s stomach. “He’s right.”

“Oh, my love, we’ve been through this. He’s not. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s wrong. It’s my job to keep you safe. It’s my job to make sure you come home. Every time you go out, that’s what you trust me to do because you don’t have a choice, and I didn’t do that this time. So it doesn’t matter that no one fucked up or that I didn't mean for this to happen, it matters than whenever either of you goes out, you're putting all of your faith in me as your partner and as your handler and this time, I let him down. It doesn't matter that you don’t want to say it or that I don’t want to hear it, he is right.” Harry wasn’t sure what to say to that. He pressed another kiss to Merlin’s head and just stayed there for a minute, hoping that his touch was comforting, at least. Merlin sighed before he hauled himself back up again and dropped a kiss on Harry’s cheek. “We’ll be okay, mo ghràidh. Let’s go and get this sorted out, shall we?”

They both headed back to Eggsy’s room, and honestly, he was pretty fucking relieved to have them back and have that little smile for when Merlin wanted to make him feel better. “I’m sorry, babe. I know you didn’t do anything wrong, I know I shouldn’t have blamed you.”

“I get it. You put your life in my hands, you did a great job and I couldn’t hold up my end of the deal this time, and I am so, so sorry.” Eggsy offered his hand and Merlin took it, clearing his throat and looking him in the eye. “But you’re going to get better, and I’m going to be here and I’m going to help you however I can, because it’s still my job to take care of you and because I’m your partner and I love you.”

“I love you, too. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to keep being a prick to both of you but I hate being in here. I feel like I'm going crazy.”

Merlin pressed a kiss to his temple. "Things will be better when you’re home."

"Will they? 'Cause it don't feel like things are ever gonna be better.”

“I’m sure of it. We’ve got a long way to go but Harry and I aren’t giving up yet, are we love?”

“No, we’re not. But we need you to be with us, darling. Are you with us?”

Eggsy nodded. “Always.”


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy finally gets to go home.

Eggsy was so fucking glad to be allowed to go home, albeit with a diary full of appointments, a long list of instructions and enough painkillers to open his own pharmacy. He was glad to see JB again, he was glad to be able to tell his mum what had happened (or a version of it, at least) and be honest when he said that he was okay. What he wasn't so glad about was having to tell everyone the wedding was postponed less than three weeks before it was supposed to be happening, but he was grateful to Harry for taking care of it all.

He texted his mum the day after he got home, telling her he was okay but there'd been an accident, and she insisted on coming straight over, just like he knew she would. Harry and Merlin were on hand to distract Sophie by making cupcakes and milkshakes while Eggsy told his mum the story they'd created, making sure he got Harry and Merlin off the hook for not telling her. And she accepted that it was his choice and cried like he hoped she wouldn't. “I swear I’m alright, mum.”

“And you’re gonna get better?”

“I hope so. I have all my first appointments the day after tomorrow, so I’ll see what they say but…eventually, yeah.”

“Do you want me to go with you? You’re still my baby.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Obviously he couldn’t tell her that she absolutely could not go with him, but luckily there were enough reasons to put her off. “You’ve got work and Soph, and I’ve got Harry and Merlin. They’ve been great, and they’re taking some time off work. They’ll be with me for everything, I’m taken care of.”

"You're sure? I can't take time off work as well."

"I promise, mum, I'll be fine." The others came back out with a tray of treats for everyone but Sophie kept a wary distance. "Come here, Princess."

Eggsy reached out for her, let her tuck into the side with the good ribs, trying not to wince as she hugged him, and pressed a kiss to her hair. He'd missed her too. He was mostly trying not to think about the fact that he might have left her forever. "How come you're talking like that?"

That was kind of hard to answer, actually. He'd been trying to figure out how to explain to her. "Well...I'm not very well at the minute but I'm gonna be alright. It's like when you've got a sore throat and your voice goes a bit croaky. But instead of my throat, it's my head that's a little bit poorly so it makes me talk funny. But it's gonna get better."

"Are you going away?" She fiddled with her t-shirt, mumbling a little bit. "My friend Chloe's nanny got poorly and she went to the hospital and she didn't come back. Is that gonna happen to you?"

"No, baby girl, I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He gave her a little squeeze even though it hurt (that was probably the cue for more painkillers). "See these on my arm and my leg, though? They've gotta stay there for a whole month still. I think they're a bit boring though, d'you reckon you could decorate them for me?"

"Why do you have to have them?"

"Because, like a silly sausage," Fuck, that was hard to say. The way his sister frowned at him didn't make it better. "I went and hurt myself. They're to make sure I get fixed properly. Then in a couple of weeks, I can chase you around again." He tickled her, making her giggle. "What d'you reckon? You wanna go and get your pens and make them look pretty?"

"Yeah, okay." She hopped down and ran off upstairs. As soon as she was out of sight, Harry had some painkillers and some water for him.

“Thanks, babe.” He swallowed the lot and sighed as he glanced in the direction of the stairs. “She don’t like it. Maybe you shouldn’t’ve brought her round.”

"She'll be fine. You're her big brother, closest thing to a dad she's ever had, course she's worried about you. But you'll be better soon, and she'll get used to it in the meantime." Eggsy just hummed in vague agreement. Sophie came back and set to work decorating his casts, the afternoon passing easily and turning to evening until eventually it was time for them to go. Harry and Merlin excused themselves while he said goodbye to his family. "You call me if you need anything, yeah?" Eggsy nodded. Michelle wrapped him up in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay, I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you. I know I haven't been the mum that I should've been for most of your life but I love my babies more than anything."

"I know, mum. I love you too." He beckoned Sophie over for a hug too. "I love you too, Princess."

"Love you, Eggsy." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Who's gonna look after you? When I'm poorly, you or Mummy have to look after me."

"Harry and Merlin are gonna look after me. And they're really good at it so you don't have to worry, alright?"

“Okay.” Eggsy kissed them both goodbye and let Harry show them out, sighing mostly to himself as they left. Merlin sat beside him, gently pulling his head to his shoulder and brushing his fingers through his hair.

By the time Harry came back, Eggsy was wiping tears from his eyes. That had been about as hard as they’d all expected it to be. “I just lied to my family. I just promised Soph I’m not going anywhere but I will at some point. I nearly did this time.”

Harry sat at his other side, resting a hand on his thigh. “But you didn’t, and you’re not going anywhere for a long time, darling. By the time that happens, she’ll be much older, she’ll understand, she’ll be able to cope with it better.”

“You don’t know that. None of us do.” And, well, that was true. But Harry wanted to believe that he was right. “And I swore to my mum I was gonna get better. Don’t know that either. What if I don’t?”

“You’re going to be okay. Don’t think about it now, try not to get stressed about it, you don’t want to bring on a headache.” Harry held his face in his hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead, as if that alone would keep it at bay.

“No, but seriously. If I don’t get better, then what? At the minute I’ve got one good leg, and one half good arm some of the time, I can’t use crutches, I can’t even wheel myself around. Even when the casts come off, they’re only pretty sure I’ll be able to walk properly. What if I can’t? What if I can’t ever even say your names properly again? Are you two gonna wanna look after me and help me with everything forever?”

“Yes,” Merlin answered without hesitation. “Eggsy, none of that matters. It doesn’t change the fact that we love you. But Harry’s right, we need to see what they say on Thursday. There’s no point in worrying about it until then.”

“Yeah. Alright.” They sat quietly for a moment, Eggsy’s mind still clearly working away. “Can you promise me something, though?”

Merlin pressed a kiss to his hair. ”Anything."

"Promise me that if I don't make it next time, you'll make sure they're looked after."

"Of course we will, love.”

"I mean it. I don't care if my mum doesn't want your help or if she turns you away. Promise me you'll do whatever you can to make sure they're safe and healthy and as happy as they can be for as long as you can. Kingsman's the best thing that ever happened to me but it might be the worst thing that ever happens to them. Promise me you won’t let my mum fuck up Sohpie’s life ‘cause she’s too stubborn and bitter to want any help.”

“You have our word, darling.”

“Thank you. I love you two so much.”

“I love you too, darling.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're 40 chapters in and I want to thank every one of you for still being here and reading!
> 
> Exams start any day now until the end of May so I'll warn you now that there might not be an update until then. But it will be lovely to come back to some comments if you'd be kind enough to leave some.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How they deal with Eggsy’s recovery. Or more accurately in some cases, how they don’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me start by saying I know how frustrating it is to wait for things to be updated and I'm so sorry that updates have been so few and far between for the last few months. Exams and illness have made it impossible to write, and please trust me when I say it's just as frustrating not being able to post anything.
> 
> I'm awaiting a date to start treatment (which could be in a few months) and attempting to keep my illness under control in the meantime, in which case I'll be able to post more. However, it is unpredictable in when it strikes and agonising when it does so please bear with me if things don't quite go to plan.
> 
> As always, thanks so much for your patience and your kind messages.
> 
> I’m not at all happy with how this turned out but I was desperate to post something, both for myself and to keep you from waiting any longer. In any case, any feedback would be hugely appreciated.

The first trip back to HQ was more disheartening than they’d all hoped for, with the revelation that the pain in his chest could last for weeks, months or years, the news that it might take months to restore his speech, and the somewhat obvious but still frustrating fact that it would still be weeks before he could use crutches. A stupid part of him thought he might've magically healed in a few days and they'd tell him he'd be back up and running in a couple of weeks but there was no such luck. After spending all afternoon being poked and prodded and ordered around like some kind of performing monkey, Eggsy left feeling completely drained, with pages of information to read and what seemed like an endless routine of exercises to start doing at home.

Against everyone's advice, he decided to put off the therapy on offer, figuring that he could only handle so much at once and hoping that he'd feel better as his injuries faded anyway.

That didn't quite work as well as he hoped though. He missed Sophie. Putting off seeing her only made it worse but it was hard. It was hard having her see him while he wasn't well, it was hard not being able to run around and play with her and harder still seeing Harry and Merlin do that instead. And that was without feeling guilty about them having to look after both him and his sister.

He missed his bed. Or any bed for that matter. Confined to the sofa to avoid the stairs, he missed sharing a bed with the people he loved, and hated that he'd had to take over that part of the house, as if Harry and Merlin couldn't do as they pleased in their own home. With his stomach and his ribs still healing, when he could sleep, it was only on his back and that alone was making him sick of always being so uncomfortable.

More than anything else, he missed Harry and Merlin. They were there, of course, and doing everything they could for him but it just didn't feel right. Instead of getting to wake up beside them, he'd have one of them awkwardly poke their head in to see if he was awake yet. Far from the physical relationship they usually had, he could barely get a hug, both of them too afraid to hurt him. Even the men themselves seemed different, in themselves and with each other. Their eyes were a little more full of love for each other than he remembered, they seemed more tactile, there were these private little smiles that he caught between them. And he didn't begrudge them that, not at all, he just wished he could be more of a part of it again. And part of him wanted to ask what had happened while he'd been away, what he'd missed, what had made the house feel so different, what made him feel more like a guest in their home and their lives than a part of both. Apparently a stronger part of him didn't want to know the answer.

Through all of it, he spent the whole time feeling pretty out of it from either the painkillers or the pain. He didn't have the physical strength to take JB for a walk or the mental strength to even fill in a crossword, and the nothingness was making him miserable. With too much time and too little progress he seemed to struggle more and more until he wasn't sure what to do about it.

*

As the weeks slowly passed, the others worried too. It was Merlin that came down early one morning to find an exhausted-looking Eggsy already awake on the sofa. He carded his fingers through Eggsy’s hair and pressed a kiss to his head. “Morning, darling. Did you sleep?”

Eggsy shrugged. “Not really.”

Merlin hummed unhappily. “I really think you should go and see one of the therapists, love.”

“I’m fine.” He pulled his head away from Merlin’s hand and Merlin sighed internally. He moved to take a seat instead.

“I don’t think you are. If anything, the painkillers should be knocking you out, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be sleeping.” Eggsy didn’t answer him. “There’s no shame in it, Eggsy. Especially after something so traumatic.”

“Who said I’m ashamed?” And there was that defensive snapping again.

“No one. I’m just saying…you’ll have to see one of them before you can go back to work, why not get a head start?”

“How do you even know I’m going back to work?”

Merlin tilted his head in question. “You don’t want to?”

“Course I do. But what if I can’t?”

"You will." Merlin reached for his hand. "Everything will be okay."

Eggsy inched his hand away slightly. "Is that to make me feel better or you?"

Merlin sat back, frustrated. "Because I need to be making myself feel better? I've got something to be feeling bad about, have I?"

"You tell me."

Merlin nodded slowly. "Right. I see we're starting early today."

Merlin retreated to the kitchen, where Harry found him with his head in his hands a little while later. Harry tipped his head up and greeted him with a kiss. "Everything alright, my love?" Merlin just shook his head. "Bad day?"

They'd be hard pushed to say that any day was a good one but some were certainly better than others, and it was usually quite easy and quite helpful to figure out what kind of day it was going to be early on.

Merlin nodded with a sigh. "I'm just wondering exactly when he's going to stop pushing me away. I thought he was angry with being stuck in medical, I thought he'd settle a bit once he was home but it's been weeks." He fiddled with his mug, spinning it on the side and avoiding Harry's gaze. "I thought he'd forgiven me."

"He doesn't really blame you, dear, you know that. He's struggling, he's lashing out."

"And I might believe that if he ever lashed out at anyone but me."

Harry wrapped his arms around Merlin's waist, pressed close to him. "I don't know what to say, my love."

"Nothing." He pressed a kiss to Harry's lips, trying to take away the frown on his face. "You don't have to say anything, love. It's just going to be one of those days. Have you said anything to him, about speaking to someone?”

Harry nodded. “He’s not ready.” Merlin just hummed. That was more like what Merlin expected but somehow all he got told was that he was fine. “We just need to give it more time, I suppose, and we’ll figure it out.”

Merlin kept himself busy and kept his distance for most of the day, having figured out a while ago that it was for the best on those kinds of days, the tension still bleeding into the room around dinner time. As Harry cleared the plates, Merlin went to disappear too, until Eggsy caught him by the hand. “I’m sorry.”

Merlin softened immediately, bending to press a kiss to Eggsy’s temple. “So am I, love. I shouldn’t have pushed it.”

“Still…don’t make it right.”

“No, maybe not. But it’s okay.” And that always smoothed things over just enough for a couple of days but they all knew it was only a matter of time before they’d being doing it all over again.

Eggsy being angry, Merlin could handle. It was frustrating but he could deal with it. Him being upset, though…that was harder to deal with. The days when he sat with Eggsy’s head in his lap with his young love looking utterly defeated were infinitely harder than the days when he snapped at him or ignored him, and when the tears came, they just about broke his heart. All he ever wanted to know was what he could do to help, what he could do to get him out of the situation he saw him into, but the answer was always the same: nothing.

Those nights always ended with an apology that Eggsy didn’t answer and a quiet night in bed with Harry trying to coax his thoughts out. “I can’t do anything. I couldn’t keep him safe and now I don’t know if he doesn’t want me to or if there’s really nothing I can do but I can’t help him.”

Harry propped himself up on one elbow. “There’s nothing any of us can do. Until those casts come off, we’re in limbo.”

Merlin sighed heavily, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s killing me to see him like this.”

“It’s hard for all of us but I think your guilt might be playing a part.” Harry cupped his cheek, turning Merlin’s head towards him. “You need to let it go, my love.”

“I can’t just let it go.”

“Do you always take it so personally? When things go wrong with me?”

“Harry.” Merlin turned to him fully. “I thought we’d been through this.”

“We have. That’s not what I meant, dear.” He pressed a soft kiss to Merlin’s lips. “I mean I hope you haven’t always felt like this and never told me.”

“I always wonder what I could’ve done differently, what I could’ve done to help you. It’s just never gone so wrong before. I still feel like until he’s better, anything could happen. I don’t do well with not knowing.”

“I know. But it’s only a couple of weeks and we’ll know a lot more. We can make it through a few more weeks.” He rubbed a hand over Merlin’s chest, trying to comfort him. “You know, I wonder if it might make it difficult for him to forgive you when you haven’t forgiven yourself.”

Merlin shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe I deserve to take the blame for a while, if that’s what he needs.”

“It doesn’t have to be all about what he needs, you know.” Merlin gave him a questioning look. “I don’t think he’s the only one who needs to speak to one of the therapists. I’m worried about you.”

Merlin stayed quiet for a minute before he nodded. If Harry was asking him even just to consider it, it was probably a good indicator that he should go. “Yeah, okay.”

Harry pressed a kiss to Merlin’s shoulder. “I love you.”

Merlin placed a hand on his neck to pull him into a kiss. “I love you, too.”

*

With less chance of having his head bitten off, it was easier for Harry to spend time with him. Not that they did anything most of the time but it was nice to be together. A little less lonely, for Eggsy at least. They still needed their own space, though. It was difficult for Harry to see someone he loved so much be so in need of help and so frustrated by it. And if nothing else, he had to leave Eggsy alone so that he’d do the exercises he refused to do in front of his partners.

He had a list of speech exercises to practice but he always stopped dead as soon as either of them walked into the room. “You don’t need to stop on my account, darling. I could go through some things with you if you like, it must be boring doing it alone.”

Eggsy smiled at him but shook his head. “Nah, thanks. It’s fine.”

“I could leave you to it for a while, then?”

“No, you don’t have to. I’ll do it later.”

“You don’t always have to do it in private, you know. You can ask us to help, we’d be happy to.”

“I know, I just…I’d rather do it by myself.” He didn’t look at Harry as he sat beside him, resting his hand on his thigh. “It’s humiliating. Having to learn to say the alphabet again, having to practice it like a toddler. It’s embarrassing not being able to do anything like I used to.”

“Darling, if there’s ever anyone you needn’t feel embarrassed in front of, it’s me and Merlin.” Eggsy hummed in a vague kind of agreement. “I didn’t want to patronise you but for what it’s worth, I think it is helping.”

Eggsy finally looked at him then. “You think? I can’t tell the difference.”

“Then I think you must be being hard on yourself. It’s not the miraculous recovery you’re hoping for but there is a difference from when you came home.”

“Hope so.” Harry put his arm around his shoulders and he pressed closer to Harry’s side. “Thanks.”

Merlin joined them as they put on something mindless to watch for the evening, the hours slipping by easily as they all cuddled up on the sofa. Merlin was the first to say his goodnights, Harry choosing to stay and help Eggsy get ready to sleep before he went to bed himself. He helped him to the bathroom and helped him get changed as one of them tended to need to, no matter how determined Eggsy was to be able to do it himself.

They settled back on the sofa, Eggsy head in Harry’s lap as he scratched his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. That you have to do all this stuff for me. Both of you.”

“Don’t be, darling. We love you, we always want to help if we can.”

“Just wish you didn’t have to. And I’m taking over the house and your whole lives and you’re both giving up work to look after me and I’m grateful but I hate that you have to. Makes me feel guilty.”

“You’ve nothing to feel guilty for. You didn’t ask for this, you’re not holding us hostage. We’re not having to do anything that we don’t want to. We want to take care of you - for us all to take care of each other - for the rest of our lives.”

Eggsy smiled at him. “Me too. I wanna be looking after you when you’re old men. Gotta get better first though.”

“You will, darling. Whatever it takes, we’ll get you better.” Comforted by Harry's fingers still brushed through his hair, Eggsy quickly fell asleep, leaving the older man to slip out and retire himself.

Merlin stirred as Harry entered the room and lay back as his husband crawled into bed, curled into his side and rested his head on his chest. "Okay, love?" Harry didn't answer but Merlin felt a tear slip onto his skin so he wrapped his arms tighter around him and pressed a kiss to his head. "What's the matter?"

It was only a minute before Harry propped himself up again, wiping his eyes. "I just wish I could make him better, stop this from ever happening again. I brought him into this world of ours, the life of an agent, all but signed his death warrant, and he feels guilty that he can't change his shirt alone. He wouldn't be in this position if it weren't for me. If only it were so easy to protect him, to heal him."

"Harry, this isn't your fault." Harry scoffed lightly, and Merlin sat up fully then, commanding his full attention. "You gave him an opportunity. He knew the risks and he took it. Even if he didn't, do you really think he's in any more danger now than he would be if you hadn't given him that chance?"

"Have you seen him? You remember how he looked in his hospital bed? Even his animal of a stepfather wouldn't have done that to him."

"Sure about that? I think if it weren't for you, he'd've killed him long before now."

"Either way, I wish I could help him now. He's not Eggsy any more and I just miss him so much. I miss having him here with us."

"So do I, love." He wrapped Harry up tight again. “I’m sure they’ll have some good news for us next week.”

Harry wasn’t oblivious to the tension between his partners or to how differently Eggsy treated him and Merlin. He was still grateful for his help, they could still cosy up together sometimes, there was still love between them, that much he knew. But every so often there’d be a day where he seemed to give Merlin the cold shoulder, in a way that he never did with Harry. He never admitted it or gave a reason why but it was clear enough.

It was on one of those days that they ended up cuddled on the sofa again, Merlin long having left them. Eggsy turned into Harry, mouthing at his neck and jaw. Harry cupped his cheek, taking control of the kiss and licking into Eggsy’s mouth. Eggsy slid his hand down Harry’s chest, inching across his stomach and over the front of his trousers, not stopping when Harry broke the kiss. Harry placed his hand gently over Eggsy’s, stilling him. “We can’t, darling.”

“Please, Harry. It’s been ages.”

“I know.” He pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “But you know what the doctors said.”

“But I’m all healing up. We’re going back on Thursday and they said it should be fine by then, a couple of days won’t hurt.”

Harry nuzzled into his neck. “And what if it’s not okay by then? Hurting you is not a risk I’m willing to take, darling. And if it is fine, waiting a few more days won’t kill us.”

Eggsy cupped Harry’s face in his hand, stroking his thumb across his cheek. “I just miss you.”

“I’m right here, chéri.”

Eggsy cuddled into his side, resting his head on his shoulder. “Promise me you’re not going anywhere.”

“I would never. I will always be here.”

“You can’t say that. If I don’t get better, you never signed up to be my carer, I’d get it. Just promise that right now you’re still mine.”

“I swear.” Eggsy nodded against his shoulder, feeling calmed as Harry brushed his fingers through his hair. “What’s going on between you and Merlin, darling?”

Eggsy shrugged. “Nothing.”

“Exactly.” Eggsy didn’t answer. “You know this isn’t his fault, don’t you?”

“How do you know it’s not? You weren’t there, I don’t remember, and he spends a lot of time apologising for someone that ain’t done anything wrong.”

“He feels guilty. That doesn’t mean he is. He thinks he should’ve been able to protect you and we both know he’s incredible - superhuman, quite possibly - but he’s not psychic, he can’t freeze time or reverse it. There’s nothing he could’ve done to stop this from happening. You’re right that I don’t know what happened but I know Merlin and I trust him. He would be the first person to hold his hands up and say that he made a mistake so if he says it was an accident, I believe that it was.”

“Maybe. But normally when people apologise without being told to, it means they got something to be sorry for.” Eggsy sighed. “I just...don’t even know what to think any more.”

Harry shifted, pulling Eggsy against his front and hooking his chin over his good shoulder. “I can’t tell you that but I can tell you what I think and I know it needs to be sorted out.”

“It’s not like it’s all my fault we ain’t close at the minute. He don’t come near me, like he’s scared to touch me. Or he just don’t want to. Like, he lets me use him as a pillow and strokes my hair but that’s pretty much it. He’ll only touch my head and even then, it’s as gentle as he can be.” He settled back more against Harry. “He don’t hold me like this.”

“I’m sure he is scared, and I can’t say I blame him. Even now, you have a lot of healing to do, but to start with there wasn’t a single part of you uninjured. Is it so much of a surprise that we’re inclined to treat you as something fragile? Something precious?”

He tipped his head back slightly to look at Harry. “But you ain’t like that with me.”

Harry shrugged. “I suppose we cope with things differently. I think to settle my fears, I need to touch you, to feel you again. Maybe to keep his at bay, he needs not to. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Eggsy hummed in understanding. “I miss it, though. I miss him. Wouldn’t’ve thought a hug from my partner’s too much to ask for.”

“So tell him, darling.”

“And make him feel worse?” Eggsy shook his head. “I just want everything to get back to normal.”

“I know.” He pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s hair. “We all do.”

“Not just for me. I want you to be alright again too.” Harry hummed then let a silence sit between them. Before long, Eggsy had his head in his lap again, falling asleep as he tended to do (it was easier that way, after all). Harry stayed put that time though, falling asleep himself half curled over Eggsy. As he drifted off, his brain helpfully scolded that his back would be screaming in the morning, but he quickly decided that to spend a night with his boy, it was absolutely worth it.


	42. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are finally starting to go Eggsy’s way! And we have a late celebration.

They got some of the good news they were hoping for a few days later. While the cast on his leg had to stay on a little longer, Eggsy could’ve cried when the cast came off his wrist. He’d lost some dexterity (yet another thing to work on) but it was strong enough to use crutches as long as he didn’t overdo it and his other shoulder didn’t play up too much. After weeks of relying on Harry and Merlin, to be able to have that bit of independence back meant everything.

His lung function looked good, his ribs were healing well and he was making a good recovery from the surgery. If all went well, it would only be a couple more weeks until he was completely healed and he could really start to get back to normal. In the meantime, he could start to get back to everyday activities - at least as much as the painkillers would allow - provided he stayed away from anything too strenuous, though they were subtly advised to consider sleeping arrangements. After all, too many limbs in one bed with still-healing injuries could very well be a recipe for disaster.

He knew there was still a way to go, but even on the short trips from medical to the car and from the car to home, being able to move on his own made him feel more positive. Even being able to scoop JB up when he yapped at them at the door - it probably seemed small and stupid to anyone else but it felt huge to him.

It was good for Harry and Merlin to see him in such high spirits too. They both expected that the reality of the distance still to go would dampen them in the days to follow but neither of them wanted to burst the bubble just yet. If anything, Merlin only prolonged it when he draped his arms loosely around Eggsy’s waist and pulled him into a slow kiss. “I’ve missed that smile.”

“I’ve missed these arms. Does this mean we can get back to normal activities?” Merlin bowed his head and Eggsy brought a hand up to his cheek. “Merlin...”

Harry disappeared with JB then. If they were finally going to talk to each other, they didn’t need him hovering over them. Merlin watched him leave out of the corner of his eye before he lifted his head again. “Until I know that everything is completely fine, I just can’t. If I hurt you...”

“It’s alright.” Eggsy pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “Listen. What happened...it’s okay. I’m getting better, and we’ll get there.”

_Hopefully_ , was what both of them thought but neither said. “I think I should sleep in Sophie’s room until then.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

Merlin cut off his arguments with a shake of his head. “You deserve to sleep in your own bed, Harry deserves to have you back with him, and I don’t trust myself to sleep with you yet. It’s best for all of us, love.”

Eggsy looked at him for a second before he nodded. “Alright. I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.”

It was strange for both Harry and Eggsy to be going to bed without Merlin, but bliss to finally be going to bed together. They lay there together, Harry curled over Eggsy and kissing his boy to within an inch of his life. Eggsy grinned at him as he pulled away and nuzzled into his neck, kissing a path up to his ear. With his lips brushing against it, Harry whispered to him, “I want you to fuck me, darling.”

“Fucking hell, yes.” Harry kissed him once more before he moved to get some lube. He stripped out of his pants, slowly dragging Eggsy’s off too, before he slicked his fingers and eased one into himself. Eggsy watched as his eyes closed and he sighed softly as he worked one finger inside him and then another. “You’re so fucking hot, d’you know that?”

Harry let out a small laugh as he swung one leg over Eggsy’s hips, bending to kiss him as he reached back to work a third finger inside himself. “Are you ready, darling?”

Eggsy nodded, licking his lips. He groaned as Harry lowered himself onto his cock, both of their eyes sliding closed despite themselves. Harry started to move, his pace slow at first and careful not to put his weight on Eggsy. As he started to increase his speed, he bent forward, harsh breaths ghosting against Eggsy’s ear, and soft moans pouring into his in return. “Harry,” Eggsy whispered, placing a hand on his cheek and drawing him back up to look at him properly. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too, darling, more than I could ever tell you.” He pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s lips, never stopping the movement of his hips.

When Eggsy came, it wasn’t the explosive feeling he expected. It was like a warmth spreading through his bones and making every inch of his body feel numb. Harry leant back, taking himself in hand and stroking himself quickly to his own orgasm, spilling over his hand. He rose with the grace he always seemed to possess and quickly cleaned himself up before he slid back into bed.

Eggsy rested with his head on Harry’s chest, leaning on his good shoulder and still trying to be careful of his ribs even with the painkillers doing most of the hard work. “I feel so good.” He giggled to himself. “It’s been ages since I came. At least you’ve been with Merlin, I ain’t even been able to have a wank.”

“Sorry, darling. Perhaps we should have resisted.”

“I don’t expect you to be like monks just because I’m injured. You ain’t gotta apologise for shagging your husband. I wish I was shagging your husband as well.”

Harry scratched his fingers through his hair, amusement in his voice. “You’ll have to make do with me.”

“It ain’t making do.” He pressed a kiss to Harry’s chest, happy to fall into silence for a minute. “I’m so fucking happy to be back with you.” Harry just made a sound in his throat, the lump there and the tears starting to form in his eyes stopping him from answering properly. Eggsy lifted his head to look up at him, leaning up further to wipe a tear away when it slipped free. “What’s the matter?”

Harry let out a soft sigh before he spoke. “We thought we might never have you back. I can’t tell you how painful that was or how happy I am that we do.”

“I’m always gonna come back to you.” Eggsy dropped a kiss on his cheek. “Always.”

“That’s not a promise that any of us can make.” He shifted, cupping Eggsy’s cheek as he turned to look at him properly. “I’m sorry. That I asked you to join Kingsman, that you’re in this position because of me.”

“Babe,” Eggsy sighed at himself, frustrated with how it sounded. He always hated how that came out now, Bs being one of the sounds he particularly struggled with. There were a bunch of others still causing him problems too, the most frustrating being the ones that mangled his partners’ names but he was trying to be patient. They was always patient too, letting him take his time to get his words out. “This ain’t your fault. I could’ve said no. I failed the training. Even with you offering me the chance, I wouldn’t have got the job if Merlin didn’t give it to me. Whatever happens to me, it ain’t your fault, Harry.”

“Thank you, darling.” He conveniently ignored the implication there but it wasn’t the time.

Harry woke alone the next morning, and not finding Eggsy with Merlin either, he went looking downstairs. He found Egsgy in the kitchen, gathering fry-up food, a frying pan and plates for breakfast. He pressed himself against Eggsy’s back, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Hello there.”

“Hi.”

“Let me make breakfast, darling.”

Eggsy shook his head. “Can you go and get Merlin?” Harry hummed his assent and Eggsy pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks.”

Harry slipped quietly into the room, sitting on the edge of the bed as he gently shook Merlin awake. “Morning, dear.” Merlin cracked his eye open, smiling up at Harry. “It’s not like you to be the last one up.”

“I didn’t sleep until late.”

Harry rested a hand on the back of his neck. “Something on your mind, my love?”

Merlin shrugged. “The usual. Trying to figure out if we’re out of the woods or if this is just the eye of the storm.” He sat up, pressing a kiss to Harry’s lips. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

“You’re sure?” Merlin nodded and Harry copied a second later. “Okay. Well we’ve been summoned. Breakfast is in progress.”

“He’s still in a good mood?” Harry nodded. “How was last night? Good to have him back with you?”

“It was lovely. I know you’re not ready but when you are…it feels right, after so much unsettling. Perfect will be when we’re all back together.”

“Soon, love.” He placed a quick peck on Harry’s nose. “Come on, let’s not keep him waiting.” They made their way downstairs and Merlin pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s temple. “Morning, love. How can you cook like that?”

“If I can fight with one hand, I can cook like it.”

“You don’t have to. Seems like a pain in the arse to me when you have two old men madly in love with you that will do anything you ask.” He nipped at Eggsy’s jaw, getting a giggle from him. “Do you want any help?”

“Nah, I’m good. Might end up with beans all over the floor but I ain’t gonna get any better if I don’t do anything. I wanna cook. Can you carry everything through when I’m done though? Can’t really do that.”

“Course I can.” It wasn’t long before he was done and Merlin dutifully carried plates and glasses through to the dining room until a feast lay on the table. “Is this maybe a bit much? Or are we feeding the five thousand?”

“No, but it’s a special occasion. I’m allowed to do a bit of spoiling.” They both raised eyebrows at him in question. “I’m really sorry we couldn’t celebrate our anniversary properly. I just weren’t up to it.” The day had been nice enough, the three of them relaxing between Eggsy’s naps and ordering in Chinese food but they hadn’t really celebrated. Eggsy had too little energy and felt far too self-conscious to go out to a restaurant, and he’d insisted that he didn’t want any gifts. Knowing that they’d both planned something big because they should’ve been getting married too didn’t help (it made him feel guiltier for not being able to do anything for them, actually), so they decided to wait until their new, as-yet-undecided wedding day to give it to him. “I wanna spoil you today to make up for it.”

“Darling, you don’t have to make up for anything.” Harry took Eggsy’s hand into his own. “Having you home is all we could possibly need.”

“And that’s sweet, but we didn’t get to do anything. I didn’t even get you presents.”

“Love, our wedding day should’ve been and gone by now. If you think we’re bothered about presents, you don’t know us well enough to be marrying us.” Merlin smirked at him. “That said, I’ll never turn down a stunning breakfast.”

Eggsy smiled at him. “It ain’t just the presents, I mean I literally didn’t do anything for it. It’s meant to be the thought that counts and you two wanted to make it special so badly and I just spent half the day sleeping off painkillers. Now that I finally can, I really wanna make the effort, give you the kinda day you deserve.” They both just stared at him, their eyes so full of affection that he just wanted to kiss them both forever but he stopped himself. “So, I thought I’d start with a nice breakfast, and I ordered shopping to come a bit later because it’s a pain in the arse to go myself at the minute, then I’m gonna cook the most amazing dinner you’ve ever had in your lives. And there’s a couple of other little surprises but in terms of a proper present…I thought of loads of things that I could get you but I decided the best thing I can give you right now is an IOU. As soon as I can look after myself, I wanna send you both on holiday, wherever you wanna go.”

Harry frowned at him. “You mean take us on holiday? All of us?”

Eggsy shook his head. “You’ve been doing everything for me, and I can never thank you enough but as a start, I can give you a break from me. A bit of time just for the two of you, stress free. You’ve already got the time off work, and you definitely deserve it.” Harry went to speak again but Eggsy held up a finger for him to wait. “And if I know you at all, you’re gonna say you don’t need a break from me and you’re not letting me send you away for our anniversary. Even though we all know it would do you both some good. So don’t say it, just accept it.”

“In that case, thank you darling.”

“It’s thoughtful of you, love. Thank you. But you’re not the burden you think you are.” Eggsy put on half a smile for them. “So about our gift to you-“

“Don’t. Please, don’t. The last two months, you’ve both put your lives on hold, spent every day by my bedside, done everything for me. I can’t take anything else from you. Whatever it is, I don’t need it, not now. I don’t need an anniversary present. You said it can wait til we get married, yeah?” Merlin nodded. “Then let it wait.”

They made it through breakfast with no further arguments, popping out for a walk and a sit in the park afterwards. They ate lunch in the garden together, spoiling JB with the scraps from their plates. Just as they were clearing up, there was a knock at the door and Eggsy turned to Harry with a grin. “Can you get the door?”

Eyeing Eggsy suspiciously, he went to do just that, returning with a huge bunch of red and pink roses. “They’re stunning, darling.” He pressed a kiss to Eggsy’s lips. “Beautiful flowers from a beautiful man with a wonderful heart. Thank you.”

Merlin’s own delivery came later, a hamper full of shortbread, chocolate, the fancy coffee he sometimes indulged in, some of his favourite scotch and his aftershave. So stereotypical but so very Merlin. He pulled Eggsy into a kiss, leaving little pecks across his cheek too. “Thank you, love. You know me so well.”

Harry eyed up the food while Merlin was distracted. “I look forward to sampling some of that.”

“I don’t think so.” Merlin looped an arm around Harry’s waist to stop him getting any closer. “I’m not sharing with you.”

Harry pouted for a second, before wriggling free. “How about,” he plucked a rose from the bunch and put the stem between his teeth. “Now?”

“You drive a hard bargain, Mister Hart.” He took the flower from Harry’s mouth, dragging him in for a slow kiss. “But I suppose a rose from my husband might convince me to give up some chocolate.”

Harry smirked at him. “I wonder what a few more might convince you to do.”

Eggsy watched from one side, feeling admittedly a little left out, but also head over heels for these two so clearly in love and more than a little turned on at where it might be going. “I swear to god, if you two are about to get a room, you better be taking me with you.”

“Come on then, darling.” Harry grinned as Eggsy hopped off ahead of them and he dragged Merlin behind. Once upstairs, Eggsy quickly settled amongst the pillows as Harry turned to lock lips with his husband again. He led the pair of them until he was sitting on the edge of the bed, giving himself a better position to work Merlin’s fly open and wrap his lips around him. Merlin groaned and slid his fingers through Harry’s hair as he took him into his throat.

“I hope you two know how gorgeous you are.” Merlin let out a breathy laugh, too gone on the feel of Harry’s tongue against him to give a proper answer. Harry let his get lost in it for a while before he pulled off, peeling his own clothes off and letting Merlin do the same. He passed the lube to Merlin and lay back, smirking up at Eggsy. “Jesus.”

Merlin didn’t waste any time fingering him open, then bent to kiss Harry again before he slicked himself up and pushed into Harry. Harry let out a soft gasp and a moan and Merlin burrowed into Harry’s neck as he did. He gave Harry a few strokes to get used to him before he started fucking him harder and faster, drawing the sounds that he always loved from him.

Eggsy bent to kiss Harry, lying beside him as he kiss down his neck, across his shoulders and his chest. Harry threaded his fingers through Eggsy’s hair, drawing his attention back. “Do you think you could take me, darling?”

“Fuck, I hope so.” Merlin pulled out and let Harry go to Eggsy instead, stroking himself lazily as he watched them. Eggsy stripped and lay back, and Harry settled between his legs. He went slowly as he stretched Eggsy open, adding one finger at a time and letting him get used to the sensation again after so long without. When he had three fingers inside him, steadily rubbing at his prostate, Eggsy relaxed into the pillows. “I think I’m ready. Just go slow, yeah?”

“Of course, darling.” Harry came up to press a kiss to his lips before he slowly pressed in. He got about two thirds of the way in before Eggsy stopped him. He paused for a moment to let Eggsy adjust, then pushed a little deeper at Eggsy’s nod only to be stopped again. “We don’t have to do this. If it’s too soon, we’ll wait. It’s not worth hurting you.”

“No, it’s fine. Docs said it’s fine, you ain’t gonna do any damage. It’s a weird sort of pressure, that’s all. Just…try not to go any deeper than that.”

“You’re sure?”

Eggsy nodded. “I want this. Please.” Harry wrapped a hand around the base of his cock, stopping himself from pushing further than he should, and with the other hand braced beside Eggsy’s head, he started to move. The more he did, the more Eggsy relaxed and started to enjoy it. Eggsy reached for his own cock, stroking himself in time with Harry’s thrusts. As Harry started to lose his rhythm, Eggsy sped up, moaning out loud as he spilled over his own hand. Clenching around Harry brought back that strange sensation, though, and he stilled him with a hand on his hip. Harry pulled out most of the way, trying to ease any discomfort as Eggsy’s orgasm coursed through him. As it was, he didn’t need to be deeper than that: already too close to the edge and with Eggsy’s hole fluttering around the head of his cock, he came inside him. Eggsy grinned at him when he could finally relax again. “Fucking hell, it’s been too long.”

Harry bent forward to kiss him. “You’re always worth the wait, darling.”

As Harry lay beside him, Eggsy turned to Merlin. “Looks like it’s your turn. It’s been too long without you as well.”

“Not when I know you can’t take it, love.”

“So don’t fuck me then. That ain’t all there is. My blowjob skills ain’t up to scratch but I bet you could still put my mouth to use.”

Merlin whined a little. “Don’t say things like that when I can’t do anything about it.”

“That’s my point. You can.” Merlin still looked unsure. “If you don’t want to, that’s a whole different thing but you only said you don’t wanna hurt me. If that’s all you’re worried about, then this ain’t gonna hurt me.”

Merlin knelt on the bed, pressing a kiss to Eggsy’s lips. “Are you sure about this?”

“I’m sure.” Eggsy sat up a little to kiss him back. “You just saw me with Harry, I won’t let you do more than I can take.”

Merlin nodded and Eggsy grinned at him, settling himself into a more comfortable position amongst the pillows. Merlin straddled his torso, pushing inch by inch between Eggsy’s lips. He held the back of Eggsy’s head for a minute, just firmly enough to keep him where he wanted him but gently enough that he could pull away if he wanted to. After taking a moment to savour the feeling, he started to thrust in and out of Eggsy’s mouth. It was wet and sloppy and had none of the finesse that he was used to but it was Eggsy, and that made it perfect. He pulled out as he was getting close, letting his hand take over the work. “How do you want to do this, love?”

“Dunno if I can swallow it.” As fucked out as he looked, he still looked disappointed, even as a smile flashed onto his face. “Come on my face instead.”

“Really?” Eggsy nodded with a smirk. “You have missed us.” It didn’t take long for Merlin to do as he was told, Eggsy closing his eyes to be on the safe side and sweeping his tongue across his lips to catch some of it when Merlin was done. Merlin wiped the rest of it away from Eggsy’s mouth with his thumb and placed a kiss there. “You’re beautiful. Even when you’re filthy.”

“Like you two ain’t.” Merlin and Harry cast admiring looks at each other too. “I am disgusting now though. Not that I’m complaining but shopping’s coming in like half an hour, don’t wanna give them a shock at the door.”

Merlin moved to free Eggsy and Harry hopped up too and swept Eggsy up in his arms, making him squeal. “Let’s get you cleaned up then.”

Merlin shook his head fondly as he watched Harry carry Eggsy away, trailing behind them a second later.

Eggsy just about had time to get dressed before he answered the door with damp hair and cheeks still rosy from the hot water. Merlin was on hand to carry the bags through for him, then had to be shooed away as he rummaged through them. Eggsy cooked them salmon and potatoes and heaped vegetables onto their plates too, before serving up waffles with ice cream and strawberries for dessert. They settled on the sofa afterwards, with Eggsy curled into Harry’s side and Merlin with his head in Eggsy’s lap and his legs dangling over the arm of the sofa, to watch Trading Places. When the credits started to roll and their eyes started to close, Harry nudged the others back awake. “Time to call it a night.”

Eggsy nodded against Harry’s shoulder. “Yeah, I reckon.” He rubbed a hand over Merlin’s chest. “Come to bed with us?”

Merlin shook his head just slightly. “It’s a bad idea, love. You’re still healing, one elbow in the wrong place and anything could happen.”

“I miss having us all together. Even if you have to go, just stay for a while. Let me pretend that we can be back to normal, just for one night. Please.” Merlin looked to Harry, who just shrugged. He knew he should say no, that it would be harder to leave them than to not go with them in the first place, but he couldn’t.

For how long they’d been doing it, it seemed bizarre to be back to their old routine: all going up to their room, dancing around each other in the en suite, getting ready to go to bed together. It made all of them quietly long to have that back permanently.

When Eggsy lifted his shirt to get changed, Merlin couldn’t help but ghost his fingers around the burn scars still low on his back. Eggsy wrapped his fingers loosely around Merlin’s wrist, speaking in almost a whisper. “Don’t.”

Merlin drew his hand away straight away, waiting for Eggsy to turn and look at him but he didn’t. He just hung his head as he carried on changing. “Does it hurt?”

“Not any more. They said it should fade in a couple of months or whatever. Just looks ugly, don’t it? And feels it. Don’t really like touching it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Eggsy did turn to face him then, frowning in a way that didn’t quite fit with anything he said. Merlin wondered if maybe he was trying to convince himself. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.” He pressed a soft kiss to Eggsy’s lips. “And I don’t think it’s ugly. It’s proof of how strong you are. You overcame something most people couldn’t.”

Eggsy blushed a little, a smile creeping onto his face. “Not yet. I’m working on it.”

They all climbed into bed for what seemed like the first time in a lifetime. While Merlin kept what he considered to be a safe distance, one hand resting on Eggsy’s hip, Harry gave in more easily to the need to be close - the need that he knew Eggsy’s shared. Pressed to his back, he nuzzled into Eggsy’s neck. “Happy anniversary, darling.”

“I wish we could’ve done it before but happy late anniversary, you two. I love you both so much.”

Harry pressed a kiss to his neck. “I love you too, darling. Both of you. You have no idea how much.”

“I love you too. Loves of my life.” He dropped a quick kiss on Eggsy’s nose. “Happy anniversary, sweetheart.”

It felt good - right - to fall asleep beside Merlin again after far too long. Waking up a few hours later to find him gone, though, not so much. He sort of hoped that once he was there, Merlin would realise it would be fine and he’d change his mind and stay but apparently not. Instead he tucked himself closer to his other partner before he went back to sleep. At least he had Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading (and for waiting but my timing’s getting better!)
> 
> At the moment, I don’t feel like I’m capable of writing to the standard that I used to and I’m genuinely at a loss as to why that is and how I can improve again, and I feel like I’ve lost a lot of people along the way. So to those still with me, while I always appreciate it, I would love your feedback now more than ever. If there’s something that I used to do and don’t any more that you loved, or something that I’ve started doing that you hate, please let me know. I really do value what you think; without you there’s no point in writing.


	43. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boiling point.

The more Merlin kept his distance, the more Eggsy wanted him close. And Harry was there and he loved him, of course he did, he adored him. But he wasn’t Merlin. It didn’t stop him curling up against Harry instead though. Not at first, anyway. Being with Harry was one thing - and a great thing - but being with Harry when he wanted to be with Merlin was another, and neither could ever be a replacement for the other. The guilt of feeling like Harry wasn’t enough after everything he’d already done and how hard he was trying left a constant knot in his stomach but he couldn’t push the feeling away, not with Merlin still sleeping down the hall and not in their bed where he belonged.

And Harry wasn’t blind. He could see the way Eggsy looked at Merlin but settled for him instead. He could see how disappointed they both looked when Merlin went off to bed alone. That little prick of rejection each time made just a tiny part of him want to leave them to their own devices. He hated to see them both so distant and hated feeling so stuck in the middle. He understood the frustration but he wanted Eggsy to realise that every setback wasn’t the end of the world. He wanted Merlin to break out of his never-ending spiral of self-blame and self-loathing and get the bloody therapy he said he would. More than anything, he wanted to feel like things might be okay for more than two days at a time and not to feel so fucking powerless.

It hurt Merlin too, to see what it was doing to the men that he loved. He’d sworn to show them both how much he loved them, he’d told Eggsy to keep fighting for him but he could barely even touch him now and they were both suffering because of it. It was just another way that he was letting them down. He’d made promises to both of them that he hadn’t kept and he was sure he didn’t deserve to feel okay about any of it. Eggsy was the one that had almost died, Harry had been through so much too, so why should he be the one to be helped? Why should he get to feel better?

The first day that Eggsy couldn’t use his crutches was one of their worst. He’d woken up, got out of bed and tried to go about his day but the second he put his weight on the crutches, his shoulder gave out and - unable to use his other leg to balance - sent him tumbling to the floor. He felt an all-too-familiar pain spread across his ribs as he hit the ground and got the sickening feeling that part of his recovery had been reversed. He cried for an hour when Harry jumped out of bed, checked him over and came to the same conclusion before he finally gave in to his coaxing to get to HQ and get checked out properly.

It was bittersweet that it made Merlin get involved again. As soon as Eggsy wasn’t in too much pain, Merlin volunteered himself to help with physio. Every day, he’d go through the exercises he’d been given with him, stretching him when he needed it and providing resistance when he needed that instead. Even (or maybe especially) on the days when Eggsy didn’t feel like doing anything, when it felt a bit too hopeless for the aching afterwards to be worth it, Merlin was there to encourage him. _Just twenty minutes, love, and it’s done. We can do it while Harry walks the dog._ And that was usually enough to get him up and started, then usually he’d get on fine with it. At least he felt like he was being productive.

Occasionally, though, he’d end up more fed up than before he started, and then Merlin’s encouragement was far more annoying than it was motivating.

"That's it. We're done."

And Merlin would always push just a little bit more. "No, I know you can do more than that. Come on, let's go again."

Well that just made him angry. Yeah, he could do more, at other times, on other days. He wished he could do better but sometimes it was just too fucking difficult and he didn’t need Merlin reminding him that he was failing. "I'm not one of your fucking candidates. You’re supposed to be helping me get better, not wearing me down til I fucking break. But if this is too much like work for you, I'll do it myself or ask someone else. And I know you don’t just do this for me. You got me into this so you’ll get me out, right? Well you’ve done your bit. It’s not like I ain’t trying to do this for you too but I just can’t today, alright?"

"Okay, we're done for today." Eggsy nodded, heading off to take a shower. "Eggsy. I'm sorry. Helping you isn't like work."

Eggsy just shrugged, too fed up to give it any more discussion. “Okay.”

Those situations invariably led to a long and thoughtful shower that only worked to extend the pit of guilt in his stomach, after which he’d find Merlin looking stressed and trying not to, and Harry looking increasingly unimpressed whilst trying to stay neutral.

“I’m sorry. I acted like a prick. I just need you to know that I’m trying, I swear.”

“It’s okay, leannan.” Merlin draped an arm around his waist, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I know how hard you’re working, for all of our sakes. I thought I was helping by getting you to keep going but I’m sorry if I pushed you too far.”

Eggsy pressed closer to him. “It’s fine. I know you’re just tryna help. I overreacted, I’m sorry.” And that would be it for them for another while.

Eventually Harry got tired of it, though. Having seen them go through the process yet again, he couldn’t stay quiet once he had Eggsy alone. “The way you’re treating Merlin isn’t fair, darling. He’s doing his best, just like you are, just like we all are. It’s not fair to make him your verbal punching bag.”

“So we argue, people do that all the time, and we make up afterwards. If it’s bothering him, why don’t he say something?”

“Because he thinks he deserves whatever you have to throw at him, I’m sure. I don’t. It’s bothering me.” Eggsy took on the look of a child being scolded. “I love you, darling, but remember that he’s my husband, I love him too. It’s affecting him and I wouldn’t be the man or the partner that I think I am if I didn’t say something.”

“I’m not trying to treat him like shit.”

“I wouldn’t assume that you are. Just be mindful of it, that’s all I’m saying.”

“Okay, I will. I love him too, you know. And you.”

And to be fair, he was a man of his word. He did his best to keep his cool, Merlin went to see a therapist and he finally got the cast off his leg. It all helped. He found he had a slight limp and it wasn’t clear if it was from lack of use or something more serious, but like Harry said, he tried not to get too worked up over it if it was the latter. So it wasn’t easy by any means but they were trying so hard and it seemed to be working.

As ever, though, the resolution of one problem seemed to make way for the creation of another. While Merlin was out for his second session, and expecting to stay a while and catch up on what had been happening at work, the other two had just been going about their day. Harry had been out in the garden throwing a ball around for JB and just as the little thing got tired out and Harry decided to call it a day and head back inside, he heard a shriek from Eggsy. He made it to the kitchen in a few long strides and every one of his instincts kicked in, instantly pulling the other man away from Eggsy and slamming him against the nearest wall with a hand clamped tightly around his throat.

Harry was breathing heavily, his features all so twisted with rage and his eyes so glazed over that they could both tell he wasn't really looking at the man in front of him. Perhaps it was being away from the action of the job for too long but he couldn't really even see his face, he was just the man who'd made Eggsy cry out. He certainly didn't recognise him as his husband.

Merlin had come home early but clearly Harry hadn't heard. He and Eggsy were messing around in the kitchen, and Merlin had gone from kissing him to nipping at his neck to biting down by his shoulder. Eggsy had shouted out playfully but Harry didn't sense that. He heard the pain in it so loud and clear that he missed the laughter that came with it. Merlin didn't try to fight him and Eggsy stood in stunned silence, keeping a wary distance and fighting back tears at the sudden brutality. "Harry, stop! It’s Merlin.”

Harry turned quickly to look at Eggsy, obviously finding him unharmed, and then back at Merlin, actually taking in his face this time and visibly surprised to find that it was really him. His hand loosened around Merlin's throat but he didn't let it fall away completely, leaving it to rest on his chest instead. "Merlin." He ran his other hand over his own face. “Shit. Merlin, I'm sorry. I-I thought somebody was hurting him, I didn't know you were home." He turned to Eggsy, his eyes pleading for him to understand. "I thought you were hurt."

"I'm not." Eggsy looked at him with a mixture of sympathetically and fear. Not so long ago, a display like that would've done nothing but frighten him, he'd have run a mile. But now it worried the shit out of him too, for both Merlin and Harry’s sakes. "We were just messing about. Everything’s fine, see?"

Harry looked at him a minute longer before he nodded, turning back to Merlin. "I thought you were going to be home late, I wasn't expecting you yet. I just heard him scream, I thought it was real. I'm so sorry."

"I understand, love. It's okay." He understood perfectly how Harry was feeling. He'd been exactly the same for a month after That Mission, barely letting anyone anywhere near Harry, warning off anyone that tried with a look and personally removing anyone that looked like a threat. He'd never been afraid to be a bit hands on about protecting what was important to him. That was why he oversaw all of their missions - he channelled all of his nervous aggression into control over their mission - and it hadn’t failed him yet. He'd had decades to get used to having a partner who goes off and gets injured, and all the feelings and the defensive urges that come with it, and he'd learnt to control all of it. Harry hadn't had the same practice.

"Are you alright?" Harry lifted a shaking hand to swipe across the reddened line on Merlin's neck. "Does it hurt?"

"I'm fine, Harry." He took Harry's hand in his and brought it up to kiss his palm. Harry pulled it away as if he'd been burnt. "Don't worry about it, please."

"I, um, I should leave you two, then. You were doing perfectly fine before I came and…interrupted." Harry forced a tight smile. Eggsy grabbed his arm as he moved quickly to the door. "I need a moment by myself. Please."

"You can't just walk out like that didn't happen. We need to talk about this, Harry."

"And we will. Just give me a minute." Eggsy was torn between making him stay and face it, and letting him go. Harry looked at him, desperation in his eyes. "Please, Eggsy."

Eggsy let him go and Harry shut himself away in his office. He turned back to Merlin, frowning at him in concern. "Are you really alright?"

"I'm fine, I promise." The rasping in his voice did nothing to convince Eggsy. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m not the one that just nearly got fucking choked.” Merlin pursed his lips. “Why didn’t you say anything? You didn’t even flinch.”

“Because I know that he’d never intentionally hurt me. And I know how terrifying it is to feel like that.” Merlin coughed and grabbed himself a glass of water, getting another dubious look from Eggsy. “You should be more worried about him than you are about me. We’ll give him a couple more minutes and see how he is.”

"Are you taking the piss?" Eggsy looked furious.

"You're angry with me now?"

"Yeah, you're acting like this is all alright. You're both just gonna gloss over it?"

"It is alright."

"He just hurt you, his husband. He just pinned you to a wall by your throat, Merlin. That ain't al-fucking-right."

"He didn't mean to hurt me, and you can see how bad he feels about it."

"D'you know how many times I've heard 'he didn't mean it' or ‘he’s sorry’?”

"This isn't like that."

"Heard that as well."

"I'm not saying he didn't mean to hurt anyone, he did, he just didn't mean for it to be me. Eggsy, I understand why you're not happy about this but we both know Harry's not like that. Don't you dare compare him and this to that man and the things he did to you and your family." Eggsy started to backtrack. "No, if you believed for even a second that he was anything like that, you wouldn't be here, and you wouldn’t be having a go at me for it either. You don't get to throw that around just because you're angry and we're not dealing with it the way you want to."

Before Merlin had a chance to call time on it, Eggsy marched off to Harry’s office. Merlin was close behind him and when they opened the door, Harry looked so distressed that they wondered whether leaving him alone had really been a good idea. Harry’s demeanour was contagious and it settled into Eggsy, too, so that Merlin could practically feel the nervous energy vibrating off of him. Merlin placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently to try and calm him a little. “We wanted to come and see if you’re alright, love.”

"I am sorry, both of you.” He could barely look at him, though, as he sat at his desk with his head in his hands. Merlin stepped around Eggsy, not really needing an apology. “If I’d known it was you, I never would have done that.”

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s okay.” Merlin leant back against the desk, standing right next to Harry, legs crossed at the ankles, and stroked his cheek. “Do you remember when I used to get like this? Do you remember what you used to do?”

“That was different. You never aimed it at me.”

“It’s exactly the same. You thought Eggsy was in danger and you protected him. Do you remember what you did?” Harry nodded. “Then that’s exactly what we’re going to do. Look at him, Harry. He’s safe, he’s okay. Look around you, look where we are. We’re home, we’re safe. No one’s getting in, nothing can hurt us here, understand?”

Merlin’s words were like a tonic. He’d seen how those exact things had calmed Merlin all those years ago but he never imagined quite how comforting they would feel. Harry took a moment to look around the room - the familiar office set in the house that had been home for decades, the place he knew to be safe - before his eyes landed on Eggsy. He stared at Eggsy for a long few moments as if he was trying to convince himself that he was really okay. Eggsy managed half a sympathetic smile, trying to prove it further, but didn’t move from his spot in the doorway.

“I know you’re scared and it’s okay to be, but don’t sell him short. Isn’t that what you used to say to me? ‘I appreciate you looking after me but I am a spy, you know. I can be left to my own devices from time to time.’ Something like that?” Merlin did his spot on impression of Harry that never failed to make the man himself smile. “It won’t always be this hard, trust me.”

“Thank you.” His small smile fell away quickly. “I hope you can both forgive me.”

“I already have, love.” Merlin bent forward to kiss Harry, trying to put everything that he could into it to make him okay again.

Harry brushed his fingertips against Merlin’s neck again. "It'll bruise."

"It'll heal." Harry gave him a small smile but there was still a sadness in his eyes and, Merlin thought, a hint of wariness. Merlin spoke softly to him. "What is it?"

"I couldn't see you. I was looking right at you and I couldn't see you as you. My own husband." Merlin held Harry's hands between them, stroking the backs of his hands comfortingly with his thumbs. "I was so blinded by needing to protect Eggsy that I didn't even recognise you. What if he hadn't stopped me?"

"Something in you did or you could have killed me before he had the chance to stop you. You did recognise me, even if you didn't know it." Harry looked slightly more at ease but something was clearly still weighing on him. “Talk to me, Harry.”

Harry sighed, refusing to meet Merlin's gaze. "What if I don't stop next time?"

"You will. Look at me." Harry slowly met his eye. "You will. I've done all of this before, remember? That first time is the worst and we've got that out of the way now. Even if you're still on edge, it won't be like that. I doubt there'll even be a next time."

"But what if there is? You didn't even put up a fight, I could have seriously hurt you."

"And if I thought you were going to, I would have. You're far less capable of hurting the people that you care about than you think." Merlin pulled him in for a kiss but just a hint of uncertainty still clung on. "If it makes you feel better - in case there is a next time - I've watched your every move on every mission for a quarter of a century. I know how you fight, I know how to fight back, and I promise I will if I need to."

They were, again, oddly comforting words, laying all of Harry's concerns to rest. Harry leant forward once again to plant a kiss on Merlin's lips. "Thank you." He rose to meet Eggsy, then, but Eggsy only tensed up as he stepped closer to him. For reasons that his brain couldn’t quite straighten out right there and then, watching their interaction only put Eggsy more on edge, made him feel a little more of an outsider. Harry stopped and held his hands behind his back. “I’m so sorry, Eggsy. I wasn’t thinking, it was all instinct.”

“You can’t just do shit like that, Harry.”

He bowed his head slightly. “I know.”

“I mean, what the fuck? The first I hear about you being scared or worried about this or whatever is you going off on one at Merlin. That ain’t right, why didn’t you just speak to us?”

“Because I thought it was fucking obvious, darling, that you almost dying might be an issue for me. And I don’t think you’ve needed another thing to worry about.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t call me ‘darling’ in that fucking sarky tone. I’d rather have worried about that than have this happen.” He held his hands up in question. “So what, now me and Merlin have gotta walk round on eggshells? Does it make it better that you weren’t thinking? Who knows what else you’re gonna do, do you?”

“Eggsy, that’s enough.” Merlin spoke low, demanding Eggsy’s gaze and Eggsy glared right back.

“No, it’s not.” He turned back to Harry, looking him dead in the eye. “If you _ever_ lay a single finger on my like that, if I ever see you pull that shit on Merlin again, I’m packing my shit, I’m leaving, and I won’t look back. I don’t give a fuck what you thing is going on, if this happens again, we’re done, you get me?”

“Of course. It won’t happen again. I would never do that to you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m sure you would’ve said you’d never strangle Merlin in your kitchen but here we are.”

“Eggsy!”

“What?!” The anger in all of them was filling the room. Eggsy stared Merlin down for a second, daring him to say something else, before he looked back at Harry. “You wanted to talk to me about how I treat Merlin? I’m pretty sure this is a whole lot worse, only seems fair that I can have a go at you for it.”

Merlin stepped round to Harry’s side. “You did what? I told you to leave it alone.”

“And I would have if you were the only one affected by it. How long did you want me to stay quiet for, exactly?”

“We would’ve handled it, Harry. You had no right.”

“I’m part of this relationship, you are my husband, Eggsy is my partner. I got tired of seeing you both suffer. I had every right.”

“You shouldn’t have gone behind my back.”

“All things considered, I don’t think that’s the biggest issue, bruv. You’ve got a problem with that but not what just happened?”

“Don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t have a problem with. That’s for me to decide.”

“Eggsy.” Harry interrupted before they could get into another spat. “I understand why you’re so angry. I’m sorry.”

Harry took a step forward and Eggsy made just the slightest move back against the door on reflex. “Not yet.” He looked back to Merlin. “If you wanna swap with me, I’ll sleep in Sophie’s room tonight, otherwise I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

It was two days before they spoke about it again. Eggsy sat at the end of their bed that night as Harry sat up at the other. “I know you were only trying to protect me and I appreciate that but you need to reign it in. You can’t do that to Merlin. I can’t live in a house where that sort of thing can happen.”

“I know. All I can do is apologise and tell you that it won’t happen again, darling, not if I have any say in it. I would never want to hurt either of you.” Eggsy nodded, not quite so angry but not quite forgiving either; not forgiving enough for him to sleep in their bed again, at least. Instead they all spent days sleeping in different rooms, barely talking to each other and living lives as separate as they could all cooped up in a two-bedroom house.

“Fuck!” Still, the other two were there in seconds at Eggsy’s frustrated growls (they may not have been speaking to each other, but that didn’t mean they didn’t care). Eggsy had dropped his toothbrush on the floor, getting toothpaste all down the front of his shirt in the process. Another one of his shoulder twinges, no doubt. Harry stepped forward to pick it up but Eggsy stopped him. "It's fine, I've got it."

When Eggsy bent to pick it up and hissed at the pain in his ribs, Harry darted for it to stop him hurting himself further. “Let me help, darling."

"I could've got it," Eggsy muttered. His ribs were doing his fucking head in now that his other bones had healed. How long were they gonna take? He tried wiping his shirt off with a damp flannel but his wrist was playing up again too and it was an awkward angle with two injured arms.

"Here, let me." Merlin went to take the flannel from Eggsy's hand but Eggsy snatched it away.

"I can do things myself, you know. I don't need you two treating me like a fucking toddler all the time. Just fuck off, both of you. Leave me alone." The two of them left without another word. "Wait, I didn't mean that." Neither of them came back or answered and he murmured to himself again, still frustrated but for a completely different reason. "Fuck."

Eggsy hobbled along to Harry's office, where the other two were clearly arguing. "What's going on?"

"Merlin says he's going back to work. I told him he's not ready but he won't listen."

Harry waited for Eggsy to agree with him and try to talk Merlin out of it but Merlin didn’t bother. “And I told you, I have you two and I have work, and I'm clearly not wanted here."

Eggsy frowned at him. "No one told you to take time off, don't act like that's my fault. At least you _can_ go back to work."

Merlin turned to him with an incredulous look. ”No, I needed to because I watched, with my own eyes, what could easily have been one of the men that I love dying. Do you have any idea what that's like? Because I don't think you do. Maybe if you took just a second to stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself, you'd realise you're not the only one having a hard time.”

Eggsy spat back, “Fuck you."

Harry stepped in. “Eggsy, I know how difficult this is for you, but please let us help you. That's why we're both here."

“No, it's not.” Eggsy scoffed. “You're here because he needed it and he asked you to as well. If you wanna help me, stop acting like all of this is for me, like it hasn't fucked you up as well. It ain't fair putting it all on me. If you wanna feel useful because you're not working and you're bored, why don't you put your energy into helping your fucking husband instead?"

"And that is fair, is it? I know you're struggling but that does not give you licence to treat us like shit when we've done nothing wrong." Eggsy just huffed and left again. "He was out of line but he's right about one thing, I'm here because you asked me to be. I do think it's too soon but if you want to go back, we'll go back."

"Oh, because you're doing just fine, are you? Don't give me that shit, Harry. He was right about one thing but it's not that - you need to stop pretending you're not affected by this as well. And stop acting like you didn't want to be here for him just as much as I did, don't suddenly make it all my fault just because he's pushing you away."

"Yes, I'm affected by it but you don't need to use my pain to justify your own - stop trying to. And yes, I wanted to be here for both of you but quite what the point was, I haven't a fucking clue, since all any of us seem to be able to do is anger each other."

"Piss off, then, if I make you so fucking angry."

Harry crossed his arms. “It's my office."

Merlin stared at him for a second but Harry stood firm. Merlin shook his head as he shouldered past him. "You're a child."

It was days again before they spoke at all, and the heating bill should’ve been sky high to stop them freezing in the frosty atmosphere. Eggsy spent most of his time shut away in Sophie’s room with JB and Netflix; Harry hid away in his office and caught up on what he could of Kingsman’s activities while he’d been away, assuming he’d be going back soon; and Merlin took the chance to take care of the garden, clear the gutters, clean the windows, all the shitty jobs they always avoided but anything to stay out of the way and avoid another fucking argument.

Reluctantly, though, Eggsy had to ask for a favour at some point and - happening to catch Merlin during a break - decided he was the one to ask. “Can you take JB for a walk?”

“A please would be nice.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes. “So you’ll only look after _our_ pet if I ask really nicely? Funny how he’s mine when it suits.”

“And it’s funny how you’ll only talk to me when you want something.”

“Well I’d do it myself but my leg’s playing up again so I can’t really today. And whose fucking fault is that?”

“Jesus, are we still doing this?” Merlin scrubbed his hands over his face and Harry joined them, having heard the commotion. “Look, Eggsy, I know I fucked up. I should’ve warned you, I should’ve got a team to you quicker, I should’ve led you to a different fucking exit. But I didn’t do any of those things and you got hurt on my watch, and I am sorry. I am. I’m so, so sorry, but I don’t know how many times I can tell you that. I don’t know if you're ever going to accept that or not because one minute you say it’s fine and the next you fucking hate me, and it’s torture. It’s driving me insane, and I don’t know what you want from me. Do you want me to suffer like you did?”

“You’re not gonna suffer like I did. You come out every now and then when everything goes completely tits up but you’re probably never gonna go through the shit we go through because you’re nice and safe behind your fucking desk, aren’t you?”

“You think that makes it easy? Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch the things that you go through? To hear it all? To be the one that gives those orders?”

“Not as bad as it is to feel it, I guarantee. Don’t stop you giving the orders, does it? Do you know how much shit I’ve done for this job that I’ve hated? Because _you_ asked me to. Because I wanted to make _you_ proud.”

“As if I haven’t told you more than once that if you’re that against something, say no. It’s funny, you can do things your way the rest of the time but when it suits you, you go back to just following orders and everything’s my fucking fault again. I’ve let you get away with doing what you want enough times - if you did those things, it’s because you chose to. If you hate what you’ve done, you’ve got no one to blame but yourself.”

“Yeah, I chose to. I chose to listen to you because I ain’t stupid enough to think I know better than someone that’s been doing this for decades longer than I have. I chose to because I fucking trusted you. Look where that got me.”

“Will you stop?! Both of you, just stop it. I cannot stand this any longer.” Harry breathed out a heavy sigh. “All any of us do is argue, and apologise, and then do it all over again, to the point that we don’t even talk now. I can’t do this any more.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes at him. “You can’t do what, exactly?”

“I don’t know.” Harry shrugged, searching for some words to explain but it came out just the same. “I don’t know. But I can’t stay here with things as they are right now.”

Eggsy looked down at the car keys dangling from Harry’s fingers. "Where are you going?”

“I think we all need some room to breathe.” He lowered his gaze so that he didn’t have to see either of their reactions. “I think it would be best for all of us if I go and stay somewhere else. Just for a while.”

“Better for all of us or for you?”

“Eggsy…”

“Whatever. Go on then. Just run away from it, that'll work."

Harry scoffed. ”Because you've never done that before? You tell me, because you can't seem to stand being around either of us, is there anything left worth fighting for? Or are we all killing ourselves and tearing each other apart for nothing?“

Eggsy shrugged. “Well if you're asking that, I guess there’s not."

“I see. Well then clearly staying won’t help. Maybe we all need to cool down a little and speak again in a few days.” Harry turned and left, trying not to give either of them the chance the argue, but Merlin called after him, following him into the hallway.

“You’re going? Just like that? We’re not even going to talk about it?”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but talking hasn’t got any of us anywhere recently. It’s only temporary. I’ll be back in a few days.”

“You don’t have to go at all.”

“Actually, I think I do.” Harry put on his cold, distant mask, halting any further discussion as he left. “I’ll speak to you soon.”

Merlin turned back to the living room, stopping in the doorway. ”It's not worth fighting for?"

"As if you give a shit. You never wanted any of this anyway, you only agreed to it for Harry. Well now you can go back to being just the two of you. Maybe I should've fucking died and you could've done that months ago."

"Eggsy, don't you dare-“

“You think I ain’t seen you? I don’t know what the fuck happened while I was out but I’ve never seen you two so happy with each other. What, did you realise life was better before? How much you love each other when you ain’t got someone getting in the way? You won’t even fucking touch me, you haven’t since I’ve been home. What, now that I’m a rubbish shag, you’re not interested? I guess even doing it for Harry ain’t enough any more.” Merlin tried to interrupt again but Eggsy wouldn’t give him the chance to speak. “It’s fine, he’s had enough of me now as well. I was just a tool to make you two stronger or some bullshit. So now I can get out of the way and you can get back to the life you actually wanted and live happily ever after. Sound good?”

“You know none of that is true. Not a word of it. I did want you, you’ve never been ‘just’ anything.”

“Did. Whatever, Merlin. It don’t fucking matter any more anyway, does it?” It was complete bollocks, everything he said, but it didn't matter that Merlin denied it. Eggsy wasn’t listening, he was just trying to get around Merlin. Instinctively, he stood firmer, blocking the doorway completely. “Let me go.”

And really, what choice did he have? Was he going to hold Eggsy hostage in their own living room otherwise? No. He stepped aside to let Eggsy pass. He went upstairs a few minutes later to find Eggsy just finishing packing a bag. He thought it would be like all the other times where Eggsy would disappear for a while to calm down, then they’d both apologise and try to get through a few more days without ripping each other to shreds. "You're going too?"

"Yeah." Eggsy walked straight past him and down the stairs. He’d already called for a cab and it would be there any minute. "I'll pick the rest of my stuff up soon. And Sophie’s stuff as well."

Merlin followed closely behind him. ”That's it? You're leaving? For good?"

"What's the point in staying?"

Merlin nodded bitterly. "Right. Are you going to tell Harry you're leaving him too or will that just be a nice little surprise for him to figure out?"

"If Harry gave a shit, he'd be here." He quickly clipped JB's lead to his collar and went for the door.

"Hang on a second." Eggsy turned back towards him, most likely expecting Merlin to beg him to stay or something. "If you're serious, you can leave your fucking keys. I'll let you in when you come back for the rest of your stuff."

If the slightly stunned look on his face was anything to go by, that was nothing like what he expected. Even so, he reached into his pocket, twisted the two keys to their front door off of his keyring and set them down on the hallway table. His eyes shone with tears as he gave Merlin one more long look, and Merlin was sure he'd regret it as soon as he calmed down even slightly. "I really fucking love you, you know. This ain't how I wanted things to go."

_I know._  
Me neither.  
I really fucking love you, too.  
Stay, then.  
He wanted to say all of them and he'd've meant any one of them, but whichever he chose would've kept them in the hellish infinite loop that they’d already been stuck in for far too long. Even if that weren't the case, or if he could ignore it, he didn't think he could trust himself to say any of them anyway, so he said nothing. He kept his gaze fixed firmly on the floor, unable to actually watch Eggsy leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, thank you for reading and please let me know your thoughts!


	44. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next three chapters are short explorations of our boys’ thoughts and feelings, and I would love to hear about yours too!

The other two were in the house alone often enough but Merlin rarely was and it suddenly felt far too empty. It took everything in him not to chase Eggsy and call Harry and beg them both to come home, but Harry was right, they needed some time apart. But now that time seemed to have turned into forever, and no matter how unready he was to admit it, maybe they were just never meant to be.

That was it. It was over. They should’ve been married by now, and happy, but instead his husband was Christ-knows-where and his partner hadn’t seen anything worth staying for. There were a million things he could’ve done differently. He should’ve stopped it from happening in the first place and everything would’ve been fine. He shouldn’t have let Harry carry the weight of everything and maybe he’d still be there. He should’ve seen a fucking therapist sooner, got over himself and held Eggsy while he could. Now he wasn’t going to get that chance again. He should’ve told them both that he loved them.

Until a couple of years ago, he never thought he’d fall in love again. He’d never wanted to, Eggsy was never supposed to be his. But he had been, and maybe it was karma for saying so, but he was right that they all would’ve been saved so much pain if that had never been the case. He never imagined he’d have his heart broken at this stage in his life by a man half his age. He’d never imagined he’d be responsible for breaking Harry’s heart too.

They’d be kicking themselves but it would be easy to see where it all went wrong if they’d just given up from the start, but they hadn’t. They’d all tried. They’d all tried to fix it or at least hold onto what they had until things got better but it wasn’t enough. Loving each other wasn’t enough. Everything had started to unravel faster than they could sew it back up, until there was nothing left to salvage. And now, as those first few tears stung in his eyes and started to slip free, he was sat alone in the house that he and Harry build and that Eggsy had reinforced and the walls may as fell have fallen down around him.


	45. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of 3

He'd stopped by the shop to pick up the keys to his safe house, then headed over there, flopped straight down onto the sofa and sighed to himself, his head in his hands. He’d ignored his phone when it rang, assuming it was Eggsy or Merlin either apologising (he was sick of hearing apologies proved meaningless within a couple of days) or looking for a new argument (even if they didn’t know they were, it seemed inevitable these days), and wished he hadn’t when he listened to the message afterwards.

When he left, Eggsy wasn’t supposed to follow his lead. They were supposed to take a little bit of time apart, let absence make the heart grow fonder. Half of his family wasn’t supposed to be gone by the time he got home. It wasn’t supposed to be the end of their relationship. Although, perhaps he should’ve seen it coming. It was surely only a matter of time before they all despised each other, it would have had to come to an end at some point. He’d just never meant to be the catalyst.

He should have stayed. He hated being the one to hold them together but it was what they all needed so he should have stuck it out. Instead he’d been selfish and now he and Merlin were both alone, Eggsy was gone for good, and he’d basically begged Merlin to make him believe they’d be okay once that happened but how could they when he was the one to cause it? He’d made Merlin fall in love with Eggsy and then taken him away. Maybe losing them both would be his punishment for that.

Or maybe it was better this way. Maybe it had all come crashing down just soon enough that they might still be able to salvage some kind of friendship from the wreckage. Or acquaintanceship, at least. Enough that they might look each other in the eye and be able to sit at the Round Table and be civil with one another. He kept a shred of hope for that, if nothing else. In the meantime, he wasn’t ashamed to shed a tear or two at how utterly lost he felt. This place was so foreign to him now but he wondered how much home still felt like home anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!


	46. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 of 3

If he was being honest and wasn't being a complete dickhead, he probably couldn't actually look after himself completely alone. He wished he was stronger. He wished his body hadn’t let him down. He wished it hadn’t just cost him the best relationship he could ever have hoped for, and yet he was still just as alone and just as much the fucking invalid. But he wanted to face his mum less than he needed her help and he wasn't gonna ask anyone else to take care of him, so he went to his own house instead of hers.

Except when he closed the front door behind him, the first thought that hit him was coming home after their first date; as he walked through the house, he thought of Merlin and the last time they were there together; and when he carried his bag up to his room, he remembered lying in bed with Harry and Merlin being asked to move in with them. Being alone with the reminders of them would be worse than his mum ever could. He dried his eyes, picked his bag back up, grabbed JB's lead again and set off for his mum's, making a mental note to request a new house.

He’d spent nearly two and a half years with them. Almost four if you count when they were just shagging. He’d given Kingsman all of that time too, plus his training, and he wasn’t ready to be done with either of them yet. But what could he do? Even Harry didn’t want him any more. Harry, the bloke who’d nearly fucked up his whole life just to tell Eggsy he loved him, had had enough. Merlin didn’t even ask him to stay. He never did know how not to fuck up a good thing.

Now, once he could, he’d have to go back and face them at work. And Harry didn’t technically outrank him but he was still obviously his senior. And Merlin was fucking Merlin. He’d have to see and answer to the two men that he’d just left every day and the thought filled him with dread, to the point that he might consider just not going back if there was anything else he could do. And if he hadn’t worked so hard to become an agent and didn’t love his job so much. But still, it would be hard. And he wished the reason was that he hated them, that he never wanted to see them again, but it wasn’t. Not even close. He still loved them, even through all of the anger and the upset and the little bit of fear. Even though they didn’t want him any more, even though it was over. Fuck, he loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback is always welcome.


	47. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eggsy goes to collect his things

Merlin hadn’t been posturing when he spoke about going back to work. It was the easiest thing to do, to throw himself into it. He’d needed the time while they all healed but if he’d lost them anyway, there seemed no point in wasting more time wallowing. He chose not to analyse too deeply why, but he didn’t take all of his responsibilities back right away. He left the handling of missions to Matthew and his team, instead spending long days and nights shut away in his office with mountains of paperwork, making full use of the training of his body over the years to require the least amount of sleep and food possible.

Harry, on the other hand, didn’t feel quite up to it just yet. While he didn’t doubt his capability and the idea of slaughtering some villains was tempting, he was sure that going out on a mission with the recklessness that his mood would guarantee would be unwise. He didn’t want Merlin to come back to work to find that his husband had done something idiotic and wound up in medical. His life may well have just fallen apart but he didn’t actually want to get himself killed. Instead he spent most of his time stewing with a glass of something alcoholic in hand, only narrowly avoiding cutting out the middle man all together and drinking straight from the bottle.

It was safe to say that Michelle wasn’t happy. She was pleased to see Eggsy when he arrived but as soon he walked in and put his bag down in the hall, she had a frown on her face. “What are you doing here with that?”

Eggsy greeted her with a kiss on the cheek and let JB off his lead. “Can I stay here for a bit? Everything’s gone to shit with Harry and Merlin and I’m not really up to living on my own just yet.”

“Yeah, course you can. What do you mean everything’s gone to shit?”

Eggsy stared at his feet, trying to swallow down the lump in his throat. “It’s over. We’re done. I’ve um…I’ve brought all the important stuff with me and I’m gonna pick the rest of my stuff up in a couple of days.”

“They’ve kicked you out when you’re like this?!”

Eggsy shook his head. “They didn’t kick me out, I left.”

Michelle crossed her arms, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “Why? What have they done?”

Eggsy sighed - this is exactly why he didn’t want to come here. “Nothing, mum.”

“I swear, if they’ve done anything to you, I’ll go round there and-“

“And nothing. You won’t do anything. They didn’t do anything. We just haven’t been able to get back on track after my accident, they’ve probably already kept me around and looked after me for longer than they should have.” Michelle just frowned at him, silently seething and Eggsy must’ve looked as defeated as he felt for her not to argue more. “Even if they did do something wrong, just leave it, yeah? They’ve changed all our lives so much for the better, I ain’t gonna repay them by having you go round there and kick off, alright?” Reluctantly, she nodded, then said no more about it as she helped Eggsy get settled in.

He was dragged out by his friends the night after, agreeing mostly for the sake of getting completely off his head. They ended up in the pub, two pints and a couple of shots in with more drinks on the way. “So what happened? I mean, I thought you lot were happy and all that."

"I don't wanna talk about it." Eggsy spun his empty glass on the table, wishing Jamal would hurry up and quickly downing another shot when he finally got back.

Jamal took the seat opposite Eggsy, taking a shot himself. “Did they do something? I swear, I'll smash their fucking faces in, bruv."

"Nah, they ain't done nothing. Me and Merlin haven't really been getting on for a while." That was the understatement of the fucking century but he was hardly gonna tell them the truth. “Then him and Harry fell out about it, so _me_ and Harry fell out about it and then it was all fucked. The whole thing was a long shot anyway, weren't it?"

"Yeah, well, he's a cunt. Better off without them, I reckon. Who needs the drama of having two relationships to think about in one?"

"I know you don't really think that, you're allowed to still like him. And even if you did, he's not. He's a good bloke, they both are, we just don’t work any more. And I guess Harry's made his choice, that ain't really a surprise."

Ryan tipped his pint towards Eggsy’s hand. ”Still wearing the ring, though."

He’d sort of forgotten he was, actually. He was so used to having it there, it always felt wrong to take it off. He’d have to at some point, he knew, just not yet. ”Yeah."

It was his turn to get the next round in, and he found himself joined by a woman who looked like she’d walked straight off the set of TOWIE and into the pub. “Hope they’re not all for you.”

He smiled politely at her. “Nah, I’m with some mates.”

“Yeah? Reckon they’d mind if you ditched them for a bit?” Eggsy just shook his head with a little laugh. He couldn’t really be bothered to entertain the conversation but he didn’t wanna be a prick either. She looked down at his hand. “Married?”

He shook his head. “I was engaged.”

“Gay?”

“Nope.”

“Then it would be a shame for a gorgeous bloke like you to go home alone.”

God, that was fucking cheesy. It was only the well-trained gentleman in him (well-trained by Harry and Kingsman, and didn’t that make him want to down every bottle of vodka behind the bar?) that kept him from laughing in her face. “Thanks but I’m not really interested.”

She shrugged, clearly not having her confidence knocked by it. “We’ll see, the night’s still young.”

Eggsy made his way back to the table, both of his mates grinning at him as he sat down. “Who’s the bird?”

“Dunno, didn’t get her name.”

Ryan just shook his head. “She’s well fit, bruv. Dunno why you’re sitting here with us.”

“You know what they say: you wanna get over them two, you gotta get under someone else.” Eggsy downed his drink again. He was getting there, but he wasn’t nearly drunk enough for this bollocks. He’d lost count of how many pints and shots he’d poured down his neck before his body started screaming at him and he finally had to give in and go for a piss. He winked at the woman he’d spoken to earlier as he passed her table, the alcohol apparently making him lose his senses.

When he came out of the loo, she was there in the walkway, pressing him against the wall and doing her best to snog his face off. “Finally came to your senses?”

He had to admit the attention was nice. He knew - well, he thought - that Harry and Merlin loved him but he hadn’t felt like they fancied him in ages. Having someone that just wanted to shag him on sight didn’t do his ego any harm at all. And she was the first person in ages not to look at him with just a little bit of pity, probably assuming that his slurring was down to the booze and not the fucking horror show he went through a couple of months ago. And to be fair, he hadn’t shagged a woman for literally years, she was well fit and she had that cocky sense of humour that before Harry and Merlin would’ve guaranteed that he’d go home with her for what would probably be an amazing fuck. That smirk as she sunk to her knees did absolutely nothing to convince him that it was a bad idea either. Alarms started sounding in his head as she started to undo his jeans, though, and he realised he was about to make a catastrophically fucking stupid mistake. She could be the greatest woman he’d ever met but if she wasn’t a leggy Scot with stunning eyes and a snuggly jumper or a posh Oxford-type with gorgeous dimples and greying temples, he wasn’t interested. “Sorry, I can’t do this.”

She sat back on her heels. “Are you having a fucking laugh?”

“Nah, I’m not. Look, I’m sure you’re a lovely girl and a great shag and I bet any bloke in here would trip over themselves for you and more than a blowjob in the back of a pub but that ain’t me. Thanks but no thanks.” He weren’t a complete wanker, he at least helped her back to her feet before he strode off back to his table and downed the rest of his drink. “I’m going.”

“With her?” Eggsy shook his head and Jamal smirked at him. “Did you already shag her?”

“No, I didn’t. I’m not shagging her, I’m not shagging anyone. I’m just going home, alright?”

“Yeah, fine. It’s cool, bruv, we’ll come with you.” He was a bit grateful for that, to be honest. He was supposed to be staying at Ryan’s anyway, he couldn’t go to his mum’s, he really didn’t want to go back to his own place, and he wasn’t certain that he wouldn’t turn up back at Merlin’s door, no matter how bad an idea that would be. So yeah, he could probably do with a place to sleep and some adult supervision and he was glad to have the mates that he did to give him that.

It was two more days before Eggsy talked himself into calling Merlin to ask when he could pick the rest of his stuff up. When he went round the next day, right up until he rang the doorbell, he had to fight the urge to turn around and run away. But Merlin had made sure he’d be home and he wouldn’t want Eggsy’s shit cluttering up the house much longer so it would be rude to stand him up.

“Everything's as you left it. Do you want a hand, or...?" That didn't come out right. He didn't want to help Eggsy leave, but if he was set on it - still injured as he was the last time he saw him - maybe he could use a little help.

"Nah, I can probably manage. I'll give you a shout if I need you?" Merlin nodded. Eggsy held his left hand up. "I guess you want this back while I'm here?"

Merlin looked a little surprised. “You haven't taken it off?"

"Don't seem like it."

"Why not?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Eggsy nodded towards Merlin's hand.

"I couldn't. Not yet." Eggsy let the silence linger between them, long enough to make Merlin feel like the pathetic old man that he was sure he was.

It took him a moment to gather the nerve to ask, “Do you want me to leave?"

Merlin crossed his arms to stop himself reaching for Eggsy. "You know I don’t.”

Eggsy nodded. "What about Harry?"

"I haven't seen him, he didn't want to talk. Have you spoken to him?"

“Not really. He didn’t answer so I left a message when I left, and he left one back. You haven't heard from him? Should we be worried?"

"No, he's staying at the Galahad house. He just needs some time."

Eggsy nodded again, staring down at his feet. "He said he didn't want me to go. If none of us want it, why am I leaving?"

"Eggsy..." Merlin looked at him with soft eyes.

"Just tell me I can stay, and I'll stay."

"I can't."

A lump bobbed up into Eggsy’s throat again. ”Why not?"

“Because we've all been miserable for months now. I'd live in misery for people that I love, I've done it before and it's horrible but I've no doubt I would again if I had to, if you asked me to.” His eyes met Eggsy’s with complete earnestness. “Please don't ask me to."

For all that had gone on between them, Eggsy still believed that that was true. He had absolutely no doubt that Merlin would be miserable for the rest of his life to give Harry what he wanted, at least (maybe that was what got them here in the first place). He wasn’t sure that it did or what right he had to hope any more but he wanted to believe it applied to him too. But he didn't want that. "I'm not. I wouldn't. But why does anyone have to be miserable? Why can't we just go back to when we were all happy?"

"Because we're not. It’s been over three months since your accident. Have you been happy for more than three days of that? I wish we could but we can't just be happy when we're not."

"But if we could get back to that, if we could figure it out..."

“Eggsy, me and you-“ He paused for a minute, trying to choose his words carefully and avoid another row. “I never realised until I had the time to think about everything but we’ve always been volatile. I don’t know why it is and I think it was okay when it was just a five minute thing before we kissed and made up. When the way that we loved each other outweighed those tricky moments so much, maybe it was easy for both of us to ignore but the way that we are now...we can’t just ignore that. What we’ve become isn’t the kind of relationship that either of us needs; it’s not the kind of relationship that Harry wants to be a part of or see people that he loves involved in, it’s not the kind of relationship that your mum wants to see you in, and it’s definitely not the kind of relationship that you want your sister around. We can’t carry on like that, it’s not healthy. And it’s going to make our lives incredibly difficult if we can’t have a professional relationship - we still have to see each other and if we carry on as we have been for the last few months, I don’t know how we’ll manage that. I’m not cold enough to pretend that I don’t love you but I think we have to know when to walk away.”

“I know, you’re right. For the first time in ages, I’m not arguing.” He let out a small, mostly nervous laugh, and Merlin’s lips twitched towards a smile too. “And I’m not asking you to give me another chance or to forgive me. I’m just asking for the chance to talk - for all of us to talk - before you decide for good.”

“What you’re hoping for - you know, if we can get back to how we were before - that’s a big if.” He wished he could be more reassuring but he didn’t want to get either of their hopes up.

Eggsy nodded. “Yeah, it is. I just wanna talk, Merlin. We never did that and I know that’s not your fault, we’re the ones that left, and I have no right to ask you for anything. I’m not expecting you to agree to anything but I am asking. If you don’t want this, I’ll walk away, but if you do - even a little bit - I’m just asking for one chance to talk. Please, Merlin.”

“I just don’t know how much that will help. I’m not saying this to make you the bad guy but this whole thing…it’s messed with your head. And I don’t blame you, it messed with mine too, and I dragged my heels about acknowledging it as well, but it has destroyed your trust in us.” Merlin dropped his gaze and slipped his hands into his pockets, shifting uncharacteristically awkwardly from one foot to the other. “I understand you having your reservations about me but you don’t trust either of us, you don’t believe a word we say. Maybe that’s irreparable, I don’t know, but you need to figure that out. You need to figure out if that can be undone and if you’re going to be able to trust us again because if you can’t, we’re never going to be able to work things out. I’m not asking you to forgive everything we’ve done or telling you never to question us but you need to show up with an open mind and be prepared to believe the truth when you hear it. It’s the only way we’ll get anywhere.”

“I will, I swear.”

Merlin eyed him for a second, then nodded. “Alright. Do you want to sort it out or shall I?”

“I don’t mind. Don’t really think we should do it in public though, and our places seem like they’ve got a few too many ghosts for something like this. Do you think we can use a Kingsman place?”

“Yeah, I’ll find us somewhere.”

Eggsy nodded. “Just tell me where and when and I’ll be there. So what now? I mean, do I take my stuff?”

"Only if you want to." Eggsy shook his head. He never wanted to. He forced himself to go because he knew he'd have to at some point, but he wasn't sure he'd actually have made it out the door. "Alright, then leave it. I'll talk to Harry and I'll let you know where to meet.”

Eggsy left and called Harry on his way home. He wasn't exactly surprised not to get an answer so he left a message. "Hey. So, I went to pick my stuff up today. Sort of thought you'd be back there, that I'd get to see you; sort of hoped you would be. Anyway, I couldn't do it. Me and Merlin ended up talking a little bit instead. I don't wanna leave, Harry. If any part of you wants to work this out, let's try. Merlin said he's gonna sort something out so we can all meet up and talk properly, so yeah, he's gonna let us know. Just...please come. Alright, bye." The next call was to make his first, long-overdue appointment with a therapist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading and please let me know what you think!


	48. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys finally talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite a long chapter and very dialogue-heavy, so sorry if you’re not into that but it’s a bit unavoidable.
> 
> Please let me know what you think!

Merlin found them a place to meet, arranged a time two days later, and had three sets of keys left at the shop. When Eggsy got there 15 minutes early, Harry was already there. He stopped in the doorway to the living room, where Harry was sat on the sofa, not quite sure what to expect. He didn’t know if Harry would be angry with him, or if he just wouldn’t really want to see him. “Hey.”

Harry gave him a small smile. “Hello, Eggsy. It’s good to see you.”

“You too.” Eggsy couldn’t help smiling back at him as he moved to sit in one of the armchairs. “How’ve you been?”

“I’m sure you can imagine I’ve had better weeks but I’m quite alright, thank you. And yourself?”

“Same, but I’m okay.”

Merlin was ten minutes early himself and lingering in the doorway just as Eggsy had. “I didn’t think I’d be the last one here. It’s good to see you both.” The others echoed the sentiment and Merlin offered them a small smile. “Shall I make us some tea?” At nods from Harry and Eggsy, he disappeared for a few minutes before coming back, setting the three mugs on the coffee table and taking up the other armchair. “So.”

Eggsy licked his lips nervously and spoke up before he lost his nerve. “I don’t wanna steamroller this whole thing but I’ve got a lot of stuff I wanna say, if you don’t mind.” The other two nodded for him to go ahead. “So first of all, I’ve got a sort of confession. I went out the other night and I met this woman, and she was flirty and I was hammered, and she tried it on with me.” Merlin stared into his mug, his lips pressed tightly together. He knew that Eggsy was going for honesty but he really didn’t want to hear that he’d gone out and shagged someone else as soon as they’d broken up. Seeing both of their unimpressed faces, Eggsy was quick to reassure them. "Nothing happened. I mean she kissed me and I’m pretty sure I kissed back, and she was going for more but I stopped her. I swear, it was no more than a kiss, but I’m sorry it was even that.”

Harry looked a little relieved to hear that and Merlin at least met his gaze again, which he figured was just as good. “I didn't go out looking for a shag or nothing but before you two, I would've gone home with her without a second thought. But I told you before, Harry, that all I'd wanna do is come home to you and I still do. Well, I know it’s not home any more but I mean that I don’t want anyone but you two, not for a quick fuck, not to spend the rest of my life with. Only you two." Eggsy took a deep breath. “But even though that’s true - or maybe because of that - if I have to, I’ll walk away from both of you. I’m not just here to ask you to take me back, I’m here to see if we can at least sort things out enough to be friends and to try and fix the damage that I’ve done to your marriage. One of the things that I love more than anything in the world is when I see the two of you together - the way you look at each other, the way you are with each other - that you're too careful to let anyone else see. But not me. I get to see that and it's the most amazing feeling, seeing the two people that I love so much so happy and so in love, and I’ve been so lucky to be part of that. But since my accident, I’ve been jealous when I should’ve been happy for you and it kills me that I could've done anything to put that at risk. I can never tell you how sorry I am that the way I've acted has driven you apart, that I've fucked things up between you so badly, and I would love to be with you again but I'd love to see you together and happy more, and if I have to give you up for that to happen, then I will. I’m so ashamed of what I’ve done and I’ll do anything to not hurt you any more than I already have.“

Merlin just nodded but it was Harry that spoke up. “I’m sure we both appreciate that but let’s not get too ahead of ourselves. Unless you’re telling us that you want to walk away, I was hoping there would be more discussion than that.”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I really want us to work things out but if we can’t, I’m not gonna drag you both down with me. I’ve been going to counselling. Or therapy? Is there a difference? I don’t really know what the difference is.” He caught himself and the odd looks he was getting from the other two. “Sorry, that doesn’t really matter, I’m just…nervous…babbling. Um, anyway, I’ve been going and I dunno what they get paid but it’s not enough. I was in there for like five hours yesterday and a couple of hours the day before that.” His lips twitched into an awkward, nervous smile. “Right, listen…Merlin. I am so sorry. I don't think what happened was your fault."

Merlin’s eyebrows rose in surprise as his heart fluttered and relief washed over him. “You don’t?”

“No. I should never have blamed you.” Merlin still looked a bit wary. “You said you fucked up but you didn’t. I looked at the mission logs, I looked at your handler’s report, I looked at Percy’s report. She got me to look at everything to try and find anything - any tiny little thing - that you did wrong, and there was nothing. We all knew the tanks were there, we all know that’s the only way we could’ve got out, and the med team was there in three and a half minutes. There was nothing you could’ve done. She helped me realise something that I think’s really important and might be to you as well.” Eggsy took a deep breath again and forced himself to look Merlin in the eye. “I blamed you but I never really thought it was actually your fault. It shouldn’t have taken all of that for me to realise but I guess it did. And I know how wrong I was, and I’m so, so sorry. If you can’t forgive me for all the horrible shit I’ve put you through, and whatever happens between all of us now, I need you to know that. I just…I really need you to know that I don’t think it was your fault - well, that I _know_ it wasn’t your fault - and I don’t blame you. And I’m really sorry that I did.”

Merlin nodded solemnly. “Why did you?”

"Because I needed to blame someone. I…” He took a moment to compose himself. He was not going to cry. If they sorted things out, it was going to be because they wanted to, not because they felt sorry for him or because he guilted them into it, so he was gonna keep it the fuck together, say what he needed to say and let them decide. “I needed to believe that someone fucked up, that it was someone's fault, and anyone but me. Because if I fucked up or if it was just bad luck...if it was just one of them things that could happen out of nowhere, I had no idea how I'd ever be able to go out and do that job again. And that’s my own problem, I should never have taken it out on you. But I did, to the point that I made you believe it yourself and you’re right that that’s not what either of us need. It’s not what I want, that’s not the person I wanna be and it scares me that I’ve done that to you. I’m so, so sorry, Merlin.”

“Thank you. That means a lot to hear.” Merlin gave him a soft smile, only mirrored by Eggsy. “I know why it scares you but it shouldn’t. You’re not like that, we all know that.”

“Apparently I am. It’s one of the things I’m seeing the therapist about - I don’t ever wanna do that to you or anyone else ever again. And the other things I’m seeing her for… Well, there’s some things I need to say to both of you, but I don’t want you to think that I’m trying to justify anything that I’ve done because there is nothing that can justify it. They’re just things I want you to know.” Again, the other two nodded for him to go ahead. “When I was growing up - up until I met you, til I became an agent, even - you didn’t go and see a therapist or talk about your feelings or anything like that, that was for pussies. Instead you’d get angry or you’d man up and get on with it, stiff upper lip and all that. Even until now, I only go and see them when I have to after a mission, it never really occurred to me to go about anything personal. And I know this is about a mission but it felt way too personal as well and I didn’t know how to deal with that. And it’s on top of all the shit I was feeling before Christmas that I never dealt with because I felt like I should just be getting on with it. I spent 23 years with that kind of attitude and that doesn’t change overnight, but I know that after four years I should know better, and I’ll do better from now on.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve decided to go.” The warmth in Harry’s eyes was more ‘I’m glad you’re getting help’ than ‘I told you so’ and Eggsy appreciated it. “There’s no shame in it, and not just for missions. Whatever we need them for, that’s why they’re there. And I’m sure Merlin could tell us we needn’t worry about their salaries.”

“That’s true. Our agents deserve the best so they get the best, no matter the cost. I’m glad you’re taking advantage.”

Eggsy nodded gratefully at their comments. “And the third big thing that she’s helping me deal with is also about you, Merlin. You said about us being volatile, right? I think when we clash, it gets my back up more than it does with Harry because of your history. I haven’t told her about that, only vaguely, I don’t really feel like I should. But still, when it feels like things could go wrong or I feel a bit rejected or whatever it is, I get defensive and I expect people to let me down and give up on me. Abandon me, I guess. When I feel like that with you, it’s like you’re gonna hurt me even though you know what it feels like to be hurt like that and it’s like salt in the wound. And Harry, that doesn’t mean that it hurts any less with you because it’s been fucking horrible to think that I’ve lost both of you, but there’s not that same anger. And I know it’s not true and it’s all down to my own issues but when we argue or when you’re pissed off with me - before it even gets to an argument - my gut feeling is that you could hate me enough to know exactly what that feels like, to know how much it would hurt, and to do the same thing to me anyway, and it upsets me and that turns into anger and defensiveness and that’s enough to escalate it to an argument.”

“But you must know that I would never do that to you?”

“Most of the time, yeah, I do. But when shit happens and I get worked up about it, it’s like a kind of panic that I’m gonna lose everything over something stupid and I don’t know how to deal with that. It’s like if I push you away, then you can’t hurt me, and let me tell you, that’s fucking bollocks. My point is, if it’s us arguing that you’re worried about, it’s nearly always just because I’m fucked up, but I’m working on being less fucked up. It doesn’t make the way that I’ve been treating you anywhere _near_ okay but I’m working on it.”

“It’s not all down to you. There have been times when I haven’t been as considerate as I should have been and it never helps us. I think what gets to me is how easily you seem to turn on me. I never stopped to think or ask why that is. Maybe I should have.”

“I never told you this because I don’t wanna look like a stupid kid - I mean, Harry’s literally seen me as a kid, and as the mouthy little twat that shat himself at the sight of his stepdad’s mates and he loved me anyway so I’m pretty much fine with him seeing me as a bit of a kid - but you’ve never really seen me like that. I didn’t want you to see me as some kind of childish idiot and I sort of felt like telling a man who’s been all but married for 30 years that he’s the first person I’ve ever loved was a pretty good way to make sure that’s exactly how he saw me. But yeah, I’ve never loved anyone before you. I never wanna love anyone except you two. It makes me sort of anxious sometimes.”

Merlin nodded with a little smile. “I get that. I wish you’d told me sooner, that’s not how I see you.”

Eggsy gave him another smile in return. “So just one last thing so you two can get a word in. If this is it for us, if you can't forgive me for the hell that I’ve put you through, if I've already blown my chance, then I get it. Really, I do. But if there is any chance that we can get back on track, I will do anything to make that happen, and I swear I'll never, ever treat you like that or take you for granted again. Before I was with you, most of my life was just about having a laugh, I spent pretty much all the time that I weren't working just pissing about, I made sure my mum and Soph were alright but nothing else really mattered, there weren't really any consequences to anything I did. But I like having that responsibility now. I like having someone to have a laugh with, I like having someone to come home to, someone to care about and that cares about me. It weren't like I didn't like who I was before but I like who I've become while I've been with you more. Up until the last couple of months, that is. I don’t wanna give all of that up if I don’t have to.”

“When you say you like having someone that cares about you, do you mean both of us, or just Harry? Because last time we spoke about that, you accused me of not giving a shit about you and only being with you for Harry’s sake. I can’t tell you how untrue that it. You’ve been paranoid about the way that we’ve been, about us being happier without you, and that’s not the case.”

Before Eggsy could defend himself, Harry spoke up. “Would you like to know what really happened while you were injured?” Eggsy hesitated for a second but swallowed thickly and nodded. “Seeing the way that Merlin reacted...I’ve never seen him like that before. Ever. I thought that that was because he loved you so much more than he ever loved me. I accused him of exactly what you have, of not caring about me, of only being with me for the sake of our greater relationship. I thought that I was going to lose both of you and it broke his heart to know that I felt that way. To stop us both losing our minds with grief and to stop us from falling apart, to make sure there was a relationship for you to come back to, he poured his heart out to show me what I mean to him. I know that you may not be able to see it while you’re still dealing with what happened but I know what you mean to him too. Do you remember anything from your coma?”

Eggsy shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

“I don’t know what else he said to you but I know that Merlin pleaded with you to come back to us and to keep fighting for us. Neither of us were ready to say goodbye to you. So if we seem closer than before or if you think we’re more in love than before your accident, it isn’t because we were happier without you. It’s because almost losing you was the hardest thing we’ve ever been through together. It’s the first time I’ve ever experienced that - and I can tell you that there is no agony on this earth like it - and the first time that Merlin had someone to support him. We needed each other. I don’t think we can be blamed for having our love for one another reaffirmed during the most difficult time we have ever faced as a couple.”

Eggsy let his gaze flit between the two of them before it fell to the floor. “I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t ask. But it’s something else that’s been getting to you that perhaps we should have spoken to you about.”

“Going along those lines…Eggsy, Harry is a violent man.” Harry looked at him like he’d just thrown him under the bus and Eggsy started to protest that he’d been wrong about that too. “Let me finish. Harry is a violent man, but so am I and so are you, whether you like it or not. It comes with the job. We’re all ex-military, we all work for a spy agency, I don’t think pacifists qualify. But you have to know that he would never intentionally turn that on us. He’s violent, he’s not abusive. You need to decide if that’s something you can live with because Harry let you get away with saying what you wanted to him because he felt guilty but - as I told you - I won’t. I will not let you make him out to be something he’s not.”

And to be fair, he made a good point. Eggsy never thought of himself as violent but he supposed he couldn’t say that he _wasn’t_ violent either, not doing the job that he did. And they were all ex-military, and they didn’t fuck about with it either - no army reserves, no officers shying away from the action. He would’ve been a Marine, Harry was with the SAS and Merlin was a Para, not to mention the years or decades that they’d spent as agents. He’d seen what Harry had done in the pub and in the church to defend Eggsy and to defend himself. He shouldn’t be surprised that Harry was capable of something like that. What he should’ve been focused on instead was that Merlin was right - that he’d never mean to do that to them - and that even in his lack of control, he kept so much restraint. And he wasn’t a kid any more; he was a grown man and a trained agent, just as deadly as Harry, or at least close enough to hold his own if it ever came down to it. He had nothing to be scared of. “I should never have said them things.”

“No. But we’ve all said things we shouldn’t have. I thought a lot about what I wanted to say today and how I wanted things to go, and obviously neither of you have to agree but at this stage, I don’t think there’s any point in not saying what we want and how we feel. Something that’s been proven more than once since we’ve been together is that we’re strong when we talk to each other, when we communicate properly. We fall apart when we don’t. I think we all have things that we’re holding onto guilt for and things that we’re ashamed of in this whole mess of the last couple of months, so what I think we need is this: we apologise for everything that we think we need to apologise for, right from the start, and we mean it. There’s no point in making apologies we don’t believe in. And if it can be forgiven, we forgive it here and now, and we mean that as well. Then it’s done - we stop feeling guilty and letting that guilt get in our way, we don’t hold it against anyone, we don’t throw it in each other’s faces in arguments. If we need to talk about it again, we do just that. We sit down and we talk about it properly because that is how we work best. If anything can’t be forgiven right now, then we see if we can find a way around it.”

Eggsy nodded. “That sounds good. It would mean a lot to me to know whether or not you can both forgive me.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

“In that case, maybe I gave myself an unfair advantage in this, so I’ll go first. Harry, I’m sorry for the things I said to you when you confessed your feelings for Eggsy, and I’m sorry that I had sex with him afterwards. Eggsy, I’m sorry I was so cold to you when you told me how you felt about me. I’m sorry that I was so slow to feel the same way that you both did, and that I made things so difficult for all of us when we first moved in together. The first time we argued, Eggsy, I’m sorry that I cornered you the way I did - I didn’t think and I should have. I’m sorry that I lied to you all the way through my assignment and that I made you feel the way that I did when you confronted me about it. I’m sorry that my actions ruined our first anniversary and that you had to go through what you did when you completed that mission. I’m sorry for the night that I stormed off and the way I treated both of you that night, but especially you, Eggsy. I’m sorry that I threw my weight around at Sophie’s school - your mum was right, I shouldn’t have assumed that I could get involved like that. Eggsy, I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you more before Christmas and Harry, I’m sorry that I left it to you to look out for everyone else then and every other time. And the thing that got us all here…Eggsy, I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep you safe. I’m sorry that you’ve been in recovery for months and that you still have more to go, and that I’ve either pushed you too hard or kept my distance instead of helping you the way that I should’ve been. I asked you to keep fighting for my sake - for mine and Harry’s - and I feel like I’ve been letting you down ever since. I’m sorry that I snapped at you - you’re right, I have no idea what it’s like for you, and it was awful of me to go off at you about the way that you’re trying to cope, especially when I’ve had my head up my own arse anyway. And I’m sorry that I let you believe that I don’t love you or that I don’t want you, and that I let you leave thinking that - or that I let you leave at all. I should’ve asked you to stay, not been vicious enough to make you leave your keys. Harry, I’m sorry that you almost lost the man that you love on my watch. I’m sorry that you’ve spent half of our relationship thinking that I don’t really love you and that I didn’t realise or do anything to fix that. I don’t think I supported you as well as I should have while Eggsy was in Medical and I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that I’ve left it so much to you to keep us all going, that I’ve been a complete bastard at times when I should have been grateful and that I let you get to the point of needing to leave. I’m sorry to both of you that I took so long to see a therapist and try to get my head together, and that you’ve both been through hell over the last few months and I never did anything to help that. I’ve let you both down so many times and in so many ways by being stupid or careless and I want you both to know now how sorry I am for all of it. And I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course I forgive you. Any of that that I needed an apology for - and I can tell you it’s very little - is already long forgiven. I don’t think any of us ever expected our relationship to be easy all the time. You’ve never let me down.”

“Me neither. Most of that stuff - your mission and mine - weren’t your fault, there’s nothing to apologise for, and most of the rest of it, I thought we were already done with it. But if you need me to say it, then yeah, I forgive you.”

“Thank you.”

“So, I guess I’ll go next?” He looked at Harry, who nodded for him to go ahead. “Alright. Harry, I’m sorry I was so nasty to you when you first told me how you felt, and that I shagged Merlin afterwards. Merlin, I’m sorry I was such a childish prick when we spoke the next day, and I’m sorry I was gonna keep my feelings for Merlin from you, Harry. I’m sorry if I rushed into things too quick; I know I’ve changed a lot of things in your lives, in your relationship, in your house. I’m sorry that I nearly fucked everything up over that mission - Merlin, I should’ve trusted you and I’m so sorry for the way I made you feel, for how spiteful I was. And Harry, I’m sorry that I made you believe that Merlin would ever do something like that. I’m sorry for all the times I’ve picked arguments when I shouldn’t have, like when we were in bed together, Harry, or Merlin, the night we went to my place, or all the stuff with Soph. I picked a fight when I should’ve just talked to you and I’m gonna learn to stop doing shit like that, I swear. I’m sorry I let everything get on top of me before Christmas. And more than anything in my life, I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you since my mission. I’ve been self-absorbed and I should’ve been thinking about you two as well. Instead of accepting that some of it was pure accident and taking responsibility for my part in the rest, I’ve blamed everyone and everything. I blamed my accident and my injuries for losing you when it was really the way I acted. But mostly I blamed you, Merlin, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry to both of you for how I spoke to you when I was still in medical, for how I’ve been snapping at you for months. I’m sorry I didn’t take the therapy even though both of you - and everyone else - told me that I needed it. I was too busy being angry to think that I might be the problem and I might be able to fix it. I’m sorry that you’ve both given up your jobs mostly for me for a couple of months and I’ve still treated you the way I have. Merlin, I’m sorry that I’ve been so cold to you, and that I threw it back in your face when you still tried to help me despite that. I’m sorry that I kicked you out of your bed and to both of you for taking over the house and your lives. I’m sorry for the things I said before I left. I’m sorry that I left, even. Harry, I’m sorry I put you in the middle of us. Even if I don’t think I’d stand a chance if you had to choose between me and Merlin, I know you’re too good a man to kick me when I’m down. I acted like a prick and took advantage of that, and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I acted over what happened between you two and for how I spoke to you before you left. I’m sorry I let you know that I was leaving in a fucking voicemail. Both of you, I’m sorry for being so jealous the last couple of months and fucking everything up, and I’m sorry for what happened in the pub the other night, and what nearly happened. I’m sorry that the only times you’ve split up or had problems like that have been with or because of me. I’m sure there’s things that I’m forgetting and I know that having me in them makes your lives harder but I hope you know that that’s not how I want it to be. Whatever happens, I’m gonna make sure that from now on I make your lives better more than I make them difficult, and it would mean so much to me if you could forgive me for all the trouble and the pain I’ve already caused you.”

Merlin was first to answer. “I forgive you. I might find that harder to say if I didn’t know that you mean it and if I thought that the version of you that we’ve seen the last couple of months was the real you but it’s not. I hope you know that too.”

Eggsy nodded half-heartedly. “I hope so. Don’t really feel like I know myself all that well at the minute but I’m working on it.”

“He’s right, Eggsy. And we’ve both told you before but I hope this time you believe it - you are not the burden you think you are. We’re going through a difficult time, we’ve had difficult moments before, but you don’t make our lives difficult. I hope you realise that too, and I hope it helps to know that I forgive you.”

Eggsy quickly cuffed the tears that both of their words brought on, as if he could do it fast enough that neither of them would see. “Thanks, both of you. Means a lot.”

“So I suppose the spotlight’s on me now. I want to apologise to you both for keeping my feelings for Eggsy from you and that I seemed so unfeeling when you confronted me. I should have apologised sooner than I did at the time. I’m sorry for how I reacted after you slept together. It did hurt me at the time but I know that it wasn’t malicious and I admit I overreacted. Eggsy, that night that we argued, I’m sorry I implied that you would look elsewhere. And Merlin, I’m sorry I thought that you would stray too. I should have known there’d be a better explanation. I should have trusted you. And I’m sorry I threw what happened with Eggsy in your face. Please know that I mean it when I say I forgive you and it won’t happen again. I’m sorry for accusing you of not wanting me. I’m sorry I put so much extra pressure on you at an already difficult time, it was selfish and completely unfair. Eggsy, I’m sorry that we - well, that I - didn’t take into account how you might view our closeness or how it would make you feel. I’m sorry that you felt I didn’t want you. Merlin, I am so sorry that I attacked you, and Eggsy, that you had to witness it. Whether I meant it or not, it was unacceptable. That isn’t something that I want or expect either of you to live with. All I can tell you is that it will never happen again intentionally, and hopefully not at all. I hope that’s enough but I understand if it’s not. I’m sorry for the harsh things I’ve said to you both over the last month or so, especially. Knowing now what both of you have been going through, I should have been more sensitive to things and I’m sorry I haven’t been. More than anything, I’m sorry that I left. Everything that I’m sure we’ve all been through these past few days has all been because of me and I can’t apologise enough for that. I’m sorry that I didn’t give us the chance to talk before I went and that I didn’t speak to you once I was gone. I’ve handled things horribly but I hope that you can forgive me and we can start to move on and repair the damage that’s been done.”

“Course I forgive you. The last couple of days have been shit for all of us but you leaving was the kick up the arse I needed. At least now we stand a chance, right? I dunno if we would have if you hadn’t left.”

“We’ve all been tense for a long time now, I don’t blame you for not being able to keep your composure indefinitely. I think we’ve all overreacted to certain things at certain times, but I think we can be done with it now. I forgive you.”

“Thank you.” Harry offered them both a small smile. “I wonder if it might be a good idea for us all to go to therapy together.”

“As in you’re just wondering or you actually wanna do it?”

“It’s only a suggestion. You two are already going, I don’t think it would do me any harm to go myself. It’s worth considering the possibility of us going together, isn’t it? Would either of you be interested?”

“Honestly?” Harry nodded at Merlin. “No, I wouldn’t. I’ll do anything to try and sort things out so I will if you want me to, but honestly, I wouldn’t really _want_ to. I think what happens between us should be just that - between us.”

Eggsy frowned slightly. “You don’t want us talking about us in therapy?”

“No, that’s not what I mean. They’re your sessions, you should be able to talk about whatever you want or need, I would never try to limit that. I’m just saying that when we deal with things together, I’d rather do it behind closed doors, unless it’s something that either of you are that passionate about.”

“Nah, seems fair enough.”

“Perhaps we could keep it in mind as a last resort.” The other two nodded. “Regardless, as I said, I’ll be going myself. Even forgiven, what I did has been troubling me. Even if it is a one-off, it’s something that I feel I need to address. We’ve all been quite tightly wound and I think it would be good for me - for all of us, maybe - to have an outsider’s perspective. And I have to say I’m glad things moved so quickly the first time around,” Harry smiled to himself at the thought of it, how they’d all fallen in love and had their lives transformed so quickly. “But I think we need to take our time a little bit more now. I’m sure you both realise that this is the first conversation without raised voices that we’ve had in god knows how long - months. Obviously we all have our own issues to deal with but we also need to learn to be together. I think we need to figure out how we all fit together again.”

His face dropped back to more of a frown. “I don’t know if I can go through the upheaval and the uncertainty of an almost-breakup again. If we work things out now and it all goes tits up again, I worry that it will have to be for good. I want this to be for the rest of our lives. I want to be sure that we don’t jump back into where we were without actually fixing anything and essentially putting a clock on our relationship. Eggsy, you almost died, I almost lost someone that I love, and Merlin has been feeling entirely responsible. All of that could change us as people and perhaps we need to get to know each other again, maybe even in our pairs. We certainly need time and I would like us to take it.”

Merlin nodded. “I make you right. I want to make this work again, for good. Let’s not rush into things.”

“Yeah, I agree. Can’t wait to sort things out but I wanna do it properly, like you say.”

“So what’s our next step?”

Merlin looked between the two of them and Harry gave a one-sided shrug, a slightly embarrassed smile tugging at his lips. “Well, you’ve always been the planner. I wondered if you might have thought of something.”

“I have an idea.” They both turned to Eggsy, who blushed a little, averting his gaze. “It’s stupid, probably a shit idea. But you said we need to learn each other again, yeah? Well when I was younger, me and my mates used to play boozy 21 Questions. It would break some of the tension we’ve been under, give us something to talk about so we can talk to each other without fighting, help us get to know each other a bit more. I mean I guess there ain’t much you two don’t know about each other, you both know me well, and I like to think I know you well too but it might be interesting. Would be nice to spend an evening together too, just us, something simple. Like I said, probably a shit one, but it is an idea.”

Merlin nodded before something occurred to him. “Should you be drinking? Painkillers?”

“It’s fine, I stopped taking them a couple of days before the shit hit the fan.” Merlin and Harry both quickly felt bad for not noticing that. “I didn’t tell you. You know I never really liked taking them and I finished that lot, didn’t want anyone trying to talk me into taking more. But yeah, drinking ain’t a problem.”

“Then I like the idea.”

Harry smiled at him. “So do I. How about tomorrow night?”

Eggsy nodded and Merlin answered. “Suits me. At home?”

“Why not.”

Eggsy grinned, pleased his idea had gone down well. “Looking forward to it.”

“So I suppose this is a good time to say ‘until tomorrow’.” Merlin and Eggsy both hummed in agreement. “I’m glad we did this. Thank you, Merlin, for organising this - both of you for coming up with the plan.”

“Thanks for turning up,” Eggsy joked. “And yeah, thanks Merlin. I’m glad we did this too.”

“So am I.” Merlin smiled at them both as he stood to collect their cups. They all gathered themselves to leave the flat, Merlin pressing kissing to both of their cheeks before they parted. “I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow,” Harry echoed, pressing one to Merlin’s in return and doing the same for Eggsy.

“Can’t wait.” Eggsy gave them each a hug goodbye and they went their separate ways, feeling very much like they’d just left a business meeting and possibly the strangest negotiations of their lives but also incredibly full of hope.


	49. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 21 Questions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry to anyone who’s been waiting (all three of you) but here’s a nice long chapter to hopefully make up for it!
> 
> Come get to know the boys (or my versions of them) as they all get to know each other a little bit better, and please come and chat to me about it in the comments!

Those next 24 hours were full of anticipation and nervousness, as if they were going on their first date again. It wasn’t lost on any of them that it was something of an ultimatum. All or nothing. Make or break. It would be devastating but if it all went wrong and they couldn’t even spend a few hours together again, there was no chance of spending a future together; but if they could have a nice evening after everything that had happened, maybe there was hope after all.

Harry let himself in around 8 the following evening and called out for Merlin, kissing him on the cheek when he found him in the kitchen. Eggsy turned up a few minutes later with a bottle of whisky in hand and greeted Merlin with a kiss on the cheek when he answered, doing the same with Harry when he followed to the kitchen. “Figured there was probably still booze here but I brought some anyway.”

Merlin took the bottle, smiling at the whiskey that he’d chosen - a house favourite. “There is but it can’t hurt to drink yours. I thought you’d probably both eaten by now but I got snacks in anyway. I think we’re all set.”

They all trailed through to the living room with glasses and bowls of snacks, settling into their favourite spots. Harry pinched a couple of peanuts. “So, Eggsy, talk us through the rules.”

“Pretty simple, really. 21 questions - 7 questions each - we all have to answer, and you down a drink every time you ask a question.”

Merlin nodded. “I think we can manage that.”

“Okay then. Your game, you get the first question.”

“Alright then.” Eggsy poured himself a drink and downed it. “I wanna go old school, find out about the Harry and Merlin long before I was around. What’s your first memory?”

Merlin started to smile. “I remember making cakes with my grandma, my mum’s mum. I was 3, maybe 4, the first time I remember properly - we made a lemon drizzle cake and some flapjacks. We used to go to her house for Sunday lunch and we’d make cakes or biscuits while the meat and roasties were cooking, and I always thought it was unfair that we’d make them but I wasn’t allowed to eat any until after dinner. Then she’d sit me on the kitchen side while she cooked the vegetables and the Yorkshire puddings and I’d be in big trouble if I moved because it was dangerous, she used to tell me, and she didn’t want me getting hurt.” He put on a stern face while he recounted her words before letting it fade to a smile. “My da would always be annoyed because I’d end up all messy with flour in my hair and it was rude to sit at the table in dirty clothes, but my grandma never minded. After dinner, my mum said I had to choose between the cake and the flapjacks so I chose a piece a cake. But my grandma never believed in choosing between things, so she sent me home with some flapjacks anyway. That’s the way it went every time, drove my mum mad.”

Eggsy couldn’t help but grin along with him - he’d never seen him smile quite like that - and he could see the warm smile on Harry’s face too. “Never had you down as a baker. You been holding out on me all this time?”

Merlin let out a small laugh. “No. I only ever baked with her. She died when I was twelve. It was never the same after that, I never enjoyed it quite as much.”

“Sorry. Sounds like you got some good memories with her though.”

“I have. She was the best woman I’ve ever known. But she was 80-odd, it’s a decent age. I’m glad I remember what I do.” He grabbed a couple of crisps from the bowl. “So go on, Harry. What’s yours?”

“I was 4, the first real memory that I have. My parents took me to the seaside, and my aunt and uncle brought my cousins along. It was one of the few times we went anywhere without a nanny. It was only April but it was brilliant sunshine. As soon as we got there, my cousins and I ran straight to the sea - I loved the water when I was little, it was the time of my life. I was the youngest of the three of us so my aunt was very strictly with the girls about looking after me. We stayed there for a few hours, until they came and got us to eat something, we had a whole picnic packed. Then as I was eating it, a seagull stole my sandwich. I was beside myself, crying inconsolably because I was only small and scared of this huge bird, and because it had stolen my sandwich. There were others, it wasn’t like I had nothing to eat, but that was _my_ one and he’d _stolen_ it. Silly, really, but you know how children can be. We weren’t allowed back in the sea after that - no swimming on a full stomach - but we managed to entertain ourselves well enough. There’s a photograph somewhere of me buried up to my neck in sand, actually.”

Eggsy laughed. “I’d love to see that. Never seen pictures of you that young, bet you were well cute.”

“He was.” Merlin grinned. “His parents used to show me pictures of him all the time. I thought your cheeks were going to catch fire that first time, love, you went so red.”

“Any chance to embarrass me.”

“It was always in good humour.”

“I know.” Harry turned to Eggsy to explain. “It was difficult for them to start with but they came around quite quickly. They wanted us both to know that they were okay with our relationship as long as I was happy. They went above and beyond to make Merlin feel welcome. It was a huge deal at the time, to accept me like that. They loved me dearly, I’ve always felt very fortunate.”

“I wish I could’ve met them.”

“So do I. They’d have loved you. They’d have loved that you make me and Merlin so happy.” Eggsy just smiled at him. “So come on, tell us yours.”

“I remember there was a mouse in our flat. And my mum’s fucking terrified of them, right? So she’s screaming, telling my dad to get rid of it. And I didn’t know what the big deal was - I was only little, I must’ve been about 3 - so I wanted to play with it or stroke it or something and just as I’m going near it, Mum grabs me and pulls me into the corner and starts doing her stern voice at my dad, telling him he better do something with it.” A huge grin spread across Eggsy’s face. “So he catches it, and he thinks it’s hilarious so he’s holding it and teasing Mum, pretending he’s gonna come near her with it. So she’s screaming and laughing at the same time ‘cause she knows he’s not really gonna let it near her but she’s still scared of it, and I was just really excited with all the commotion going on. Eventually, Dad stops messing about with it and puts it in a shoebox, and he takes me with him to the park so we can let it go. And when we get back to the flat, she gives him a massive hug, like he’s her knight in shining armour ‘cause he got rid of this tiny mouse. The next couple of times we went to the park, I used to look for him as well, thinking maybe he’d come back and see me. Never found any mice, though. I was a stupid little kid, I guess.”

“From what I heard, you were anything but stupid. Your father was always very proud of you. I’m glad you have happy memories with him.”

“Yeah, I do. I wish I’d had a bit longer with him, but it makes it feel more special in a way. I’ve only got a handful of memories with him but they’re most of my happiest ones, and I’m glad one of them is my first.” Harry just hummed happily. “Alright, who’s next?”

Merlin reached for the bottle, poured himself a drink and swallowed it down. “If a crystal ball could tell you anything, what would you want to know?”

Harry hummed softly. “I’ll take the morbid but obvious option. I’d like to know how and when I die. I’d like to know if we end up in a nursing home together, or grow old here together. It’s what I’ve always hoped for, will always fight to achieve, but have never dared to expect.”

“I think we’d drive the nurses mad if we ended up in a home together. Right here sounds perfect, though.” Harry beamed at his husband and Merlin smiled back.

“What if you found out it weren’t gonna be that long?”

Harry shrugged. “Then I’d know exactly how much time I have left to make the absolute most of. What would you like to know?”

“I’d wanna know what my family’s lives would’ve been like if my dad hadn’t died in training, or if he’d never gone up for it. You know, would he still be around? Even if he hadn’t died like that, he could have still been killed in action - for Kingsman if he’d made it or for the Marines - or any other way. If he hadn’t died, Dean would never have been around, my mum would never have got into drugs, I might’ve done better in school, obviously I’d still have my dad. But I wouldn’t have Sophie, I’d probably never have joined kingsman, I wouldn’t have you two. I would never have had most of the best things in my life. I always thought if he hadn’t died, it would’ve solved all my problems, that I’d be happier, that my life would be better. And that was true when I was young, but now? With everything I’ve got now and the life I’m so fucking lucky to have, I’m not so sure. That sounds like a fucking horrible thing to say - it ain’t like I’m glad he died. It’s just...at least some good came from it eventually.”

Merlin’s voice was soft when he answered him. “It doesn’t sound so horrible, it’s understandable. Sometimes you have to look for the positives.”

Eggsy nodded. “It’s your turn, then. Your crystal ball, what are you looking for?”

“You know what I’m like - I like to know how and why things are the way they are. You don’t often get to figure that out with people but I believe there are defining moments for some parts of our characters. Maybe I’d like to do it with other people too but mostly I’d like to pick myself apart a little bit, see exactly what made me like this in some ways. I want to know why I am the way I am.”

“Would you really want to be so self-aware?” Harry frowned slightly. “I’m not sure I could manage it.”

Merlin shrugged. “Maybe not, but there are things I wonder about a lot that I’ll never know the answer to. It would satisfy my curiosity.” Harry and Eggsy both nodded in understanding.

“Right.” Harry took a drink. “What’s your biggest regret?”

“The way I’ve treated you two.” Eggsy stared at his own hands as he wrung them together a little. “There’s no one in the world that’s better for me and has done more for me and deserves my shitty side less than you two. I’m so ashamed of how I’ve treated you. And I know we’re moving on from it and I swear this will be the last time but the things I’ve done to both of you, to your relationship...that’s the worst thing I’ve ever done and it was for no real reason. There was no end to justify the means, no greater good to come from it. Yeah.” He nodded to himself. “There’s a lot of shit I wish I’d done differently but that’s the biggest one.”

“We told you yesterday, darling, you don’t need to feel guilty about it.”

“I know.” Eggsy nodded, giving him a small smile. “I know, but it’s probably always gonna be the shittiest thing I’ve ever done. What about you two?”

“I regret never going home.” Merlin cleared his throat softly. “I called and wrote letters and I guess the fact that I never heard from them told me all I needed to know, but maybe if I’d gone there it would’ve been different. Or maybe they would never have accepted me but at least I would’ve known for sure. Or maybe that wouldn’t have been any better, fuck knows, but I always felt like I should’ve gone back.”

“Not that it matters but I will never forgive them for the pain that they’ve caused you. I’m sure you’d only have been giving them another chance to hurt you, and I’m glad you didn’t even if you’re not.”

“You’re probably right, but it’s just a feeling I’ve always had.” Merlin nodded towards Harry. “Go on, spill.”

“Mine would be your father, Eggsy. My mistake cost a man his life, a young woman her husband and a little boy his father. It also deprived Kingsman of undoubtedly one of the best agents it will ever see, hence the world of his talents, and put Merlin’s excellent training of an already remarkable candidate to waste. The impact that that day had on you and your family will always be something that I deeply regret.”

“It weren’t like it was your fault but we forgave you for that ages ago, babe.” Eggsy smiled at him and Harry couldn’t help smiling back when he said, “What was that about not feeling guilty?”

“Maybe one day it will be that easy for both of us.”

“Maybe. Alright, me again.” Another drink, another question. “What’s your ultimate goal in life? Like, at what point could you die happy?”

Merlin hummed to himself and thought for a minute. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to die happy. There’ll always be more that I should’ve done. And I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to leave you two behind. I know it will happen at some point but I want to hold on to all of that for as long as I possibly can, and do as much as I can in the time that I have.”

Eggsy gave him a wonky grin. “I wouldn’t put it past you to come up with something to make us all live forever, even if it’s just so you can tell us you can’t actually work yourself to death.”

Merlin smirked. “That would be one of many perks but that would be far beyond my capabilities.”

“I don’t think anything’s beyond your capabilities.” Merlin just gave him a fond shake of the head. “Go on then, Harry. What’s yours?”

“I don’t have a specific goal. I just want to live as happy a life as possible and take out as many baddies as I can before I go. I’ve already been given far more chances than I’m sure I should have, so as long as I know you’ll both be okay when I leave you behind, I’ll be okay with going.”

“I guess that’s why we were always good together - we all want the same sort of things. I just wanna see everyone happy. I wanna see Sophie grow up, then as long as her and my mum are safe and happy, and you two are happy too, that’s all I want.”

“We are alike in a lot of ways so maybe this is leading us into narcissism but,” Merlin poured a drink and threw it back. “Tell me your favourite things about each other.”

“Interesting. My favourite thing about Eggsy is how much he cares about those he loves.” He turned to Eggsy. “I know that you have always done - and will always do - absolutely anything for your family, no matter the cost to yourself. I know that you would take a beating to protect your mother, go without to provide for your sister, and break your own heart to try to make me and Merlin happy. You’ve always been selfless. You deserve so much but take so little and give so much.”

“I’m not so sure about all that.” Eggsy blushed a little. “Just tryna do the right thing, ain’t I? Everyone cares about the people they love.”

“Not like you do. People don’t do what you do. Other people are not like you, darling. They should be.”

“I think if the whisky’s talking that much already, you’re gonna be fucking wasted by the end of the night.” The colour stayed on his cheeks even so, and he looked back to Merlin, finding it was easier that way. “My favourite thing about Harry is that he’s not afraid to stand up to dickheads, especially not when it helps people that can’t stand up for themselves so much.” He smiled at Harry. “You’re always looking out for the little people, the people that everyone else shits on from a great fucking height, if they even notice them at all. And I know you ain’t one of them pricks that does it just for the praise. You do it just because it’s the right thing to do, because you’re a properly good person.”

“I was lucky to be born into the family I was, not everyone is so fortunate. The circumstances of my birth probably gave me far more confidence than I ought to have so I may as well use it to benefit someone other than myself. What about Merlin?”

“My favourite thing about him is that he’s so sensitive. And I know some people take that to mean wussy but that’s not what I mean.” Merlin smirked to himself a little at Eggsy’s tone, growing into a full smile when Eggsy’s eyes landed on him. “I know you have to be a certain way at work but here, when it’s just us, you’re never afraid to show us how you feel. I know you worry about getting angry around us - especially around me and Soph because of Dean - but there’s no need to. It’s not the same. Anger was all we ever saw from him but we see everything from you, and I love it.”

“Maybe a bit too much sometimes. I’m sure there are times we could do without it.”

“Not if it’s up to me.”

Merlin hummed. “My favourite thing about you is that you’re unashamed of every single part of who you are. Maybe there have been times where you have been but you’ve grown so much since we met you. You know exactly who you are, you accept all of it and you don’t apologise for any of it. You have this self-assurance that I could never have dreamed of when I was you age. It makes me so proud.”

Eggsy grinned, a faint colour painting his cheeks again. “Just being me? Is that all I need to do to make you proud?”

Merlin nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

Eggsy shook his head with a smile on his lips. “Go on then, what about you two? You’ve got a whole lifetime of stuff to choose from.”

“My favourite thing about Harry is that he’ll do anything to make people he cares about happy. There are the everyday things that you do that make our lives amazing, like a cup of tea after a long day or just your smile in the morning. And then there are those grand acts that you come out with. You’re so thoughtful and creative, you go out of your way to give us moments and days that we’ll never, ever forget. I’m incredibly lucky to call you my husband, I’m sure Eggsy feels lucky to call you his partner, so many are lucky enough to call you a friend.”

“It’s true, I do feel pretty fucking lucky.”

“Everyone tries to make the people they care about happy.”

“Not like you do.” Eggsy looked very smug to be able to turn Harry’s words back on him, and Harry couldn’t help snorting a laugh.

“Anyway, my favourite thing about Merlin is that he’s truly kind. He’s the most tolerant person I’ve ever met.” He had a soft smile for his husband. “You’re accepting of everyone, and always so calm and forgiving, sometimes even when people don’t deserve it. You know just how to deal with everything, you’re the one we can all always count on to keep a level head. Even when we end up being completely insufferable in anyone else’s eyes, you tell us it’s okay and you put up with us endlessly. I’m not sure how you’ve endured almost 32 years with me. It’s the proof - if ever we need it - of what a kind, wonderful man you are.”

“It’s been no hardship to spend my life with you. It would be no hardship to spend the rest with both of you.”

“It would be a pleasure.” Harry swallowed down another drink. “Let’s try the other side of that: what are your favourite and least favourite things about yourself?”

“Fucking hell, you two are really going deep. Alright, favourite…probably my sense of humour? I make myself laugh anyway. You’re right that I own who I am but that don’t mean I like a lot of it. Least favourite...I fly off the handle too quick. I’ve always been like it, always wished I wasn’t. I hope one day I won’t.”

“Don’t put the fire out completely, love. We love that part of you even if you don’t.”

“You can be so fierce, it’s true, but the way that you use it…it’s one of the things I’ve always loved about you.”

“Well I guess someone has to like it. I dunno what either of you could ever come up with that we’d agree with either but give it a go.”

“Hmm. Well, my favourite is probably my work ethic. I work hard. Maybe it’s cocky but I have wonderful things in my life that I genuinely believe that I deserve, or at least that I’ve earned. Our home, my job, our relationship if I’m very lucky. I worked hard for all of them, and I’ll keep working for them. Least, I think I’m difficult to deal with. I’m too serious when I could afford not to be, I’ve needed more reassurance all our lives together than either of you should have to give, I’ve always been a pain in the arse. I have no idea how you’ve both put up with me or what on Earth possesses you to want to, but I’m glad you have and I hope you still do.”

Eggsy frowned at him. “I think you see things different to us. Maybe it was different before me but it don’t feel like we’re always trying to reassure you or like we need you to lighten up or whatever. You’re not difficult to deal with, and I can’t believe the best thing you can think of about yourself is that you work hard. You’re fucking amazing, babe. Both of you are.”

“He’s right, dear. It’s never been about putting up with you. It has always been and will always be a prize that I’m not quite sure how I won.” Merlin huffed a little in disbelief at both of their comments but quietly thanked them, even if he did feel they sort of proved his point. “As for me…I like to think I have a good heart. I feel I have such a capacity to care for people and a will to do my best for them. I may not always succeed but I try. I think that’s something to be proud of. My least favourite would have to be that I’m not as in touch with my emotions as I would like to be. You two are good with that sort of thing, and I’m better than I used to be but I still struggle sometimes.”

“Seems like we balance each other out then, don’t it? I mean, fucking hell, can you imagine if we were all this emotional? We’d be a mess.”

“You seem to have managed just fine all these years, love. And again, our boy’s got a point, we need someone to keep us stable.”

Harry laughed a little. “Well, I’m glad I can be of use.”

Eggsy poured them each a drink, figuring it was quicker that way, and downed his own. “What were you scared of as a kid?”

“Ah, this one’s been floating around your head for a while, has it?” Eggsy shrugged but his face gave him away. “Go on, dear, I’ll wait my turn.”

“Um…nothing deep, really. Spiders, snakes - I saw one once in the woods near where I grew up and I was terrified of them. I have no idea why, it didn’t even come near me. I was scared of the dark when I was really little as well. My da thought it was stupid but my grandma had a night light for when I stayed at her house, until I grew out of it.”

“That’s sweet. Is that the same grandma you baked with? Was she your favourite?”

“Yeah, I spent a lot of time with her. She’s the only one I remember much of, actually, but I can’t imagine I would’ve preferred any of the others.” Eggsy nodded - fair enough. “So go on, Harry.”

“Okay then. I was scared of the other children. Once I was at boarding school, at least. I never did fit in very well, I was picked on for much of my childhood. I could never figure exactly what it was that they disliked so much about me but they seemed to like to single me out. They could play the most horrible tricks, I couldn’t wait for lights out each night. Eventually, especially once I was a teenager, I managed to fit in just enough to get by. We were never quite friends but it was good enough for them to leave me alone.” Eggsy teared up as Harry spoke. “Oh, darling. Don’t cry, it was decades and decades ago.”

“I’m not, I’m fine, it just ain’t fucking fair. So much for being happy enough, eh? You told me you don’t remember being unhappy.”

Harry shrugged. “It was happy enough, in general, but there were also times in which I wasn’t so happy. You were already upset, we were having a lovely day, it would’ve done no good to have you feel worse about it.”

“It always upsets me to hear about either of you being unhappy. I still like to hear about those parts of your life though. Means a lot that you wanna share it with me.”

“I’d share anything with you, darling. I think we all know but would you care to share too?”

“Dean, mostly. Obviously. There was a while where I didn’t sleep much because I was so scared of him coming into my room. That’s when things started going to shit in school. I was scared of what he’d do to my mum, what him and his fucking muppets would do to me.” Eggsy had to smile despite the memories, thankful for how much things had turned around. “I’m so glad he’s finally out of our lives now. I’d do anything to stop Soph living with that fear.”

Merlin blinked at him in surprise. “I didn’t know it was like that for you. I mean, I knew it was bad but…”

“It don’t help to go into details, does it?”

Harry cleared his throat gently, staring at his own knee crossed over his other leg. “I didn’t realise. I said some horribly inappropriate things to you when we met.” He looked Eggsy in the eye. “I’m truly sorry. It was wrong of me to place the blame on you and imply that you’d failed yourself or your father.”

“It’s okay, love. It was true that I could’ve done better. I think we were both a bit wrong.”

“Even so-“

“Don’t. You didn’t know. I forgive you, it was forever ago, it don’t mean anything now.”

Harry smiled at him. “Well, I appreciate that.”

Eggsy smiled back before nodding to Merlin. “Merlin’s turn.”

Merlin threw his drink back. “If you could make one law, what would it be?”

Harry hummed to himself in thought before apparently settling on an answer. “It’s selfish, perhaps, but polygamy. On the condition that everyone involved consents to it, then no one gets hurts. We all spend large parts of our lives putting everyone else first and trying to make the world better for other people. Why shouldn’t I take just one chance to be selfish and make the world better for us? To allow us a bit of happiness that it makes no sense for us to be denied. If that is still what would make us all happy, of course.”

Eggsy grinned. “I’m all for it.”

Merlin smiled too. “So am I. My husband, the romantic.”

“Slightly less romantic…I reckon the victims of crimes should get to choose the punishment. If they don’t want to, then a court can still decide or whatever but they should get first say.”

Harry narrowed his eyes a little. “That could get fairly dark.”

“Yeah, probably.” Eggsy shrugged. “It would be a good deterrent though, wouldn’t it? Get out of jail free card or not, no matter how much of a prick he was, I wouldn’t’ve nicked Rottie’s car if I knew he could choose what happened to me.”

“Fair point.”

“Go on then, what would yours be, Merlin?”

“I know it’s my question so I should probably have an answer but I don’t think I could choose one law. Maybe a bill or something. First of all, I’d have drugs and sex work legalised and properly regulated - that would clean up half the shit we have to deal with. And we spend our lives going after the scum of the earth but too many of them are people in power, politicians, people with money who have them in their pockets. They’re untouchable by us and untouched by the law a lot of the time. I’d make them truly accountable. I’m not sure how, but somehow.”

Harry gave him a proud smile. “You’d have us all out of a job, dear.”

“Good. I hope there comes a day where people like us - people doing the jobs that we do - aren’t needed.”

“You’re really tryna change the world, not just save it when it all kicks off.”

Merlin nodded with a small smile. “Aren’t we all?”

“Yeah but you’re like some kind of behind-the-scenes superhero genius saint.”

Merlin cackled at that. “I’m none of those things.”

“That gives me an interesting question, though.” Harry knocked back his drink. “What do you think people think of you?”

Eggsy thought on it for a second. “That depends. If I’m being myself, they probably think I’m just some mouthy chav. When I’m working or when I’m being my posh self, they probably think I’m a spoilt brat living off Daddy’s money. Either that or they think I’m a sugar baby, especially when I’m out with one of you. The people that know me know the second part’s not true, and I hope they see more than the first.”

“Of course we do. While you certainly have a mouth on you,” Harry gave him a look that had him laughing, “you’re so much more than that.”

“If you think that’s all people see, you’re mad. People that don’t know you, maybe. But anyone who speaks to you for more than 10 seconds? There are 20 other amazing things they could say about you before mouthy comes to mind.”

“Maybe they would have good things to say as well but being a loud-mouthed little git is definitely gonna make the list.”

“I guarantee you’re both wrong about what people think of you.” He turned to Merlin. “Prove me right, my love.”

“I think, whether they know me or not, most people think I’m cold and unfeeling, probably quite detached. And threatening, apparently - I’ve been told that more than once. I couldn’t blame most of them either. Only you two really know me better.”

“We know how far that is from the real you but don’t you think that even the people who don’t know that see how clever you are? Do you think they don’t notice your wit? I told you, you’re both wrong.”

Eggsy snorted a laugh. “Come on then smarty pants, what do they think of you?”

“I’m sure strangers probably assume I’m snobbish but fairly harmless. I’m sure those who know me and those who don’t would say I’m aloof, which - sometimes regrettably - I can’t often argue with. Those who do know me would also say how outspoken I can be though, something else which I can’t deny but am far more proud of.”

“That’s…probably about right, actually. But you did miss out the bit about you being charming as fuck. You don’t even have to talk to anyone for them to see that.”

“Twenty or thirty years ago, yes. Maybe even ten. It’s takes a bit more work than that these days.”

Eggsy scoffed. “Doubt it. A hundred percent, you’ve still got it.” Merlin nodded too, a hint of lust in his gaze.

Harry gave them a crooked smile. “Well, I’ll take your word for it.” He leant forward to pour them each a drink again. “I do believe it’s your turn.”

“Yep. Which one of your scars has got the best story to go with it?” Eggsy swallowed down his drink and grabbed a handful of chocolate raisins, settling back for a bit of entertainment.

Merlin smiled to himself. “My right ankle. Between being given the role of Merlin and actually taking it up, I had to go on field training. Part of it was the typical ‘dumped in the middle of nowhere, find your way back’ kind of thing. I managed to slip halfway down a cliff-face and break my ankle but I was stranded on my own in rain and snow so I had to just strap it up and carry on. So that’s exactly what I did - I kept going, it was indescribable agony, and my ankle was absolutely fucked by the time I got back. I had three surgeries to fix it, which is where the horrible, mangled scar is from, and I was on crutches for about three months.”

“And I was absolutely furious. You could’ve called it in. You might never have made it back and I would never have forgiven you.”

“Love, we’ve been over this a dozen times. I could’ve called it in but I would’ve failed the training and had to forfeit the job.” Merlin reached across the little gap between them to pat Harry’s knee. “I made it back to you.”

“I told you you’re like a superhero! If I ever stop being impressed by either of you, I’m probably brain dead.”

Merlin laughed. “I’m nowhere near as impressive as you two. I powered through a broken ankle once. You just survived an explosion and I’ve seen Harry finish a mission one-handed because of a bullet hole in his shoulder.”

“Yeah but come on…” Merlin just shrugged. “Harry? You must have some good ones too.”

“I have a tiny, tiny scar just somewhere around here.” He rubbed over a spot on his shoulder, right by his neck. “I’m sure you’ve never noticed it but it’s been there for decades. When Merlin and I were first together and I’d just come back from a particularly dangerous mission, things got a little...amorous back at HQ. Of course, it was still a secret, so to stop us being discovered during the course of a rather lovely pair of handjobs, Merlin decided to use my shoulder as a gag.”

Merlin barked out a laugh. “Do you really have to put it like that?”

“I knew you two were always filthy.” Eggsy laughed along too. “Biting, really? Enough to scar?”

“It wasn’t my fault. He did the…thing with his thumb, how else was I supposed to stay quiet?” Eggsy nodded in sympathy. “I don’t even know how it’s still there, it’s the tiniest little dot.”

“You leave a mark, dear.” Harry smirked at him. “Go on, darling.”

“Mine’s the one in my eyebrow. Can’t believe I’ve never told you how I got it. So, it was one of the first times I went free-running and I lost my footing, nearly went face-first into a wall. I thought I’d got away with it ‘cause - I dunno why, must’ve been the adrenaline, I guess - it didn’t hurt. I must’ve just got caught but I literally didn’t even feel it. It was only when I could start to feel blood nearly dripping into my eye that I realised. You know, I was only new at it, it weren’t anything fancy or impressive but the fucking feeling...I’d never felt anything like it.”

“You smacked your face into a wall?” Eggsy nodded with a little shrug and Merlin stared at him, slightly alarmed. “Jesus Christ.”

“I mean, only a little bit.” Merlin snorted - can you faceplant a wall just a little bit?

“You’ve never told us how you got into that sort of thing, darling.”

“Well,” Eggsy said in that way with that smirk that meant trouble. “One of my mates got into a fight but we were a bit outnumbered so we thought we were better off legging it, except there weren’t exactly a clear path so I just followed his lead. It felt amazing, though, and it came in handy getting away from a lot of people a lot of times after that.”

“Were you constantly getting into trouble as a teenager?”

Eggsy nodded slowly, getting a little laugh from Harry. “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Not much has changed then.” Merlin gave him a teasing smile as he reached for his drink. “What’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given you?”

“Insults from criminal masterminds always feel like compliments.” Harry smiled at him. “They make me feel I must be doing something right. They always remind me that I’m on the right track in life.”

“You’re getting compliments every other day then.” Harry laughed and nodded in agreement. “Mine is when you proposed to me. I don’t think I’m ever gonna feel like I deserve all the stuff you said to me but no one’s ever made me feel that good about myself before.”

“All of it was true, love. You should feel like you deserve them. You should feel that good about yourself all the time.” Eggsy made an uncertain noise that Merlin tutted at. Eggsy quickly moved him onto his own answer to save himself any more embarrassment. “When I joined Kingsman, you know agents had to go to uni. Well support staff - including handlers - didn’t. That way around never made sense to me but that’s a different conversation. You also know that I didn’t go to uni and I was always a bit ashamed of it but no one seemed to question it. I saw a lot of the agents treat support staff like shit because in their eyes, they were just the uneducated dunces that told them what to do from a safe distance, but they were never like that with me. For some reason, they thought I was one of them. It made me feel like a bit of an imposter for a while but eventually I took it to mean that I was doing well. I never gave them a reason to look for evidence that I was a moron compared to them. I was doing a good job, that was important to me. And some of the other support staff were grateful. I got to lead by some kind of false example. To the agents, I was treating those lesser than us well. To everyone else, I was treating people just like me as human and forcing the stuck up ones to do the same. The respect that everyone had for me - on both sides - was completely undeserved but it was flattering.”

“It wasn’t undeserved. I hated the way most of the agents treated most of you in those days, that’s the part that was undeserved. You changed the dynamics of the organisation and put us all on a level playing field. If that doesn’t make you deserving of everyone’s respect, I don’t know what would.”

“You do know you overstate what I’ve done quite a lot, don’t you?”

“You do know you understate it, don’t you?” He turned to Eggsy. “He’s being modest, as ever.”

“I can believe that. I know what difference you make to the place now, you think I don’t believe you’ve always done that?”

“See? There’s no one more deserving, no one better suited to be Merlin. I dare say you’d make the perfect Arthur if you wanted to.”

“Oh, shut up and ask your next question, will you?” Merlin grumbled with a fond little smile on his face, trying not to blush at their comments. He poured his and Eggsy’s next drinks to move them on from the topic quicker.

“Fine, but you can’t stop us thinking the world of you, even if we’re not allowed to say it.” Harry took the drink pushed towards him and let Merlin refill his glass too, refusing to take the smile off his face. “What’s the most embarrassing moment that you can look back on and laugh at now?”

Eggsy tittered at his own memory. “The first time I kissed a bloke. I was maybe 18? We were sort of mates and we’d had a few. We were taking the piss out of each other and ended up sort of play fighting or whatever and I obviously misread it like we were in some shit film or something and he _lost his shit_. It was fine, I already knew I was bi - I wasn’t out but I’d already had my identity crisis by then - but he really went off on one. I just felt like an idiot. And I think he was too embarrassed that he was part of it to tell anyone I was bent so at least that never got around - it might’ve got messy - but we never talked after that. Thinking about it now, it was all just so fucking ridiculous.”

Merlin shook his head. “It honestly baffles me that people are still like that.”

“Same here bruv, but there’s always gonna be some. In our lifetimes, at least.”

“Unfortunately, you’re probably right.” Merlin grabbed a handful of peanuts, trying to decide on his answer. “It’s not really a moment but going bald is mine. Do you remember how mortified I was?” He and Harry both snorted a laugh before he looked to Eggsy. “I don’t know if you know but I started losing my hair when I was 28. I tried to cover it up for a while but eventually gave up and just shaved it, and by the time I was 30, there was basically nothing left to shave. It seems ridiculous and vain now but at the time it was humiliating and I’m not really even sure why. I felt a bit like a kid, thinking I’d get bullied by the others for being different. But Harry liked it - he showed me very enthusiastically - and I got over it soon enough.”

“It makes you look incredibly sexy. It was frankly inappropriate for the workplace, I’d say.” Eggsy giggled at their flirting. “What was not so sexy is what happened to me. I had a mission in Venice around 2000.” Merlin immediately started to snigger as Harry told Eggsy the story. “I was supposed to seduce a target - not just sleep with her, really woo her - so we went on a few dates, if you like. I took her on a gondola ride and fell off the bloody thing. I was completely horrified, I thought I’d blown the whole thing. I thought there was no way the target would be seen with such an embarrassment, I knew Chester would be quick to tell me what a miserable failure it was, and I thought Merlin would be furious. As it was, she thought the clumsy act was rather charming and I sealed the deal that night, as it were. Although I must say Merlin laughing in my ear was the more enjoyable part of the evening.”

Eggsy threw his hands up. “See, always so fucking charming, even when you’re making an idiot of yourself.”

“I…think that was a compliment.”

“It was.” He grinned at Harry. “I’m quite jealous.”

“If _you_ are jealous of _me_ , you’ve clearly had far too much to drink.”

“I don’t think so. Irresistible, you are. You could pull a fucking nun.”

“I’ve no interest in that unless either of you are planning to become one.”

Merlin put his hand on his heart. “I, for one, would love to. But sadly I don’t think gay, atheist men qualify.” Harry chuckled at his mock sincerity.

“Shame,” Eggsy smirked at him. “Bet you’d look well fit in a habit.”

Both of the others erupted in laughter, Merlin eventually wiping tears from his eyes. “Jesus, if it exists, we are all going to hell. Whose turn was it?”

“Mine.” Eggsy downed his drink. “Tell me about your best friends growing up.”

“Well, I didn’t have many to choose from. There were only ever about 11 kids in my whole school. It was right through from infants to secondary, and the only other person in my year was a boy called David. It’s a good job we got along or our classes would’ve been very awkward. We were good friends our whole childhoods but we didn’t really live anywhere near each other and we just fell out of touch once we left school.”

Eggsy stared at him open-mouthed. “Eleven? In your whole school?”

“Mmhmm.” Merlin nodded. “I grew up in the middle of nowhere, remember.”

“Yeah but…wow.” He tipped his head at Harry. “What about you? If you tell me you didn’t have a best friend, I’m gonna have to hug you and never let go.”

“I did. When I was very small, my best friend was a girl called Jemima. Our nannies were good friends so they used to take us to the park every day so we could play together and they could gossip, presumably. When I was at boarding school, I only really had one friend. He was an older boy - in the year above - called Michael. We both liked to keep to ourselves away from the other boys so we became friends. We didn’t have lessons together and we didn’t get to spend very much time together so I was alone a lot but I did have someone. And it meant my final year was quite lonely but it was nice until then.”

Merlin narrowed his eyes a little. “You know, sometimes I forget how posh your upbringing was, but then you start talking about nannies and boarding school in the space of a minute and it all comes flooding back.”

Harry rolled his eyes good-naturedly but Eggsy ignored Merlin’s comments in favour of his concern for young Harry. “So you weren’t all sad and lonely all the time?”

“No, I told you I wasn’t. Eggsy, it was over 40 years ago, and I turned out okay. You really don’t need to worry about my childhood.” Eggsy hummed in some vague kind of acceptance. “You and your friends all grew up together, didn’t you?”

“Sort of. Me, Jamal and Ryan have been mates since nursery. Little troublemakers, everyone said. Then Brandon and Liam went to the same secondary school as us and joined our little gang. We were a bunch of cheeky little tossers - always in detention, always getting into just a bit of trouble, like you said - but we weren’t bad kids really.”

Harry smiled at him. “I dare say that’s not a million miles away from how you are now.”

“Nah, I s’pose not. We’ve grown up a bit but you might have a point.”

“Speaking of childhoods: when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

Harry went to answer but Eggsy help up a hand. “You gotta drink, babe.”

Merlin did as he was told and let Harry carry on. “When I was young, I wanted to be a pirate. I rather liked the idea of being the villain, I thought it was more exciting that way.” He laughed to himself for a second. “I had absolutely no idea how wrong I was. Of course when I was older, I wanted to be a lepidopterist. Then I had a choice between that and the army, and I chose the one that I felt gave me more purpose.”

“Did you have a little eyepatch and stuff?”

“I did. And a toy parrot, and a wooden sword. I took the role very seriously.”

“Are there pictures of that as well?” Harry didn’t answer for a second but scowled at Merlin when he nodded. “Can I see them some time?” Merlin looked to Harry, who nodded himself, and Eggsy beamed. “Can’t wait. When I was little I wanted to be a train driver, I loved Thomas the Tank Engine. Then ever since I was old enough to know what it was, I wanted to be a soldier like my dad. I had that picture of him and it was everything I wanted to be. Then course there was a while where I wanted to be a gymnast. Really thought it was gonna happen but...well, you know what happened with that.”

“You get to test your flexibility often enough.” Merlin’s lips spread into a grin. “It makes for lovely viewing, especially when it’s just to show off.”

“As if I show off when I’m on missions.”

“No, of course you don’t, and neither does Harry.”

Harry looked outraged. “Excuse me! How did this come back to me?”

“Because he learnt from the absolute best, love.” Harry managed to look a little bit smug at that so Merlin moved on to his own answer. “I had all sorts of dreams. I wanted to be a pilot for a long time, then it was a vet. I wanted to be a policeman as well, a detective, something like that. I wanted to save the world even then. I got close enough, didn’t I? And I get to be a pilot from time to time too. Two out of three’s not bad.”

Eggsy grinned. “Not bad at all. I think we’ve all done alright.” He made his face serious. “As tailors, of course. Respectable profession.”

“Indeed.” Harry downed his own drink. “What’s something that you’re glad you tried but you’d never do again?”

“Well here’s where I stop looking respectable. Smoking weed. It was only a couple of times when I was like 16, 17. At the time, it was cool, everyone was doing it, I just went along with it to fit in, really. My mates are great but we were all stupid kids, still too easy to be an outcast. It was nice to fit in but I never really liked it. Don’t like the taste, the smell, don’t really like the feeling. It always meant staying out for the night because I didn’t wanna go home to Dean and not be able to defend myself. So yeah, as soon as it stopped being the thing that made you cool, I stopped. Never again.”

“Well I was thinking something far less serious.” They both eyed Merlin curiously and he snorted. “Anal. Receiving, not giving, obviously - I definitely plan on doing that again. It’s good to know just how much but god, I hate it. I don’t know how you two do it. I have no idea how you actually get off on it.”

“I honestly always thought it had bad associations for you.”

Merlin gave him a confused look. “Why?”

“I don’t know. You were always so completely against it, and I think it came up in the same conversation as…other things. I thought I had it figured out so I never bothered to ask, but I clearly added two and two to make five. Is it really just that you don’t enjoy it?”

“Yeah. The pleasure never outweighed the pain for me, or even if it wasn’t painful as such, it was so uncomfortable. Honestly, I could never get it up, it did nothing for me. I don’t understand it but you two enjoy it and I get to be the one to give you that so I’d say it’s a win-win.”

Eggsy held his hands up. “No complaints here.”

“I have to say I’ve always been more than satisfied.”

Merlin just shrugged. “I do always aim to please. How about you? What are you never doing again?”

“Dry January.” Merlin groaned. “Do you remember? Christ, I was unbearable to live with, wasn’t I?” Merlin hummed in agreement. “You must remember too, Eggsy. It was…three years ago?”

“Oh shit, yeah! Never seen you so snappy. Please don’t do it again.”

“Yes, please, _please_ don’t do it again.”

“It was all for a good cause. But if you think I’m going to deprive myself of alcohol for a whole month ever again, you would be absolutely wrong.”

Merlin chuckled at the seriousness of his commitment to it. “You old lush.”

“Less of the ‘old’, thank you!” Eggsy tittered at them both and poured another drink for them all.

“I’m not done learning about tiny Harry and Merlin yet.” He swallowed down his drink again. “What was your first pet and what was it called?”

“I had a golden retriever called Dougal, like from The Magic Roundabout. We got him when I was 9 and I was allowed to name him. I loved that show as a kid.”

“I don’t know the show and I was 13 or 14 when the film came out so I was a bit old for it, I think, but I’ve watched it with Soph since. It’s not bad.”

“I’ve not seen it.”

“Maybe we could all watch it together one time.” Merlin nodded with a smile. He’d like that. “What about you, Harry? Did you have a whole menagerie going on?”

“No, I didn’t.” There was humour clear in his voice. “When I was 5 or so, we got a little ginger kitten called Mrs Buttons and a King Charles spaniel puppy called Poppin.”

Eggsy gave him a curious smile. “Mrs Buttons, Mr Pickle…Poppin didn’t get a title?”

“No, I suppose he didn’t. But he was a lovely, lovely dog, worthy of a knighthood - Sir Poppin.”

Merlin shook his head. “You are a ridiculous man.”

“Hush.” Harry smiled at him all the same before he turned back to Eggsy. “What was yours, darling?”

“My first pet was a lovely little pug called JB.”

“Really?” Merlin looked at him surprised. “You never had one as a kid?”

“Nope. We could barely afford to feed ourselves, you think we could afford a pet?”

“Well…I suppose not. That doesn’t always stop people, though.”

Eggsy shook his head. “It’s not fair on them, is it? Treating an animal like shit because you can’t provide for it, just because you want it, it’s selfish. My little JB’s worth the wait, my precious boy.”

Harry grinned at him. “He is lovely.”

“Right.” Merlin downed his drink. “If the house went up in flames and everyone was already out safe, what would you save?”

Harry hummed in thought for a second. “Well, I would have to save Mr Pickle, of course. I’d also get the frame Eggsy had made for me and the first butterfly you bought me.”

“Which one’s that?” He’d obviously seen all of them around the house and knew what most of them were but Eggsy didn’t actually know where many of them came from.

“Do you remember, dear?”

“I do. It’s the peacock one. I thought it was funny.”

“It is, and it was. The Peacock Swallowtail, it’s a beautiful thing.”

“I’d have to go along the same lines. I’m gonna assume you’re counting JB as being out safe because he’s my baby. I’d have to get all the treasure hunt stuff from Sophie’s room. That was one of the happiest days of my life, and hers. And the stuff you two got me for our first anniversary.”

“I’d grab the cork you got me too. And my photo album - it has so many good memories to go with it, all with you.” He smiled at Harry.

Harry smiled back then eyed Merlin for a second before he drank his whisky. “What would people be surprised to know about you?”

“If you’re looking for me to surprise you, I don’t think that’s going to happen after all the time we’ve been together.”

“I don’t mean me, I mean people in general. People who know you perhaps not quite as well as they think. And I wouldn’t be so sure anyway, I’ve been quite surprised recently.” Eggsy gave Merlin a curious looking and Merlin looked at Harry almost in question. “Tell him if you like but it doesn’t count as your answer.”

Merlin faced Eggsy but distracted himself from looking at him by grabbing something to eat. “Harry found out - by which, I mean I told him - that I’ve written notes and letters to him for every mission that he’s been on since we’ve been together, but I never gave them to him. It’s easier these days to just tell him to his face, just like with you, but it’s a tradition now. I also have lucky charms, if you like, for when he’s away. For both of you, actually. For Harry it’s heather and a rabbit’s foot, and for you I have a four leaf clover in glass that sits on my desk and horseshoe cuff links that I wear, which are as tacky as they sound and kept in my office otherwise. It’s ridiculous, I know, but...just in case there’s anything to it.”

“Are you serious?” Merlin finally met his eye and nodded. “That’s so fucking...sweet,” Eggsy said, at the exact same time Merlin said ‘stupid’. Merlin cocked his head at him. “It’s not stupid, it’s lovely. You’re lovely.”

“You’re drunk.”

“I’ve had like 6 drinks, I’m not drunk.”

“You haven’t answered Harry’s question.”

“Alright. People would probably be surprised that I’m smart. I mean, you two know but that’s about it. Like, my mates know I’m not thick but I don’t think they realise I’m pretty smart either. And I can hear myself now sounding like some wanker off The Apprentice but it’s true. People underestimate me. Even half the other knights and handlers and everyone else think I just get by on a smart mouth and a bit of agility. Well, either that or they think I’m only there because I fucked one or both of you to get it.”

“No one thinks you shagged your way into Kingsman, darling.”

“If you really believe that, you two don’t know everything that goes on around there like you think you do. It’s not many but there’s always gonna be a couple of people talking shit. I’m fine with it, it gives me a chance to prove them wrong. So yeah, whenever people find out - like if I say something unexpectedly clever - it’s like I’ve grown a second head. A lot of times I wished I’d done better in school and that like I could’ve - like I should’ve - but other times...I have to say it’s funny.”

“They’re wrong. They shouldn’t judge like that.” Merlin was clearly annoyed about how he’d apparently been treated. “Would you ever want to go back and get the qualifications you think you should have?”

“Sometimes, but I don’t think it would make any difference to how people see me. It’s not like everyone goes around with their fucking GCSE certificates stapled to their chest, I guess there’s just something about me. Don’t know how it would work either, with work and stuff.” He shrugged. “I dunno, it’s just always fun to shock people. What about you?”

“I think people would be surprised to know that I like to cuddle. Well, that I like that kind of affection in general. I think they’d be surprised at how bloody soft I am when it comes to you two. Sometimes I wonder what Roxy thinks. She knows Work Merlin, I bet she laughs her arse off to hear about the real me.”

“Doubt it. I don’t talk to her about that kind of stuff.”

“She’s one of your closest friends, you don’t talk to her about our relationship?”

“Course I do, but only like, general stuff. Or stuff about me. Stuff about you two, what you want people to know about you, that’s up to you. It’s private, ain’t it? Good mates or not, it ain’t for me to tell her the bits of you that you save for us. Especially not when you work together as well.”

Merlin grinned at him. “I knew I trusted those parts of me to the right people.”

Eggsy grinned back at him. “What about you, Harry?”

Harry hummed in thought for a second. “I suppose that I’m not quite as uptight and straight-laced as people might expect. I’m sure if they knew quite how depraved I can be - especially with two gorgeous men such as yourselves - there’d be a fair few coronaries around Kingsman.”

“Hm.” Eggsy threw his drink back, clearly with another question in mind. “How many women have you shagged?”

“None.”

Eggsy stared at Merlin. “Really? None? Not even a figuring yourself out kinda deal?”

“None,” he repeated. “I didn’t so much know that I was gay, I didn’t really know that that was a thing but even when I was young, I always knew that I had feelings for men that I just didn’t have for women. I was never interested in sleeping with women, not even out of curiosity, just to see what it was like.”

“Ah, see, I did do that. For pleasure, I’ve been with two women. The first because it’s the expected thing, I suppose, but it wasn’t anything spectacular, then the second to see if the first was just a bad experience. But I realised it didn’t do anything for me so I started experimenting with men and found that that most certainly did do it for me. For business, I couldn’t say. Maybe a dozen over the years? Two?”

“Probably a couple of dozen, yeah. You did a fair few of those kinds of mission in the early years, and still the odd one now.”

Harry shrugged and nodded. “Exactly. I never bothered to keep count though. What about you, darling?”

“Not a clue. Dozens? Hundreds?” He held his hands out as he worked it out a bit more in his head. “I figure it was one or two women a week most weeks from when I was about 17 or 18 til I met you, and still often enough when I was home until we got together properly. So yeah, I guess a couple of hundred. Shit. Sounds bad when you put it like that, actually. Wish I hadn’t asked that now.”

Harry shook his head to dismiss his doubts. “It doesn’t matter. You were single, you were enjoying yourself, you weren’t hurting anyone. The number doesn’t matter.”

“Makes me sound like a slut compared to you two though, don’t it? I told you before, I’m not ashamed of it. Just don’t want you two to think bad of me because of it.”

“We don’t,” Merlin was quick to tell him. “Do you think either of us can complain about you enjoying sex? Or casual sex, even? We benefited from it, we enjoyed it too. It led us here. But that’s not what any of us are into any more. I hope it won’t be again.”

Eggsy smiled. “Me too.”

Merlin smiled back then reached for his drink and swallowed it down. “Tell me about the best birthday you’ve ever had.”

Harry hummed happily. “My 40th.” He turned to Eggsy. “Merlin took me to Rome for three days - it was all the time we could get away - and it was lovely and romantic. We spent the entire day in bed together on my actual birthday but the other two we spent sightseeing, eating gelato in the sun, enjoying the most beautiful coffee and wine, and candlelit dinners. All with the best company I could ever have imagined. Just perfect. I hoped we could all go back there for my 60th.” He gave them both a sad smile. “I suppose we’ll see.”

“I’d love to take you back. You’d like it there, Eggsy.”

“Yeah, I bet. Seeing the colosseum in person must be amazing.” He avoided their gazes. “If we’re okay by then, I’d love to go with you. But yeah, I guess we’ll see.”

Harry hummed in agreement. “What was your best birthday?”

“My 5th. We didn’t have space at ours but where one of my mates lived, they had this massive green outside, so we all went there and I had a bouncy castle party. It was all painted like a castle with a big dragon on the side, it was sick. Mum put on a load of finger foods - you know, sandwiches, mini pizzas, crisps, all that stuff - and I had a Colin the Caterpillar cake. Standard. And I had this massive badge and when the ice cream man stopped, he gave me a free 99 with two flakes and strawberry sauce. I thought I’d won the fucking lottery. Dad put me on his shoulders and bounced so high. Felt like I was flying.” Eggsy grinned before a slight frown settled onto his face. “I wonder if bouncy castles are still a thing. Maybe I should do something like that for Soph.”

Merlin smiled at him. “I’m sure she’d love it.” Harry and Eggsy both nodded but didn’t say any more, waiting for his own answer. “Mine was my 21st. I didn’t do anything big - I didn’t really even celebrate - but I’d been in the army for almost a year and a half by then, I was just starting to be looked at by Kingsman. After all of the shit that I’d been through, I was making something of myself when I didn’t think I ever would. I, um...” He paused, clearing his throat. “When I was 18, 19, I didn’t think I’d make it to 21. But I did, and my life was going somewhere, and that was just the _best_ feeling.”

Eggsy’s breath caught a little, his eyes watering again. “I’m glad you did.”

Harry reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze, and gave him a soft smile - one which Merlin returned to them both. “Well. Last question, I suppose.” Harry threw back his drink. “If you were a ghost, who or where would you haunt?”

Eggsy laughed. “Oh, I’d go fucking everywhere. I’d hang around here sometimes, I’d haunt HQ just for shits and giggles, I’d fuck with my mates, I’d pop in on my mum and Soph. Yeah, I’d go everywhere, keep hanging out with everyone I love.”

Harry let out a small laugh too. “It would be good to still have you around. And you, dear?”

“I’d stay here, I think. Boring as it may be, this is home. I wouldn’t haunt the place as such, I’d just like to be here. Maybe I’d pop out and about when I fancy, but this would still be home. What kind of mischief would you cause?”

“I don’t know if I would. Given the choice, I’d like to be with the two of you, always. I could keep you company here, I could go on lovely holidays when Eggsy goes on missions, I could look out for him and fuck with anyone that tries to hurt him, and I could keep you company at HQ, make sure you don’t work too hard.” A playful smile slipped onto his face. “Maybe I could cause a little bit of trouble but for the most part, an eternity with you both seems like a wonderful plan.”

“Sounds about right for you.” They shared a short laugh. “I have just one more important thing to ask.” Eggsy filled their glasses once more and raised his in a toast that the other two joined. “So now I guess our test run is over, do you think we can really work things out? Do you still want to?”

Harry nodded first. “I do. On both counts.”

“I would like to, and I think we can. I hope so, anyway. Do you?”

“Yeah,” Eggsy grinned. “Yeah, I do.”

Merlin cleared his throat. “I know we agreed we’d take things slower but if we’re going to make a go of this I want you both to come home as soon as you’re ready. There’s obviously Sophie’s room and I’m not here much at the moment anyway, and when I am I’m happy sleeping on the sofa or something. We can still have the space that we need and take all the time we need before we all move back into our room together but do we have to start from scratch? I still want to come home to you both and I still want to marry you, Eggsy. I would ask for those things every day but I don’t want to _have to_ if it’s still what we all want.”

Eggsy stayed carefully neutral. “Harry? What do think of me coming back?”

“If you want to, I want you to. But I think we all need our own space in the house, maybe even use our own houses for a break if things get a bit too much again. As long as you both know that me choosing to do that again isn’t me walking out on you.” The other two nodded. “And for now, I don’t want you bringing Sophie here. I know this is your home too and I don’t have much right to ask that but children pick up on things and I don’t want her seeing how fractured things are between us and have her unsettled.”

“Yeah, that’s fine, I wouldn’t anyway. I know you love her but it’s a lot of pressure having a kid around. We ain’t ready for that yet.” Harry agreed, and they turned their attention to Merlin. “So how come you’re not here then? You’ve gone back to work?”

Merlin nodded. “I have. You’ll be back at work in a few months and everything needs to be ready before then for me to step down.” He tapped his fingers nervously against his knee, staring down at them. “I wouldn’t be the perfect Arthur, I won’t even be Merlin for much longer.”

“What?” they both cried, looks of pure horror on both their faces. Harry found his voice again first. “You’re resigning?”

“No, just stepping down as Merlin. Matthew’s been lead handler and taking care of all the urgent paperwork for a while now, he should take the job. I can take up a role in the development team.”

“Hang on, you ain’t even gonna be a handler? Why?”

Merlin let out a small sigh. “Because if I can’t trust my own judgement, I shouldn’t be handling anyone. I definitely shouldn’t be Merlin.”

“But you love being Merlin. This is because I said it was your fault? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Merlin shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. The fact that I believed it was my fault means I can’t trust my judgement.”

“Babe.” Eggsy looked at him in disbelief. “If someone tells you you’re a chicken often enough for long enough, you’re probably gonna start clucking, but that don’t make you a fucking chicken, you get me?”

Merlin let out a little laugh. “Just about. I just think this is the right decision. For Kingsman, for our agents.”

“You got two of them sitting in front of you telling you it ain’t.”

Harry cut in, frowning at his husband. “When did you decide?”

“When I went back, the day after you left. I can’t face handling a mission. The last one that I did...well, you know exactly how that went.”

“So, while we were still fighting? While I was still blaming you? Surely you’ve gotta change your mind now.”

“I think what we’re both saying is that you should think about it a bit more before you make your final decision. I don’t want anyone but you in my ear but if that’s what you decide, I won’t fight you on it. I just want you to be sure that you’re not doing anything rash and stepping down from a job that you love because of something time and therapy might solve.” Merlin nodded. “Is Matthew ready?”

“If I give it up, he’ll have to be. He’ll step up.”

“I’m not so sure.” It came out before Eggsy could stop himself. It wasn’t for him to decide who Merlin handed the title down to, but it wasn’t as if it didn’t affect him and Harry. “I know it’s been a while but from what I hear he ain’t really changed. He’s good, don’t get me wrong, but he ain’t Merlin yet.”

Merlin eyed him curiously. “Explain?”

“Well you let us do what we need to do, you trust us to know what we’re doing, but you can always tell us exactly what to do if we need you to, right? Well not all the time but often enough he had to ask what we thought instead. Which is fine normally, but if the time that he needs to ask us to go by experience happens to be the time that we need to be told what to do, we’re fucked.” Merlin just hummed a little thoughtfully. “Like I said, he’s good. He just ain’t as good as you. What’s best for Kingsman is that you stay. If you’d fucked up, I’d understand, or if you decide to step down for a different reason but please don’t give up the job you love just because I was wrong and I acted like a cunt.”

Merlin tutted. “Don’t say that about yourself.”

“Really not the point, love.”

“I know.” Merlin nodded slowly. “I’ll think about it.”

Eggsy nodded too, satisfied with that, and they started to tidy up, each of them grabbing a couple of things to carry through to the kitchen. Once everything was put away, Harry left them to go to the bathroom. Eggsy found himself close to Merlin and slipping his hands up to rest on the back of his neck. “I’m really glad we did this.”

“So am I.” Eggsy glanced at his lips but hesitated so Merlin closed the gap for him, pressing their lips firmly together.

They stayed that way for a couple of minutes and by the time they parted, Harry was in the doorway, his head tipped to one side and a soft smile on his lips. Eggsy reluctantly let go of Merlin. “I have to go.”

“Please don’t.” It’s what he should’ve said last time but didn’t, and the last thing he wanted was to see them both walk out that door again. He looked at Harry too. “Both of you, you could stay.”

Eggsy shook his head. “We’re taking it slow. If we stay, none of us are gonna wanna do that.” Merlin let out a small laugh and nodded - he was right. But that still didn’t mean he wanted them to go. Eggsy pressed one last kiss to his cheek and stroked over it with his thumb. “Call me tomorrow?”

“I will, darling.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“It’s late, we should get going. We can share a cab.” Eggsy nodded, and popped to the loo himself before they went. Harry took his place in Merlin’s arms. “I’ll be home tomorrow, I just think we’ve all had too many drinks for it to be a good idea for us to stay tonight.”

“I know. You’re right.” Harry pulled him in for a kiss, pleased to feel okay doing that again. Merlin chased after him a little when he pulled away but left it at one more little kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you too, dear.” When Eggsy was back, they finally pulled themselves away, said their goodbyes, and headed to their cab together. “Are you still staying at your mother’s? You don’t usually when you’ve been drinking.”

“Nah, I’m going back to mine. I guess it won’t be so hard to be there now. That means you’re closer, right?”

Harry nodded and held the door open for Eggsy, sliding in gracefully after him. “Galahad safehouse, please.”

Eggsy glanced down at their hands as Harry’s gently found his, then laced their fingers together as they spent the journey in silence. When they got to Harry’s house, Eggsy hopped out with him. “Just give us two minutes, mate.” He took Harry’s hand again as they walked to his door and went easily into his arms once they reached it. “Are you sure you’re okay with me moving back in? I can wait a bit.”

“I’m sure, darling. It’s your home.” He planted a kiss on Eggsy’s lips. “It’s a wonderful idea you had for tonight. I’ve never felt closer to either of you.”

“Me neither.” He and Harry just smiled at each other for a minute. “S’pose I should go. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Of course. I love you, darling.”

“I love you too.” Eggsy drew him down into a kiss, choosing to believe that if he just kept his eyes closed, it wouldn’t end. Harry pulled away anyway, stroking a hand across Eggsy’s cheek before he stepped away. “Night, Harry.”

“Good night, Eggsy.” With one last parting smile, Eggsy headed back to the cab. “Thanks, mate. On to Bors’ please.” It was only a short journey before he was back in his own house. It had none of the pain of the last time he was there and all of the hope of when he moved out of it.


End file.
